burlesques-第36节

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Hicks　received　a　ball　in　his　jaw；　and　was　half　choked　by　a　quantity

of　carroty　whisker　forced　down　his　throat　with　the　ball。



2。　　Capt。　Macgillicuddy；　B。N。I。；　。　。　Cornet　Gahagan。　　I　was　run

through　the　body；　but　the　sword　passed　between　the　ribs；　and

injured　me　very　slightly。



3。　　Capt。　Macgillicuddy；　B。N。I。；　。　。　Mr。　Mulligatawny；　B。C。S。；

Deputy…Assistant　Vice　Sub…Controller　of　the　Boggleywollah　Indigo

grounds；　Ramgolly　branch。





Macgillicuddy　should　have　stuck　to　sword's…play；　and　he　might　have

come　off　in　his　second　duel　as　well　as　in　his　first；　as　it　was；　the

civilian　placed　a　ball　and　a　part　of　Mac's　gold　repeater　in　his

stomach。　　A　remarkable　circumstance　attended　this　shot；　an　account

of　which　I　sent　home　to　the　〃Philosophical　Transactions：〃　the

surgeon　had　extracted　the　ball；　and　was　going　off；　thinking　that

all　was　well；　when　the　gold　repeater　struck　thirteen　in　poor

Macgillicuddy's　abdomen。　　I　suppose　that　the　works　must　have　been

disarranged　in　some　way　by　the　bullet；　for　the　repeater　was　one　of

Barraud's；　never　known　to　fail　before；　and　the　circumstance

occurred　at　SEVEN　o'clock。*





*　So　admirable　are　the　performances　of　these　watches；　which　will

stand　in　any　climate；　that　I　repeatedly　heard　poor　Macgillicuddy

relate　the　following　fact。　　The　hours；　as　it　is　known；　count　in

Italy　from　one　to　twenty…four：　the　day　Mac　landed　at　Naples　his

repeater　rung　the　Italian　hours；　from　one　to　twenty…four；　as　soon

as　he　crossed　the　Alps　it　only　sounded　as　usual。G。　O'G。　G。





I　could　continue；　almost　ad　infinitum；　an　account　of　the　wars　which

this　Helen　occasioned；　but　the　above　three　specimens　will；　I　should

think；　satisfy　the　peaceful　reader。　　I　delight　not　in　scenes　of

blood；　heaven　knows；　but　I　was　compelled　in　the　course　of　a　few

weeks；　and　for　the　sake　of　this　one　woman；　to　fight　nine　duels

myself；　and　I　know　that　four　times　as　many　more　took　place

concerning　her。



I　forgot　to　say　that　Jowler's　wife　was　a　half…caste　woman；　who　had

been　born　and　bred　entirely　in　India；　and　whom　the　Colonel　had

married　from　the　house　of　her　mother；　a　native。　　There　were　some

singular　rumors　abroad　regarding　this　latter　lady's　history：　it　was

reported　that　she　was　the　daughter　of　a　native　Rajah；　and　had　been

carried　off　by　a　poor　English　subaltern　in　Lord　Clive's　time。　　The

young　man　was　killed　very　soon　after；　and　left　his　child　with　its

mother。　　The　black　Prince　forgave　his　daughter　and　bequeathed　to

her　a　handsome　sum　of　money。　　I　suppose　that　it　was　on　this　account

that　Jowler　married　Mrs。　J。；　a　creature　who　had　not；　I　do　believe；

a　Christian　name；　or　a　single　Christian　quality：　she　was　a　hideous；

bloated；　yellow　creature；　with　a　beard；　black　teeth；　and　red　eyes：

she　was　fat；　lying；　ugly；　and　stingyshe　hated　and　was　hated　by

all　the　world；　and　by　her　jolly　husband　as　devoutly　as　by　any

other。　　She　did　not　pass　a　month　in　the　year　with　him；　but　spent

