armadale-第116节

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that　I　had　had　the　start　of　her　as　the　favored　object　of　Mr。
Armadale's　good　opinionto　assert　herself　by　an　explosion　of
virtuous　indignation。　She　wondered　how　he　could　think　of　such　a
thing　after　his　conduct　with　Miss　Gwilt；　and　after　her　father　had
forbidden　him　the　house！　Did　he　want　to　make　her　feel　how
inexcusably　she　had　forgotten　what　was　due　to　herself？　Was　it
worthy　of　a　gentleman　to　propose　what　he　knew　as　well　as　she　did
was　impossible？　and　so　on；　and　so　on。　Any　man　with　brains　in　his
head　would　have　known　what　all　this　rodomontade　really　meant。
Armadale　took　it　so　seriously　that　he　actually　attempted　to
justify　himself。

〃He　declared；　in　his　headlong；　blundering　way；　that　he　was　quite
in　earnest；　he　and　her　father　might　make　it　up　and　be　friends
again；　and；　if　the　major　persisted　in　treating　him　as　a　stranger；
young　ladies　and　gentlemen　in　their　situation　had　made　runaway
marriages　before　now；　and　fathers　and　mothers　who　wouldn't
forgive　them　before　had　forgiven　them　afterward。　Such
outrageously　straightforward　love…making　as　this　left　Miss
Milroy；　of　course；　but　two　alternativesto　confess　that　she　had
been　saying　No　when　she　meant　Yes；　or　to　take　refuge　in　another
explosion。　She　was　hypocrite　enough　to　prefer　another　explosion。
'How　dare　you；　Mr。　Armadale？　Go　away　directly！　It's
inconsiderate；　it's　heartless；　it's　perfectly　disgraceful　to　say
such　things　to　me！'　and　so　on；　and　so　on。　It　seems　incredible；
but　it　is　not　the　less　true；　that　he　was　positively　fool　enough
to　take　her　at　her　word。　He　begged　her　pardon；　and　went　away　like
a　child　that　is　put　in　the　cornerthe　most　contemptible　object
in　the　form　of　man　that　eyes　ever　looked　on！

〃She　waited；　after　he　had　gone；　to　compose　herself；　and　I　waited
behind　the　trees　to　see　how　she　would　succeed。　Her　eyes　wandered
round　slyly　to　the　path　by　which　he　had　left　her。　She　smiled
（grinned　would　be　the　truer　way　of　putting　it；　with　such　a　mouth
as　hers）；　took　a　few　steps　on　tiptoe　to　look　after　him；　turned
back　again；　and　suddenly　burst　into　a　violent　fit　of　crying。　I　am
not　quite　so　easily　taken　in　as　Armadale；　and　I　saw　what　it　all
meant　plainly　enough。

〃　'To…morrow；'　I　thought　to　myself；　'you　will　be　in　the　park
again；　miss；　by　pure　accident。　The　next　day；　you　will　lead　him　on
into　proposing　to　you　for　the　second　time。　The　day　after；　he　will
venture　back　to　the　subject　of　runaway　marriages；　and　you　will
only　be　becomingly　confused。　And　the　day　after　that；　if　he　has
got　a　plan　to　propose；　and　if　your　clothes　are　ready　to　be　packed
for　school；　you　will　listen　to　him。'　Yes；　yes；　Time　is　always　on
the　man's　side；　where　a　woman　is　concerned；　if　the　man　is　only
patient　enough　to　let　Time　help　him。

〃I　let　her　leave　the　place　and　go　back　to　the　cottage；　quite
unconscious　that　I　had　been　looking　at　her。　I　waited　among　the
trees；　thinking。　The　truth　is；　I　was　impressed　by　what　I　had
heard　and　seen；　in　a　manner　that　it　is　not　very　easy　to　describe。
It　put　the　whole　thing　before　me　in　a　new　light。　It　showed
mewhat　I　had　never　even　suspected　till　this　morningthat　she
is　really　fond　of　him。

