burlesques-第93节

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Well；　the　horses；　the　suppers；　the　opera…box；　the　paragraphs　in　the

papers　about　Mr。　Coxe　Coxe　（that's　the　way：　double　your　name　and

stick　an　〃e〃　to　the　end　of　it；　and　you　are　a　gentleman　at　once）；

had　an　effect　in　a　wonderfully　short　space　of　time；　and　we　began　to

get　a　very　pretty　society　about　us。　　Some　of　old　Tug's　friends

swore　they　would　do　anything　for　the　family；　and　brought　their

wives　and　daughters　to　see　dear　Mrs。　Coxe　and　her　charming　girl；

and　when；　about　the　first　week　in　February；　we　announced　a　grand

dinner　and　ball　for　the　evening　of　the　twenty…eighth；　I　assure　you

there　was　no　want　of　company：　no；　nor　of　titles　neither；　and　it

always　does　my　heart　good　even　to　hear　one　mentioned。



Let　me　see。　　There　was；　first；　my　Lord　Dunboozle；　an　Irish　peer；

and　his　seven　sons；　the　Honorable　Messieurs　Trumper　（two　only　to

dinner）：　there　was　Count　Mace；　the　celebrated　French　nobleman；　and

his　Excellency　Baron　von　Punter　from　Baden；　there　was　Lady　Blanche

Bluenose；　the　eminent　literati；　author　of　〃The　Distrusted〃　〃The

Distorted；〃　〃The　Disgusted；〃　〃The　Disreputable　One；〃　and　other

poems；　there　was　the　Dowager　Lady　Max　and　her　daughter；　the

Honorable　Miss　Adelaide　Blueruin；　Sir　Charles　Codshead；　from　the

City；　and　Field…Marshal　Sir　Gorman　O'Gallagher；　K。A。；　K。B。；　K。C。；

K。W。；　K。X。；　in　the　service　of　the　Republic　of　Guatemala：　my　friend

Tagrag　and　his　fashionable　acquaintance；　little　Tom　Tufthunt；　made

up　the　party。　　And　when　the　doors　were　flung　open；　and　Mr。　Hock；　in

black；　with　a　white　napkin；　three　footmen；　coachman；　and　a　lad　whom

Mrs。　C。　had　dressed　in　sugar…loaf　buttons　and　called　a　page；　were

seen　round　the　dinner…table；　all　in　white　gloves；　I　promise　you　I

felt　a　thrill　of　elation；　and　thought　to　myselfSam　Cox；　Sam　Cox；

who　ever　would　have　expected　to　see　you　here？



After　dinner；　there　was　to　be；　as　I　said；　an　evening…party；　and

to　this　Messieurs　Tagrag　and　Tufthunt　had　invited　many　of　the

principal　nobility　that　our　metropolis　had　produced。　　When　I

mention；　among　the　company　to　tea；　her　Grace　the　Duchess　of　Zero；

her　son　the　Marquis　of　Fitzurse；　and　the　Ladies　North　Pole　her

daughters；　when　I　say　that　there　were　yet　OTHERS；　whose　names　may

be　found　in　the　Blue　Book；　but　shan't；　out　of　modesty；　be　mentioned

here；　I　think　I've　said　enough　to　show　that；　in　our　time；　No。　96；

Portland　Place；　was　the　resort　of　the　best　of　company。



It　was　our　first　dinner；　and　dressed　by　our　new　cook；　Munseer

Cordongblew。　　I　bore　it　very　well；　eating；　for　my　share；　a　filly

dysol　allamater　dotell；　a　cutlet　soubeast；　a　pully　bashymall；　and

other　French　dishes：　and；　for　the　frisky　sweet　wine；　with　tin　tops

to　the　bottles；　called　Champang；　I　must　say　that　me　and　Mrs。　Coxe…

Tuggeridge　Coxe　drank　a　very　good　share　of　it　（but　the　Claret　and

Jonnysberger；　being　sour；　we　did　not　much　relish）。　　However；　the

feed；　as　I　say；　went　off　very　well：　Lady　Blanche　Bluenose　sitting