most　of　her　time　with　her　native　friends。　　I　wonder　how　she　could

have　given　birth　to　so　lovely　a　creature　as　her　daughter。　　This

woman　was　of　course　with　the　Colonel　when　Julia　arrived；　and　the

spice　of　the　devil　in　her　daughter's　composition　was　most　carefully

nourished　and　fed　by　her。　　If　Julia　had　been　a　flirt　before；　she

was　a　downright　jilt　now；　she　set　the　whole　cantonment　by　the　ears；

she　made　wives　jealous　and　husbands　miserable；　she　caused　all　those

duels　of　which　I　have　discoursed　already；　and　yet　such　was　the

fascination　of　THE　WITCH　that　I　still　thought　her　an　angel。　　I　made

court　to　the　nasty　mother　in　order　to　be　near　the　daughter；　and　I

listened　untiringly　to　Jowler's　interminable　dull　stories；　because

I　was　occupied　all　the　time　in　watching　the　graceful　movements　of

Miss　Julia。



But　the　trumpet　of　war　was　soon　ringing　in　our　ears；　and　on　the

battle…field　Gahagan　is　a　man！　　The　Bundelcund　Invincibles　received

orders　to　march；　and　Jowler；　Hector…like；　donned　his　helmet　and

prepared　to　part　from　his　Andromache。　　And　now　arose　his

perplexity：　what　must　be　done　with　his　daughter；　his　Julia？　　He

knew　his　wife's　peculiarities　of　living；　and　did　not　much　care　to

trust　his　daughter　to　her　keeping；　but　in　vain　he　tried　to　find　her

an　asylum　among　the　respectable　ladies　of　his　regiment。　　Lady　Gutch

offered　to　receive　her；　but　would　have　nothing　to　do　with　Mrs。

Jowler；　the　surgeon's　wife；　Mrs。　Sawbone；　would　have　neither　mother

nor　daughter；　there　was　no　help　for　it；　Julia　and　her　mother　must

have　a　house　together；　and　Jowler　knew　that　his　wife　would　fill　it

with　her　odious　blackamoor　friends。



I　could　not；　however；　go　forth　satisfied　to　the　campaign　until　I

learned　from　Julia　my　fate。　　I　watched　twenty　opportunities　to　see

her　alone；　and　wandered　about　the　Colonel's　bungalow　as　an　informer

does　about　a　public…house；　marking　the　incomings　and　the　outgoings

of　the　family；　and　longing　to　seize　the　moment　when　Miss　Jowler；

unbiassed　by　her　mother　or　her　papa；　might　listen；　perhaps；　to　my

eloquence；　and　melt　at　the　tale　of　my　love。



But　it　would　not　doold　Jowler　seemed　to　have　taken　all　of　a

sudden　to　such　a　fit　of　domesticity；　that　there　was　no　finding　him

out　of　doors；　and　his　rhubarb…colored　wife　（I　believe　that　her　skin

gave　the　first　idea　of　our　regimental　breeches）；　who　before　had

been　gadding　ceaselessly　abroad；　and　poking　her　broad　nose　into

every　menage　in　the　cantonment；　stopped　faithfully　at　home　with　her

spouse。　　My　only　chance　was　to　beard　the　old　couple　in　their　den；


and　ask　them　at　once　for　their　cub。



So　I　called　one　day　at　tiffin：old　Jowler　was　always　happy　to　have

my　company　at　this　meal；　it　amused　him；　he　said；　to　see　me　drink

Hodgson's　pale　ale　（I　drank　two　hundred　and　thirty…four　dozen　the

first　year　I　was　in　Bengal）and　it　was　no　small　piece　of　fun；

certainly；　to　see　old　Mrs。　Jowler　attack　the　currie…bhaut；she　was

exactly　the　color　of　it；　as　I　have　had　already　the　honor　to　remark；

