armadale-第131节

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words；　〃You　may　count　on　my　staying　here　till　further　notice。〃

He　gave　one　deep　gasp　of　relief；　and　instantly　busied
himselfthough　there　were　nearly　two　hours　to　spare　before　the
train　started　for　Londonin　packing　his　bag。　The　last　thing　he
put　in　was　his　blue　satin　cravat。　〃She　likes　bright　colors；〃　he
said；　〃and　she　may　see　me　in　it　yet！〃

CHAPTER　XIV。

MISS　GWILT'S　DIARY。

〃All　Saints'　Terrace；　New　Road；　London；　July　28th；　Monday
night。I　can　hardly　hold　my　head　up；　I　am　so　tired。　But　in　my
situation；　I　dare　not　trust　anything　to　memory。　Before　I　go　to
bed；　I　must　write　my　customary　record　of　the　events　of　the　day。

〃So　far；　the　turn　of　luck　in　my　favor　（it　was　long　enough　before
it　took　the　turn！）　seems　likely　to　continue。　I　succeeded　in
forcing　Armadalethe　brute　required　nothing　short　of
forcing！to　leave　Thorpe　Ambrose　for　London；　alone　in　the　same
carriage　with　me；　before　all　the　people　in　the　station。　There　was
a　full　attendance　of　dealers　in　small　scandal；　all　staring　hard
at　us；　and　all　evidently　drawing　their　own　conclusions。　Either　I
knew　nothing　of　Thorpe　Ambroseor　the　town　gossip　is　busy　enough
by　this　time　with　Mr。　Armadale　and　Miss　Gwilt。

〃I　had　some　difficulty　with　him　for　the　first　half…hour　after　we
left　the　station。　The　guard　（delightful　man！　I　felt　so　grateful
to　him！）　had　shut　us　up　together；　in　expectation　of　half　a　crown
at　the　end　of　the　journey。　Armadale　was　suspicious　of　me；　and　he
showed　it　plainly。　Little　by　little　I　tamed　my　wild　beastpartly
by　taking　care　to　display　no　curiosity　about　his　journey　to　town；
and　partly　by　interesting　him　on　the　subject　of　his　friend
Midwinter；　dwelling　especially　on　the　opportunity　that　now
offered　itself　for　a　reconciliation　between　them。　I　kept　harping
on　this　string　till　I　set　his　tongue　going；　and　made　him　amuse　me
as　a　gentleman　is　bound　to　do　when　he　has　the　honor　of　escorting
a　lady　on　a　long　railway　journey。

〃What　little　mind　he　has　was　full；　of　course；　of　his　own　affairs
and　Miss　Milroy's。　No　words　can　express　the　clumsiness　he　showed
in　trying　to　talk　about　himself；　without　taking　me　into　his
confidence　or　mentioning　Miss　Milroy's　name。

〃He　was　going　to　London；　he　gravely　informed　me；　on　a　matter　of
indescribable　interest　to　him。　It　was　a　secret　for　the　present；
but　he　hoped　to　tell　it　me　soon；　it　had　made　a　great　difference
already　in　the　way　in　which　he　looked　at　the　sl　anders　spoken　of
him　in　Thorpe　Ambrose；　he　was　too　happy　to　care　what　the
scandal…mongers　said　of　him　now；　and　he　should　soon　stop　their
mouths　by　appearing　in　a　new　character　that　would　surprise　them
all。　So　he　blundered　on；　with　the　firm　persuasion　that　he　was
keeping　me　quite　in　the　dark。　It　was　hard　not　to　laugh；　when　I
thought　of　my　anonymous　letter　on　its　way　to　the　major；　but　I
managed　to　control　myselfthough；　I　must　own；　with　some
difficulty。　As　the　time　wore　on；　I　began　to　feel　a　terrible
excitement；　the　position　was；　I　think；　a　little　too　much　for　me。
There　I　was；　alone　with　him；　talking　in　the　most　innocent；　easy；
familiar　manner；　and　having　it　in　my　mind　all　the　time　to　brush
his　life　out　of　my　way；　when　the　moment　comes；　as　I　might　brush　a
stain　off　my　gown。　It　made　my　blood　leap；　and　my　checks　flush。　I
caught　myself　laughing　once　or　twice　much　louder　than　I　ought；
and　long　before　we　got　to　London　I　thought　it　desirable　to　put　my
face　in　hiding　by　pulling　down　my　veil。

