poor miss finch-第65节

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〃When　you　_do_　know；　Mr。　Nugent　Dubourg；　and　when　you　have　brought　your
brother　back　to　this　house；　I　will　take　your　handnot　before。〃

He　bowed　resignedly；　with　a　little　satirical　shrug　of　the　shoulders；　and
asked　if　he　might　offer　me　a　chair。

I　took　a　chair　for　myself；　and　placed　it　so　that　I　might　be　opposite　to
him　when　he　resumed　his　seat。　He　checked　himself　in　the　act　of　sitting
down；　and　looked　towards　the　open　window。

〃Shall　I　throw　away　my　cigar？〃　he　said。

〃Not　on　my　account。　I　have　no　objection　to　smoking。〃

〃Thank　you。〃　He　took　his　chairkeeping　his　face　in　the　partial　obscurity
cast　by　the　shade　of　the　lamp。　After　smoking　for　a　moment；　he　spoke
again；　without　turning　to　look　at　me。　〃May　I　ask　what　your　object　is　in
honoring　me　with　this　visit？〃

〃I　have　two　objects。　The　first　is　to　see　that　you　leave　Dimchurch
to…morrow　morning。　The　second　is　to　make　you　restore　your　brother　to　his
promised　wife。〃

He　looked　round　at　me　quickly。　His　experience　of　my　irritable　temper　had
not　prepared　him　for　the　perfect　composure　of　voice　and　manner　with　which
I　answered　his　question。　He　looked　back　again　from　me　to　his　cigar；　and
knocked　off　the　ash　at　the　tip　of　it　（considering　with　himself）　before　he
addressed　his　next　words　to　me。

〃We　will　come　to　the　question　of　my　leaving　Dimchurch　presently；〃　he
said。　〃Have　you　received　a　letter　from　Oscar？〃

〃Yes。〃

〃Have　you　read　it？〃

〃I　have　read　it。〃

〃Then　you　know　that　we　understand　each　other？〃

〃I　know　that　your　brother　has　sacrificed　himselfand　that　you　have　taken
a　base　advantage　of　the　sacrifice。〃

He　started；　and　looked　round　at　me　once　more。　I　saw　that　something　in　my
language；　or　in　my　tone　of　speaking；　had　stung　him。

〃You　have　your　privilege　as　a　lady；〃　he　said。　〃Don't　push　it　too　far。
What　Oscar　has　done；　he　has　done　of　his　own　free　will。〃

〃What　Oscar　has　done；〃　I　rejoined；　〃is　lamentably　foolish；　cruelly　wrong。
Still；　perverted　as　it　is；　there　is　something　generous；　something　noble；
in　the　motive　which　has　led　_him。_　As　for　your　conduct　in　this　matter；　I
see　nothing　but　what　is　mean；　nothing　but　what　is　cowardly；　in　the　motive
which　has　led　_you。_〃

He　started　to　his　feet；　and　flung　his　cigar　into　the　empty　fireplace。

〃Madame　Pratolungo；〃　he　said；　〃I　have　not　the　honor　of　knowing　anything
of　your　family。　I　can't　call　a　woman　to　account　for　insulting　me。　Do　you
happen　to　have　any　_man_　related　to　you；　in　or　out　of　England？〃

〃I　happen　to　have　what　will　do　equally　well　on　this　occasion；〃　I　replied。
〃I　have　a　hearty　contempt　for　threats　of　all　sorts；　and　a　steady
resolution　in　me　to　say　what　I　think。〃

He　walked　to　the　door；　and　opened　it。

〃I　decline　to　give　you　the　opportunity　of　saying　anything　more；〃　he
rejoined。　〃I　beg　to　leave　you　in　possession　of　the　room；　and　to　wish　you
good　evening。〃

He　opened　the　door。　I　had　entered　the　house；　armed　in　my　own　mind　with　a
last　desperate　resolve；　only　to　be　communicated　to　him；　or　to　anybody；　in
the　final　emergency　and　at　the　eleventh　hour。　The　time　had　come　for
saying　what　I　had　hoped　with　my　whole　heart　to　have　left　unsaid。

