resurrection(复活)-第36节
按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！
moment； she associated the man now sitting beside her with the
lad she had loved； but feeling that this gave her pain； she
dissociated them again。 Now； this well…dressed； carefully…got…up
gentleman with perfumed beard was no longer the Nekhludoff whom
she had loved but only one of the people who made use of
creatures like herself when they needed them； and whom creatures
like herself had to make use of in their turn as profitably as
they could； and that is why she looked at him with a luring smile
and considered silently how she could best make use of him。
〃That's all at an end；〃 she said。 〃Now I'm condemned to Siberia；〃
and her lip trembled as she was saying this dreadful word。
〃I knew； I was certain you were not guilty；〃 said Nekhludoff。
〃Guilty！ of course not； as if I could be a thief or a robber。〃
She stopped； considering in what way she could best get something
out of him。
〃They say here that all depends on the advocate；〃 she began。 〃A
petition should be handed in； only they say it's expensive。〃
〃Yes； most certainly；〃 said Nekhludoff。 〃I have already spoken to
an advocate。〃
〃No money ought to be spared； it should be a good one；〃 she said。
〃I shall do all that is possible。〃
They were silent； and then she smiled again in the same way。
〃And I should like to ask you 。 。 。 a little money if you can 。 。
。 not much； ten roubles； I do not want more；〃 she said； suddenly。
〃Yes； yes；〃 Nekhludoff said； with a sense of confusion； and felt
for his purse。
She looked rapidly at the inspector； who was walking up and down
the room。 〃Don't give it in front of him； he'd take it away。〃
Nekhludoff took out his purse as soon as the inspector had turned
his back； but had no time to hand her the note before the
inspector faced them again； so he crushed it up in his hand。
〃This woman is dead；〃 Nekhludoff thought； looking at this once
sweet； and now defiled； puffy face； lit up by an evil glitter in
the black； squinting eyes which were now glancing at the hand in
which he held the note； then following the inspector's movements；
and for a moment he hesitated。 The tempter that had been speaking
to him in the night again raised its voice； trying to lead him
out of the realm of his inner into the realm of his outer life；
away from the question of what he should do to the question of
what the consequences would be； and what would he practical。
〃You can do nothing with this woman；〃 said the voice； 〃you will
only tie a stone round your neck； which will help to drown you
and hinder you from being useful to others。
Is it not better to give her all the money that is here； say
good…bye； and finish with her forever？〃 whispered the voice。
But here he felt that now； at this very moment； something most
important was taking place in his soulthat his inner life was；
as it were； wavering in the balance； so that the slightest effort
would make it sink to this side or the other。 And he made this
effort by calling to his assistance that God whom he had felt in
his soul the day before； and that God instantly responded。 He
resolved to tell her everything nowat once。
〃Katusha； I have come to ask you to forgive me； and you have
given me no answer。 Have you forgiven me？ Will you ever forgive
me？〃 he asked。
She did not listen to him； but looked at his hand and at the
inspector； and when the latter turned she hastily stretched out
her hand； grasped the note； and hid it under her belt。
〃That's odd； what you are saying there；〃 she said； with a smile
of contempt； as it seemed to him。
Nekhludoff felt that there was in her soul one who was his enemy
and who was protecting her； such as she was now； and preventing
him from getting at her heart。 But； strange to say； this did not
repel him； but drew him nearer to her by some fresh； peculiar
power。 He knew that he must waken her soul； that this was
terribly difficult； but the very difficulty attracted him。 He now
felt towards her as he had never felt towards her or any one else
before。 There was nothing personal in this feeling： he wanted
nothing from her for himself； but only wished that she might not
remain as she now was； that she might awaken and become again
what she had been。
〃Katusha； why do you speak like that？ I know you； I remember
youand the old days in Papovo。〃
〃What's the use of recalling what's past？〃 she remarked； drily。
〃I am recalling it in order to put it right； to atone for my sin；
Katusha；〃 and he was going to say that he would marry her； but；
meeting her eyes； he read in them something so dreadful； so
