armadale-第152节

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Another　of　the　things　I　pride　myself　on　is　that　I　never　wander
from　my　subject。　What　Midwinter　said　next　is　what　I　ought　to　be
writing　about　now。＇

〃He　looked　at　me　for　a　moment；　as　if　he　thought　I　had　taken　leave
of　my　senses。　Then　he　came　round　to　my　side　of　the　table　and
stood　over　me　again。

〃　'If　nothing　else　will　satisfy　you　that　you　are　entirely
misinterpreting　my　motives；'　he　said；　'and　that　I　haven't　an　idea
of　blaming　_you_　in　the　matterread　this。'

〃　He　took　a　paper　from　the　breast…pocket　of　his　coat；　and　spread
it　open　under　my　eyes。　It　was　the　Narrative　of　Armadale's　Dream。

〃In　an　instant　the　whole　weight　on　my　mind　was　lifted　off　it。　I
felt　mistress　of　myself　againI　understood　him　at　last。

〃　'Do　you　know　what　this　is？'　he　asked。　'Do　you　remember　what　I
said　to　you　at　Thorpe　Ambrose　about　Allan's　Dream？　I　told　you
then　that　two　out　of　the　three　Visions　had　already　come　true。　I
tell　you　now　that　the　third　Vision　has　been　fulfilled　in　this
house　to…night。'

〃He　turned　over　the　leaves　of　the　manuscript；　and　pointed　to　the
lines　that　he　wished　me　to　read。

〃I　read　these；　or　nearly　read　these　words；　from　the　Narrative　of
the　Dream；　as　Midwinter　had　taken　it　down　from　Armadale's　own
lips：


〃　'The　darkness　opened　for　the　third　time；　and　showed　me　the
Shadow　of　the　Man　and　the　Shadow　of　the　Woman　together。　The
Man…Shade　was　the　nearest；　the　Woman…Shadow　stood　back。　From
where　she　slood；　I　heard　a　sound　like　the　pouring　out　of　a　liquid
softly。　I　saw　her　touch　the　Shadow　of　the　Man　with　one　hand；　and
give　him　a　glass　with　the　other。　He　took　the　glass　and　handed　it
to　me。　At　the　moment　when　I　put　it　to　my　lips；　a　deadly　faintness
overcame　me。　When　I　recovered　my　senses　again；　the　Shadows　had
vanished；　and　the　Vision　was　at　an　end。'

〃For　the　moment；　I　was　as　completely　staggered　by　this
extraordinary　coincidence　as　Midwinter　himself。

〃He　put　one　hand　on　the　open　narrative　and　laid　the　other　heavily
on　my　arm。

〃　'_Now_　do　you　understand　my　motive　in　coming　here？'　he　asked。
'_Now_　do　you　see　that　the　last　hope　I　had　to　cling　to　was　the
hope　that　your　memory　of　the　night's　events　might　prove　my　memory
to　be　wrong？　_Now_　do　you　know　why　I　won't　help　Allan？　Why　I
won't　sail　with　him？　Why　I　am　plotting　and　lying；　and　making　you
plot　and　lie　too；　to　keep　my　best　and　dearest　friend　out　of　the
house？'

