resurrection(复活)-第70节

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〃Shall　I　be　doing　right　in　going　to　Siberia？　And　have　I　done
right　in　divesting　myself　of　my　wealth？〃　And　the　answers　to　the
questions　on　this　Petersburg　night；　on　which　the　daylight
streamed　into　the　window　from　under　the　blind；　were　quite
indefinite。　All　seemed　mixed　in　his　head。　He　recalled　his　former
state　of　mind；　and　the　former　sequence　of　his　thoughts；　but　they
had　no　longer　their　former　power　or　validity。

〃And　supposing　I　have　invented　all　this；　and　am　unable　to　live　it
throughsupposing　I　repent　of　having　acted　right；〃　he　thought；
and　unable　to　answer　he　was　seized　with　such　anguish　and　despair
as　he　had　long　not　felt。　Unable　to　free　himself　from　his
perplexity；　he　fell　into　a　heavy　sleep；　such　as　he　had　slept
after　a　heavy　loss　at　cards。


CHAPTER　XXV。

LYDIA　SHOUSTOVA'S　HOME。

Nekhludoff　awoke　next　morning　feeling　as　if　he　had　been　guilty　of
some　iniquity　the　day　before。　He　began　considering。　He　could　not
remember　having　done　anything　wrong；　he　had　committed　no　evil
act；　but　he　had　had　evil　thoughts。　He　had　thought　that　all　his
present　resolutions　to　marry　Katusha　and　to　give　up　his　land　were
unachievable　dreams；　that　he　should　be　unable　to　bear　it；　that　it
was　artificial；　unnatural；　and　that　he　would　have　to　go　on　living
as　he　lived。

He　had　committed　no　evil　action；　but；　what　was　far　worse　than　an
evil　action；　he　had　entertained　evil　thoughts　whence　all　evil
actions　proceed。　An　evil　action　may　not　be　repeated；　and　can　be
repented　of；　but　evil　thoughts　generate　all　evil　actions。

An　evil　action　only　smooths　the　path　for　other　evil　acts；　evil
thoughts　uncontrollably　drag　one　along　that　path。

When　Nekhludoff　repeated　in　his　mind　the　thoughts　of　the　day
before；　he　was　surprised　that　he　could　for　a　moment　have　believed
these　thoughts。　However　new　and　difficult　that　which　he　had
decided　to　do　might　be；　he　knew　that　it　was　the　only　possible　way
of　life　for　him　now；　and　however　easy　and　natural　it　might　have
been　to　return　to　his　former　state；　he　knew　that　state　to　be
death。

Yesterday's　temptation　seemed　like　the　feeling　when　one　awakes
from　deep　sleep；　and；　without　feeling　sleepy；　wants　to　lie
comfortably　in　bed　a　little　longer；　yet　knows　that　it　is　time　to
rise　and　commence　the　glad　and　important　work　that　awaits　one。

On　that；　his　last　day　in　Petersburg；　he　went　in　the　morning　to
the　Vasilievski　Ostrov　to　see　Shoustova。　Shoustova　lived　on　the
second　floor；　and　having　been　shown　the　back　stairs；　Nekhludoff
entered　straight　into　the　hot　kitchen；　which　smelt　strongly　of
food。　An　elderly　woman；　with　turned…up　sleeves；　with　an　apron　and
spectacles；　stood　by　the　fire　stirring　something　in　a　steaming
pan。

〃Whom　do　you　want？〃　she　asked　severely；　looking　at　him　over　her
spectacles。

Before　Nekhludoff　had　time　to　answer；　an　expression　of　fright　and
joy　appeared　on　her　face。

〃Oh；　Prince！〃　she　exclaimed；　wiping　her　hands　on　her　apron。　〃But
why　have　you　come　the　back　way？　Our　Benefactor！　I　am　her　mother。
They　have　nearly　killed　my　little　girl。　You　have　saved　us；〃　she
said；　catching　hold　of　Nekhludoff's　hand　and　trying　to　kiss　it。