next　to　me；　and　being　so　good　as　to　put　me　down　for　six　copies　of

all　her　poems；　the　Count　and　Baron　von　Punter　engaging　Jemimarann

for　several　waltzes；　and　the　Field…Marshal　plying　my　dear　Jemmy

with　Champagne；　until；　bless　her！　her　dear　nose　became　as　red　as

her　new　crimson　satin　gown；　which；　with　a　blue　turban　and　bird…of…

paradise　feathers；　made　her　look　like　an　empress；　I　warrant。



Well；　dinner　past；　Mrs。　C。　and　the　ladies　went　off：thunder…under…

under　came　the　knocks　at　the　door；　squeedle…eedle…eedle；　Mr。

Wippert's　fiddlers　began　to　strike　up；　and；　about　half…past　eleven；

me　and　the　gents　thought　it　high　time　to　make　our　appearance。　　I

felt　a　LITTLE　squeamish　at　the　thought　of　meeting　a　couple　of

hundred　great　people；　but　Count　Mace　and　Sir　Gorman　O'Gallagher

taking　each　an　arm；　we　reached；　at　last；　the　drawing…room。



The　young　ones　in　company　were　dancing；　and　the　Duchess　and　the

great　ladies　were　all　seated；　talking　to　themselves　very　stately；

and　working　away　at　the　ices　and　macaroons。　　I　looked　out　for　my

pretty　Jemimarann　amongst　the　dancers；　and　saw　her　tearing　round

the　room　along　with　Baron　Punter；　in　what　they　call　a　gallypard；

then　I　peeped　into　the　circle　of　the　Duchesses；　where；　in　course；　I

expected　to　find　Mrs。　C。；　but　she　wasn't　there！　　She　was　seated　at

the　further　end　of　the　room；　looking　very　sulky；　and　I　went　up　and

took　her　arm；　and　brought　her　down　to　the　place　where　the　Duchesses


were。　　〃Oh；　not　there！〃　said　Jemmy；　trying　to　break　away。

〃Nonsense；　my　dear；〃　says　I：　〃you　are　missis；　and　this　is　your

place。〃　　Then　going　up　to　her　ladyship　the　Duchess；　says　I；　〃Me　and

my　missis　are　most　proud　of　the　honor　of　seeing　of　you。〃



The　Duchess　（a　tall　red…haired　grenadier　of　a　woman）　did　not　speak。



I　went　on：　〃The　young　ones　are　all　at　it；　ma'am；　you　see；　and　so　we

thought　we　would　come　and　sit　down　among　the　old　ones。　　You　and　I；

ma'am；　I　think；　are　too　stiff　to　dance。〃



〃Sir！〃　says　her　Grace。



〃Ma'am；〃　says　I；　〃don't　you　know　me？　　My　name's　Cox。　　Nobody's

introduced　me；　but；　dash　it；　it's　my　own　house；　and　I　may　present

myselfso　give　us　your　hand；　ma'am。〃



And　I　shook　hers　in　the　kindest　way　in　the　world；　butwould　you

believe　it？the　old　cat　screamed　as　if　my　hand　had　been　a　hot

'tater。　　〃Fitzurse！　Fitzurse！〃　shouted　she；　〃help！　help！〃　　Up

scuffled　all　the　other　Dowagersin　rushed　the　dancers。　　〃Mamma！

mamma！〃　squeaked　Lady　Julia　North　Pole。　　〃Lead　me　to　my　mother；〃

howled　Lady　Aurorer：　and　both　came　up　and　flung　themselves　into　her

arms。　　〃Wawt's　the　raw？〃　said　Lord　Fitzurse；　sauntering　up　quite

stately。



〃Protect　me　from　the　insults　of　this　man；〃　says　her　Grace。　　〃Where's

Tufthunt？　he　promised　that　not　a　soul　in　this　house　should　speak

to　me。〃



〃My　dear　Duchess；〃　said　Tufthunt；　very　meek。



〃Don't　Duchess　ME；　sir。　　Did　you　not　promise　they　should　not　speak；

and　hasn't　that　horrid　tipsy　wretch　offered　to　embrace　me？　　Didn't

his　monstrous　wife　sicken　me　with　her　odious　familiarities？　　Call

