barnaby rudge(巴纳比·卢杰)-第66节
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side； and said：
‘And have you come all this way at last； solely to speak to me？’
She answered； ‘Yes。’
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‘A curse；’ he muttered； ‘upon the wretched state of us proud
beggars； from whom the poor and rich are equally at a distance；
the one being forced to treat us with a show of cold respect； the
other condescending to us in their every deed and word； and
keeping more aloof； the nearer they approach us。—Why； if it were
pain to you （as it must have been） to break for this slight purpose
the chain of habit forged through two…and…twenty years； could you
not let me know your wish； and beg me to come to you？’
‘There was not time； sir；’ she rejoined。 ‘I took my resolution but
last night； and taking it； felt that I must not lose a day—a day！ an
hour—in having speech with you。’
They had by this time reached the house。 Mr Haredale paused
for a moment； and looked at her as if surprised by the energy of
her manner。 Observing； however； that she took no heed of him；
but glanced up； shuddering； at the old walls with which such
horrors were connected in her mind； he led her by a private stair
into his library； where Emma was seated in a window； reading。
The young lady； seeing who approached； hastily rose and laid
aside her book； and with many kind words； and not without tears；
gave her a warm and earnest welcome。 But the widow shrunk
from her embrace as though she feared her； and sunk down
trembling on a chair。
‘It is the return to this place after so long an absence；’ said
Emma gently。 ‘Pray ring； dear uncle—or stay—Barnaby will run
himself and ask for wine—’
‘Not for the world；’ she cried。 ‘It would have another taste—I
could not touch it。 I want but a minute’s rest。 Nothing but that。’
Miss Haredale stood beside her chair； regarding her with silent
pity。 She remained for a little time quite still； then rose and turned
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to Mr Haredale； who had sat down in his easy chair； and was
contemplating her with fixed attention。
The tale connected with the mansion borne in mind； it seemed；
as has been already said； the chosen theatre for such a deed as it
had known。 The room in which this group were now assembled—
hard by the very chamber where the act was done—dull； dark； and
sombre； heavy with worm…eaten books； deadened and shut in by
faded hangings； muffling every sound； shadowed mournfully by
trees whose rustling boughs gave ever and anon a spectral
knocking at the glass； wore； beyond all others in the house； a
ghostly； gloomy air。 Nor were the group assembled there； unfitting
tenants of the spot。 The widow； with her marked and startling face
and downcast eyes； Mr Haredale stern and despondent ever； his
niece beside him； like； yet most unlike； the picture of her father；
which gazed reproachfully down upon them from the blackened
wall； Barnaby； with his vacant look and restless eye； were all in
keeping with the place； and actors in the legend。 Nay； the very
raven； who had hopped upon the table and with the air of some
old necromancer appeared to be profoundly studying a great folio
volume that lay open on a desk； was strictly in unison with the
rest； and looked like the embodied spirit of evil biding his time of
mischief。
‘I scarcely know；’ said the widow； breaking silence； ‘how to
begin。 You will think my mind disordered。’
‘The whole tenor of your quiet and reproachless life since you
were last here；’ returned Mr Haredale； mildly； ‘shall bear witness
for you。 Why do you fear to awaken such a suspicion？ You do not
speak to strangers。 You have not to claim our interest or
consideration for the first time。 Be more yourself。 Take heart。 Any
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advice or assistance that I can give you； you know is yours of right；
and freely yours。’
‘What if I came； sir；’ she rejoined； ‘I who have but one other
friend on earth； to reject your aid from this moment； and to say
that henceforth I launch myself upon the world； alone and
unassisted； to sink or swim as Heaven may decree！’
‘You would have； if you came to me for such a purpose；’ said Mr
Haredale calmly； ‘some reason to assign for conduct so
extraordinary； which—if one may entertain the possibility of
anything so wild and strange—would have its weight； of course。’
‘That； sir；’ she answered； ‘is the misery of my distress。 I can give
no reason whatever。 My own bare word is all that I can offer。 It is
my duty； my imperative and bounden duty。 If I did not discharge
it； I should be a base and guilty wretch。 Having said that； my lips
are sealed； and I can say no more。’
As though she felt relieved at having said so much； and had
nerved herself to the remainder of her task； she spoke from this
time with a firmer voice and heightened courage。
‘Heaven is my witness； as my own heart is—and yours； dear
young lady； will speak for me； I know—that I have lived； since that
time we all have bitter reason to remember； in unchanging
devotion； and gratitude to this family。 Heaven is my witness that
go where I may； I shall preserve those feelings unimpaired。 And it
is my witness； too； that they alone impel me to the course I must
take； and from which nothing now shall turn me； as I hope for
mercy。’
‘These are strange riddles；’ said Mr Haredale。
‘In this world； sir；’ she replied； ‘they may； perhaps； never be
explained。 In another； the Truth will be discovered in its own good
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time。 And may that time；’ she added in a low voice； ‘be far distant！’
‘Let me be sure；’ said Mr Haredale； ‘that I understand you； for I
am doubtful of my own senses。 Do you mean that you are resolved
voluntarily to deprive yourself of those means of support you have
received from us so long—that you are determined to resign the
annuity we settled on you twenty years ago—to leave house； and
home； and goods； and begin life anew—and this； for some secret
reason or monstrous fancy which is incapable of explanation；
which only now exists； and has been dormant all this time？ In the
name of God； under what delusion are you labouring？’
‘As I am deeply thankful；’ she made answer； ‘for the kindness of
those； alive and dead； who have owned this house； and as I would
not have its roof fall down and crush me； or its very walls drip
blood； my name being spoken in their hearing； I never will again
subsist upon their bounty； or let it help me to subsistence。 You do
not know；’ she added； suddenly； ‘to what uses it may be applied；
into what hands it may pass。 I do； and I renounce it。’
‘Surely；’ said Mr Haredale； ‘its uses rest with you。’
‘They did。 They rest with me no longer。 It may be—it is—
devoted to purposes that mock the dead in their graves。 It never
can prosper with me。 It will bring some other heavy judgement on
the head of my dear son； whose innocence will suffer for his
mother’s guilt。’
‘What words are these！’ cried Mr Haredale； regarding her with
wonder。 ‘Among what associates have you fallen？ Into what guilt
have you ever been betrayed？’
‘I am guilty； and yet innocent； wrong； yet right； good
