the history of john bull-第18节

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e　fatal　noose　performed　its　office；　and　with　most　strict　ligature　squeezed　the　blood　into　his　face　till　it　assumed　a　purple　dye。　While　the　poor　man　heaved　from　the　very　bottom　of　his　belly　for　breath；　Habakkuk　walked　with　great　deliberation　into　both　the　upper　and　lower　room；　to　acquaint　his　friends；　who　received　the　news　with　great　temper；　and　with　jeers　and　scoffs　instead　of　pity。　　〃Jack　has　hanged　himself！〃　quoth　they；　〃let　us　go　and　see　how　the　poor　rogue　swings。〃　　Then　they　called　Sir　Roger。　　〃Sir　Roger；〃　quoth　Habakkuk；　〃Jack　has　hanged　himself；　make　haste　and　cut　him　down。〃　　Sir　Roger　turned　first　one　ear　and　then　the　other；　not　understanding　what　he　said。

HAB。I　tell　you　Jack　has　hanged　himself　up。

SIR　ROGER。Who's　hanged？

HAB。Jack。

SIR　ROGER。I　thought　this　had　not　been　hanging　day。

HAB。But　the　poor　fellow　has　hanged　himself。

SIR　ROGER。Then　let　him　hang。　　I　don't　wonder　at　it；　the　fellow　has　been　mad　these　twenty　years。

With　this　he　slunk　away。

Then　Jack's　friends　began　to　hunch　and　push　one　another：　　〃Why　don't　you　go　and　cut　the　poor　fellow　down？〃　　〃Why　don't　you？〃　　〃And　why　don't　you？〃　　〃Not　I；〃　quoth　one。　　〃Not　I；〃　quoth　another。　　〃Not　I；〃　quoth　a　third；　〃he　may　hang　till　doomsday　before　I　relieve　him！〃　Nay；　it　is　credibly　reported　that　they　were　so　far　from　succouring　their　poor　friend　in　this　his　dismal　circumstance；　that　Ptschirnsooker　and　several　of　his　companions　went　in　and　pulled　him　by　the　legs；　and　thumped　him　on　the　breast。　　Then　they　began　to　rail　at　him　for　the　very　thing　which　they　had　advised　and　justified　before；　viz。；　his　getting　into　the　old　gentlewoman's　family；　and　putting　on　her　livery。　　The　keeper　who　performed　the　last　office　coming　up；　found　Jack　swinging；　with　no　life　in　him。　　He　took　down　the　body　gently　and　laid　it　on　a　bulk；　and　brought　out　the　rope　to　the　company。　〃This；　gentlemen；　is　the　rope　that　hanged　Jack；　what　must　be　done　with　it？〃　　Upon　which　they　ordered　it　to　be　laid　among　the　curiosities　of　Gresham　College；　and　it　is　called　Jack's　rope　to　this　very　day。　　However；　Jack；　after　all；　had　some　small　tokens　of　life　in　him；　but　lies；　at　this　time；　past　hopes　of　a　total　recovery；　with　his　head　hanging　on　one　shoulder；　without　speech　or　motion。　The　coroner's　inquest；　supposing　him　to　be　dead；　brought　him　in　non　compos。



CHAPTER　XIV。　　The　Conference　between　Don　Diego　and　John　Bull。

During　the　time　of　the　foregoing　transactions；　Don　Diego　was　entertaining　John　Bull。

DON　DIEGO。I　hope；　sir；　this　day's　proceeding　will　convince　you　of　the　sincerity　of　your　old　friend　Diego；　and　the　treachery　of　Sir　Roger。

JOHN　BULL。What's　the　matter　now？

DON　DIEGO。You　have　been　endeavouring；　for　several　years；　to　have　justice　done　upon　that　rogue　Jack；　but；　what　through　the　remissness　of　constables；　justices；　and　packed　juries；　he　has　always　found　the　means　to　escape。

JOHN　BULL。What　then？

DON　DIEGO。Consider；　then；　who　is　your　best　friend：　　he　that　would　have　brought　him　to　condign　punishment；　or　he　that　has　saved　him？　By　my　persuasion　Jack　had　hanged　himself；　if　Sir　Roger　had　not　cut　him　down。