〃There　was　no　difficulty；　on　reaching　the　terminus；　in　getting
him　to　come　in　the　cab　with　me　to　the　hotel　where　Midwinter　is
staying。　He　was　all　eagerness　to　be　reconciled　with　his　dear
friendprincipally；　I　have　no　doubt；　because　he　wants　the　dear
friend　to　lend　a　helping　hand　to　the　elopement。　The　real
difficulty　lay；　of　course；　with　Midwinter。　My　sudden　journey　to
London　had　allowed　me　no　opportunity　of　writing　to　combat　his
superstitious　conviction　that　he　and　his　former　friend　are　better
apart。　I　thought　it　wise　to　leave　Armadale　in　the　cab　at　the
door；　and　to　go　into　the　hotel　by　myself　to　pave　the　way　for　him。

〃Fortunately；　Midwinter　had　not　gone　out。　His　delight　at　seeing
me　some　days　sooner　than　he　had　hoped　had　something　infectious　in
it；　I　suppose。　Pooh！　I　may　own　the　truth　to　my　own　diary！　There
was　a　moment　when　_I_　forgot　everything　in　the　world　but　our　two
selves　as　completely　as　he　did。　I　felt　as　if　I　was　back　in　my
teensuntil　I　remembered　the　lout　in　the　cab　at　the　door。　And
then　I　was　five…and…thirty　again　in　an　instant。

〃His　face　altered　when　he　heard　who　was　below；　and　what　it　was　I
wanted　of　him；　he　looked　not　angry；　but　distressed。　He　yielded；
however；　before　long；　not　to　my　reasons；　for　I　gave　him　none；　but
to　my　entreaties。　His　old　fondness　for　his　friend　might　possibly
have　had　some　share　in　persuading　him　against　his　will；　but　my
own　opinion　is　that　he　acted　entirely　under　the　influence　of　his
fondness　for　Me。

〃I　waited　in　the　sitting…room　while　he　went　down　to　the　door；　so
I　knew　nothing　of　what　passed　between　them　when　they　first　saw
each　other　again。　But　oh；　the　difference　between　the　two　men　when
the　interval　had　passed；　and　they　came　upstairs　together　and
joined　me。

〃They　were　both　agitated；　but　in　such　different　ways！　The　hateful
Armadale；　so　loud　and　red　and　clumsy；　the　dear；　lovable
Midwinter；　so　pale　and　quiet；　with　such　a　gentleness　in　his　voice
when　he　spoke；　and　such　tenderness　in　his　eyes　every　time　they
turned　my　way。　Armadale　overlooked　me　as　completely　as　if　I　had
not　been　in　the　room。　_He_　referred　to　me　over　and　over　again　in
the　conversation；　_he_　constantly　looked　at　me　to　see　what　I
thought；　while　I　sat　in　my　corner　silently　watching　them；　_he_
wanted　to　go　with　me　and　see　me　safe　to　my　lodgings；　and　spare　me
all　trouble　with　the　cabman　and　the　luggage。　When　I　thanked　him
and　declined；　Armadale　looked　unaffectedly　relieved　at　the
prospect　of　seeing　my　back　turned；　and　of　having　his　friend　all
to　himself。　I　left　him；　with　his　awkward　elbows　half　over　the
table；　scrawling　a　letter　（no　doubt　to　Miss　Milroy）；　and　shouting
to　the　waiter　that　he　wanted　a　bed　at　the　hotel。　I　had　calculated
on　his　staying；　as　a　matter　of　course；　where　he　found　his　friend
staying。　It　was　pleasant　to　find　my　anticipations　realized；　and
to　know　that　I　have　as　good　as　got　him　now　under　my　own　eye。

