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t。  There's no gettin' rid of 'er。  I wish she'd giv' somebody else a turn。  I'm fair sick of 'er。'

;'But you were enthusiastic about her a month ago��' I exclaimed in astonishment。

;'Smythe may 'ave been��' he said�察�'there ain't no accounting for that ninny�察�'is 'ead's full of starch。  Anyhow�察�I don't take 'er on while I'm myself。  I'm too jolly fly。'

;'That sort o' gal's all right enough to lark with��' he continued�察�'but yer don't want to marry 'em。  They don't do yer no good。  A man wants a wife as 'e can respectsome one as is a cut above 'imself�察�as will raise 'im up a peg or twosome one as 'e can look up to and worship。  A man's wife orter be to 'im a gawddessa hangel�察�a'

;'You appear to have met the lady��' I remarked�察�interrupting him。

;He blushed scarlet�察�and became suddenly absorbed in the pattern of the carpet。  But the next moment he looked up again�察�and his face seemed literally transformed。

;'Oh�  �Mr。 MacShaughnassy��' he burst out�察�with a ring of genuine manliness in his voice�察�'you don't know 'ow good�察�'ow beautiful she is。  I ain't fit to breathe 'er name in my thoughts。  An' she's so clever。  I met 'er at that Toynbee 'All。  There was a party of toffs there all together。  You would 'ave enjoyed it�察�Mr。 MacShaughnassy�察�if you could 'ave 'eard 'er�察�she was makin' fun of the pictures and the people round about to 'er pasuch wit�察�such learnin'�察�such 'aughtiness。  I follered them out and opened the carriage door for 'er�察�and she just drew 'er skirt aside and looked at me as if I was the dirt in the road。  I wish I was�察�for then perhaps one day I'd kiss 'er feet。'

;His emotion was so genuine that I did not feel inclined to laugh at him。  'Did you find out who she was��' I asked。

;'Yes��' he answered�察�'I 'eard the old gentleman say ;'Ome; to the coachman�察�and I ran after the carriage all the way to 'Arley Street。 Trevior's 'er name�察�Hedith Trevior。'

;'Miss Trevior��' I cried�察�'a tall�察�dark girl�察�with untidy hair and rather weak eyes��'

;'Tall and dark��' he replied 'with 'air that seems tryin' to reach 'er lips to kiss 'em�察�and heyes�察�light blue�察�like a Cambridge necktie。  A 'undred and seventy´three was the number。'

;'That's right��' I said�察�'my dear Smith�察�this is becoming complicated。  You've met the lady and talked to her for half an houras Smythe�察�don't you remember��'

;'No��' he said�察�after cogitating for a minute�察�'carn't say I do�察�I never can remember much about Smythe。  He allers seems to me like a bad dream。'

;'Well�察�you met her��' I said�察�'I'm positive。  I introduced you to her myself�察�and she confided to me afterwards that she thought you a most charming man。'

;'Nodid she��' he remarked�察�evidently softening in his feelings towards Smythe�察�'and did I like 'ER��'

;'Well�察�to tell the truth��' I answered�察�'I don't think you did。  You looked intensely bored。'

;'The Juggins��' I heard him mutter to himself�察�and then he said aloud�此 �'D'yer think I shall get a chance o' seein' 'er agen�察�when I'mwhen I'm Smythe��'

;'Of course��' I said�察�'I'll take you round myself。  By the bye��' I added�察�jumping up and looking on the mantelpiece�察�'I've got a card for a Cinderella at their placesomething to do with a birthday。 Will you be Smythe on November the twentieth��'

;'Yeas��' he replied�察�'oh�察�yasbound to be by then。'

;'Very well�察�then��' I said�察�'I'll call round for you at the Albany�察�and we'll go together。'

;He rose and stood smoothing his hat with his sleeve。  'Fust time I've ever looked for'ard to bein' that hanimated corpse�察�Smythe��' he said slowly。  'Blowed if I don't try to 'urry it up'pon my sivey I will。'

;'He'll be no good to you till the twentieth��' I reminded him。 'And��' I added�察�as I stood up to ring the bell�察�'you're sure it's a genuine case this time。  You won't be going back to 'Liza��'

;'Oh�察�don't talk 'bout 'Liza in the same breath with Hedith��' he replied�察�'it sounds like sacrilege。'

;He stood hesitating with the handle of the door in his hand。  At last�察�opening it and looking very hard at his hat�察�he said�察�'I'm goin' to 'Arley Street now。  I walk up and down outside the 'ouse every evening�察�and sometimes�察�when there ain't no one lookin'�察�I get a chance to kiss the doorstep。'