〃I　went　to　see　you　yesterday。　My　sister　asked　me　to。　She　is　here。
This　way；　this　way；　please；〃　said　Shoustova's　mother；　as　she　led
the　way　through　a　narrow　door；　and　a　dark　passage；　arranging　her
hair　and　pulling　at　her　tucked…up　skirt。　〃My　sister's　name　is
Kornilova。　You　must　have　heard　of　her；〃　she　added；　stopping
before　a　closed　door。　〃She　was　mixed　up　in　a　political　affair。
An　extremely　clever　woman！〃

Shoustova's　mother　opened　the　door　and　showed　Nekhludoff　into　a
little　room　where　on　a　sofa　with　a　table　before　it　sat　a　plump；
short　girl　with　fair　hair　that　curled　round　her　pale；　round　face；
which　was　very　like　her　mother's。　She　had　a　striped　cotton　blouse
on。

Opposite　her；　in　an　armchair；　leaning　forward；　so　that　he　was
nearly　bent　double；　sat　a　young　fellow　with　a　slight；　black　beard
and　moustaches。

〃Lydia；　Prince　Nekhludoff！〃　he　said。

The　pale　girl　jumped　up；　nervously　pushing　back　a　lock　of　hair
behind　her　ear；　and　gazing　at　the　newcomer　with　a　frightened　look
in　her　large；　grey　eyes。

〃So　you　are　that　dangerous　woman　whom　Vera　Doukhova　wished　me　to
intercede　for？〃　Nekhludoff　asked；　with　a　smile。

〃Yes；　I　am；〃　said　Lydia　Shoustova；　her　broad；　kind；　child…like
smile　disclosing　a　row　of　beautiful　teeth。　〃It　was　aunt　who　was
so　anxious　to　see　you。　Aunt！〃　she　called　out；　in　a　pleasant；
tender　voice　through　a　door。

〃Your　imprisonment　grieved　Vera　Doukhova　very　much；〃　said
Nekhludoff。

〃Take　a　seat　here；　or　better　here；〃　said　Shoustova；　pointing　to
the　battered　easy…chair　from　which　the　young　man　had　just　risen。

〃My　cousin；　Zakharov；〃　she　said；　noticing　that　Nekhludoff　looked
at　the　young　man。

The　young　man　greeted　the　visitor　with　a　smile　as　kindly　as
Shoustova's；　and　when　Nekhludoff　sat　down　he　brought　himself
another　chair；　and　sat　by　his　side。　A　fair…haired　schoolboy　of
about　10　also　came　into　the　room　and　silently　sat　down　on　the
window…sill。

〃Vera　Doukhova　is　a　great　friend　of　my　aunt's；　but　I　hardly　know
her；〃　said　Shoustova。

Then　a　woman　with　a　very　pleasant　face；　with　a　white　blouse　and
leather　belt；　came　in　from　the　next　room。

〃How　do　you　do？　Thanks　for　coming；〃　she　began　as　soon　as　she　had
taken　the　place　next　Shoustova's　on　the　sofa。

〃Well；　and　how　is　Vera。　You　have　seen　her？　How　does　she　bear　her
fate？〃

〃She　does　not　complain；〃　said　Nekhludoff。　〃She　says　she　feels
perfectly　happy。〃'

〃Ah；　that's　like　Vera。　I　know　her；〃　said　the　aunt；　smiling　and
shaking　her　head。　〃One　must　know　her。　She　has　a　fine　character。
Everything　for　others；　nothing　for　herself。〃

〃No；　she　asked　nothing　for　herself；　but　only　seemed　concerned
about　your　niece。　What　seemed　to　trouble　her　most　was；　as　she
said；　that　your　niece　was　imprisoned　for　nothing。〃

〃Yes；　that's　true；〃　said　the　aunt。　〃It　is　a　dreadful　business。
She　suffered；　in　reality；　because　of　me。〃

〃Not　at　all；　aunt。　I　should　have　taken　the　papers　without　you　all
the　same。'

〃Allow　me　to　know　better；〃　said　the　aunt。　〃You　see；〃　she　went　on
to　Nekhludoff；　〃it　all　happened　because　a　certain　person　asked　me
to　keep　his　papers　for　a　time；　and　I；　having　no　house　at　the
time；　brought　them　to　her。　And　that　very　night　the　police
searched　her　room　and　took　her　and　the　papers；　and　have　kept　her
up　to　now；　demanding　that　she　should　say　from　whom　she　had　them。〃

