resurrection(复活)-第11节

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〃Good…bye；　Katusha；〃　he　said；　looking　across　Sophia　Ivanovna's
cap　as　he　was　getting　into　the　trap。　〃Thank　you　for　everything。〃

〃Good…bye；　Dmitri　Ivanovitch；〃　she　said；　with　her　pleasant；
tender　voice；　keeping　back　the　tears　that　filled　her　eyesand
ran　away　into　the　hall；　where　she　could　cry　in　peace。


CHAPTER　XIII。

LIFE　IN　THE　ARMY。

After　that　Nekhludoff　did　not　see　Katusha　for　more　than　three
years。　When　he　saw　her　again　he　had　just　been　promoted　to　the
rank　of　officer　and　was　going　to　join　his　regiment。　On　the　way　he
came　to　spend　a　few　days　with　his　aunts；　being　now　a　very
different　young　man　from　the　one　who　had　spent　the　summer　with
them　three　years　before。　He　then　had　been　an　honest；　unselfish
lad；　ready　to　sacrifice　himself　for　any　good　cause；　now　he　was
depraved　and　selfish；　and　thought　only　of　his　own　enjoyment。　Then
God's　world　seemed　a　mystery　which　he　tried　enthusiastically　and
joyfully　to　solve；　now　everything　in　life　seemed　clear　and
simple；　defined　by　the　conditions　of　the　life　he　was　leading。
Then　he　had　felt　the　importance　of；　and　had　need　of　intercourse
with；　nature；　and　with　those　who　had　lived　and　thought　and　felt
before　himphilosophers　and　poets。　What　he　now　considered
necessary　and　important　were　human　institutions　and　intercourse
with　his　comrades。　Then　women　seemed　mysterious　and
charmingcharming　by　the　very　mystery　that　enveloped　them；　now
the　purpose　of　women；　all　women　except　those　of　his　own　family
and　the　wives　of　his　friends；　was　a　very　definite　one：　women　were
the　best　means　towards　an　already　experienced　enjoyment。　Then
money　was　not　needed；　and　he　did　not　require　even　one…third　of
what　his　mother　allowed　him；　but　now　this　allowance　of　1；500
roubles　a　month　did　not　suffice；　and　he　had　already　had　some
unpleasant　talks　about　it　with　his　mother。

Then　he　had　looked　on　his　spirit　as　the　I；　now　it　was　his　healthy
strong　animal　I　that　he　looked　upon　as　himself。

And　all　this　terrible　change　had　come　about　because　he　had　ceased
to　believe　himself　and　had　taken　to　believing　others。　This　he　had
done　because　it　was　too　difficult　to　live　believing　one's　self；
believing　one's　self；　one　had　to　decide　every　question　not　in
favour　of　one's　own　animal　life；　which　is　always　seeking　for　easy
gratifications；　but　almost　in　every　case　against　it。　Believing
others　there　was　nothing　to　decide；　everything　had　been　decided
already；　and　decided　always　in　favour　of　the　animal　I　and　against
the　spiritual。　Nor　was　this　all。　Believing　in　his　own　self　he　was
always　exposing　himself　to　the　censure　of　those　around　him；
believing　others　he　had　their　approval。　So；　when　Nekhludoff　had
talked　of　the　serious　matters　of　life；　of　God；　truth；　riches；　and
poverty；　all　round　him　thought　it　out　of　place　and　even　rather
funny；　and　his　mother　and　aunts　called　him；　with　kindly　irony；
notre　cher　philosophe。　But　when　he　read　novels；　told　improper
anecdotes；　went　to　see　funny　vaudevilles　in　the　French　theatre
and　gaily　repeated　the　jokes；　everybody　admired　and　encouraged
him。　When　he　considered　it　right　to　limit　his　needs；　wore　an　old
overcoat；　took　no　wine；　everybody　thought　it　strange　and　looked
upon　it　as　a　kind　of　showing　off；　but　when　he　spent　large　sums　on
hunting；　or　on　furnishing　a　peculiar　and　luxurious　study　for
himself；　everybody　admired　his　taste　and　gave　him　expensive
presents　to　encourage　his　hobby。　While　he　kept　pure　and　meant　to
remain　so　till　he　married　his　friends　prayed　for　his　health；　and
even　his　mother　was　not　grieved　but　rather　pleased　when　she　found
out　that　he　had　become　a　real　man　and　had　gained　over　some　French
woman　from　his　friend。　（As　to　the　episode　with　Katusha；　the
princess　could　not　without　horror　think　that　he　might　possibly
have　married　her。）　In　the　same　way；　when　Nekhludoff　came　of　age；
and　gave　the　small　estate　he　had　inherited　from　his　father　to　the
peasants　because　he　considered　the　holding　of　private　property　in
land　wrong；　this　step　filled　his　mother　and　relations　with　dismay
and　served　as　an　excuse　for　making　fun　of　him　to　all　his
relatives。　He　was　continually　told　that　these　peasants；　after
they　had　received　the　land；　got　no　richer；　but；　on　the　contrary；
poorer；　having　opened　three　public…houses　and　left　off　doing　any
work。　But　when　Nekhludoff　entered　the　Guards　and　spent　and
gambled　away　so　much　with　his　aristocratic　companions　that　Elena
Ivanovna；　his　mother；　had　to　draw　on　her　capital；　she　was　hardly
pained；　considering　it　quite　natural　and　even　good　that　wild　oats
should　be　sown　at　an　early　age　and　in　good　company；　as　her　son
was　doing。　At　first　Nekhludoff　struggled；　but　all　that　he　had
considered　good　while　he　had　faith　in　himself　was　considered　bad
by　others；　and　what　he　had　considered　evil　was　looked　upon　as
good　by　those　among　whom　he　lived；　and　the　struggle　grew　too
hard。　And　at　last　Nekhludoff　gave　in；　i。e。；　left　off　believing
himself　and　began　believing　others。　At　first　this　giving　up　of
faith　in　himself　was　unpleasant；　but　it　did　not　long　continue　to
be　so。　At　that　time　he　acquired　the　habit　of　smoking；　and
drinking　wine；　and　soon　got　over　this　unpleasant　feeling　and　even
felt　great　relief。