my　people；　Tufthunt！　　Follow　me；　my　children！〃



〃And　my　carriage；〃　〃And　mine；〃　〃And　mine！〃　shouted　twenty　more

voices。　　And　down　they　all　trooped　to　the　hall：　Lady　Blanche

Bluenose　and　Lady　Max　among　the　very　first；　leaving　only　the

Field…Marshal　and　one　or　two　men；　who　roared　with　laughter　ready

to　split。



〃Oh；　Sam；〃　said　my　wife；　sobbing；　〃why　would　you　take　me　back　to

them？　they　had　sent　me　away　before！　　I　only　asked　the　Duchess

whether　she　didn't　like　rum…shrub　better　than　all　your　Maxarinos

and　Curasosos：　andwould　you　believe　it？all　the　company　burst

out　laughing；　and　the　Duchess　told　me　just　to　keep　off；　and　not　to

speak　till　I　was　spoken　to。　　Imperence！　　I'd　like　to　tear　her　eyes

out。〃



And　so　I　do　believe　my　dearest　Jemmy　would！





A　DAY　WITH　THE　SURREY　HOUNDS。





Our　ball　had　failed　so　completely　that　Jemmy；　who　was　bent　still

upon　fashion；　caught　eagerly　at　Tagrag's　suggestion；　and　went　down

to　Tuggeridgeville。　　If　we　had　a　difficulty　to　find　friends　in

town；　here　there　was　none：　for　the　whole　county　came　about　us；　ate

our　dinners　and　suppers；　danced　at　our　ballsay；　and　spoke　to　us

too。　　We　were　great　people　in　fact：　I　a　regular　country　gentleman；

and　as　such；　Jemmy　insisted　that　I　should　be　a　sportsman；　and　join

the　county　hunt。　　〃But；〃　says　I；　〃my　love；　I　can't　ride。〃　　〃Pooh！

Mr。　C。〃　said　she；　〃you're　always　making　difficulties：　you　thought

you　couldn't　dance　a　quadrille；　you　thought　you　couldn't　dine　at

seven　o'clock；　you　thought　you　couldn't　lie　in　bed　after　six；　and

haven't　you　done　every　one　of　these　things？　　You　must　and　you　shall

ride！〃　　And　when　my　Jemmy　said　〃must　and　shall；〃　I　knew　very　well

there　was　nothing　for　it：　so　I　sent　down　fifty　guineas　to　the　hunt；

and；　out　of　compliment　to　me；　the　very　next　week；　I　received　notice

that　the　meet　of　the　hounds　would　take　place　at　Squashtail　Common；

just　outside　my　lodge…gates。



I　didn't　know　what　a　meet　was；　and　me　and　Mrs。　C。　agreed　that　it

was　most　probable　the　dogs　were　to　be　fed　there。　　However；　Tagrag

explained　this　matter　to　us；　and　very　kindly　promised　to　sell　me　a

horse；　a　delightful　animal　of　his　own；　which；　being　desperately

pressed　for　money；　he　would　let　me　have　for　a　hundred　guineas；　he

himself　having　given　a　hundred　and　fifty　for　it。



Well；　the　Thursday　came：　the　hounds　met　on　Squashtail　Common；　Mrs。

C。　turned　out　in　her　barouche　to　see　us　throw　off；　and；　being

helped　up　on　my　chestnut　horse；　Trumpeter；　by　Tagrag　and　my　head

groom；　I　came　presently　round　to　join　them。



Tag　mounted　his　own　horse；　and；　as　we　walked　down　the　avenue；　〃I

thought；〃　he　said；　〃you　told　me　you　knew　how　to　ride；　and　that　you

had　ridden　once　fifty　miles　on　a　stretch！〃



〃And　so　I　did；〃　says　I；　〃to　Cambridge；　and　on　the　box　too。〃



〃ON　THE　BOX！〃　says　he；　〃but　did　you　ever　mount　a　horse　before？〃



〃Never；〃　says　I；　〃but　I　find　it　mighty　easy。〃



〃Well；〃　says　he；　〃you're　mighty　bold　for　a　barber；　and　I　like　you；

Coxe；　for　your　spirit。〃　　And　so　w