安妮日记英文版_安妮·弗兰克-第42节

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for　both　of　us；　its　been　quite　a　blow　to　suddenly　realize　that　very　little　remains　of　the　close　and　harmoni…　ous　family　we　used　to　have　at　home！　this　is　mostly　because　everythings　out　of　kilter　here。　by　that　i　mean　that　were　treated　like　children　when　it　es　to　external　matters；　while；　inwardly；　were　much　older　than　other　girls　our　age。

even　though　im　only　fourteen；　i　know　what　i　want；　i　know　whos　right　and　whos　wrong；　i　have　my　own　opinions；　ideas　and　principles；　and　though　it　may　sound　odd　ing　from　a　teenager；　i　feel　im　more　of　a　person　than　a　child　　i　feel　im　pletely　independent　of　others。　i　know　im　better　at　debating　or　carrying　on　a　discussion　than　mother；　i　know　im　more　objective；　i　dont　exaggerate　as　much；　im　much　tidier　and　better　with　my　hands；　and　because　of　that　i　feel　（this　may　make　you　laugh）　that　im　superior　to　her　in　many　ways。　to　love　someone；　i　have　to　admire　and　respect　the　person；　but　i　feel　neither　respect　nor　admiration　for　mother！

everything　would　be　all　right　if　only　i　had　peter；　since　i　admire　him　in　many　ways。

hes　so　decent　and　clever！

yours；　anne　

m。　frank

saturday；　march　18；　1944

dearest　kitty；

ive　told　you　more　about　myself　and　my　feelings　than　ive　ever　told　a　living　soul；　so　why　shouldnt　that　include　sex？

parents；　and　people　in　general；　are　very　peculiar　when　it　es　to　sex。　instead　of　telling　their　sons　and　daughters　everything　at　the　age　of　twelve；　they　send　the　children　out　of　the　room　the　moment　the　subject　arises　and　leave　them　to　find　out　everything　on　their　own。　later　on；　when　parents　notice　that　their　children　have；　somehow；　e　by　their　information；　they　assume　they　know　more　（or　less）　than　they　actually　do。　so　why　dont　they　try　to　make　amends　by　asking　them　whats　what？

a　major　stumbling　block　for　the　adults　　though　in　my　opinion　its　no　more　than　a　pebble　　is　that　theyre　afraid　their　children　will　no　longer　look　upon　marriage　as　sacred　and　pure　once　they　realize　that；　in　most　cases；　this　purity　is　a　lot　of　nonsense。

as　far　as　im　concerned；　its　not　wrong　for　a　man　to　bring　a　little　experience　to　a　marriage。　after　all；　it　has　nothing　to　do　with　the　marriage　itself；　does　it？

soon　after　i　turned　eleven；　they　told　me　about　menstruation。　but　even　then；　i　had　no　idea　where　the　blood　came　from　or　what　it　was　for。　when　i　was　twelve　and　a　half；　i　learned　some　more　from　jacque；　who　wasnt　as　ignorant　as　i　was。　my　own　intuition　told　me　what　a　man　and　a　woman　do　when　theyre　together；　it　seemed　like　a　crazy　idea　at　first；　but　when　jacque　confirmed　it；　i　was　proud　of　myself　for　having　figured　it　out！

it　was　also　jacque　who　told　me　that　children　didnt　e　out　of　their　mothers　tummies。　as　she　put　it；　〃where　the　ingredients　go　in　is　where　the　finished　product　es　out！〃　jacque　and　i　found　out　about　the　hymen；　and　quite　a　few　other　details；　from　a　book　on　sex　education。　i　also　knew　that　you　could　keep　from　having　children；　but　how　that　worked　inside　your　body　remained　a　mystery。　when　i　came　here；　father　told　me　about　prostitutes；　etc。；　but　all　in　all　there　are　still　unanswered　questions。

if　mothers　dont　tell　their　children　everything；　they　hear　it　in　bits　and　pieces；　and　that　cant　be　right。