coarse； so repellent； that he could not go on。
At this moment the visitors began to go。 The inspector came up to
Nekhludoff and said that the time was up。
〃Good…bye； I have still much to say to you； but you see it is
impossible to do so now；〃 said Nekhludoff； and held out his hand。
〃I shall come again。〃
〃I think you have said all。〃
She took his hand but did not press it。
〃No； I shall try to see you again； somewhere where we can talk；
and then I shall tell you what I have to say…something very
important。〃
〃Well； then； come； why not？〃 she answered； and smiled with that
habitual； inviting； and promising smile which she gave to the men
whom she wished to please。
〃You are more than a sister to me；〃 said Nekhludoff。
〃That's odd；〃 she said again； and went behind the grating。
CHAPTER XLIV。
MASLOVA'S VIEW OF LIFE。
Before the first interview； Nekhludoff thought that when she saw
him and knew of his intention to serve her； Katusha would be
pleased and touched； and would be Katusha again； but； to his
horror； he found that Katusha existed no more； and there was
Maslova in her place。 This astonished and horrified him。
What astonished him most was that Katusha was not ashamed of her
positionnot the position of a prisoner （she was ashamed of
that）； but her position as a prostitute。 She seemed satisfied；
even proud of it。 And； yet； how could it be otherwise？ Everybody；
in order to be able to act； has to consider his occupation
important and good。 Therefore； in whatever position a person is；
he is certain to form such a view of the life of men in general
which will make his occupation seem important and good。
It is usually imagined that a thief； a murderer； a spy； a
prostitute； acknowledging his or her profession as evil； is
ashamed of it。 But the contrary is true。 People whom fate and
their sin…mistakes have placed in a certain position； however
false that position may be； form a view of life in general which
makes their position seem good and admissible。 In order to keep
up their view of life； these people instinctively keep to the
circle of those people who share their views of life and their
own place in it。 This surprises us； where the persons concerned
are thieves； bragging about their dexterity； prostitutes vaunting
their depravity； or murderers boasting of their cruelty。 This
surprises us only because the circle； the atmosphere in which
these people live； is limited； and we are outside it。 But can we
not observe the same phenomenon when the rich boast of their
wealth； i。e。； robbery； the commanders in the army pride themselves
on victories； i。e。； murder； and those in high places vaunt their
power； i。e。； violence？ We do not see the perversion in the views
of life held by these people； only because the circle formed by
them is more extensive； and we ourselves are moving inside of it。
And in this manner Maslova had formed her views of life and of
her own position。 She was a prostitute condemned to Siberia； and
yet she had a conception of life which made it possible for her
to be satisfied with herself； and even to pride herself on her
position before others。
According to this conception； the highest good for all men
without exceptionold； young； schoolboys； generals； educated and
uneducated； was connected with the relation of the sexes；
therefore； all men； even when they pretended to be occupied with
other things； in reality took this view。 She was an attractive
woman； and therefore she was an important and necessary person。
The whole of her former and present life was a confirmation of
the correctness of this conception。
With such a view of life； she was by no means the lowest； but a
very important person。 And Maslova prized this view of life more
than anything； she could not but prize it； for； if she lost the
importance that such a view of life gave her among men； she would
lose the meaning of her life。 And； in order not to lose the
meaning of her life； she instinctively clung to the set that
looked at life in the same way as she did。 Feeling that
Nekhludoff wanted to lead her out into another world； she
resisted him； foreseeing that she would have to lose her place in
life； with the self…possession and self…respect it gave her。 For
this reason she drove from her the recollections of her early
youth and her first relations with Nekhludoff。 These
recollections did not correspond with her present conception of
the world； and were therefore quite rubbed out of her mind； or；
rather； lay somewhere buried and untouched； closed up and
plastered over so that they should not escape； as when bees； in
order to protect the