Nekhludoff；　with　his　passionate　nature；　gave　himself　thoroughly
to　the　new　way　of　life　so　approved　of　by　all　those　around；　and　he
entirely　stifled　the　inner　voice　which　demanded　something
different。　This　began　after　he　moved　to　St。　Petersburg；　and
reached　its　highest　point　when　he　entered　the　army。

Military　life　in　general　depraves　men。　It　places　them　in
conditions　of　complete　idleness；　i。e。；　absence　of　all　useful
work；　frees　them　of　their　common　human　duties；　which　it　replaces
by　merely　conventional　ones　to　the　honour　of　the　regiment；　the
uniform；　the　flag；　and；　while　giving　them　on　the　one　hand
absolute　power　over　other　men；　also　puts　them　into　conditions　of
servile　obedience　to　those　of　higher　rank　than　themselves。

But　when；　to　the　usual　depraving　influence　of　military　service
with　its　honours；　uniforms；　flags；　its　permitted　violence　and
murder；　there　is　added　the　depraving　influence　of　riches　and
nearness　to　and　intercourse　with　members　of　the　Imperial　family；
as　is　the　case　in　the　chosen　regiment　of　the　Guards　in　which　all
the　officers　are　rich　and　of　good　family；　then　this　depraving
influence　creates　in　the　men　who　succumb　to　it　a　perfect　mania　of
selfishness。　And　this　mania　of　selfishness　attacked　Nekhludoff
from　the　moment　he　entered　the　army　and　began　living　in　the　way
his　companions　lived。　He　had　no　occupation　whatever　except　to
dress　in　a　uniform；　splendidly　made　and　well　brushed　by　other
people；　and；　with　arms　also　made　and　cleaned　and　handed　to　him　by
others；　ride　to　reviews　on　a　fine　horse　which　had　been　bred；
broken　in　and　fed　by　others。　There；　with　other　men　like　himself；
he　had　to　wave　a　sword；　shoot　off　guns；　and　teach　others　to　do
the　same。　He　had　no　other　work；　and　the　highly…placed　persons；
young　and　old；　the　Tsar　and　those　near　him；　not　only　sanctioned
his　occupation　but　praised　and　thanked　him　for　it。

After　this　was　done；　it　was　thought　important　to　eat；　and
particularly　to　drink；　in　officers'　clubs　or　the　salons　of　the
best　restaurants；　squandering　large　sums　of　money；　which　came
from　some　invisible　source；　then　theatres；　ballets；　women；　then
again　riding　on　horseback；　waving　of　swords　and　shooting；　and
again　the　squandering　of　money；　the　wine；　cards；　and　women。　This
kind　of　life　acts　on　military　men　even　more　depravingly　than　on
others；　because　if　any　other　than　a　military　man　lead　such　a　life
he　cannot　help　being　ashamed　of　it　in　the　depth　of　his　heart。　A
military　man　is；　on　the　contrary；　proud　of　a　life　of　this　kind
especially　at　war　time；　and　Nekhludoff　had　entered　the　army　just
after　war　with　the　Turks　had　been　declared。　〃We　are　prepared　to
sacrifice　our　lives　at　the　wars；　and　therefore　a　gay；　reckless
life　is　not　only　pardonable；　but　absolutely　necessary　for　us；　and
so　we　lead　it。〃

Such　were　Nekhludoff's　confused　thoughts　at　this　period　of　his
existence；　and　he　felt　all　the　time　the　delight　of　being　free　of
the　moral　barriers　he　had　formerly　set　himself。　And　the　state　he
lived　in　was　that　of　a　chronic　mania　of　selfishness。　He　was　in
this　state　when；　after　three　years'　absence；　he　came　again　to
visit　his　aunts。


CHAPTER　XIV。

THE　SECOND　MEETING　WITH　MASLOVA。

Nekhludoff　went　to　visit　his　aunts　because　their　estate　lay　near
the　road　he　had　to　travel　in　order　to　join　his　regiment；　which
had　gone　forward；　because　they　had　very　warmly　asked　him　to　come；
and　especially　because　he　wanted　to　see　Katusha。　Perhaps　in　his
heart　he　had　already　formed　those　evil　designs　against　Katusha
which　his　now　uncontrolled　animal　self　suggested　to　him；　but　he
did　not　acknowledge　this　as　his　intention；　but　only　wished　to　go
back　to　the　spot　where　he　had　been　so　happy；　to　see　his　rather
funny；　but　dear；　kind…hearted　old　aunts；　who　always；　without　his
noticing　it；　surrounded　him　with　an　atmosphere　of　love　and
admiration；　and　to　see　sweet　Katusha；　of　whom　he　had　retained　so
pleasant　a　memory。

He　arrived　at　the　end　of　March；　on　Good　Friday；　after　the　thaw
had　set　in。　It　was　pouring　with　rain　so　that　he　had　not　a　dry
thread　on　him　and　w