I　rose　on　my　side；　and　stopped　him　as　he　was　leaving　the　room。

〃Return　to　your　chair　and　your　book；〃　I　said。　〃Our　interview　is　at　an
end。　In　leaving　the　house；　I　have　one　last　word　to　say。　You　are　wasting
your　time　in　remaining　at　Dimchurch。〃

〃I　am　the　best　judge　of　that；〃　he　answered；　making　way　for　me　to　go　out。

〃Pardon　me；　you　are　not　in　a　position　to　judge　at　all。　You　don't　know
what　I　mean　to　do　as　soon　as　I　get　back　to　the　rectory。〃

He　instantly　changed　his　position；　placing　himself　in　the　doorway　so　as
to　prevent　me　from　leaving　the　room。

〃What　do　you　mean　to　do？〃　he　asked；　keeping　his　eyes　attentively　fixed　on
mine。

〃I　mean　to　force　you　to　leave　Dimchurch。〃

He　laughed　insolently。　I　went　on　as　quietly　as　before。　〃You　have
personated　your　brother　to　Lucilla　this　morning；〃　I　said。　〃You　have　done
that；　Mr。　Nugent　Dubourg；　for　the　last　time。〃

〃Have　I？　Who　will　prevent　me　from　doing　it　again？〃

〃I　will。〃

This　time　he　took　it　seriously。

〃You？〃　he　said。　〃How　are　_you_　to　control　me；　if　you　please？〃

〃I　can　control　you　through　Lucilla。　When　I　get　back　to　the　rectory；　I
can；　and　will；　tell　Lucilla　the　truth。〃

He　startedand　instantly　recovered　himself。

〃You　forget　something；　Madame　Pratolungo。　You　forget　what　the　surgeon　in
attendance　on　her　has　told　us。〃

〃I　remember　it　perfectly。　If　we　say　or　do　anything　to　agitate　his
patient；　in　her　present　state；　the　surgeon　refuses　to　answer　for　the
consequences。〃

〃Well？〃

〃Wellbetween　the　alternative　of　leaving　you　free　to　break　both　their
hearts；　and　the　alternative　of　setting　the　surgeon's　warning　at
defiancedreadful　as　the　choice　is；　my　choice　is　made。　I　tell　you　to
your　face；　I　would　rather　see　Lucilla　blind　again　than　see　her　your
wife。〃

His　estimate　of　the　strength　of　the　position　on　his　side；　had　been
necessarily　based　on　one　convictionthe　conviction　that　Grosse's
professional　authority　would　tie　my　tongue。　I　had　scattered　his
calculations　to　the　winds。　He　turned　so　deadly　pale　that；　dim　as　the
light　was；　I　could　see　the　change　in　his　face。

　〃I　don't　believe　you！〃　he　said。

　〃Present　yourself　at　the　rectory　tomorrow；〃　I　answered〃and　you　will
see。　I　have　no　more　to　say　to　you。　Let　me　by。〃

You　may　suppose　I　was　only　trying　to　frighten　him。　I　was　doing　nothing　of
the　sort。　Blame　me；　or　approve　of　me；　as　you　please；　I　was　expressing　the
resolution　which　I　had　in　my　mind　when　I　spoke。　Whether　my　courage　would
have　held　out　through　the　walk　from　Browndown　to　the　rectorywhether　I
should　have　shrunk　from　it　when　I　actually　found　myself　in　Lucilla's
presenceis　more　than　I　can　venture　to　decide。　All　I　say　is　that　I　did；
in　my　desperation；　positively　mean　doing　it；　at　the　moment　when　I
threatened　to　do　itand　that　Nugent　Dubourg　heard　something　in　my　voice
which　told　him　I　was　in　earnest。

〃You　fiend！〃　he　burst　out；　stepping　close　up　to　me　with　a　look　of　fury。

The　whole　passionate　fervour　of　the　love　that　the　miserable　wretch　felt
for　her；　shook　him　from　head　to　foot；　as　his　horror　of　me　found　its　way
to　expression　in　those　two　words。

