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第18节

时尚女魔头 穿普拉达的恶魔 英文原版-第18节


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  “I have one word: screwed up。 OK; so that was two。 You’ll never 
  imagine what happened。 Well; of course you will; it happens all 
  the—”

  “Cut to it; Lil。 I’m going to pass out any minute。”

  “OK。 Cutest guy ever came to my reading today。 Sat through the whole 
  thing looking absolutely fascinated; and waited for me afterward。 
  Asked if he could take me for a drink and hear all about the thesis 
  I had published at Brown; which he’d already read。”

  “Sounds great。 What was he?” Lily went out with different guys 
  almost every night after getting off work; but had yet to plete 
  her fraction。 She had founded the Scale of Fractional Love one night 
  after listening to a few of our guy friends rate the girls they were 
  dating on their own invention; the Ten…Ten Scale。 “She’s a six; 
  eight; B…plus;” Jake would declare of the advertising assistant he’d 
  been set up with the night before。 It was assumed everyone knew that 
  it was a ten…point scale; with face always being the first numerical 
  ranking; body the second; and personality ing in last with a 
  slightly more generalized letter grade。 Since there were clearly 
  more factors at work in judging guys; Lily devised the Fractional 
  Scale; which had a total of ten pieces that each earned a point。 The 
  Perfect Guy would obviously have all five of the primary pieces: 
  intelligence; sense of humor; decent body; cute face; and any sort 
  of job that fell under the generous umbrella of “normal。” Since it 
  was next to impossible to find The Perfect Guy; someone could up 
  their fraction by earning points on the secondary five; which 
  included a definitive lack of psycho ex…girlfriends; psycho parents; 
  or date…rapist roommates; and any sort of extracurricular interests 
  or hobbies that weren’t sports… or porn…related。 So far; the highest 
  anyone had received was a nine…tenths; but he had broken up with 
  her。

  “Well; at first he was going strong at seven…tenths。 He was a 
  theater major at Yaleand he’s straight; and he could discuss Israeli 
  politics so intelligently that he never once suggested that we ‘just 
  nuke ’em;’ so that was good。”

  “Sure sounds good。 I can’t wait for the clincher。 What was it? Did 
  he talk about his favorite Nintendo game?”

  “Worse。” She sighed。

  “Is he thinner than you?”

  “Worse。” She sounded defeated。

  “What on earth could be worse than that?”

  “He lives on Long Island—”

  “Lily! So he’s geographically undesirable。 That doesn’t make him 
  undateable! You know better than to—”

  “With his parents;” she interrupted。

  Oh。

  “For the past four years。”

  Oh; my。

  “And he absolutely loves it。 Says he can’t imagine wanting to live 
  alone in such a big city when his mom and dad are such great 
  pany。”

  “Whoa! Say no more。 I don’t think we’ve ever had a seven…tenths fall 
  all the way to a zero after the first date。 Your guy set a new 
  record。 Congratulations。 Your day was officially worse than mine。” I 
  leaned over to kick my bedroom door closed when I heard Shanti and 
  Kendra e Home from work。 I heard a guy’s voice with them and 
  wondered if either of my roommates had boyfriends。 I’d seen them a 
  bined total of only ten minutes in the last week and a half; 
  because they seemed to work longer hours than I did。

  “That bad? How could your day be bad? You work infashion; ” she 
  said。

  There was a quiet knocking on the door。

  “Hold on a sec; someone’s here。 e in!” I called to the door; much 
  too loud for the tiny space。 I waited for one of my quiet roommates 
  to timidly ask if I’d remembered to call the landlord to put my name 
  on the lease (no) or bought more paper plates (no) or had taken down 
  any phone messages (no); but Alex appeared。

  “Hey; can I call you back? Alex just showed up。” I was thrilled to 
  see him; so excited that he’d surprised me; but a small part of me 
  had been looking forward to just taking a shower and crawling into 
  bed。

  “Sure。 Tell him I say hi。 And remember what a lucky girl you are for 
  having pleted the fraction with him; Andy。 He’s great。 Hold on to 
  that one。”

  “Don’t I know it。 The kid’s a goddamn saint。” I smiled in his 
  direction。

  “’Bye。”