〃Heavy　as　my　debt　of　obligation　is　to　her；　there　is　no　fear　_now_
of　my　failing　to　pay　it　to　the　last　farthing。　It　would　have　been
no　small　triumph　for　me　to　stand　between　Miss　Milroy　and　her
ambition　to　be　one　of　the　leading　ladies　of　the　county。　But　it　is
infinitely　more；　where　her　first　love　is　concerned；　to　stand
between　Miss　Milroy　and　her　heart's　desire。　Shall　I　remember　my
own　youth　and　spare　her？　No！　She　has　deprived　me　of　the　one
chance　I　had　of　breaking　the　chain　that　binds　me　to　a　past　life
too　horrible　to　be　thought　of。　I　am　thrown　back　into　a　position；
compared　to　which　the　position　of　an　outcast　who　walks　the
streets　is　endurable　and　enviable。　No；　Miss　Milroyno；　Mr。
Armadale；　I　will　spare　neither　of　you。

〃I　have　been　back　some　hours。　I　have　been　thinking；　and　nothing
has　come　of　it。　Ever　since　I　got　that　strange　letter　of
Midwinter's　last　Sunday；　my　usual　readiness　in　emergencies　has
deserted　me。　When　I　am　not　thinking　of　him　or　of　his　story；　my
mind　feels　quite　stupefied。　I；　who　have　always　known　what　to　do
on　other　occasions；　don't　know　what　to　do　now。　It　would　be　easy
enough；　of　course；　to　warn　Major　Milroy　of　his　daughter's
proceedings。　But　the　major　is　fond　of　his　daughter；　Armadale　is
anxious　to　be　reconciled　with　him；　Armadale　is　rich　and
prosperous；　and　ready　to　submit　to　the　elder　man；　and　sooner　or
later　they　will　be　friends　again；　and　the　marriage　will　follow。
Warning　Major　Milroy　is　only　the　way　to　embarrass　them　for　the
present；　it　is　not　the　way　to　part　them　for　good　and　all。

〃What　_is_　the　way？　I　can't　see　it。　I　could　tear　my　own　hair　off
my　head！　I　could　burn　the　house　down！　If　there　was　a　train　of
gunpowder　under　the　whole　world；　I　could　light　it；　and　blow　the
whole　world　to　destructionI　am　in　such　a　rage；　such　a　frenzy
with　myself　for　not　seeing　it！

〃Poor　dear　Midwinter！　Yes；　'_dear。_'　I　don't　care。　I'm　lonely　and
helpless。　I　want　somebody　who　is　gentle　and　loving　to　make　much
of　me；　I　wish　I　had　his　head　on　my　bosom　again；　I　have　a　good
mind　to　go　to　London　and　marry　him。　Am　I　mad？　Yes；　all　people　who
are　as　miserable　as　I　am　are　mad。　I　must　go　to　the　window　and　get
some　air。　Shall　I　jump　out？　No；　it　disfigures　one　so；　and　the
coroner's　inquest　lets　so　many　people　see　it。

〃The　air　has　revived　me。　I　begin　to　remember　that　I　have　Time　on
my　side；　at　any　rate。　Nobody　knows　but　me　of　their　secret
meetings　in　the　park　the　first　thing　in　the　morning。　If　jealous
old　Bashwood；　who　is　slinking　and　sly　enough　for　anything；　tries
to　look　privately　after　Armadale；　in　his　own　interests；　he　will
try　at　the　usual　time　when　he　goes　to　the　steward's　office。　He
knows　nothing　of　Miss　Milroy's　early　habits；　and　he　won't　be　on
the　spot　till　Armadale　has　got　back　to　the　house。　For　another
week　to　come；　I　may　wait　and　watch　them；　and　choose　my　own　time
and　way　of　interfering　the　moment　I　see　a　chance　of　his　getting
the　better　of　her　hesitation；　and　making　her　say　Yes。