〃After　promising　to　let　Midwinter　know　where　he　could　see　me
to…morrow；　I　went　away　in　the　cab　to　hunt　for　lodgings　by　myself。

〃With　some　difficulty　I　have　succeeded　in　getting　an　endurable
sitting…room　and　bedroom　in　this　house；　where　the　people　are
perfect　strangers　to　me。　Having　paid　a　week's　rent　in　advance
（for　I　naturally　preferred　dispensing　with　a　reference）；　I　find
myself　with　exactly　three　shillings　and　ninepence　left　in　my
purse。　It　is　impossible　to　ask　Midwinter　for　money；　after　he　has
already　paid　Mrs。　Oldershaw's　note　of　hand。　I　must　borrow
something　to…morrow　on　my　watch　and　chain　at　the　pawnbroker's。
Enough　to　keep　me　going　for　a　fortnight　is　all；　and　more　than
all；　that　I　want。　In　that　time；　or　in　less　than　that　time；
Midwinter　will　have　married　me。


〃July　29th。Two　o'clock。Early　in　the　morning　I　sent　a　line　to
Midwinter；　telling　him　that　he　would　find　me　here　at　three　this
afternoon。　That　done；　I　devoted　the　morning　to　two　errands　of　my
own。　One　is　hardly　worth　mentioningit　was　only　to　raise　money
on　my　watch　and　chain。　I　got　more　than　I　expected；　and　more　（even
supposing　I　buy　myself　one　or　two　little　things　in　the　way　of
cheap　summer　dress）　than　I　am　at　all　likely　to　spend　before　the
wedding…day。

〃The　other　errand　was　of　a　far　more　serious　kind。　It　led　me　into
an　attorney's　office。

〃I　was　well　aware　last　night　（though　I　was　too　weary　to　put　it
down　in　my　diary）；　that　I　could　not　possibly　see　Midwinter　this
morningin　the　position　he　now　occupies　toward　mewithout　at
least　_appearing_　to　take　him　into　my　confidence　on　the　subject
of　myself　and　my　circumstances。　Excepting　one　necessary
consideration　which　I　must　be　careful　not　to　overlook。　there　is
not　the　least　difficulty　in　my　drawing　on　my　invention；　and
telling　him　any　story　I　pleasefor　thus　far　I　have　told　no　story
to　anybody。　Midwinter　went　away　to　London　before　it　was　possible
to　approach　the　subject。　As　to　the　Milroys　（having　provided　them
with　the　customary　reference）；　I　could　fortunately　keep　them　at
arms…length　on　all　questions　relating　purely　to　myself。　And
lastly；　when　I　affected　my　reconciliation　with　Armadale　on　the
drive　in　front　of　the　house；　he　was　fool　enough　to　be　too
generous　to　let　me　defend　my　character。　When　I　had　expressed　my
regret　for　having　lost　my　temper　and　threatened　Miss　Milroy；　and
when　I　had　accepted　his　assurance　that　my　pupil　had　never　done　or
meant　to　do　me　any　injury；　he　was　too　magnanimous　to　hear　a　word
on　the　subject　of　my　private　affairs。　Thus　I　am　quite　unfettered
by　any　former　assertions　of　my　own；　and　I　may　tell　any　story　I
pleasewith　the　one　drawback　hinted　at　already　in　the　shape　of　a
restraint。　Whatever　I　may　invent　in　the　way　of　pure　fiction；　I
must　preserve　the　character　in　which　I　have　appeared　at　Thorpe
Ambrose；　for；　with　the　notoriety　that　is　attached　to　_my　other
name；_　I　have　no　other　choice　but　to　marry　Midwinter