the history of john bull-第10节

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ugh　she　advanced　her　opinions　with　a　becoming　assurance；　yet　she　never　ushered　them　in　as　some　positive　creatures　will　do；　with　dogmatical　assertions。　　〃This　is　infallible；　I　cannot　be　mistaken；　none　but　a　rogue　can　deny　it。〃　　It　has　been　observed　that　such　people　are　oftener　in　the　wrong　than　anybody。

Though　she　had　a　thousand　good　qualities；　she　was　not　without　her　faults；　amongst　which　one　might；　perhaps；　reckon　too　great　lenity　to　her　servants；　to　whom　she　always　gave　good　counsel；　but　often　too　gentle　correction。　　I　thought　I　could　not　say　less　of　John　Bull's　mother；　because　she　bears　a　part　in　the　following　transactions。



CHAPTER　II。　The　Character　of　John　Bull's　Sister　Peg；*　with　the　Quarrels　that　happened　between　Master　and　Miss　in　their　Childhood。

*　The　nation　and　Church　of　Scotland。

John　had　a　sister；　a　poor　girl　that　had　been　starved　at　nurse。　Anybody　would　have　guessed　Miss　to　have　been　bred　up　under　the　influence　of　a　cruel　stepdame；　and　John　to　be　the　fondling　of　a　tender　mother。　　John　looked　ruddy　and　plump；　with　a　pair　of　cheeks　like　a　trumpeter；　Miss　looked　pale　and　wan；　as　if　she　had　the　green　sickness；　and　no　wonder；　for　John　was　the　darling：　　he　had　all　the　good　bits；　was　crammed　with　good　pullet；　chicken；　pig；　goose；　and　capon；　while　Miss　had　only　a　little　oatmeal　and　water；　or　a　dry　crust　without　butter。　　John　had　his　golden　pippins；　peaches；　and　nectarines；　poor　Miss；　a　crab…apple；　sloe；　or　a　blackberry。　　Master　lay　in　the　best　apartment；　with　his　bedchamber　towards　the　south　sun。　　Miss　lodged　in　a　garret　exposed　to　the　north　wind；　which　shrivelled　her　countenance。　　However；　this　usage；　though　it　stunted　the　girl　in　her　growth；　gave　her　a　hardy　constitution；　she　had　life　and　spirit　in　abundance；　and　knew　when　she　was　ill…used。　　Now　and　then　she　would　seize　upon　John's　commons；　snatch　a　leg　of　a　pullet；　or　a　bit　of　good　beef；　for　which　they　were　sure　to　go　to　fisticuffs。　Master　was　indeed　too　strong　for　her；　but　Miss　would　not　yield　in　the　least　point；　but　even　when　Master　had　got　her　down；　she　would　scratch　and　bite　like　a　tiger；　when　he　gave　her　a　cuff　on　the　ear；　she　would　prick　him　with　her　knitting…needle。　　John　brought　a　great　chain　one　day　to　tie　her　to　the　bedpost；　for　which　affront　Miss　aimed　a　penknife　at　his　heart。　　In　short；　these　quarrels　grew　up　to　rooted　aversions；　they　gave　one　another　nicknames；　though　the　girl　was　a　tight　clever　wench　as　any　was；　and　through　her　pale　looks　you　might　discern　spirit　and　vivacity；　which　made　her　not；　indeed；　a　perfect　beauty；　but　something　that　was　agreeable。　　It　was　barbarous　in　parents　not　to　take　notice　of　these　early　quarrels；　and　make　them　live　better　together；　such　domestic　feuds　proving　afterwards　the　occasion　of　misfortunes　to　them　both。　　Peg　had；　indeed；　some　odd　humours*　and　comical　antipathy；　for　which　John　would　jeer　her。　〃What　think　you　of　my　sister　Peg；〃　says　he；　〃that　faints　at　the　sound　of　an　organ；　and　yet　will　dance　and　frisk　at　the　noise　of　a　bagpipe？〃　　〃What's　that　to　you？〃　quoth　Peg。　　〃Everybody's　to　choose　their　own　music。〃　　Then　Peg　had　taken　a　fancy　not　to　say　her　Paternoster；　which　made　people　imagine　strange　things　of　her。　　Of　the　three　brothers　that　have　made　such　a　clutter　in　the　worldLord　Peter；　Martin；　and　JackJack　had　of　late　been　her　inclinations。　Lord　Peter　she　detested；　nor　did　Martin　stand　much　better　in　her　good　graces；　but　Jack　had　found　the　way　to　her　heart。　　I　have　often　admired　what　charms　she　discovered　in　that　awkward　booby；　till　I　talked　with　a　person　that　was　acquainted　with　the　intrigue；　who　gave　me　the　following　account　of　it。