〃So　here　I　wait；　without　knowing　how　things　will　end　with
Midwinter　in　London；　with　my　purse　getting　emptier　and　emptier；
and　no　appearance　so　far　of　any　new　pupils　to　fill　it；　with
Mother　Oldershaw　certain　to　insist　on　having　her　money　back　the
moment　she　knows　I　have　failed；　without　prospects；　friends；　or
hopes　of　any　kinda　lost　woman；　if　ever　there　was　a　lost　woman
yet。　Well！　I　say　it　again　and　again　and　againI　don't　care！　Here
I　stop；　if　I　sell　the　clothes　off　my　back；　if　I　hire　myself　at
the　public…house　to　play　to　the　brutes　in　the　tap…room；　here　I
stop　till　the　time　comes；　and　I　see　the　way　to　parting　Armadale
and　Miss　Milroy　forever！


〃Seven　o'clock。Any　signs　that　the　time　is　coming　yet？　I　hardly
know；　there　are　signs　of　a　change；　at　any　rate；　in　my　position　in
the　neighborhood。

〃Two　of　the　oldest　and　ugliest　of　the　many　old　and　ugly　ladies
who　took　up　my　case　when　I　left　Major　Milroy's　service　have　just
called；　announcing　themselves；　with　the　insufferable　impudence　of
charitable　Englishwomen；　as　a　deputation　from　my　patronesses。　It
seems　that　the　news　of　my　reconciliation　with　Armadale　has　spread
from　the　servants'　offices　at　the　great　house；　and　has　reached
the　town；　with　this　result。

〃It　is　the　unanimous　opinion　of　my　'patronesses'　（and　the　opinion
of　Major　Milroy　also；　who　has　been　consulted）　that　I　have　acted
with　the　most　inexcusable　imprudence　in　going　to　Armadale's
house；　and　in　there　speaking　on　friendly　terms　with　a　man　whose
conduct　toward　myself　has　made　his　name　a　by…word　in　the
neighborhood。　My　total　want　of　self…respect　in　this　matter　has
given　rise　to　a　report　that　I　am　trading　as　cleverly　as　ever　on
my　good　looks；　and　that　I　am　as　likely　as　not　to　end　in　making
Armadale　marry　me；　after　all。　My　'patronesses'　are；　of　course；
too　charitable　to　believe　this。　They　merely　feel　it　necessary　to
remonstrate　with　me　in　a　Christian　spirit；　and　to　warn　me　that
any　second　and　similar　imprudence　on　my　part　would　force　all　my
best　friends　in　the　plate　to　withdraw　the　countenance　and
protection　which　I　now　enjoy。

〃Having　addressed　me；　turn　and　turn　about；　in　these　terms
（evidently　all　rehearsed　beforehand）；　my　two　Gorgon　visitors
straightened　themselves　in　their　chairs；　and　looked　at　me　as　much
as　to　say；　'You　may　often　have　heard　of　Virtue；　Miss　Gwilt；　but
we　don't　believe　you　ever　really　saw　it　in　full　bloom　till　we
came　and　called　on　you。'

〃Seeing　they　were　bent　on　provoking　me；　I　kept　my　temper；　and
answered　them　in　my　smoothest；　sweetest；　and　most　lady…like
manner。　I　have　noticed　that　the　Christianity　of　a　certain　class
of　respectable　people　begins　when　they　open　their　prayer…books　at
eleven　o'clock　on　Sunday　morning；　and　ends　when　they　shut　them　up
again　at　one　o'clock　on　Sunday　afternoon。　Nothing　so　astonishes
and　insults　Christians　of　this　sort　as　reminding　them　of　their
Christianity　on　a　week…day。　On　this　hint；　as　the　man　says　in　the
play；　I　spoke。

〃　'What　have　I　done　that　is　wrong？'　I　asked；　innocently。　'Mr。
Armadale　has　injured　me；　and　I　have　been　to　his　house　and
forgiven　him　the　injury。　Surely　there　must　be　some　mistake；
ladies？　Y