and　she　swallowed　the　mixture　with　a　gusto　which　was　never

equalled；　except　by　my　poor　friend　Dando　apropos　d'huitres。　　She

consumed　the　first　three　platefuls　with　a　fork　and　spoon；　like　a

Christian；　but　as　she　warmed　to　her　work；　the　old　hag　would　throw

away　her　silver　implements；　and　dragging　the　dishes　towards　her；　go

to　work　with　her　hands；　flip　the　rice　into　her　mouth　with　her

fingers；　and　stow　away　a　quantity　of　eatables　sufficient　for　a

sepoy　company。　　But　why　do　I　diverge　from　the　main　point　of　my

story？



Julia；　then；　Jowler；　and　Mrs。　J。　were　at　luncheon：　the　dear　girl

was　in　the　act　to　sabler　a　glass　of　Hodgson　as　I　entered。　　〃How　do

you　do；　Mr。　Gagin？〃　said　the　old　hag；　leeringly。　　〃Eat　a　bit　o'

currie…bhaut；〃and　she　thrust　the　dish　towards　me；　securing　a　heap

as　it　passed。　　〃What！　Gagy　my　boy；　how　do；　how　do？〃　said　the　fat

Colonel。　　〃What！　run　through　the　body？got　well　againhave　some

Hodgsonrun　through　your　body　too！〃and　at　this；　I　may　say；

coarse　joke　（alluding　to　the　fact　that　in　these　hot　climates　the

ale　oozes　out　as　it　were　from　the　pores　of　the　skin）　old　Jowler

laughed：　a　host　of　swarthy　chobdars；　kitmatgars；　sices；　consomahs；

and　bobbychies　laughed　too；　as　they　provided　me；　unasked；　with　the

grateful　fluid。　　Swallowing　six　tumblers　of　it；　I　paused　nervously

for　a　moment；　and　then　said



〃Bobbachy；　consomah；　ballybaloo　hoga。〃



The　black　ruffians　took　the　hint　and　retired。



〃Colonel　and　Mrs。　Jowler；〃　said　I　solemnly；　〃we　are　alone；　and　you；

Miss　Jowler；　you　are　alone　too；　that　isI　meanI　take　this

opportunity　to（another　glass　of　ale；　if　you　please）to　express；

once　for　all；　before　departing　on　a　dangerous　campaign〃（Julia

turned　pale）〃before　entering；　I　say；　upon　a　war　which　may　stretch

in　the　dust　my　high…raised　hopes　and　me；　to　express　my　hopes　while

life　still　remains　to　me；　and　to　declare　in　the　face　of　heaven；

earth；　and　Colonel　Jowler；　that　I　love　you；　Julia！〃　　The　Colonel；

astonished；　let　fall　a　steel　fork；　which　stuck　quivering　for　some

minutes　in　the　calf　of　my　leg；　but　I　heeded　not　the　paltry

interruption。　　〃Yes；　by　yon　bright　heaven；〃　continued　I；　〃I　love

you；　Julia！　　I　respect　my　commander；　I　esteem　your　excellent　and

beauteous　mother；　tell　me；　before　I　leave　you；　if　I　may　hope　for　a

return　of　my　affection。　　Say　that　you　love　me；　and　I　will　do　such

deeds　in　this　coming　war　as　shall　make　you　proud　of　the　name　of

your　Gahagan。〃



The　old　woman；　as　I　delivered　these　touching　words；　stared；

snapped；　and　ground　her　teeth；　like　an　enraged　monkey。　　Julia　was

now　red；　now　white；　the　Colonel　stretched　forward；　took　the　fork

out　of　the　calf　of　my　leg；　wiped　it；　and　then　seized　a　bundle　of

letters　which　I　had　remarked　by　his　side。



〃A　cornet！〃　said　he；　in　a　voice　choking　with　emotion；　〃a　pitiful；

beggarly　Irish　cornet　aspire　to　the　hand　of　Julia　Jowler！　　Gag；

Gahagan；　are　you　mad；　or　laughing　at　us？　　Look　at　these　letters；

young　manat　these　letters；　I　sayone　hundred　and　twenty…four

epistles　from　every　part　of　India　（n