*　Love　of　Presbytery。



CHAPTER　III。　　Jack's　Charms；*　or　the　Method　by　which　he　gained　Peg's　Heart。

*　Character　of　the　Presbyterians。

In　the　first　place；　Jack　was　a　very　young　fellow；　by　much　the　youngest　of　the　three　brothers；　and　people；　indeed；　wondered　how　such　a　young　upstart　jackanapes　should　grow　so　pert　and　saucy；　and　take　so　much　upon　him。

Jack　bragged　of　greater　abilities　than　other　men。　　He　was　well　gifted；　as　he　pretended：　　I　need　not　tell　you　what　secret　influence　that　has　upon　the　ladies。

Jack　had　a　most　scandalous　tongue；　and　persuaded　Peg　that　all　mankind；　besides　himself；　were　plagued　by　that　scarlet…faced　woman；　Signiora　Bubonia。*　　〃As　for　his　brother；　Lord　Peter；　the　tokens　were　evident　on　him　　blotches　and　scabs。　　His　brother　Martin；　though　he　was　not　quite　so　bad；　had　some　nocturnal　pains；　which　his　friends　pretended　were　only　scorbutical；　but　he　was　sure　it　proceeded　from　a　worse　cause。〃　　By　such　malicious　insinuations　he　had　possessed　the　lady　that　he　was　the　only　man　in　the　world　of　a　sound；　pure；　and　untainted　constitution；　though　there　were　some　that　stuck　not　to　say　that　Signiora　Bubonia　and　Jack　railed　at　one　another　only　the　better　to　hide　an　intrigue；　and　that　Jack　had　been　found　with　Signiora　under　his　cloak；　carrying　her　home　on　a　dark　stormy　night。

*　The　Woman　of　Babylon；　or　the　Pope。

Jack　was　a　prodigious　ogler；　he　would　ogle　you　the　outside　of　his　eye　inward；　and　the　white　upward。

Jack　gave　himself　out　for　a　man　of　a　great　estate　in　the　Fortunate　Islands；　of　which　the　sole　property　was　vested　in　his　person。　　By　this　trick　he　cheated　abundance　of　poor　people　of　small　sums；　pretending　to　make　over　plantations　in　the　said　islands；　but　when　the　poor　wretches　came　there　with　Jack's　grant；　they　were　beat；　mocked；　and　turned　out　of　doors。

I　told　you　that　Peg　was　whimsical；　and　loved　anything　that　was　particular。　　In　that　way　Jack　was　her　man；　for　he　neither　thought；　spoke；　dressed；　nor　acted　like　other　mortals。　　He　was　for　your　bold　strokes。　　He　railed　at　fops；　though　he　was　himself　the　most　affected　in　the　world；　instead　of　the　common　fashion；　he　would　visit　his　mistress　in　a　mourning…cloak；　band；　short　cuffs；　and　a　peaked　beard。　He　invented　a　way　of　coming　into　a　room　backwards；　which　he　said　showed　more　humility　and　less　affectation。　　Where　other　people　stood；　he　sat；　where　they　sat；　he　stood；　when　he　went　to　Court；　he　used　to　kick　away　the　state；　and　sit　down　by　his　prince　cheek　by　jowl。　　〃Confound　these　states；〃　says　he；　〃they　are　a　modern　invention。〃　　When　he　spoke　to　his　prince；　he　always　turned　his　back　upon　him。　　If　he　was　advised　to　fast　for　his　health；　he　would　eat　roast　beef；　if　he　was　allowed　a　more　plentiful　diet；　then　he　would　be　sure　that　day　to　live　upon　water…gruel；　he　would　cry　at　a　wedding；　laugh　and　make　jests　at　a　funeral。