〃　'Have　you　forgotten　Mr。　Brock's　letter？'　I　asked。

〃He　struck　his　hand　passionately　on　the　open　manuscript。　'If　Mr。
Brook　had　lived　to　see　what　we　have　seen　to…night　he　would　have
felt　what　I　feel；　he　would　have　said　what　I　say！'　His　voice　sank
mysteriously；　and　his　great　black　eyes　glittered　at　me　as　he　made
that　answer。　'Thrice　the　Shadows　of　the　Vision　warned　Allan　in
his　sleep；'　he　went　on；　'and　thrice　those　Shadows　have　been
embodied　in　the　after…time　by　You　and　by　Me！　You；　and　no　other；
stood　in　the　Woman's　place　at　the　pool。　I；　and　no　other；　stood　in
the　Man's　place　at　the　window。　And　you　and　I　together；　when　the
last　Vision　showed　the　Shadows　together；　stand　in　the　Man's　place
and　the　Woman's　place　still！　For　蔩this；_　the　miserable　day
dawned　when　you　and　I　first　met。　For　_this；_　your　influence　drew
me　to　you；　when　my　better　angel　warned　me　to　fly　the　sight　of
your　face。　There　is　a　curse　on　our　lives！　there　is　a　fatality　in
our　footsteps！　Allan's　future　depends　on　his　separation　from　us
at　once　and　forever。　Drive　him　from　the　place　we　live　in；　and　the
air　we　breathe。　Force　him　among　strangersthe　worst　and
wickedest　of　them　will　be　more　harmless；　to　him　than　we　are！　Let
his　yacht　sail；　though　he　goes　on　his　knees　to　ask　us；　without
You　and　without　Me；　and　let　him　know　how　I　loved　him　in　another
world　than　this；　where　the　wicked　cease　from　troubling；　and　the
weary　are　at　rest！'

〃His　grief　conquered　him；　his　voice　broke　into　a　sob　when　he
spoke　those　last　words。　He　took　the　Narrative　of　the　Dream　from
the　table；　and　left　me　as　abruptly　as　he　had　come　in。

〃As　I　heard　his　door　locked　between　us；　my　mind　went　back　to　what
he　had　said　to　me　about　myself。　In　remembering　'the　miserable
day'　when　we　first　saw　each　other；　and　'the　better　angel'　that
had　warned　him　to　'fly　the　sight　of　my　face；'　I　forgot　all　else。
It　doesn't　matter　what　I　feltI　wouldn't　own　it；　even　if　I　had　a
friend　to　speak　to。　Who　cares　for　the　misery　of　such　a　woman　as　I
am？　who　believes　in　it？　Besides；　he　spoke　under　the　influence　of
a　mad　superstition　that　has　got　possession　of　him　again。　There　is
every　excuse　for　_him_there　is　no　excuse　for　_me。_　If　I　can't
help　being　fond　of　him　through　it　all；　I　must　take　the
consequences　and　suffer。　I　deserve　to　suffer；　I　deserve　neither
love　nor　pity　from　anybody。Good　heavens；　what　a　fool　I　am！　And
how　unnatural　all　this　would　be；　if　it　was　written　in　a　book！

〃It　has　struck　one。　I　can　hear　Midwinter　still；　pacing　to　and　fro
in　his　room。

〃He　is　thinking；　I　suppose？　Well！　I　can　think　too。　What　am　I　to
do　next？　I　shall　wait　and　see。　Events　take　odd　turns　sometimes；
and　events　may　justify　the　fatalism　of　the　amiable　man　in　the
next　room；　who　curses　the　day　when　he　first　saw　my　face。　He　may
live　to　curse　it　for　other　reasons　than　he　has　now。　If　I　am　the
Woman　pointed　at　in　the　Dream；　there　will　be　another　temptation
put　in　my　way　before　long；　and　there　will　be　no　brandy　in
Armadale's　lemonade　if　I　mix　it　for　him　a　second　time。


〃October　24th。Barely　twelve　hours　have　passed　since　I　wrote　my
yesterday's　entry；　and　that　other　temptation　has　come；　tried；
amid　conquered　me　already！

〃This　time　there　was　no　alternative。　Instant　exposure　and　ruin
stared　me　in　the　face：　I　had　no　choice　but　to　yield　in　my　own
defense。　In　plainer　words　still；　it　was　no　accidental　resemblance
that　startled　me　at　the　theater　last　night。　The　chorus…singer　at
the　opera　was　Manuel　himself！