〃But　I　never　told　them；〃　said　Shoustova　quickly；　pulling
nervously　at　a　lock　that　was　not　even　out　of　place

〃I　never　said　you　did〃　answered　the　aunt。

〃If　they　took　Mitin　up　it　was　certainly　not　through　me；〃　said
Shoustova；　blushing；　and　looking　round　uneasily。

〃Don't　speak　about　it；　Lydia　dear；〃　said　her　mother。

〃Why　not？　I　should　like　to　relate　it；〃　said　Shoustova；　no　longer
smiling　nor　pulling　her　lock；　but　twisting　it　round　her　finger
and　getting　redder。

〃Don't　forget　what　happened　yesterday　when　you　began　talking
about　it。〃

〃Not　at　all…Leave　me　alone；　mamma。　I　did　not　tell；　I　only　kept
quiet。　When　he　examined　me　about　Mitin　and　about　aunt；　I　said
nothing；　and　told　him　I　would　not　answer。〃

〃Then　thisPetrov〃

〃Petrov　is　a　spy；　a　gendarme；　and　a　blackguard；〃　put　in　the　aunt；
to　explain　her　niece's　words　to　Nekhludoff。

〃Then　he　began　persuading；〃　continued　Shoustova；　excitedly　and
hurriedly。　〃'Anything　you　tell　me；'　he　said；　'can　harm　no　one；　on
the　contrary；　if　you　tell　me；　we　may　be　able　to　set　free　innocent
people　whom　we　may　be　uselessly　tormenting。'　Well；　I　still　said　I
would　not　tell。　Then　he　said；　'All　right；　don't　tell；　but　do　not
deny　what　I　am　going　to　say。'　And　he　named　Mitin。〃

〃Don't　talk　about　it；〃　said　the　aunt。

〃Oh；　aunt；　don't　interrupt；〃　and　she　went　on　pulling　the　lock　of
hair　and　looking　round。　〃And　then；　only　fancy；　the　next　day　I
hearthey　let　me　know　by　knocking　at　the　wallthat　Mitin　is
arrested。　Well；　I　think　I　have　betrayed　him；　and　this　tormented
me　soit　tormented　me　so　that　I　nearly　went　mad。〃

〃And　it　turned　out　that　it　was　not　at　all　because　of　you　he　was
taken　up？〃

〃Yes；　but　I　didn't　know。　I　think；　'There；　now；　I　have　betrayed
him。'　I　walk　and　walk　up　and　down　from　wall　to　wall；　and　cannot
help　thinking。　I　think；　'I　have　betrayed　him。'　I　lie　down　and
cover　myself　up；　and　hear　something　whispering；　'Betrayed！
betrayed　Mitin！　Mitin　betrayed！'　I　know　it　is　an　hallucination；
but　cannot　help　listening。　I　wish　to　fall　asleep；　I　cannot。　I
wish　not　to　think；　and　cannot　cease。　That　is　terrible！〃　and　as
Shoustova　spoke　she　got　more　and　more　excited；　and　twisted　and
untwisted　the　lock　of　hair　round　her　finger。

〃Lydia；　dear；　be　calm；〃　the　mother　said；　touching　her　shoulder。

But　Shoustova　could　not　stop　herself。

〃It　is　all　the　more　terrible〃　she　began　again；　but　did　not
finish。　and　jumping　up　with　a　cry　rushed　out　of　the　room

Her　mother　turned　to　follow　her。

〃They　ought　to　be　hanged；　the　rascals！〃　said　the　schoolboy　who
was　sitting　on　the　window…sill。

〃What's　that？〃　said　the　mother。

〃I　only　saidOh；　it's　nothing；〃　the　schoolboy　answered；　and
taking　a　cigarette　that　lay　on　the　table；　he　began　to　smoke。


CHAPTER　XXVI。

LYDIA'S　AUNT。

〃Yes；　that　solitary　co