burlesques-第95节

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for　me；　Philo…pestitiaeamicus；　on　the　proper　sauce　for　teal　and

widgeonand　the　other；　signed　Scru…tatos；　on　the　best　means　of

cultivating　the　kidney　species　of　that　vegetablemade　no　small

noise　at　the　time；　and　got　me　in　the　paper　a　compliment　from　the

editor）。　　I　was　a　constant　reader　of　the　Notices　to　Correspondents；

and；　my　early　education　having　been　rayther　neglected　（for　I　was

taken　from　my　studies　and　set；　as　is　the　custom　in　our　trade；　to

practise　on　a　sheep's　head　at　the　tender　age　of　nine　years；　before

I　was　allowed　to　venture　on　the　humane　countenance；）I　say；　being

thus　curtailed　and　cut　off　in　my　classical　learning；　I　must　confess

I　managed　to　pick　up　a　pretty　smattering　of　genteel　information

from　that　treasury　of　all　sorts　of　knowledge；　at　least　sufficient

to　make　me　a　match　in　learning　for　all　the　noblemen　and　gentlemen

who　came　to　our　house。　　Well；　on　looking　over　the　Flare…up　notices

to　correspondents；　I　read；　one　day　last　April；　among　the　notices；

as　follows：



〃'Automodon。'　　We　do　not　know　the　precise　age　of　Mr。　Baker　of

Covent　Garden　Theatre；　nor　are　we　aware　if　that　celebrated　son　of

Thespis　is　a　married　man。



〃'Ducks　and　Green…peas'　is　informed；　that　when　A　plays　his　rook　to

B's　second　Knight's　square；　and　B；　moving　two　squares　with　his

Queen's　pawn；　gives　check　to　his　adversary's　Queen；　there　is　no

reason　why　B's　Queen　should　not　take　A's　pawn；　if　B　be　so　inclined。



〃'F。　L。　S。'　　We　have　repeatedly　answered　the　question　about　Madame

Vestris：　her　maiden　name　was　Bartolozzi；　and　she　married　the　son　of

Charles　Mathews；　the　celebrated　comedian。



〃'Fair　Play。'　　The　best　amateur　billiard　and　ecarte　player　in

England；　is　Coxe　Tuggeridge　Coxe；　Esq。；　of　Portland　Place；　and

Tuggeridgeville：　Jonathan；　who　knows　his　play；　can　only　give　him

two　in　a　game　of　a　hundred；　and；　at　the　cards；　NO　man　is　his

superior。　　Verbum　sap。



〃'Scipio　Americanus'　is　a　blockhead。〃



I　read　this　out　to　the　Count　and　Tagrag；　and　both　of　them　wondered

how　the　Editor　of　that　tremendous　Flare…up　should　get　such

information；　and　both　agreed　that　the　Baron；　who　still　piqued

himself　absurdly　on　his　play；　would　be　vastly　annoyed　by　seeing　me

preferred　thus　to　himself。　　We　read　him　the　paragraph；　and

preciously　angry　he　was。　　〃Id　is；〃　he　cried；　〃the　tables〃　（or　〃de

DABELS；〃　as　he　called　them）；〃de　horrid　dabels；　gom　viz　me　to

London；　and　dry　a　slate…table；　and　I　vill　beat　you。〃　　We　all　roared

at　this；　and　the　end　of　the　dispute　was；　that；　just　to　satisfy　the

fellow；　I　agreed　to　play　his　Excellency　at　slate…tables；　or　any

tables　he　chose。



〃Gut；〃　says　he；　〃gut；　I　lif；　you　know；　at　Abednego's；　in　de

Quadrant；　his　dabels　is　goot；　ve　vill　blay　dere；　if　you　vill。〃　　And

I　said　I　would：　and　it　was　agreed　that；　one　Saturday　night；　when

Jemmy　was　at　the　Opera；　we　should　go　to　the　Baron's　rooms；　and　give

him　a　chance。



We　went；　and　the　little　Baron　had　as　fine　a　supper　as　ever　I　saw：