　〃Spare　me　your　opinion　of　my　character；〃　I　said。　〃I　don't　expect　_you_
to　understand　the　motives　of　an　honest　woman。　For　the　last　time；　let　me
by！〃

　Instead　of　letting　me　by；　he　locked　the　door；　and　put　the　key　in　his
pocket。　That　done；　he　pointed　to　the　chair　that　I　had　left。

〃Sit　down；〃　he　said；　with　a　sudden　sinking　in　his　voice　which　implied　a
sudden　change　in　his　temper。　〃Let　me　have　a　minute　to　myself。〃

I　returned　to　my　place。　He　took　his　own　chair　on　the　other　side　of　the
table；　and　covered　his　face　with　his　hands。　We　waited　awhile　in　silence。
I　looked　at　him；　once　or　twice；　as　the　minutes　followed　each　other。　The
shaded　lamp…light　glistened　dimly　on　something　between　his　fingers。　I
rose　softly；　and　stretched　across　the　table　to　look　closer。　Tears！　On　my
word　of　honor；　tears　forcing　their　way　through　his　fingers；　as　he　held
them　over　his　face！　I　had　been　on　the　point　of　speaking。　I　sat　down　again
in　silence。

〃Say　what　you　want　of　me。　Tell　me　what　you　wish　me　to　do。〃　Those　were　his
first　words。　He　spoke　them　without　moving　his　hands；　so　quietly；　so
sadly；　with　such　hopeless　sorrow；　such　uncomplaining　resignation　in　his
voice；　that　I；　who　had　entered　that　room；　hating　him；　rose　again；　and
went　round　to　his　chair。　Iwho　a　minute　ago；　if　I　had　had　the　strength；
would　have　struck　him　down　on　the　floor　at　my　feetlaid　my　hand　on　his
shoulder；　pitying　him　from　the　bottom　of　my　heart。　That　is　what　women
are！　There　is　a　specimen　of　their　sense；　firmness；　and　self…control！

〃Be　just；　Nugent；〃　I　said。　〃Be　honorable。　Be　all　that　I　once　thought　you。
I　want　no　more。〃

He　dropped　his　arms　on　the　table：　his　head　fell　on　them；　and　he　burst
into　a　fit　of　crying。　It　was　so　like　his　brother；　that　I　could　almost
have　fancied　I；　too；　had　mistaken　one　of　them　for　the　other。　〃Oscar　over
again；〃　I　thought　to　myself；　〃on　the　first　day　when　I　spoke　to　him　in
this　very　room！〃

〃Come！〃　I　said；　when　he　was　quieter。　We　shall　end　in　understanding　each
other　and　respecting　each　other　after　all。〃

He　irritably　shook　my　hand　off　his　shoulder；　and　turned　his　face　away
from　the　light。

〃Don't　talk　of　understanding　_me；_〃　he　said。　〃Your　sympathy　is　for　Oscar。
He　is　the　victim；　he　is　the　martyr；　he　has　all　your　consideration　and　all
your　pity。　I　am　a　coward；　I　am　a　villain；　I　have　no　honor　and　no　heart。
Tread　Me　under　foot　like　a　reptile。　_My_　misery　is　only　what　I　deserve！
Compassion　is　thrown　awayisn't　it？on　such　a　scoundrel　as　I　am？〃

I　was　sorely　puzzled　how　to　answer　him。　All　that　he　had　said　against
himself；　I　had　thought　of　him　in　my　own　mind。　And　why　not？　He　_had_
behaved　infamouslyhe　_was_　a　fit　object　for　righteous　indignation。　And
yetand　yetit　is　sometimes　so　very　hard；　however　badly　a　man　may　have
behaved；　for　women　to　hold　out　against　forgiving　him；　when　they　know　that
a　woman　is　at　the　bottom　of　it。

〃Whatever　I　may　have　thought　of　you；〃　I　said；　〃it　is　still　in　your　power；
Nugent；　to　win　back　my　old　regard　for　you。〃

〃Is　it？〃　he　answered　scor