armadale-第162节

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　I　know　better　now　than　to　dread　violence　from　him　when　he
discovers　what　I　have　done。　And　there　is　still　less　fear　of　his
stooping　to　assert　his　claim　to　a　woman　who　has　practiced　on　him
such　a　deception　as　mine。　The　one　serious　trial　that　I　shall　be
put　to　when　the　day　of　reckoning　comes　will　be　the　trial　of
preserving　my　false　character　in　his　presence。　I　shall　be　safe　in
his　loathing　and　contempt　for　me；　after　that。　On　the　day　when　I
have　denied　him　to　his　face；　I　shall　have　seen　the　last　of　him
forever。

〃Shall　I　be　able　to　deny　him　to　his　face？　Shall　I　be　able　to　look
at　him　and　speak　to　him　as　if　he　had　never　been　more　to　me　than　a
friend？　How　do　I　know　till　the　time　comes？　Was　there　ever　such　an
infatuated　fool　as　I　am；　to　be　writing　of　him　at　all；　when
writing　only　encourages　me　to　think　of　him？　I　will　make　a　new
resolution。　From　this　time　forth；　his　name　shall　appear　no　more
in　these　pages。


〃Monday；　December　1st。The　last　month　of　the　worn…out　old　year
1851！　If　I　allowed　myself　to　look　back；　what　a　miserable　year　I
should　see　added　to　all　the　other　miserable　years　that　are　gone！
But　I　have　made　my　resolution　to　look　forward　only；　and　I　mean　to
keep　it。

〃I　have　nothing　to　record　of　the　last　two　days；　except　that　on
the　twenty…ninth　I　remembered　Bashwood；　and　wrote　to　tell　him　of
my　new　address。　This　morning　the　lawyers　heard　again　from　Mr。
Darch。　He　acknowledges　the　receipt　of　the　Declaration；　but
postpones　stating　the　decision　at　which　he　has　arrived　until　he
has　communicated　with　the　trustees　under　the　late　Mr。　Blanchard's
will；　and　has　received　his　final　instructions　from　his　client；
Miss　Blanchard。　The　doctor's　lawyers　declare　that　this　last
letter　is　a　mere　device　for　gaining　timewith　what　object　they
are；　of　course；　not　in　a　position　to　guess。　The　doctor　himself
says；　facetiously；　it　is　the　usual　lawyer's　object　of　making　a
long　bill。　My　own　idea　is　that　Mr。　Darch　has　his　suspicions　of
something　wrong；　and　that　his　purpose　in　trying　to　gain　time

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　*　*　*　*　*　*　*

〃Ten；　at　night。I　had　written　as　far　as　that　last　unfinished
sentence　（toward　four　in　the　afternoon）　when　I　was　startled　by
hearing　a　cab　drive　up　to　the　door。　I　went　to　the　window；　and　got
there　just　in　time　to　see　old　Bashwood　getting　out　with　an
activity　of　which　I　should　never　have　supposed　him　capable。　So
little　did　I　anticipate　the　tremendous　discovery　that　was　going
to　burst　on　me　in　another　minute；　that　I　turned　to　the　glass；　and
wondered　what　the　susceptible　old　gentleman　would　say　to　me　in　my
widow's　cap。

〃The　instant　he　entered　the　room；　I　saw　that　some　serious
disaster　had　happened。　His　eyes　were　wild；　his　wig　was　awry。　He
approached　me　with　a　strange　mixture　of　eagerness　and　dismay。
'I've　done　as　you　told　me；'　he　whispered；　breathlessly。　'I've
held　my　tongue　about　it；　and　come　straight　to　_you！_'　He　caught
me　by　the　hand　before　I　could　speak；　with　a　boldness　quite　new　in
my　experience　of　him。　'Oh　how　can　I　break　it　to　you！'　he　burst
out。　'I'm　beside　myself　when　I　think　of　it！'

〃　'When　you　_can_　speak；'　I　said；　putting　him　into　a　chair；
'speak　out。　I　see　in　your　face　that　you　bring　me　news　I　don't
look　for　from　Thorpe　Ambrose。'

