beasts and super-beasts(野兽与超级野兽)-第30节
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have been ridiculous to send flowers to her； and Milly has just started a
florist's shop； so it was equally out of the question there。 The stress
of having to decide in a hurry what to give to Gertrude and Milly just
when I thought I'd got the whole question nicely off my mind
completely ruined my Christmas； and then the awful monotony of the
letters of thanks： 'Thank you so much for your lovely flowers。 It was
so good of you to think of me。' Of course in the majority of cases I
hadn't thought about the recipients at all； their names were down in my
list of 'people who must not be left out。' If I trusted to remembering
them there would be some awful sins of omission。〃
〃The trouble is；〃 said Clovis to his aunt； 〃all these days of intrusive
remembrance harp so persistently on one aspect of human nature and
entirely ignore the other； that is why they become so perfunctory and
artificial。 At Christmas and New Year you are emboldened and
encouraged by convention to send gushing messages of optimistic
goodwill and servile affection to people whom you would scarcely ask
to lunch unless some one else had failed you at the last moment； if you
are supping at a restaurant on New Year's Eve you are permitted and
expected to join hands and sing 'For Auld Lang Syne' with strangers
whom you have never seen before and never want to see again。 But no
licence is allowed in the opposite direction。〃
〃Opposite direction； what opposite direction？〃 queried Mrs。
Thackenbury。
〃There is no outlet for demonstrating your feelings towards people
whom you simply loathe。 That is really the crying need of our modern
civilisation。 Just think how jolly it would be if a recognised day were
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set apart for the paying off of old scores and grudges； a day when one
could lay oneself out to be gracefully vindictive to a carefully treasured
list of 'people who must not be let off。' I remember when I was at a
private school we had one day； the last Monday of the term I think it was；
consecrated to the settlement of feuds and grudges； of course we did not
appreciate it as much as it deserved； because； after all； any day of the
term could be used for that purpose。 Still； if one had chastised a
smaller boy for being cheeky weeks before； one was always permitted
on that day to recall the episode to his memory by chastising him again。
That is what the French call reconstructing the crime。〃
〃I should call it reconstructing the punishment；〃 said Mrs。
Thackenbury； 〃and； anyhow； I don't see how you could introduce a
system of primitive schoolboy vengeance into civilised adult life。 We
haven't outgrown our passions； but we are supposed to have learned how
to keep them within strictly decorous limits。〃
〃Of course the thing would have to be done furtively and politely；〃
said Clovis； 〃the charm of it would be that it would never be perfunctory
like the other thing。 Now； for instance； you say to yourself： 'I must
show the Webleys some attention at Christmas； they were kind to dear
Bertie at Bournemouth；' and you send them a calendar； and daily for six
days after Christmas the male Webley asks the female Webley if she has
remembered to thank you for the calendar you sent them。 Well；
transplant that idea to the other and more human side of your nature； and
say to yourself： 'Next Thursday is Nemesis Day； what on earth can I do
to those odious people next door who made such an absurd fuss when
Ping Yang bit their youngest child？' Then you'd get up awfully early
on the allotted day and climb over into their garden and dig for truffles
on their tennis court with a good gardening fork； choosing； of course；
that part of the court that was screened from observation by the laurel
bushes。 You wouldn't find any truffles but you would find a great
peace； such as no amount of present…giving could ever bestow。〃
〃I shouldn't；〃 said Mrs。 Thackenbury； though her air of protest
sounded a bit forced； 〃I should feel rather a worm for doing such a
thing。〃
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〃You exaggerate the power of upheaval which a worm would be able
to bring into play in the limited time available；〃 said Clovis； 〃if you put
in a strenuous ten minutes with a really useful fork； the result ought to
suggest the operations of an unusually masterful mole or a badger in a
hurry。〃
〃They might guess I had done it；〃 said Mrs。 Thackenbury。
〃Of course they would；〃 said Clovis； 〃that would be half the
satisfaction of the thing； just as you like people at Christmas to know
what presents or cards you've sent them。 The thing would be much
easier to manage； of course； when you were on outwardly friendly terms
with the object of your dislike。 That greedy little Agnes Blaik； for
instance； who thinks of nothing but her food； it would be quite simple to
ask her to a picnic in some wild woodland spot and lose her just before
lunch was served； when you found her again every morsel of food
could have been eaten up。〃
〃It would require no ordinary human strategy to lose Agnes Blaik
when luncheon was imminent： in fact； I don't believe it could be done。〃
〃Then have all the other guests； people whom you dislike； and lose
the luncheon。 It could have been sent by accident in the wrong
direction。〃
〃It would be a ghastly picnic；〃 said Mrs。 Thackenbury。
〃For them； but not for you；〃 said Clovis； 〃you would have had an
early and comforting lunch before you started； and you could improve
the occasion by mentioning in detail the items of the missing banquet …
the lobster Newburg and the egg mayonnaise； and the curry that was to
have been heated in a chafing…dish。 Agnes Blaik would be delirious
long before you got to the list of wines； and in the long interval of
waiting； before they had quite abandoned hope of the lunch turning up；
you could induce them to play silly games； such as that idiotic one of
'the Lord Mayor's dinner…party；' in which every one has to choose the
name of a dish and do something futile when it is called out。 In this
case they would probably burst into tears when their dish is mentioned。
It would be a heavenly picnic。〃
Mrs。 Thackenbury was silent for a moment； she was probably
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making a mental list of the people she would like to invite to the Duke
Humphrey picnic。 Presently she asked： 〃And that odious young man；
Waldo Plubley； who is always coddling himself … have you thought of
anything that one could do to him？〃 Evidently she was beginning to
see the possibilities of Nemesis Day。
〃If there was anything like a general observance of the festival；〃 said
Clovis； 〃Waldo would be in such demand that you would have to
bespeak him weeks beforehand； and even then； if there were an east
wind blowing or a cloud or two in the sky he might be t
