adam bede(亚当[1].比德)-第145节
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Adam Bede 591
trying to hide the truth。 God’s love and mercy can overcome all
things—our ignorance； and weakness； and all the burden of our
past wickedness—all things but our wilful sin； sin that we cling to；
and will not give up。 You believe in my love and pity for you；
Hetty； but if you had not let me come near you； if you wouldn’t
have looked at me or spoken to me； you’d have shut me out from
helping you。 I couldn’t have made you feel my love； I couldn’t have
told you what I felt for you。 Don’t shut God’s love out in that way；
by clinging to sin 。 。 。 He can’t bless you while you have one
falsehood in your soul； his pardoning mercy can’t reach you until
you open your heart to him； and say； ‘I have done this great
wickedness； O God； save me； make me pure from sin。’ While you
cling to one sin and will not part with it； it must drag you down to
misery after death； as it has dragged you to misery here in this
world； my poor； poor Hetty。 It is sin that brings dread； and
darkness； and despair： there is light and blessedness for us as soon
as we cast it off。 God enters our souls then； and teaches us； and
brings us strength and peace。 Cast it off now； Hetty—now： confess
the wickedness you have done—the sin you have been guilty of
against your Heavenly Father。 Let us kneel down together； for we
are in the presence of God。”
Hetty obeyed Dinah’s movement； and sank on her knees。 They
still held each other’s hands； and there was long silence。 Then
Dinah said； “Hetty； we are before God。 He is waiting for you to tell
the truth。”
Still there was silence。 At last Hetty spoke； in a tone of
beseeching—
“Dinah 。 。 。 help me 。 。 。 I can’t feel anything like you 。 。 。 my
heart is hard。”
George Eliot ElecBook Classics
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Adam Bede 592
Dinah held the clinging hand； and all her soul went forth in her
voice：
“Jesus； thou present Saviour！ Thou hast known the depths of
all sorrow： thou hast entered that black darkness where God is
not； and hast uttered the cry of the forsaken。 Come Lord； and
gather of the fruits of thy travail and thy pleading。 Stretch forth
thy hand； thou who art mighty to save to the uttermost； and rescue
this lost one。 She is clothed round with thick darkness。 The fetters
of her sin are upon her； and she cannot stir to come to thee。 She
can only feel her heart is hard； and she is helpless。 She cries to me；
thy weak creature 。 。 。 Saviour！ It is a blind cry to thee。 Hear it！
Pierce the darkness！ Look upon her with thy face of love and
sorrow that thou didst turn on him who denied thee； and melt her
hard heart。
“See； Lord； I bring her； as they of old brought the sick and
helpless； and thou didst heal them。 I bear her on my arms and
carry her before thee。 Fear and trembling have taken hold on her；
but she trembles only at the pain and death of the body。 Breathe
upon her thy life…giving Spirit； and put a new fear within her—the
fear of her sin。 Make her dread to keep the accursed thing within
her soul。 Make her feel the presence of the living God； who
beholds all the past； to whom the darkness is as noonday； who is
waiting now； at the eleventh hour； for her to turn to him； and
confess her sin； and cry for mercy—now； before the night of death
comes； and the moment of pardon is for ever fled； like yesterday
that returneth not。
“Saviour！ It is yet time—time to snatch this poor soul from
everlasting darkness。 I believe—I believe in thy infinite love。 What
George Eliot ElecBook Classics
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Adam Bede 593
is my love or my pleading？ It is quenched in thine。 I can only clasp
her in my weak arms and urge her with my weak pity。 Thou—thou
wilt breathe on the dead soul； and it shall arise from the
unanswering sleep of death。
“Yea； Lord； I see thee； coming through the darkness coming；
like the morning； with healing on thy wings。 The marks of thy
agony are upon thee—I see； I see thou art able and willing to
save—thou wilt not let her perish for ever。 “Come； mighty
Saviour！ Let the dead hear thy voice。 Let the eyes of the blind be
opened。 Let her see that God encompasses her。 Let her tremble at
nothing but at the sin that cuts her off from him。 Melt the hard
heart。 Unseal the closed lips： make her cry with her whole soul；
‘Father； I have sinned’ 。 。 。 ”
“Dinah；” Hetty sobbed out； throwing her arms round Dinah’s
neck； “I will speak 。 。 。 I will tell 。 。 。 I won’t hide it any more。”
But the tears and sobs were too violent。 Dinah raised her gently
from her knees and seated her on the pallet again； sitting down by
her side。 It was a long time before the convulsed throat was quiet；
and even then they sat some time in stillness and darkness；
holding each other’s hands。 At last Hetty whispered； “I did do it；
Dinah 。 。 。 I buried it in the wood 。 。 。 the little baby 。 。 。 and it cried 。
。 。 I heard it cry 。 。 。 ever such a way off 。 。 。 all night 。 。 。 and I went
back because it cried。”
She paused； and then spoke hurriedly in a louder； pleading
tone。
“But I thought perhaps it wouldn’t die—there might somebody
find it。 I didn’t kill it—I didn’t kill it myself。 I put it down there and
covered it up； and when I came back it was gone 。 。 。 It was
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Adam Bede 594
because I was so very miserable； Dinah 。 。 。 I didn’t know where to
go 。 。 。 and I tried to kill myself before； and I couldn’t。 Oh； I tried so
to drown myself in the pool； and I couldn’t。 I went to Windsor—I
ran away—did you know？ I went to find him； as he might take
care of me； and he was gone； and then I didn’t know what to do。 I
daredn’t go back home again—I couldn’t bear it。 I couldn’t have
bore to look at anybody； for they’d have scorned me。 I thought o’
you sometimes； and thought I’d come to you； for I didn’t think
you’d be cross with me； and cry shame on me。 I thought I could
tell you。 But then the other folks ’ud come to know it at last； and I
couldn’t bear that。 It was partly thinking o’ you made me come
toward Stoniton； and； besides； I was so frightened at going
wandering about till I was a beggar…woman； and had nothing； and
sometimes it seemed as if I must go back to the farm sooner than
that。 Oh； it was so dreadful； Dinah 。 。 。 I was so miserable 。 。 。 I
wished I’d never been born into this world。 I should never like to
go into the green fields again—I hated ’em so in my misery。”
Hetty paused again； as if the sense of the past were too strong
upon her for words。
“And then I got to Stoniton； and I began to feel frightened that
night； because I was so near home。 And then the little baby was
born； when I didn’t expect it； and the thought came into my mind
that I might get rid of it and go home again。 The thought came all
of a sudden； as I was lying in the bed； and it got stronger and
stronger 。 。 。 I longed so to go back again 。 。 。 I couldn’t bear being
so lonely and coming to beg for want。 And it gave me strength and
resolution to get up and dress myself。 I felt I must do it 。 。 。 I didn’t
know how 。 。 。 I thought I’d find a pool； if I could； like that other； in
the corner of the field； in the dark。 And when the woman went out；
George Eliot
