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natured　forbearance。　　Of　all　qualities；　good　temper　is　the　one

that　wears　and　works　the　best　in　married　life。　　Conjoined　with

self…control；　it　gives　patiencethe　patience　to　bear　and

forbear；　to　listen　without　retort；　to　refrain　until　the　angry

flash　has　passed。　　How　true　it　is　in　marriage；　that　〃the　soft

answer　turneth　away　wrath！〃



Burns　the　poet；　in　speaking　of　the　qualities　of　a　good　wife；

divided　them　into　ten　parts。　　Four　of　these　he　gave　to　good

temper；　two　to　good　sense；　one　to　wit；　one　to　beautysuch　as　a

sweet　face；　eloquent　eyes；　a　fine　person；　a　graceful　carriage；　and

the　other　two　parts　he　divided　amongst　the　other　qualities

belonging　to　or　attending　on　a　wifesuch　as　fortune；

connections；　education　（that　is；　of　a　higher　standard　than

ordinary）；　family　blood；　&c。；　but　he　said：　〃Divide　those　two

degrees　as　you　please；　only　remember　that　all　these　minor

proportions　must　be　expressed　by　fractions；　for　there　is　not　any

one　of　them　that　is　entitled　to　the　dignity　of　an　integer。〃



It　has　been　said　that　girls　are　very　good　at　making　nets；　but

that　it　would　be　better　still　if　they　would　learn　to　make　cages。

Men　are　often　as　easily　caught　as　birds；　but　as　difficult　to　keep。

If　the　wife　cannot　make　her　home　bright　and　happy；　so　that　it

shall　be　the　cleanest；　sweetest；　cheerfulest　place　that　her

husband　can　find　refuge　ina　retreat　from　the　toils　and

troubles　of　the　outer　worldthen　God　help　the　poor　man；

for　he　is　virtually　homeless！



No　wise　person　will　marry　for　beauty　mainly。　　It　may　exercise　a

powerful　attraction　in　the　first　place；　but　it　is　found　to　be　of

comparatively　little　consequence　afterwards。　　Not　that　beauty　of

person　is　to　be　underestimated；　for；　other　things　being　equal；

handsomeness　of　form　and　beauty　of　features　are　the　outward

manifestations　of　health。　　But　to　marry　a　handsome　figure　without

character；　fine　features　unbeautified　by　sentiment　or　good…nature；

is　the　most　deplorable　of　mistakes。　　As　even　the　finest　landscape；

seen　daily；　becomes　monotonous；　so　does　the　most　beautiful　face；

unless　a　beautiful　nature　shines　through　it。　　The　beauty　of　to…day

becomes　commonplace　to…morrow；　whereas　goodness；　displayed　through

the　most　ordinary　features；　is　perennially　lovely。　　Moreover；　this

kind　of　beauty　improves　with　age；　and　time　ripens　rather　than

destroys　it。　　After　the　first　year；　married　people　rarely　think　of

each　other's　features；　and　whether　they　be　classically　beautiful

or　otherwise。　　But　they　never　fail　to　be　cognisant　of　each　other's

temper。　　〃When　I　see　a　man；〃　says　Addison；　〃with　a　sour　rivelled

face；　I　cannot　forbear　pitying　his　wife；　and　when　I　meet　with　an

open　ingenuous　countenance；　I　think　of　the　happiness　of　his

friends；　his　family；　and　his　relations。〃



We　have　given　the　views　of　the　poet　Burns　as　to　the　qualities

necessary　in　a　good　wife。　　Let　us　add　the　advice　given　by　Lord

Burleigh　to　his　son；　embodying　the　experience　of　a　wise　statesman

and　practised　man　of　the　world。　　〃When　it　shall　please　God；〃　said

he；　〃to　bring　thee　to　man's　estate；　use　great　providence　and

circumspection　in　choosing　thy　wife；　for　from　thence　will　spring

all　thy　future　good　or　evil。　　And　it　is　an　action　of　thy　life；

like　unto　a　stratagem　of　war；　wherein　a　man　can　err　but　once。。。。

Enquire　diligently　of　her　disposition；　and　how　her　parents　have

been　inclined　in　their　youth。　（9）　　Let　her　not　be　poor；　how

generous　（well…born）　soever；　for　a　man　can　buy　nothing　in　the

market　with　gentility。　　Nor　choose　a　base　and　uncomely　creature

altogether　for　wealth；　for　it　will　cause　contempt　in　others；　and

loathing　in　thee。　　Neither　make　choice　of　a　dwarf；　or　a　fool；　for

by　the　one　thou　shalt　beget　a　race　of　pigmies；　while　the　other

will　be　thy　continual　disgrace；　and　it　will　yirke　（irk）　thee　to

hear　her　talk。　　For　thou　shalt　find　it　to　thy　great　grief；　that

there　is　nothing　more　fulsome　（disgusting）　than　a　she…fool。〃



A　man's　moral　character　is；　necessarily；　powerfully　influenced　by

his　wife。　　A　lower　nature　will　drag　him　down；　as　a　higher　will

lift　him　up。　　The　former　will　deaden　his　sympathies；　dissipate　his

energies；　and　distort　his　life；　while　the　latter；　by　satisfying

his　affections；　will　strengthen　his　moral　nature；　and　by　giving

him　repose；　tend　to　energise　his　intellect。　　Not　only　so；　but　a

woman　of　high　principles　will　insensibly　elevate　the　aims　and

purposes　of　her　husband；　as　one　of　low　principles　will