〃He　put　his　hand　into　the　breast…pocket　of　his　coat；　and　drew　out
a　letter。　He　looked　at　the　letter；　and　looked　at　me。
'Newnewnews　you　don't　look　for；'　he　stammered；　'but　not　from
Thorpe　Ambrose！'

〃　'Not　from　Thorpe　Ambrose！'

〃　'No。　From　the　sea！'

〃The　first　dawning　of　the　truth　broke　on　me　at　those　words。　I
couldn't　speakI　could　only　hold　out　my　hand　to　him　for　the
letter。

〃He　still　shrank　from　giving　it　to　me。　'I　daren't！　I　daren't！'　he
said　to　himself；　vacantly。　'The　shock　of　it　might　be　the　death　of
her。'

〃I　snatched　the　letter　from　him。　One　glance　at　the　writing　on　the
address　was　enough。　My　hands　fell　on　my　lap；　with　the　letter　fast
held　in　them。　I　sat　petrified；　without　moving；　without　speaking；
without　hearing　a　word　of　what　Bashwood　was　saying　to　me；　and
slowly　realized　the　terrible　truth。　The　man　whose　widow　I　had
claimed　to　be　was　a　living　man　to　confront　me！　In　vain　I　had
mixed　the　drink　at　Naplesin　vain　I　had　betrayed　him　into
Manuel's　hands。　Twice　I　had　set　the　deadly　snare　for　him；　and
twice　Armadale　had　escaped　me！　〃I　came　to　my　sense　of　outward
things　again；　and　found　Bashwood　on　his　knees　at　my　feet；　crying。

〃　'You　look　angry；'　he　murmured；　helplessly。　'Are　you　angry　with
_me？_　Oh；　if　you　only　knew　what　hopes　I　had　when　we　last　saw　each
other；　and　how　cruelly　that　letter　has　dashed　them　all　to　the
ground！'

〃I　put　the　miserable　old　creature　back　from　me；　but　very　gently。
'Hush！'　I　said。　'Don't　distress　me　now。　I　want　composure；　I　want
to　read　the　letter。'

〃He　went　away　submissively　to　the　other　end　of　the　room。　As　soon
as　my　eye　was　off　him；　I　heard　him　say　to　himself；　with　impotent
malignity；　'If　the　sea　had　been　of　my　mind；　the　sea　would　have
drowned　him！'

〃One　by　one　I　slowly　opened　the　folds　of　the　letter；　feeling；
while　I　did　so；　the　strangest　incapability　of　fixing　my　attention
on　the　very　lines　that　I　was　burning　to　read。　But　why　dwell　any
longer　on　sensations　which　I　can't　describe？　It　will　be　more　to
the　purpose　if　I　place　the　letter　itself；　for　future　reference；
on　this　page　of　my　journal。

'Fiume；　Illyria；　November　21；　1851。

〃MR。　BASHWOODThe　address　I　date　from　will　surprise　you；　and　you
will　be　more　surprised　still　when　you　hear　how　it　is　that　I　come
to　write　to　you　from　a　port　on　the　Adriatic　Sea。

〃I　have　been　the　victim　of　a　rascally　attempt　at　robbery　and
murder。　The　robbery　has　succeeded；　and　it　is　only　through　the
mercy　of　God　that　the　murder　did　not　succeed　too。

〃I　hired　a　yacht　rather　more　than　a　month　ago　at　Naples；　and
sailed　（I　am　glad　to　think　now）　without　any　friend　with　me；　for
Messina。　From　Messina　I　went　for　a　cruise　in　the　Adriatic。　Two
days　out　we　were　caught　in　a　storm。　Storms　get　up　in　a　hurry；　and
go　down　in　a　hurry；　in　those　parts。　The　vessel　behaved　nobly：　I
declare　I　feel　the　tears　in　my　eyes　now；　when　I　think　of　her　at
the　bottom　of　the　sea！　Toward　sunset　it　began　to　moderate；　and　by
midnight；　except　for　a　long；　smooth　swell；　the　sea　was　as　quiet
as　need　be。　I　went　below；　a　little　tired　（having　helped　in
working　the　yacht　while　the　gale　lasted）；　and　fell　asleep　in　five
minutes。　About　two　hours　after；　I　was　woke　by　something　falling
into　my　cabin　through　a　chink　of　the　ventilator　in　the　upper　part
of　the　door。　I　jumped　up；　and　found　a　bit　of　paper　with　a　key
wrapped　in　it；　and　with　writing　on　the　inner　side；　in　a　hand
which　it　was　not　very　easy　to　read。

