the forged coupon()-第23节
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He was asleep。 I looked at him； his head buried in the pillow and half
covered with the quilt； and I affectionately pitied him； pitied him for his
ignorance of the bliss I was experiencing。 Our serf Petrusha had met me
with a candle； ready to undress me； but I sent him away。 His sleepy face
and tousled hair seemed to me so touching。 Trying not to make a noise； I
went to my room on tiptoe and sat down on my bed。 No； I was too happy；
I could not sleep。 Besides； it was too hot in the rooms。 Without taking
off my uniform； I went quietly into the hall； put on my overcoat； opened
the front door and stepped out into the street。
〃It was after four when I had left the ball； going home and stopping
there a while had occupied two hours； so by the time I went out it was
dawn。 It was regular carnival weatherfoggy； and the road full of water…
soaked snow just melting； and water dripping from the eaves。 Varinka's
family lived on the edge of town near a large field； one end of which was a
parade ground： at the other end was a boarding…school for young ladies。
I passed through our empty little street and came to the main thoroughfare；
where I met pedestrians and sledges laden with wood； the runners grating
the road。 The horses swung with regular paces beneath their shining yokes；
their backs covered with straw mats and their heads wet with rain； while
the drivers； in enormous boots； splashed through the mud beside the
sledges。 All this； the very horses themselves； seemed to me stimulating
and fascinating； full of suggestion。
〃When I approached the field near their house； I saw at one end of it；
in the direction of the parade ground； something very huge and black； and
I heard sounds of fife and drum proceeding from it。 My heart had been full
of song； and I had heard in imagination the tune of the mazurka； but this
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was very harsh music。 It was not pleasant。
〃'What can that be？' I thought； and went towards the sound by a
slippery path through the centre of the field。 Walking about a hundred
paces； I began to distinguish many black objects through the mist。 They
were evidently soldiers。 'It is probably a drill；' I thought。
〃So I went along in that direction in company with a blacksmith； who
wore a dirty coat and an apron； and was carrying something。 He walked
ahead of me as we approached the place。 The soldiers in black uniforms
stood in two rows； facing each other motionless； their guns at rest。
Behind them stood the fifes and drums； incessantly repeating the same
unpleasant tune。
〃'What are they doing？' I asked the blacksmith； who halted at my
side。
〃'A Tartar is being beaten through the ranks for his attempt to desert；'
said the blacksmith in an angry tone； as he looked intently at the far end of
the line。
〃I looked in the same direction； and saw between the files something
horrid approaching me。 The thing that approached was a man； stripped
to the waist； fastened with cords to the guns of two soldiers who were
leading him。 At his side an officer in overcoat and cap was walking； whose
figure had a familiar look。 The victim advanced under the blows that
rained upon him from both sides； his whole body plunging； his feet
dragging through the snow。 Now he threw himself backward； and the
subalterns who led him thrust him forward。 Now he fell forward； and
they pulled him up short； while ever at his side marched the tall officer；
with firm and nervous pace。 It was Varinka's father； with his rosy face and
white moustache。
〃At each stroke the man； as if amazed； turned his face； grimacing with
pain； towards the side whence the blow came； and showing his white teeth
repeated the same words over and over。 But I could only hear what the
words were when he came quite near。 He did not speak them； he sobbed
them out；〃'Brothers； have mercy on me！ Brothers； have mercy on me！'
But the brothers had； no mercy； and when the procession came close to me；
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I saw how a soldier who stood opposite me took a firm step forward and
lifting his stick with a whirr； brought it down upon the man's back。 The
man plunged forward； but the subalterns pulled him back； and another
blow came down from the other side； then from this side and then from the
other。 The colonel marched beside him； and looking now at his feet and
now at the man； inhaled the air； puffed out his cheeks； and breathed it out
between his protruded lips。 When they passed the place where I stood； I
caught a glimpse between the two files of the back of the man that was
being punished。 It was something so many…coloured； wet； red； unnatural；
that I could hardly believe it was a human body。
〃'My God！〃' muttered the blacksmith。
The procession moved farther away。 The blows continued to rain
upon the writhing； falling creature； the fifes shrilled and the drums beat；
and the tall imposing figure of the colonel moved along…side the man； just
as before。 Then； suddenly； the colonel stopped； and rapidly approached a
man in the ranks。
〃'I'll teach you to hit him gently；' I heard his furious voice say。 'Will
you pat him like that？ Will you？' and I saw how his strong hand in the
suede glove struck the weak； bloodless； terrified soldier for not bringing
down his stick with sufficient strength on the red neck of the Tartar。
〃'Bring new sticks！' he cried； and looking round； he saw me。 Assuming
an air of not knowing me； and with a ferocious； angry frown； he hastily
turned away。 I felt so utterly ashamed that I didn't know where to look。
It was as if I had been detected in a disgraceful act。 I dropped my eyes；
and quickly hurried home。 All the way I had the drums beating and the
fifes whistling in my ears。 And I heard the words； 'Brothers； have mercy
on me！' or 'Will you pat him？ Will you？' My heart was full of physical
disgust that was almost sickness。 So much so that I halted several times on
my way； for I had the feeling that I was going to be really sick from all the
horrors that possessed me at that sight。 I do not remember how I got
home and got to bed。 But the moment I was about to fall asleep I heard
and saw again all that had happened； and I sprang up。
〃'Evidently he knows something I do not know；' I thought about the
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colonel。 'If I knew what he knows I should certainly graspunderstand
what I have just seen； and it would not cause me such suffering。'
〃But however much I thought about it； I could not understand the thing
that the colonel knew。 It was evening before I could get to sleep； and
then only after calling on a friend and drinking till I； was quite drunk。
〃Do you think I had come to the conclusion that the deed I had
witnessed was wicked？ Oh； no。 Since it was done with such assurance；
and was recognised by every one as indispensable； they doubtless knew
something which I did not know。 So I thought； and tried to understand。
But no matter； I could never understand it； then or afterwards。 And not
being able to grasp it； I could not enter the service as I had intended。 I
don't mean only the military service： I did not enter the Civil Service
either。 And so I have been of no use whatever； as you can see。〃
〃Yes； we know how useless you've been；〃 said one of us。 〃Tell us；
rather； how many people would be of any use at all if it hadn't been for
you。〃
〃Oh； that's utter nonsense；〃 said Ivan Vasilievich； with genuine
annoyance。
〃Well； and what about the love affair？
〃My love？ It decreased from that day。 When； as often happened；
she looked dreamy and meditative； I instantly recollected the colonel on
the parade ground； and I felt so awkward and uncomfortabl