even　though　its　saturday；　im　not　bored！　thats　because　ive　been　up　in　the　attic　with　peter。　i　sat　there　dreaming　with　my　eyes　closed；　and　it　was　wonderful。

yours；　anne　

m。　frank

sunday；　march　19；　1944

dearest　kitty；

yesterday　was　a　very　important　day　for　me。　after　lunch　everything　was　as　usual。　at　five　i　put　on　the　potatoes；　and　mother　gave　me　some　blood　sausage　to　take　to　peter。

i　didnt　want　to　at　first；　but　i　finally　went。　he　wouldnt　accept　the　sausage；　and　i　had　the　dreadful　feel…　ing　it　was　still　because　of　that　argument　wed　had　about　distrust。

suddenly　i　couldnt　bear　it　a　moment　longer　and　my　eyes　filled　with　tears。　without　another　word；　i　re…　turned　the　platter　to　mother　and　went　to　the　bathroom　to　have　a　good　cry。　afterward　i　decided　to　talk　things　out　with　peter。　before　dinner　the　four　of　us　were　helping　him　with　a　crossword　puzzle；　so　i　couldnt　say　anything。　but　as　we　were　sitting　down　to　eat；　i　whispered　to　him；　〃are　you　going　to　practice　your　shorthand　tonight；　peter？鈥�

〃no；〃　was　his　reply。

〃id　like　to　talk　to　you　later　on。鈥�

he　agreed。

after　the　dishes　were　done；　i　went　to　his　room　and　asked　if　hed　refused　the　sausage　because　of　our　last　quar…　rel。　luckily；　that　wasnt　the　reason；　he　just　thought　it　was　bad　manners　to　seem　so　eager。　it　had　been　very　hot　downstairs　and　my　face　was　as　red　as　a　lobster。　so　after　taking　down　some　water　for　margot；　i　went　back　up　to　get　a　little　fresh　air。　for　the　sake　of　appearances；　i　first　went　and　stood　beside　the　van　daans　window　before　going　to　peters　room。　he　was　standing　on　the　left　side　of　the　open　window；　so　i　went　over　to　the　right　side。　its　much　easier　to　talk　next　to　an　open　window　in　semidarkness　than　in　broad　daylight；　and　i　think　peter　felt　the　same　way。　we　told　each　other　so　much；　so　very　much；　that　i　cant　repeat　it　all。　but　it　felt　good；　it　was　the　most　won…　derful　evening　ive　ever　had　in　the　annex。　ill　give　you　a　brief　description　of　the　various　subjects　we　touched　on。

first　we　talked　about　the　quarrels　and　how　i　see　them　in　a　very　different　light　these　days；　and　then　about　how　weve　bee　alienated　from　our　parents。　i　told　peter　about　mother　and　father　and　margot　and　myself。　at　one　point　he　asked；　〃you　always　give　each　other　a　good…night　kiss；　dont　you？鈥�

〃one？　dozens　of　them。　you　dont；　do　you？鈥�

〃no；　ive　never　really　kissed　anyone。鈥�

〃not　even　on　your　birthday？〃

〃yeah；　on　my　birthday　i　have。鈥�

we　talked　about　how　neither　of　us　really　trusts　our　parents；　and　how　his　parents　love　each　other　a　great　deal　and　wish　hed　confide　in　them；　but　that　he　doesnt　want　to。

how　i　cry　my　heart　out　in　bed　and　he　goes　up　to　the　loft　and　swears。　how　margot　and　i　have　only　recently　gotten　to　know　each　other　and　yet　still　tell　each　other　very　little；　since　were　always　together。　we　talked　about　every　imaginable　thing；　about　trust；　feelings　and　ourselves。　oh；　kitty；　he　was　just　as　i　thought　he　would　be。

then　we　talked　about　the　year　1942；　and　how　different　we　were　back　then；　we　dont　even　recognize　ourselves　from　that　period。　how　we　couldnt　stand　each　other　at　first。

