stories by english authors in london(英国作家在伦敦的故事)-第21节
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falling to the ground。 At last Helen spoke to her companion。
〃What do you mean by saying that you will not be able to finish your
picture？ Perhaps you are not well。 Indeed； you don't look well。 You make
me anxious； for I have a great regard for you。〃
〃I am ill and suffering；〃 he answered； quietly。 〃I thought I should have
died yesterday； but I made up my mind to live until I saw you again； and I
thought I would ask you to spend the afternoon with me； and go with me
to Westminster Abbey； and sit with me in the cloisters。 I do not feel able to
go by myself； and I know of no one to ask except you； and I believed you
would not refuse me； for you have been very kind to me。 I do not quite
understand why you have been kind to me； but I am wonderfully grateful
to you。 Today I heard some one in the gallery say that you were plain。 I
turned round and I said； 'I beg your pardon； /I/ think she is very beautiful。'
I think they laughed； and that puzzled me； for you have always seemed to
me a very beautiful person。〃
At that moment the little clay pipe fell from the workman's mouth and
was broken into bits。 He awoke with a start； gazed stupidly at the old man
and his companion； and at the broken clay pipe。
〃Curse my luck！〃 he said； yawning。 〃I was fond of that damned little
pipe。〃
The old man drew his own pipe and his own tobacco…pouch from his
pocket。
〃Take these； stranger；〃 he said。 〃I don't want them。 And good luck to
you。〃
The man's face brightened up as he took the pipe and pouch。
〃You're uncommon kind；〃 he said。 〃Can you spare them？〃 he added；
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holding them out half reluctantly。
〃Yes；〃 answered the old man； 〃I shall not smoke again。 You may as
well have these matches too。〃
The labourer put them in his pocket； smiled his thanks； and walked
some little distance off； and Helen watched him examine his new pipe；
and then fill it with tobacco and light it。
Mr。 Lindall proposed that they should be getting on their way to
Westminster； and they soon found themselves in the abbey。 They sat
together in the Poets' Corner； a smile of quiet happiness broke over the old
man's tired face as he looked around and took in all the solemn beauty and
grandeur of the resting…place of the great。
〃You know；〃 he said； half to himself； half to his companion； 〃I have no
belief of any kind； and no hopes and no fears； but all through my life it has
been a comfort to me to sit quietly in a church or a cathedral。 The graceful
arches； the sun shining through the stained windows； the vaulted roof； the
noble columns； have helped me to understand the mystery which all our
books of philosophy cannot make clear； though we bend over them year
after year； and grow old over them； old in age and in spirit。 Though I
myself have never been outwardly a worshipper； I have never sat in a
place of worship but that； for the time being； I have felt a better man。 But
directly the voice of doctrine or dogma was raised the spell was broken for
me； and that which I hoped was being made clear had no further meaning
for me。 There was only one voice which ever helped me； the voice of the
organ； arousing me； thrilling me； filling me with strange longing； with
welcome sadness； with solemn gladness。 I have always thought that music
can give an answer when everything else is of no avail。 I do not know
what you believe。〃
〃I am so young to have found out；〃 she said； almost pleadingly。
〃Don't worry yourself；〃 he answered； kindly。 〃Be brave and strong；
and let the rest go。 I should like to live long enough to see what you will
make of your life。 I believe you will never be false to yourself or to any
one。 That is rare。 I believe you will not let any lower ideal take the place
of your high ideal of what is beautiful and noble in art； in life。 I believe
that you will never let despair get the upper hand of you。 If it does you
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may as well die； yes； you may as well。 And I entreat you not to lose your
entire faith in humanity。 There is nothing like that for withering up the
very core of the heart。 I tell you； humanity and nature have so much in
common with each other that if you lose part of your pleasure in the latter；
you will see less beauty in the trees； the flowers； and the fields； less
grandeur in the mighty mountains and the sea。 The seasons will come and
go； and you will scarcely heed their coming and going： winter will settle
over your soul； just as it settled over mine。 And you see what I am。〃
They had now passed into the cloisters； and they sat down in one of
the recesses of the windows； and looked out upon the rich plot of grass
which the cloisters enclose。 There was not a soul there except themselves；
the cool and the quiet and the beauty of the spot refreshed these pilgrims；
and they rested in calm enjoyment。
Helen was the first to break the silence。
〃I am glad you have brought me here；〃 she said； 〃I shall never grumble
now at not being able to afford a fortnight in the country。 This is better
than anything else。〃
〃It has always been my summer holiday to come here；〃 he said。 〃When
I first came I was like you； young and hopeful； and I had wonderful
visions of what I intended to do and to be。 Here it was I made a vow that I
would become a great painter； and win for myself a resting place in this
very abbey。 There is humour in the situation； is there not？〃
〃I don't like to hear you say that；〃 she answered。 〃It is not always
possible for us to fulfil all our ambitions。 Still； it is better to have had them；
and failed of them； than not to have had them at all。〃
〃Possibly；〃 he replied； coldly。 Then he added； 〃I wish you would tell
me about yourself。 You have always interested me。〃
〃I have nothing to tell you about myself；〃 she answered； frankly。 〃I am
alone in the world； without friends and without relations。 The very name I
use is not a real name。 I was a foundling。 At times I am sorry I do not
belong to any one； and at other times I am glad。 You know I am fond of
books and of art； so my life is not altogether empty； and I find my pleasure
in hard work。 When I saw you at the gallery I wished to know you； and I
asked one of the students who you were。 He told me you were a
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misanthrope。 Then I did not care so much about knowing you； until one
day you spoke to me about my painting； and that was the beginning of our
friendship。〃
〃Forty years ago；〃 he said； sadly； 〃the friend of my boyhood deceived
me。 I had not thought it possible that he could be false to me。 He screened
himself behind me； and became prosperous and respected at the expense
of my honour。 I vowed I would never again make a friend。 A few years
later； when I was beginning to hold up my head； the woman whom I loved
deceived me。 Then I put from me all affection and all love。 Greater natures
than mine are better able to bear these troubles； but my heart contracted
and withered up。〃
He paused for a moment； many recollections overpowering him。 Then
he went on telling her the history of his life； unfolding to her the story of
his hopes and ambitions； describing to her the very home where he was
born； and the dark…eyed sister whom he had loved； and with whom he had
played over the daisied fields； and through the carpeted woods； and all
among the richly tinted bracken。 One day he was told she was dead； and
that he must never speak her name； but he spoke it all the day and all the
night；Beryl； nothing but Beryl； and he looked for her in the fields and
in the woods and among the bracken。 It seemed as if he had unlocked the
casket of his heart； closed for so many years； and as if all the memories of
the past and all the secrets of his life were rushing out； glad to be free once
more； and grateful for the open air of sympathy。
〃Beryl was as swift as a deer！〃 he exclaimed。 〃You would have
laughed to see her on the moor。 Ah； it was hard to give up all the thoughts
of meeting her again。 They told me I should see