He　was　no　less　singular　in　his　opinions。　　You　would　have　burst　your　sides　to　hear　him　talk　of　politics。　　〃All　government；〃　says　he；　〃is　founded　upon　the　right　distribution　of　punishments：　　decent　executions　keep　the　world　in　awe；　for　that　reason；　the　majority　of　mankind　ought　to　be　hanged　every　year。　　For　example；　I　suppose　the　magistrate　ought　to　pass　an　irreversible　sentence　upon　all　blue…eyed　children　from　the　cradle；　but　that　there　may　be　some　show　of　justice　in　this　proceeding；　these　children　ought　to　be　trained　up　by　masters；　appointed　for　that　purpose；　to　all　sorts　of　villany；　that　they　may　deserve　their　fate；　and　the　execution　of　them　may　serve　as　an　object　of　terror　to　the　rest　of　mankind。〃*　　As　to　the　giving　of　pardons；　he　had　this　singular　method：**　　that　when　these　wretches　had　the　rope　about　their　necks；　it　should　be　inquired　who　believed　they　should　be　hanged；　and　who　not？　　The　first　were　to　be　pardoned；　the　last　hanged　outright。　　Such　as　were　once　pardoned　were　never　to　be　hanged　afterwards　for　any　crime　whatsoever。　　He　had　such　skill　in　physiognomy；　that　he　would　pronounce　peremptorily　upon　a　man's　face。　〃That　fellow；〃　says　he；　〃do　what　he　will；　can't　avoid　hanging；　he　has　a　hanging　look。〃　　By　the　same　art　he　would　prognosticate　a　principality　to　a　scoundrel。

*　Absolute　predestination　and　reprobation。　**　Saving　Faith：　　a　belief　that　one　shall　certainly　be　saved。

He　was　no　less　particular　in　the　choice　of　his　studies；　they　were　generally　bent　towards　exploded　chimeras*the　perpetuum　mobile；　the　circular　shot；　philosopher's　stone；　silent　gunpowder；　making　chains　for　fleas；　nets　for　flies；　and　instruments　to　unravel　cobwebs　and　split　hairs。

*　The　learning　of　the　Presbyterians。

Thus；　I　think；　I　have　given　a　distinct　account　of　the　methods　he　practised　upon　Peg。　　Her　brother　would　now　and　then　ask　her；　〃What　dost　thou　see　in　that　pragmatical　coxcomb　to　make　thee　so　in　love　with　him？　　He　is　a　fit　match　for　a　tailor's　or　a　shoemaker's　daughter；　but　not　for　you　that　are　a　gentlewoman？〃　　〃Fancy　is　free；〃　quoth　Peg；　〃I'll　take　my　own　way；　do　you　take　yours。　　I　do　not　care　for　your　flaunting　beaus；　that　gang　with　their　breasts　open；　and　their　sarks　over　their　waistcoats；　that　accost　me　with　set　speeches　out　of　Sidney's　'Arcadia'　or　the　'Academy　of　Compliments。'　　Jack　is　a　sober；　grave　young　man；　though　he　has　none　of　your　studied　harangues；　his　meaning　is　sincere。　　He　has　a　great　regard　to　his　father's　will；　and　he　that　shows　himself　a　good　son　will　make　a　good　husband。　　Besides；　I　know　he　has　the　original　deed　of　conveyance　to　the　Fortunate　Islands；　the　others　are　counterfeits。〃　　There　is　nothing　so　obstinate　as　a　young　lady　in　her　amours；　the　more　you　cross　her；　the　worse　she　is。



CHAPTER　IV。　　How　the　relations　reconciled　John　and　his　sister　Peg；　and　what　return