hed　thought　i　was　a　noisy　pest；　and　id　quickly　concluded　that　he　was　nothing　special。

i　didnt　understand　why　he　didnt　flirt　with　me；　but　now　im　glad。　he　also　mentioned　how　he　often　used　to　retreat　to　his　room。　i　said　that　my　noise　and　exuberance　and　his　silence　were　two　sides　of　the　same　coin；　and　that　i　also　liked　peace　and　quiet　but　dont　have　anything　for　myself　alone；　except　my　diary；　and　that　everyone　would　rather　see　the　back　of　me；　starting　with　mr。　dussel；　and　that　i　dont　always　want　to　sit　with　my　parents。　we　discussed　how　glad　he　is　that　my　parents　have　children　and　how　glad　i　am　that　hes　here。

how　i　now　understand　his　need　to　withdraw　and　his　relationship　to　his　parents；　and　how　much　id　like　to　help　him　when　they　argue。

〃but　youre　always　a　help　to　me！〃　he　said。

〃how？〃　i　asked；　greatly　surprised。

〃by　being　cheerful。鈥�

that　was　the　nicest　thing　he　said　all　evening。　he　also　told　me　that　he　didnt　mind　my　ing　to　his　room　the　way　he　used　to；　in　fact；　he　liked　it。　i　also　told　him　that　all　of　fathers　and　mothers　pet　names　were　meaningless；　that　a　kiss　here　and　there　didnt　automatically　lead　to　trust。　we　also　talked　about　doing　things　your　own　way；　the　diary；　loneliness；　the　difference　between　everyones　inner　and　outer　selves；　my　mask；　etc。

it　was　wonderful。　he　must　have　e　to　love　me　as　a　friend；　and；　for　the　time　being；　thats　enough。　im　so　grateful　and　happy；　i　cant　find　the　words。　i　must　apolo…　gize；　kitty；　since　my　style　is　not　up　to　my　usual　standard　today。　ive　just　written　whatever　came　into　my　head！

i　have　the　feeling　that　peter　and　i　share　a　secret。　whenever　he　looks　at　me　with　those　eyes；　with　that　smile　and　that　wink；　its　as　if　a　light　goes　on　inside　me。　i　hope　things　will　stay　like　this　and　that　well　have　many；　many　more　happy　hours　together。

your　grateful　and　happy　anne　monday；　march　20；　1944

dearest　kitty；

this　morning　peter　asked　me　if　id　e　again　one　evening。　he　swore　i　wouldnt　be　disturbing　him；　and　said　that　where　there　was　room　for　one；　there　was　room　for　two。

i　said　i　couldnt　see　him　every　evening；　since　my　parents　didnt　think　it　was　a　good　idea；　but　he　thought　i　shouldnt　let　that　bother　me。　so　i　told　him　id　like　to　e　some　saturday　evening　and　also　asked　him　if　hed　let　me　know　when　you　could　see　the　moon。

〃sure；〃　he　said；　〃maybe　we　can　go　downstairs　and　look　at　the　moon　from　there。〃　i　agreed；　im　not　really　so　scared　of　burglars。

in　the　meantime；　a　shadow　has　fallen　on　my　happiness。　for　a　long　time　ive　had　the　feeling　that　margot　likes　peter。　just　how　much　i　dont　know；　but　the　whole　situation　is　very　unpleasant。　now　every　time　i　go　see　peter　im　hurting　her；　without　meaning　to。

the　funny　thing　is　that　she　hardly　lets　it　show。　i　know　id　be　insanely　jealous；　but　margot　just　says　i　shouldnt　feel　sorry　for　her。

〃i　think　its　so　awful　that　youve　bee　the　odd　one　out；〃　i　added。

〃im　used　to　that；〃　she　replied；　somewhat　bitterly。

i　dont　dare　tell　peter。　maybe　later　on；　but　he　an