unconsciously　degrade　them。　　De　Tocqueville　was　profoundly

impressed　by　this　truth。　　He　entertained　the　opinion　that　man

could　have　no　such　mainstay　in　life　as　the　companionship　of　a　wife

of　good　temper　and　high　principle。　　He　says　that　in　the　course　of

his　life；　he　had　seen　even　weak　men　display　real　public　virtue；

because　they　had　by　their　side　a　woman　of　noble　character；　who

sustained　them　in　their　career；　and　exercised　a　fortifying

influence　on　their　views　of　public　duty；　whilst；　on　the　contrary；

he　had　still　oftener　seen　men　of　great　and　generous　instincts

transformed　into　vulgar　self…seekers；　by　contact　with　women　of

narrow　natures；　devoted　to　an　imbecile　love　of　pleasure；　and　from

whose　minds　the　grand　motive　of　Duty　was　altogether　absent。



De　Tocqueville　himself　had　the　good　fortune　to　be　blessed　with　an

admirable　wife：　（10）　and　in　his　letters　to　his　intimate　friends；　he

spoke　most　gratefully　of　the　comfort　and　support　he　derived　from

her　sustaining　courage；　her　equanimity　of　temper；　and　her　nobility

of　character。　　The　more；　indeed；　that　De　Tocqueville　saw　of　the

world　and　of　practical　life；　the　more　convinced　he　became　of　the

necessity　of　healthy　domestic　conditions　for　a　man's　growth　in

virtue　and　goodness。　（11）　　Especially　did　he　regard　marriage　as　of

inestimable　importance　in　regard　to　a　man's　true　happiness；　and　he

was　accustomed　to　speak　of　his　own　as　the　wisest　action　of　his

life。　　〃Many　external　circumstances　of　happiness；〃　he　said；　〃have

been　granted　to　me。　　But　more　than　all；　I　have　to　thank　Heaven　for

having　bestowed　on　me　true　domestic　happiness；　the　first　of　human

blessings。　　As　I　grow　older；　the　portion　of　my　life　which　in　my

youth　I　used　to　look　down　upon；　every　day　becomes　more　important

in　my　eyes；　and　would　now　easily　console　me　for　the　loss　of　all

the　rest。〃　　And　again；　writing　to　his　bosom…friend；　De　Kergorlay；

he　said：　〃Of　all　the　blessings　which　God　has　given　to　me；　the

greatest　of　all　in　my　eyes　is　to　have　lighted　on　Marie。　　You

cannot　imagine　what　she　is　in　great　trials。　　Usually　so　gentle；

she　then　becomes　strong　and　energetic。　　She　watches　me　without　my

knowing　it；　she　softens；　calms；　and　strengthens　me　in　difficulties

which　disturb　ME；　but　leave　her　serene。〃　（12）　In　another　letter　he

says：　〃I　cannot　describe　to　you　the　happiness　yielded　in　the　long

run　by　the　habitual　society　of　a　woman　in　whose　soul　all　that　is

good　in　your　own　is　reflected　naturally；　and　even　improved。　　When

I　say　or　do　a　thing　which　seems　to　me　to　be　perfectly　right；　I

read　immediately　in　Marie's　countenance　an　expression　of　proud

satisfaction　which　elevates　me。　　And　so；　when　my　conscience

reproaches　me；　her　face　instantly　clouds　over。　　Although　I　have

great　power　over　her　mind；　I　see　with　pleasure　that　she　awes　me；

and　so　long　as　I　love　her　as　I　do　now；　I　am　sure　that　I　shall

never　allow　myself　to　be　drawn　into　anything　that　is　wrong。〃



In　the　retired　life　which　De　Tocqueville　led　as　a　literary　man

political　life　being　closed　against　him　by　the　inflexible

independence　of　his　characterhis　health　failed；　and　he　became

ill；　irritable；　and　querulous。　　While　proceeding　with　his　last

work；　'L'Ancien　Regime　et　la　Revolution；'　he　wrote：　〃After　sitting

at　my　desk　for　five　or　six　hours；　I　can　write　no　longer；　the

machine　refuses　to　act。　　I　am　in　great　want　of　rest；　and　of　a　long

rest。　If　you　add　all　the　perplexities　that　besiege　an　author

towards　the　end　of　his　work；　you　will　be　able　to　imagine　a　very

wretched　life。　　I　could　not　go　on　with　my　task　if　it　were　not　for

the　refreshing　calm　of　Marie's　companionship。　　It　would　be

impossible　to　find　a　disposition　forming　a　happier　contrast　to　my

own。　　In　my　perpetual　irritability　of　body　and　mind；　she　is　a

providential　resource　that　never　fails　me。〃　（13）



M。　Guizot　was；　in　like　manner；　sustained　and　encouraged；　amidst

his　many　vicissitudes　and　disappointments；　by　his　noble　wife。　　If

he　was　treated　with　harshness　by　his　political　enemies；　his

consolation　was　in　the　tender　affection　which　filled　his　home　with

sunshine。　　Though　his　public　life　was　bracing　and　stimulating；　he

felt；　nevertheless；　that　it　was　cold　and　calculating；　and　neither

filled　the　soul　nor　elevated　the　character。　　〃Man　longs　for　a

happiness；〃　he　says　in　his　'Memoires；'　more　complete　and　more

tender　than　that　which　all　the　labours　and　triumphs　of　active

exertion　and　public　importance　can　bestow。　　What　I　know　to…day；　at

the　end　of　my　race；　I　have　felt　when　it　began；　and　during　its

continuance。　　Eve