adam bede(亚当[1].比德)-第120节
按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！
had always been taking holiday in dreams of pleasure； because all
the business of her life was managed for her—this kitten…like
Hetty； who till a few months ago had never felt any other grief
than that of envying Mary Burge a new ribbon； or being girded at
by her aunt for neglecting Totty； must now make her toilsome way
in loneliness； her peaceful home left behind for ever； and nothing
but a tremulous hope of distant refuge before her。 Now for the first
time； as she lay down to…night in the strange hard bed； she felt that
her home had been a happy one； that her uncle had been very
good to her； that her quiet lot at Hayslope among the things and
people she knew； with her little pride in her one best gown and
bonnet； and nothing to hide from any one； was what she would
like to wake up to as a reality； and find that all the feverish life she
had known besides was a short nightmare。 She thought of all she
had left behind with yearning regret for her own sake。 Her own
misery filled her heart—there was no room in it for other people’s
sorrow。 And yet； before the cruel letter； Arthur had been so tender
and loving。 The memory of that had still a charm for her； though it
was no more than a soothing draught that just made pain
bearable。 For Hetty could conceive no other existence for herself
in future than a hidden one； and a hidden life； even with love；
would have had no delights for her； still less a life mingled with
shame。 She knew no romances； and had only a feeble share in the
feelings which are the source of romance； so that well…read ladies
may find it difficult to understand her state of mind。 She was too
ignorant of everything beyond the simple notions and habits in
which she had been brought up to have any more definite idea of
George Eliot ElecBook Classics
… Page 488…
Adam Bede 488
her probable future than that Arthur would take care of her
somehow； and shelter her from anger and scorn。 He would not
marry her and make her a lady； and apart from that she could
think of nothing he could give towards which she looked with
longing and ambition。
The next morning she rose early； and taking only some milk
and bread for her breakfast； set out to walk on the road towards
Ashby； under a leaden…coloured sky； with a narrowing streak of
yellow； like a departing hope； on the edge of the horizon。 Now in
her faintness of heart at the length and difficulty of her journey；
she was most of all afraid of spending her money； and becoming so
destitute that she would have to ask people’s charity； for Hetty had
the pride not only of a proud nature but of a proud class—the class
that pays the most poor…rates； and most shudders at the idea of
profiting by a poor…rate。 It had not yet occurred to her that she
might get money for her locket and earrings which she carried
with her； and she applied all her small arithmetic and knowledge
of prices to calculating how many meals and how many rides were
contained in her two guineas； and the odd shillings； which had a
melancholy look； as if they were the pale ashes of the other bright…
flaming coin。
For the first few miles out of Stoniton； she walked on bravely；
always fixing on some tree or gate or projecting bush at the most
distant visible point in the road as a goal； and feeling a faint joy
when she had reached it。 But when she came to the fourth
milestone； the first she had happened to notice among the long
grass by the roadside； and read that she was still only four miles
beyond Stoniton； her courage sank。 She had come only this little
way； and yet felt tired； and almost hungry again in the keen
George Eliot ElecBook Classics
… Page 489…
Adam Bede 489
morning air； for though Hetty was accustomed to much movement
and exertion indoors； she was not used to long walks which
produced quite a different sort of fatigue from that of household
activity。 As she was looking at the milestone she felt some drops
falling on her face—it was beginning to rain。 Here was a new
trouble which had not entered into her sad thoughts before； and
quite weighed down by this sudden addition to her burden； she sat
down on the step of a stile and began to sob hysterically。 The
beginning of hardship is like the first taste of bitter food—it seems
for a moment unbearable； yet； if there is nothing else to satisfy our
hunger； we take another bite and find it possible to go on。 When
Hetty recovered from her burst of weeping； she rallied her fainting
courage： it was raining； and she must try to get on to a village
where she might find rest and shelter。 Presently； as she walked on
wearily； she heard the rumbling of heavy wheels behind her； a
covered waggon was coming； creeping slowly along with a
slouching driver cracking his whip beside the horses。 She waited
for it； thinking that if the waggoner were not a very sour…looking
man； she would ask him to take her up。 As the waggon approached
her； the driver had fallen behind； but there was something in the
front of the big vehicle which encouraged her。 At any previous
moment in her life she would not have noticed it； but now； the new
susceptibility that suffering had awakened in her caused this
object to impress her strongly。 It was only a small white…and…liver…
coloured spaniel which sat on the front ledge of the waggon； with
large timid eyes； and an incessant trembling in the body； such as
you may have seen in some of these small creatures。 Hetty cared
little for animals； as you know； but at this moment she felt as if the
helpless timid creature had some fellowship with her； and without
George Eliot ElecBook Classics
… Page 490…
Adam Bede 490
being quite aware of the reason； she was less doubtful about
speaking to the driver； who now came forward—a large ruddy
man； with a sack over his shoulders； by way of scarf or mantle。
“Could you take me up in your waggon； if you’re going towards
Ashby？” said Hetty。 “I’ll pay you for it。”
“Aw；” said the big fellow； with that slowly dawning smile which
belongs to heavy faces； “I can take y’ up fawst enough wi’out bein’
paid for ’t if you dooant mind lyin’ a bit closish a…top o’ the wool…
packs。 Where do you coom from？ And what do you want at
Ashby？”
“I come from Stoniton。 I’m going a long way—to Windsor。”
“What！ Arter some service； or what？”
“Going to my brother—he’s a soldier there。”
“Well； I’m going no furder nor Leicester—and fur enough too—
but I’ll take you； if you dooant mind being a bit long on the road。
Th’ hosses wooant feel your weight no more nor they feel the little
doog there； as I puck up on the road a fortni’t agoo。 He war lost； I
b’lieve； an’s been all of a tremble iver sin’。 Come； gi’ us your basket
an’ come behind and let me put y’ in。”
To lie on the wool…packs； with a cranny left between the
curtains of the awning to let in the air； was luxury to Hetty now；
and she half…slept away the hours till the driver came to ask her if
she wanted to get down and have “some victual”； he himself was
going to eat his dinner at this “public。” Late at night they reached
Leicester； and so this second day of Hetty’s journey was past。 She
had spent no money except what she had paid for her food； but
she felt that this slow journeying would be intolerable for her
another day； and in the morning she found her way to a coach…
office to ask about the road to Windsor； and see if it would cost her
George Eliot El