  “Hi!” I willed myself to first sit up; then stand up and walk over 
  to him。 “What a great surprise!” I went to hug him but he backed 
  away; keeping his arms behind his back。 “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing at all。 I know you’ve had such a long week; and; knowing 
  you; I figured you hadn’t bothered to eat yet; so I brought the food 
  to you。” He pulled a huge brown paper bag from behind his back; one 
  of the old…school grocery style ones; and it already had some 
  delicious…smelling grease stains on it。 All of a sudden; I was 
  starving。

  “You did not! How’d you know that I was sitting here this very 
  second; wondering how I was going to motivate to find food? I was 
  just about to give up。”

  “So e here and eat!” He looked pleased and pulled open the bag; 
  but we both couldn’t fit on the floor of my bedroom together。 I 
  thought about eating in the living room since there was no kitchen; 
  but Kendra and Shanti had both collapsed in front of the TV 
  together; their untouched takeout salads open in front of them。 I 
  thought they were waiting until theReal World episode they were 
  watching was over; but then I noticed that they’d both already 
  fallen asleep。 Sweet lives we all had。

  “Hold on; I have an idea;” he said and tiptoed to the kitchen。 He 
  came back with two oversize garbage bags and spread them out over my 
  blue forter。 He dug into the greasy bag and brought out two giant 
  burgers with everything and one extra…large order of fries。 He’d 
  remembered ketchup packets and tons of salt for me; and even the 
  napkins。 I clapped I was so excited; although a quick visual of the 
  imagined disappointment on Miranda’s face appeared; one that 
  said;You? You’re eating a burger?

  “I’m not done yet。 Here; check it out。” And out of his backpack came 
  a fistful of tiny vanilla tea lights; a bottle of screw…top red 
  wine; and two waxy paper cups。

  “You’re kidding;” I said softly; still not believing that he’d put 
  all this together after I’d canceled our date。

  He handed me a cup of wine and tapped it with his。 “No; I’m not。 You 
  think I was going to miss hearing about the first week of the rest 
  of your life? To my best girl。”

  “Thank you。” I said; slowly taking a sip。 “Thank you; thank you; 
  thank you。”


  6

  “Ohmigod; is it the fashion editor herself?” Jill mock…shrieked when 
  she opened the front door。 “e on over here and let your big 
  sister genuflect a li’l。”

  “Fashion editor?” I snorted。 “Hardly。 Try fashion mishap。 Wele 
  back to civilization。” I hugged her for what felt like ten minutes 
  and didn’t want to let go。 It was hard when she’d started at 
  Stanford and left me all alone with our parents when I was a mere 
  nine years old; but it was even harder when she’d followed her 
  boyfriend—now husband—to Houston。 Houston! The whole placed seemed 
  drenched in humidity and infested with mosquitoes to the point of 
  unbearability; and if that wasn’t bad enough; my sister—my 
  sophisticated; beautiful big sister who loved neoclassical art and 
  made your heart melt when she recited poetry—had developed a 
  southern accent。 And not just a slight accent with a subtle; 
  charming southern lilt; but an all…out; unmistakable; 
  like…a…drill…through…the…eardrum redneck drawl。 I’d yet to forgive 
  Kyle for dragging her to that wretched place; even if he was a 
  pretty decent brother…in…law; and it didn’t help when he opened his 
  mouth。

  “Hey there; Andy darlin’; you’re looking more beautiful every time I 
  see you。”Yer lookin’ more beeyootiful avery time I see ya 。 “What 
  are they feeding y’all atRunway; huh?”

  I wanted to stick a tennis ball in his mouth to keep him from 
  talking anymore; but he smiled at me and I walked over and hugged 
  him。 He might sound like a hick and grin a little too openly and 
  often; but he tried really hard and he clearly adored my sister。 I 
  vowed to make a sincere effort not to visibly cringe when he spoke。 
  “It’s not really what I’d call a feeding…friendly kind of place; if 
  you know what I mean。 Whatever it is; it’s definitely in the water 
  and not the food。 But never mind。 Kyle; you look great yourself。 
  Keeping my sister busy in the city of misery; I hope?”

  “Andy; just e and visit; sweetie。 Bring Alex along and y’all can 
  make it a li’l vacation。 It’s not that bad; you’ll see。” He smiled 
  first at me and then at Jill;

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