lots　of　Champang　（and　I　didn't　mind　drinking　it）；　and　plenty　of

laughing　and　fun。　　Afterwards；　down　we　went　to　billiards。　　〃Is　dish

Misther　Coxsh；　de　shelebrated　player？〃　says　Mr。　Abednego；　who　was

in　the　room；　with　one　or　two　gentlemen　of　his　own　persuasion；　and

several　foreign　noblemen；　dirty；　snuffy；　and　hairy；　as　them

foreigners　are。　　〃Is　dish　Misther　Coxsh？　blesh　my　hart；　it　is　a

honor　to　see　you；　I　have　heard　so　much　of　your　play。〃



〃Come；　come；〃　says　I；　〃sir〃for　I'm　pretty　wide　awake〃none　of

your　gammon；　you're　not　going　to　book　ME。〃



〃No；　begar；　dis　fish　you　not　catch；〃　says　Count　Mace。



〃Dat　is　gut！haw！　haw！〃　snorted　the　Baron。　　〃Hook　him！　　Lieber

Himmel；　you　might　dry　and　hook　me　as　well。　　Haw！　haw！〃



Well；　we　went　to　play。　　〃Five　to　four　on　Coxe；〃　screams　out　the

Count。〃Done　and　done；〃　says　another　nobleman。　　〃Ponays；〃　says　the

Count。〃Done；〃　says　the　nobleman。　　〃I　vill　take　your　six　crowns　to

four；〃　says　the　Baron。〃Done；〃　says　I。　　And；　in　the　twinkling　of

an　eye；　I　beat　him　once　making　thirteen　off　the　balls　without

stopping。



We　had　some　more　wine　after　this；　and　if　you　could　have　seen　the

long　faces　of　the　other　noblemen；　as　they　pulled　out　their　pencils

and　wrote　I。O。U。's　for　the　Count！　　〃Va　toujours；　mon　cher；〃　says　he

to　me；　〃you　have　von　for　me　three　hundred　pounds。〃



〃I'll　blay　you　guineas　dis　time；〃　says　the　Baron。　　〃Zeven　to　four

you　must　give　me　though。〃　　And　so　I　did：　and　in　ten　minutes　THAT

game　was　won；　and　the　Baron　handed　over　his　pounds。　　〃Two　hundred

and　sixty　more；　my　dear；　dear　Coxe；〃　says　the　Count：　〃you　are　mon

ange　gardien！〃　　〃Wot　a　flat　Misther　Coxsh　is；　not　to　back　his

luck；〃　I　hoard　Abednego　whisper　to　one　of　the　foreign　noblemen。



〃I'll　take　your　seven　to　four；　in　tens；〃　said　I　to　the　Baron。

〃Give　me　three；〃　says　he；　〃and　done。〃　　I　gave　him　three；　and　lost

the　game　by　one。　　〃Dobbel；　or　quits；〃　says　he。　　〃Go　it；〃　says　I；　up

to　my　mettle：　〃Sam　Coxe　never　says　no；〃　and　to　it　we　went。　　I　went

in；　and　scored　eighteen　to　his　five。　　〃Holy　Moshesh！〃　says

Abednego；　〃dat　little　Coxsh　is　a　vonder！　who'll　take　odds？〃



〃I'll　give　twenty　to　one；〃　says　I；　〃in　guineas。〃



〃Ponays；　yase；　done；〃　screams　out　the　Count。



〃BONIES；　done；〃　roars　out　the　Baron：　and；　before　I　could　speak；

went　in；　andwould　you　believe　it？in　two　minutes　he　somehow　made

the　game！



　　　　　　　　。　　　　　　　　。　　　　　　　　。　　　　　　　　。　　　　　　　　。　　　　　　　　。



Oh；　what　a　figure　I　cut　when　my　dear　Jemmy　heard　of　this　afterwards！

In　vain　I　swore　it　was　guineas：　the　Count　and　the　Baron　swore　to

ponies；　and　when　I　refused；　they　both　said　their　honor　was

concerned；　and　they　must　have　my　life；　or　their　money。　　So　when　the

Count　showed　me　actually　that；　in　spite　of　this　bet　（which　had　been

too　good　to　resist）　won　from　me；　he　had　been　a　very　heavy　loser　by

the　night；　and　brought　me　the　word　of　honor　of　Abednego；　his　Jewish

friend；　and　the　foreign　noblemen；　that　ponies　had　been　betted；why；

I　paid　them　one　thousand　pounds　sterling　of　good　and　lawful

