pride and prejudice(傲慢与偏见)-第56节
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more so； as she could bring no proof of its injustice。 She had never
heard of him before his entrance into the —shire Militia； in which
he had engaged at the persuasion of the young man； who； on
meeting him accidentally in town； had there renewed a slight
acquaintance。 Of his former way of life； nothing had been known
in Hertfordshire but what he told himself。 As to his real character；
had information been in her power； she had never felt a wish of
enquiring。 His countenance； voice； and manner； had established
him at once in the possession of every virtue。 She tried to recollect
some instance of goodness； some distinguished trait of integrity or
benevolence； that might rescue him from the attacks of Mr。 Darcy；
or at least； by the predominance of virtue； atone for those casual
errors； under which she would endeavour to class； what Mr。 Darcy
had described as the idleness and vice of many years continuance。
But no such recollection befriended her。 She could see him
instantly before her； in every charm of air and address； but she
could remember no more substantial good than the general
approbation of the neighbourhood； and the regard which his social
powers had gained him in the mess。 After pausing on this point a
considerable while； she once more continued to read。 But； alas！
the story which followed of his designs on Miss Darcy； received
some confirmation from what had passed between Colonel
Fitzwilliam and herself only the morning before； and at last she
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was referred for the truth of every particular to Colonel
Fitzwilliam himself—from whom she had previously received the
information of his near concern in all his cousin’s affairs； and
whose character she had no reason to question。 At one time she
had almost resolved on applying to him； but the idea was checked
by the awkwardness of the application； and at length wholly
banished by the conviction that Mr。 Darcy would never have
hazarded such a proposal； if he had not been well assured of his
cousin’s corroboration。
She perfectly remembered every thing that had passed in
conversation between Wickham and herself； in their first evening
at Mr。 Philips’s。 Many of his expressions were still fresh in her
memory。 She was now struck with the impropriety of such
communications to a stranger； and wondered it had escaped her
before。 She saw the indelicacy of putting himself forward as he
had done； and the inconsistency of his professions with his
conduct。 She remembered that he had boasted of having no fear of
seeing Mr。 Darcy—that Mr。 Darcy might leave the country； but
that he should stand his ground； yet he had avoided the
Netherfield ball the very next week。 She remembered also； that till
the Netherfield family had quitted the country； he had told his
story to no one but herself； but that after their removal； it had
been every where discussed； that he had then no reserves； no
scruples in sinking Mr。 Darcy’s character； though he had assured
her that respect for the father； would always prevent his exposing
the son。
How differently did every thing now appear in which he was
concerned！ His attentions to Miss King were now the consequence
of views solely and hatefully mercenary； and the mediocrity of her
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fortune proved no longer the moderation of his wishes； but his
eagerness to grasp at any thing。 His behaviour to herself could
now have had no tolerable motive； he had either been deceived
with regard to her fortune； or had been gratifying his vanity by
encouraging the preference which she believed she had most
incautiously shewn。 Every lingering struggle in his favour grew
fainter and fainter； and in farther justification of Mr。 Darcy； she
could not but allow that Mr。 Bingley； when questioned by Jane；
had long ago asserted his blamelessness in the affair； that proud
and repulsive as were his manners； she had never； in the whole
course of their acquaintance； an acquaintance which had latterly
brought them much together； and given her a sort of intimacy with
his ways； seen any thing that betrayed him to be unprincipled or
unjust—any thing that spoke him of irreligious or immoral habits。
That among his own connections he was esteemed and valued—
that even Wickham had allowed him merit as a brother； and that
she had often heard him speak so affectionately of his sister as to
prove him capable of some amiable feeling。 That had his actions
been what Wickham represented them； so gross a violation of
every thing right could hardly have been concealed from the
world； and that friendship between a person capable of it； and
such an amiable man as Mr。 Bingley； was incomprehensible。
She grew absolutely ashamed of herself。—Of neither Darcy nor
Wickham could she think； without feeling that she had been blind；
partial； prejudiced； absurd。
‘How despicably have I acted！’ she cried。—‘I； who have prided
myself on my discernment！—I； who have valued myself on my
abilities！ who have often disdained the generous candour of my
sister； and gratified my vanity； in useless or blameable distrust。—
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How humiliating is this discovery！—Yet； how just a humiliation！—
Had I been in love； I could not have been more wretchedly blind。
But vanity； not love； has been my folly。—Pleased with the
preference of one； and offended by the neglect of the other； on the
very beginning of our acquaintance； I have courted prepossession
and ignorance； and driven reason away； where either were
concerned。 Till this moment； I never knew myself。’
From herself to Jane—from Jane to Bingley； her thoughts were
in a line which soon brought to her recollection that Mr。 Darcy’s
explanation there； had appeared very insufficient； and she read it
again。 Widely different was the effect of a second perusal。—How
could she deny that credit to his assertions； in one instance； which
she had been obliged to give in the other？—He declared himself to
have been totally unsuspicious of her sister’s attachment；—and
she could not help remembering what Charlotte’s opinion had
always been。—Neither could she deny the justice of his
description of Jane。—She felt that Jane’s feelings； though fervent；
were little displayed； and that there was a constant complacency
in her air and manner； not often united with great sensibility。
When she came to that part of the letter in which her family
were mentioned； in terms of such mortifying； yet merited
reproach； her sense of shame was severe。 The justice of the charge
struck her too forcibly for denial； and the circumstances to which
he particularly alluded； as having passed at the Netherfield ball；
and as confirming all his first disapprobation； could not have made
a stronger impression on his mind than on hers。
The compliment to herself and her sister； was not unfelt。 It
soothed； but it could not console her for the contempt which had
been thus self…attracted by the rest of her family；—and as she
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