〃Not　ten　minutes　after　Midwinter　had　left　the　sitting…room　for
his　study；　the　woman　of　the　house　came　in　with　a　dirty　little
three…cornered　note　in　her　hand。　One　look　at　the　writing　on　the
address　was　enough。　He　had　recognized　me　in　the　box；　and　the
ballet　between　the　acts　of　the　opera　had　given　him　time　to　trace
me　home。　I　drew　that　plain　conclusion　in　the　moment　that　elapsed
before　I　opened　the　letter。　It　informed　me；　in　two　lines；　that　he
was　waiting　in　a　by…street　leading　to　the　beach；　and　that；　if　I
failed　to　make　my　appearance　in　ten　minutes；　he　should　interpret
my　absence　as　my　invitation　to　him　to　call　at　the　house。

〃What　I　went　through　yesterday　must　have　hardened　me；　I　suppose。
At　any　rate；　after　reading　the　letter；　I　felt　more　like　the　woman
I　once　was　than　I　have　felt　for　months　past。　I　put　on　my　bonnet
and　went　downstairs；　and　left　the　house　as　if　nothing　had
happened。

〃He　was　waiting　for　me　at　the　entrance　to　the　street。

〃In　the　instant　when　we　stood　face　to　face；　all　my　wretched　life
with　him　came　back　to　me。　I　thought　of　my　trust　that　he　had
betrayed；　I　thought　of　the　cruel　mockery　of　a　marriage　that　he
had　practiced　on　me；　when　he　knew　that　he　had　a　wife　living；　I
thought　of　the　time　when　I　had　felt　despair　enough　at　his
desertion　of　me　to　attempt　my　own　life。　When　I　recalled　all　this；
and　when　the　comparison　between　Midwinter　and　the　mean；　miserable
villain　whom　I　had　once　believed　in　forced　itself　into　my　mind；　I
knew　for　the　first　time　what　a　woman　feels　when　every　atom　of
respect　for　herself　has　left　her。　If　he　had　personally　insulted
me　at　that　moment；　I　believe　I　should　have　submitted　to　it。

〃But　he　had　no　idea　of　insulting　me；　in　the　more　brutal　meaning
of　the　word。　He　had　me　at　his　mercy；　and　his　way　of　making　me
feel　it　was　to　behave　with　an　elaborate　mockery　of　penitence　and
respect。　I　let　him　speak　as　he　pleased；　without　interrupting　him；
without　looking　at　him　a　second　time；　without　even　allowing　my
dress　to　touch　him；　as　we　walked　together　toward　the　quieter　part
of　the　beach。　I　had　noticed　the　wretched　state　of　his　clothes；
and　the　greedy　glitter　in　his　eyes；　in　my　first　look　at　him。　And
I　knew　it　would　endas　it　did　endin　a　demand　on　me　for　money。

〃Yes！　After　taking　from　me　the　last　farthing　I　possessed　of　my
own；　and　the　last　farthing　I　could　extort　for　him　from　my　old
mistress；　he　turned　on　me　as　we　stood　by　the　margin　of　the　sea；
and　asked　if　I　could　reconcile　it　to　my　conscience　to　let　him　be
wearing　such　a　coat　as　he　then　had　on　his　back；　and　earning　his
miserable　living　as　a　chorus…singer　at　the　opera！

〃My　disgust；　rather　than　my　indignation；　roused　me　into　speaking
to　him　at　last。

〃　'You　want　money；'　I　said。　'Suppose　I　am　too　poor　to　give　　it　to
you？'

〃　'In　that　case；'　he　replied；　'I　shall　be　forced　to　remember　that
you　are　a　treasure　in　yourself。　And　I　shall　be　under　the　p　ainful
necessity　of　pressing　my　claim　to　you　on　the　attention　of　one　of
those　two　gentlemen　whom　I　saw　with　you　at　the　operathe
gentleman；　of　course；　who　is　now　honored　by　your　preference；　and
who　lives　provisionally　in　the　light　of　your　smiles。'

〃I　made　him　no　answer；　for　I　had　no　answer　to　give。　Disputing　his
right　to　claim　me　from　anybody　would　have　been　a　mere　waste　of
words。　He　knew　as　well　as　I　did　that　he　had　not　the　shadow　of　a
claim　on　me。　But　the　mere　attempt　to　raise　it