JOHN　BULL。Who　told　you　that　Sir　Roger　has　done　so？

DON　DIEGO。You　seem　to　receive　me　coldly：　　methinks　my　services　deserve　a　better　return。

JOHN　BULL。Since　you　value　yourself　upon　hanging　this　poor　scoundrel；　I　tell　you；　when　I　have　any　more　hanging　work；　I'll　send　for　thee：　　I　have　some　better　employment　for　Sir　Roger。　　In　the　meantime；　I　desire　the　poor　fellow　may　be　looked　after。　　When　he　first　came　out　of　the　north　country　into　my　family；　under　the　pretended　name　of　Timothy　Trim；　the　fellow　seemed　to　mind　his　loom　and　his　spinning…wheel；　till　somebody　turned　his　head；　then　he　grew　so　pragmatical；　that　he　took　upon　him　the　government　of　my　whole　family：　　I　could　never　order　anything；　within　or　without　doors；　but　he　must　be　always　giving　his　counsel；　forsooth：　　nevertheless；　tell　him　I　will　forgive　what　is　past；　and　if　he　would　mind　his　business　for　the　future；　and　not　meddle　out　of　his　own　sphere；　he　will　find　that　John　Bull　is　not　of　a　cruel　disposition。

DON　DIEGO。Yet　all　your　skilful　physicians　say　that　nothing　can　recover　your　mother　but　a　piece　of　Jack's　liver　boiled　in　her　soup。

JOHN　BULL。Those　are　quacks。　　My　mother　abhors　such　cannibals'　food。　　She　is　in　perfect　health　at　present。　　I　would　have　given　many　a　good　pound　to　have　had　her　so　well　some　time　ago。*　　There　are　indeed　two　or　three　troublesome　old　nurses　that；　because　they　believe　I　am　tender…hearted；　will　never　let　me　have　a　quiet　night's　rest　with　knocking　me　up：　　〃Oh；　sir；　your　mother　is　taken　extremely　ill；　she　is　fallen　into　a　fainting　fit；　she　has　a　great　emptiness；　wants　sustenance。〃　　This　is　only　to　recommend　themselves　for　their　great　care。　　John　Bull；　as　simple　as　he　is；　understands　a　little　of　a　pulse。

*　New　clamours　about　the　danger　of　the　Church。



CHAPTER　XV。　　The　sequel　of　the　meeting　at　the　〃Salutation。〃*

*　At　the　Congress　of　Utrecht。

Where　I　think　I　left　John　Bull；　sitting　between　Nic。　Frog　and　Lewis　Baboon；　with　his　arms　akimbo；　in　great　concern　to　keep　Lewis　and　Nic。　asunder。　　As　watchful　as　he　was；　Nic。　found　the　means　now　and　then　to　steal　a　whisper；　and　by　a　cleanly　conveyance　under　the　table　to　slip　a　short　note　into　Lewis's　hand；　which　Lewis　as　slyly　put　into　John's　pocket；　with　a　pinch　or　a　jog　to　warn　him　what　he　was　about。　　John　had　the　curiosity　to　retire　into　a　corner　to　peruse　those　billets　doux*　of　Nic。's；　wherein　he　found　that　Nic。　had　used　great　freedoms　both　with　his　interest　and　reputation。　　One　contained　these　words：　　〃Dear　Lewis；　thou　seest　clearly　that　this　blockhead　can　never　bring　his　matters　to　bear。　　Let　thee　and　me　talk　to…night　by　ourselves　at　the　'Rose；'　and　I'll　give　thee　satisfaction。〃　Another　was　thus　expressed：　　〃Friend　Lewis；　has　thy　sense　quite　forsaken　thee　to　make　Bull　such　offers？　　Hold　fast；　part　with　nothing；　and　I　will　give　thee　a　better　bargain；　I'll　warrant　thee！'

*　Some　offers　of　the　Dutch　at　that　time；　in　order　to　get　the　negotiation　into　their　hands。