money。But　I've　not　played　for　money　since：　no；　no；　catch　me　at

THAT　again　if　you　can。





A　NEW　DROP…SCENE　AT　THE　OPERA。





No　lady　is　a　lady　without　having　a　box　at　the　Opera：　so　my　Jemmy；

who　knew　as　much　about　music；bless　her！as　I　do　about　Sanscrit；

algebra；　or　any　other　foreign　language；　took　a　prime　box　on　the

second　tier。　　It　was　what　they　called　a　double　box；　it　really　COULD

hold　two；　that　is；　very　comfortably；　and　we　got　it　a　great　bargain

for　five　hundred　a　year！　　Here；　Tuesdays　and　Saturdays；　we　used

regularly　to　take　our　places；　Jemmy　and　Jemimarann　sitting　in

front；　me；　behind：　but　as　my　dear　wife　used　to　wear　a　large　fantail

gauze　hat　with　ostrich　feathers；　birds…of…paradise；　artificial

flowers；　and　tags　of　muslin　or　satin；　scattered　all　over　it；　I'm

blest　if　she　didn't　fill　the　whole　of　the　front　of　the　box；　and　it

was　only　by　jumping　and　dodging；　three　or　four　times　in　the　course

of　the　night；　that　I　could　manage　to　get　a　sight　of　the　actors。　　By

kneeling　down；　and　looking　steady　under　my　darling　Jemmy's　sleeve；

I　DID　contrive；　every　now　and　then；　to　have　a　peep　of　Senior

Lablash's　boots；　in　the　〃Puritanny；〃　and　once　actually　saw　Madame

Greasi's　crown　and　head…dress　in　〃Annybalony。〃



What　a　place　that　Opera　is；　to　be　sure！　and　what　enjoyments　us

aristocracy　used　to　have！　　Just　as　you　have　swallowed　down　your

three　courses　（three　curses　I　used　to　call　them；for　so；　indeed；

they　are；　causing　a　deal　of　heartburns；　headaches；　doctor's　bills；

pills；　want　of　sleep；　and　such　like）just；　I　say；　as　you　get　down

your　three　courses；　which　I　defy　any　man　to　enjoy　properly　unless

he　has　two　hours　of　drink　and　quiet　afterwards；　up　comes　the

carriage；　in　bursts　my　Jemmy；　as　fine　as　a　duchess；　and　scented

like　our　shop。　　〃Come；　my　dear；〃　says　she；　〃it's　'Normy'　tonight〃

（or　〃Annybalony；〃　or　the　〃Nosey　di　Figaro；〃　or　the　〃Gazzylarder；〃

as　the　case　may　be）。　　〃Mr。　Foster　strikes　off　punctually　at　eight；

and　you　know　it's　the　fashion　to　be　always　present　at　the　very

first　bar　of　the　aperture。〃　　And　so　off　we　are　obliged　to　budge；　to

be　miserable　for　five　hours；　and　to　have　a　headache　for　the　next

twelve；　and　all　because　it's　the　fashion！



After　the　aperture；　as　they　call　it；　comes　the　opera；　which；　as　I

am　given　to　understand；　is　the　Italian　for　singing。　　Why　they

should　sing　in　Italian；　I　can't　conceive；　or　why　they　should　do

nothing　BUT　sing。　　Bless　us！　how　I　used　to　long　for　the　wooden

magpie　in　the　〃Gazzylarder〃　to　fly　up　to　the　top　of　the　church…

steeple；　with　the　silver　spoons；　and　see　the　chaps　with　the

pitchforks　come　in　and　carry　off　that　wicked　Don　June。　　Not　that　I

don't　admire　Lablash；　and　Rubini；　and　his　brother；　Tomrubini：　him

who　has　that　fine　bass　voice；　I　mean；　and　acts　the　Corporal　in　the

first　piece；　and　Don　June　in　the　second；　but　three　hours　is　a

LITTLE　too　much；　for　you　can't　sleep　on　those　little　rickety　seats

in　the　boxes。



The　opera　is　bad　enough；　but　what　is　that　to