;He disappeared�察�and I returned to my chair。

;On November twentieth�察�I called for him according to promise。  I found him on the point of starting for the club�此 �he had forgotten all about our appointment。  I reminded him of it�察�and he with difficulty recalled it�察�and consented�察�without any enthusiasm�察�to accompany me。  By a few artful hints to her mother ��including a casual mention of his income���察�I manoeuvred matters so that he had Edith almost entirely to himself for the whole evening。  I was proud of what I had done�察�and as we were walking home together I waited to receive his gratitude。

;As it seemed slow in coming�察�I hinted my expectations。

;'Well��' I said�察�'I think I managed that very cleverly for you。'

;'Managed what very cleverly��' said he。

;'Why�察�getting you and Miss Trevior left together for such a long time in the conservatory��' I answered�察�somewhat hurt�察�'I fixed that for you。'

;'Oh�察�it was YOU�察�was it��' he replied�察�'I've been cursing Providence。'

;I stopped dead in the middle of the pavement�察�and faced him。 'Don't you love her��' I said。

;'Love her��' he repeated�察�in the utmost astonishment�察�'what on earth is there in her to love�拭 �She's nothing but a bad translation of a modern French comedy�察�with the interest omitted。'

;This 'tired' meto use an Americanism。  'You came to me a month ago��' I said�察�'raving over her�察�and talking about being the dirt under her feet and kissing her doorstep。'

;He turned very red。  'I wish�察�my dear Mac��' he said�察�'you would pay me the compliment of not mistaking me for that detestable little cad with whom I have the misfortune to be connected。  You would greatly oblige me if next time he attempts to inflict upon you his vulgar drivel you would kindly kick him downstairs。'

;'No doubt��' he added�察�with a sneer�察�as we walked on�察�'Miss Trevior would be his ideal。  She is exactly the type of woman�察�I should say�察�to charm that type of man。  For myself�察�I do not appreciate the artistic and literary female。'

;'Besides��' he continued�察�in a deeper tone�察�'you know my feelings。 I shall never care for any other woman but Elizabeth。'

;'And she��' I said

;'She��' he sighed�察�'is breaking her heart for Smith。'

;'Why don't you tell her you are Smith��' I asked。

;'I cannot��' he replied�察�'not even to win her。  Besides�察�she would not believe me。'

;We said good´night at the corner of Bond Street�察�and I did not see him again till one afternoon late in the following March�察�when I ran against him in Ludgate Circus。  He was wearing his transition blue suit and bowler hat。  I went up to him and took his arm。

;'Which are you��' I said。

;'Neither�察�for the moment��' he replied�察�'thank God。  Half an hour ago I was Smythe�察�half an hour hence I shall be Smith。  For the present half´hour I am a man。'

;There was a pleasant�察�hearty ring in his voice�察�and a genial�察�kindly light in his eyes�察�and he held himself like a frank gentleman。

;'You are certainly an improvement upon both of them��' I said。

;He laughed a sunny laugh�察�with just the shadow of sadness dashed across it。  'Do you know my idea of Heaven��' he said。

;'No��' I replied�察�somewhat surprised at the question。

;'Ludgate Circus��' was the answer。  'The only really satisfying moments of my life��' he said�察�'have been passed in the neighbourhood of Ludgate Circus。  I leave Piccadilly an unhealthy�察�unwholesome prig。  At Charing Cross I begin to feel my blood stir in my veins。 From Ludgate Circus to Cheapside I am a human thing with human feeling throbbing in my heart�察�and human thought throbbing in my brainwith fancies�察�sympathies�察�and hopes。  At the Bank my mind becomes a blank。  As I walk on�察�my senses grow coarse and blunted�察�and by the time I reach Whitechapel I am a poor little uncivilised cad。  On the return journey it is the same thing reversed。'

;'Why not live in Ludgate Circus��' I said�察�'and be always as you are now��'

;'Because��' he answered�察�'man is a pendulum�察�and must travel his arc。'

;'My dear Mac��' said he�察�laying his hand upon my shoulder�察�'there is only one good thing about me�察�and that is a moral。  Man is as God made him�此 �don't be so sure that you can take him to pieces and improve him。  All my life I have sought to make myself an unnaturally superior person。  Nature has retaliated by making me also an unnaturally inferior person。  Nature abhors lopsidedness。 She turns out man as a whole�察�to be developed as a whole。  I always wonder�察�whenever I come across a supernaturally pious�察�a supernaturally moral�察�a supernaturally cultured person�察�if they also have a reverse self。'

;I was shocked at his suggested argument�察�and walked by his side for a while without speaking。  At last�察�feeling curious on the subject�察�I asked him how his various love affairs were progressing。

;'Oh�察�as usual��' he replied�察�'in and out of a cul de sac。  When I am Smythe I love Eliza�察�and Eliza loathes me。  When I am Smith I love Edith�察�and the mere sight of me makes her shudder。  It is as unfortunate for them as for me。  I am not saying it boastfully。 Heaven knows it is an added d

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