In　some　of　his　billets　he　told　Lewis　〃That　John　Bull　was　under　his　guardianship；　that　the　best　part　of　his　servants　were　at　his　command；　that　he　could　have　John　gagged　and　bound　whenever　he　pleased　by　the　people　of　his　own　family。〃　　In　all　these　epistles；　blockhead；　dunce；　ass；　coxcomb；　were　the　best　epithets　he　gave　poor　John。　　In　others　he　threatened；*　〃That　he；　Esquire　South；　and　the　rest　of　the　tradesmen；　would　lay　Lewis　down　upon　his　back　and　beat　out　his　teeth　if　he　did　not　retire　immediately　and　break　up　the　Meeting。〃

*　Threatening　that　the　allies　would　carry　on　the　war　without　the　help　of　the　English。

I　fancy　I　need　not　tell　my　reader　that　John　often　changed　colour　as　he　read；　and　that　his　fingers　itched　to　give　Nic。　a　good　slap　on　the　chops；　but　he　wisely　moderated　his　choleric　temper。　　*〃I　saved　this　fellow；〃　quoth　he；　〃from　the　gallows　when　he　ran　away　from　his　last　master；　because　I　thought　he　was　harshly　treated；　but　the　rogue　was　no　sooner　safe　under　my　protection　than　he　began　to　lie；　pilfer；　and　steal　like　the　devil。　　When　I　first　set　him　up　in　a　warm　house　he　had　hardly　put　up　his　sign　when　he　began　to　debauch　my　best　customers　from　me。　　*Then　it　was　his　constant　practice　to　rob　my　fish…ponds；　not　only　to　feed　his　family；　but　to　trade　with　the　fishmongers。　　I　connived　at　the　fellow　till　he　began　to　tell　me　that　they　were　his　as　much　as　mine。　　In　my　manor　of　*Eastcheap；　because　it　lay　at　some　distance　from　my　constant　inspection；　he　broke　down　my　fences；　robbed　my　orchards；　and　beat　my　servants。

*　Complaints　against　the　Dutch　for　encroachment　in　trade；　fishery；　East　Indies；　etc。　　The　war　with　the　Dutch　on　these　accounts。

〃When　I　used　to　reprimand　him　for　his　tricks　he　would　talk　saucily；　lie；　and　brazen　it　out　as　if　he　had　done　nothing　amiss。　'Will　nothing　cure　thee　of　thy　pranks；　Nic。？'　quoth　I；　'I　shall　be　forced　some　time　or　other　to　chastise　thee。'　　The　rogue　got　up　his　cane　and　threatened　me；　and　was　well　thwacked　for　his　pains。　　But　I　think　his　behaviour　at　this　time　worst　of　all；　after　I　have　almost　drowned　myself　to　keep　his　head　above　water；　he　would　leave　me　sticking　in　the　mud；　trusting　to　his　goodness　to　help　me　out。　　After　I　have　beggared　myself　with　his　troublesome　lawsuit；　with　a　plague　to　him！　he　takes　it　in　mighty　dudgeon　because　I　have　brought　him　here　to　end　matters　amicably；　and　because　I　won't　let　him　make　me　over　by　deed　and　indenture　as　his　lawful　cully；　which　to　my　certain　knowledge　he　has　attempted　several　times。　　But；　after　all；　canst　thou　gather　grapes　from　thorns？　　Nic。　does　not　pretend　to　be　a　gentleman；　he　is　a　tradesman；　a　self…seeking　wretch。　　But　how　camest　thou　to　hear　all　this；　John？　　The　reason　is　plain；　thou　conferrest　the　benefits　and　he　receives　them；　the　first　produces　love；　and　the　last　ingratitude。　Ah　Nic。；　Nic。；　thou　art　a　damned　dog；　that's　certain；　thou　knowest　too　well　that　I　will　take　care　of　thee；　else　thou　wouldst　not　use　me　thus。　　I　won't　give　thee　up；　it　is　true；　but　as　true　as　it　is；　thou　shalt　not　sell　me；　according　to　thy　laudable　custom。〃　　While　John　was　deep　in　this　soliloquy　Nic。　broke　out　into　the　following　protestation：

〃Gentlemen；I　believe　everybody　here　present　will　allow　me　to　be　a　very　j