〃Up　to　this　time　I　had　not　had　the　ghost　of　a　suspicion　that　I
was　alone　at　sea　with　a　gang　of　murderous　vagabonds　（excepting
one　only）　who　would　stick　at　nothing。　I　had　got　on　very　well　with
my　sailing…master　（the　worst　scoundrel　of　the　lot）；　and　better
still　with　his　English　mate。　The　sailors；　being　all　foreigners；　I
had　very　little　to　say　to。　They　did　their　work；　and　no　quarrels
and　nothing　unpleasant　happened。　If　anybody　had　told　me；　before　I
went　to　bed　on　the　night　after　the　storm；　that　the　sailing…master
and　the　crew　and　the　mate　（who　had　been　no　better　than　the　rest
of　them　at　starting）　were　all　in　a　conspiracy　to　rob　me　of　the
money　I　had　on　board；　and　then　to　drown　me　in　my　own　vessel
afterward；　I　should　have　laughed　in　his　face。　Just　remember　that；
and　then　fancy　for　yourself　（for　I'm　sure　I　can't　tell　you）　what
I　must　have　thought　when　I　opened　the　paper　round　the　key；　and
read　what　I　now　copy　（from　the　mate's　writing）；　as　follows：


〃　'SIRStay　in　your　bed　till　you　hear　a　boat　shove　off　from　the
starboard　side；　or　you　are　a　dead　man。　Your　money　is　stolen；　and
in　five　minutes'　time　the　yacht　will　be　scuttled；　and　the　cabin
hatch　will　be　nailed　down　on　you。　Dead　men　tell　no　tales；　and　the
sailing…master's　notion　is　to　leave　proofs　afloat　that　the　vessel
has　foundered　with　all　on　board。　It　was　his　doing；　to　begin　with；
and　we　were　all　in　it。　I　can't　find　it　in　my　heart　not　to　give
you　a　chance　for　your　life。　It's　a　bad　chance；　but　I　can　do　no
more。　I　should　be　murdered　myself　if　I　didn't　seem　to　go　with　the
rest。　The　key　of　your　cabin　door　is　thrown　back　to　you；　inside
this。　Don't　be　alarmed　when　you　hear　the　hammer　above。　I　shall　do
it；　and　I　shall　have　short　nails　in　my　hand　as　well　as　long；　and
use　the　short　ones　only。　Wait　till　you　hear　the　boat　with　all　of
us　shove　off；　and　then　pry　up　the　cabin　hatch　with　your　back。　The
vessel　will　float　a　quarter　of　an　hour　after　the　holes　are　bored
in　her。　Slip　into　the　sea　on　the　port　side；　and　keep　the　vessel
between　you　and　the　boat。　You　will　find　plenty　of　loose　lumber；
wrenched　away　on　purpose；　drifting　about　to　hold　on　by。　It's　a
fine　night　and　a　smooth　sea；　and　there's　a　chance　that　a　ship　may
pick　you　up　while　there's　life　left　in　you。　I　can　do　no
more。Yours　truly；　J。　M。'


〃As　I　came　to　those　last　words；　I　heard　the　hammering　down　of　the
hatch　over　my　head。　I　don't　suppose　I'm　more　of　a　coward　than
most　people；　but　there　was　a　moment　when　the　sweat　poured　down　me
like　rain。　I　got　to　be　my　own　man　again　before　the　hammering　was
done；　and　found　myse