the new machiavelli-第28节

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me　I　could　never　be　anything　but　just　the　entirely　unimportant　and　

undistinguished　young　man　I　was　for　ever　and　ever。　　I　couldn't　even　

think　of　myself　as　five　and　thirty。



Once　I　remember　Willersley　going　over　a　list　of　failures；　and　why　

they　had　failedbut　young　men　in　the　twenties　do　not　know　much　

about　failures。







10





Willersley　and　I　professed　ourselves　Socialists；　but　by　this　time　I　

knew　my　Rodbertus　as　well　as　my　Marx；　and　there　was　much　in　our　

socialism　that　would　have　shocked　Chris　Robinson　as　much　as　anything　

in　life　could　have　shocked　him。　　Socialism　as　a　simple　democratic　

cry　we　had　done　with　for　ever。　　We　were　socialists　because　

Individualism　for　us　meant　muddle；　meant　a　crowd　of　separated；　

undisciplined　little　people　all　obstinately　and　ignorantly　doing　

things　jarringly；　each　one　in　his　own　way。　　〃Each；〃　I　said　quoting　

words　of　my　father's　that　rose　apt　in　my　memory；　〃snarling　from　his　

own　little　bit　of　property；　like　a　dog　tied　to　a　cart's　tail。〃



〃Essentially；〃　said　Willersley；　〃essentially　we're　for　conscription；　

in　peace　and　war　alike。　　The　man　who　owns　property　is　a　public　

official　and　has　to　behave　as　such。　　That's　the　gist　of　socialism　as　

I　understand　it。〃



〃Or　be　dismissed　from　his　post；〃　I　said；　〃　and　replaced　by　some　

better　sort　of　official。　　A　man's　none　the　less　an　official　because　

he's　irresponsible。　　What　he　does　with　his　property　affects　people　

just　the　same。　　Private！　　No　one　is　really　private　but　an　outlaw。　。　。　。



Order　and　devotion　were　the　very　essence　of　our　socialism；　and　a　

splendid　collective　vigour　and　happiness　its　end。　　We　projected　an　

ideal　state；　an　organised　state　as　confident　and　powerful　as　modern　

science；　as　balanced　and　beautiful　as　a　body；　as　beneficent　as　

sunshine；　the　organised　state　that　should　end　muddle　for　ever；　it　

ruled　all　our　ideals　and　gave　form　to　all　our　ambitions。



Every　man　was　to　be　definitely　related　to　that；　to　have　his　

predominant　duty　to　that。　　Such　was　the　England　renewed　we　had　in　

mind；　and　how　to　serve　that　end；　to　subdue　undisciplined　worker　and　

undisciplined　wealth　to　it；　and　make　the　Scientific　Commonweal；　

King；　was　the　continuing　substance　of　our　intercourse。







11





Every　day　the　wine　of　the　mountains　was　stronger　in　our　blood；　and　

the　flush　of　our　youth　deeper。　　We　would　go　in　the　morning　sunlight　

along　some　narrow　Alpine　mule…path　shouting　large　suggestions　for　

national　re…organisation；　and　weighing　considerations　as　lightly　as　

though　the　world　was　wax　in　our　hands。　　〃Great　England；〃　we　said　in　

effect；　over　and　over　again；　〃and　we　will　be　among　the　makers！　　

England　renewed！　　The　country　has　been　warned；　it　has　learnt　its　

lesson。　　The　disasters　and　anxieties　of　the　war　have　sunk　in。　　

England　has　become　serious。　。　。　。　　Oh！　there　are　big　things　before　

us　to　do；　big　enduring　things！〃



One　evening　we　walked　up　to　the　loggia　of　a　little　pilgrimage　

church；　I　forget　its　name；　that　stands　out　on　a　conical　hill　at　the　

head　of　a　winding　stair　above　the　town　of　Locarno。　　Down　below　the　

houses　clustered　amidst　a　confusion　of　heat…bitten　greenery。　　　I　had　

been　sitting　silently　on　the　parapet；　looking　across　to　the　purple　

mountain　masses　where　Switzerland　passes　into　Italy；　and　the　drift　

of　our　talk　seemed　suddenly　to　gather　to　a　head。



I　broke　into　speech；　giving　form　to　the　thoughts　that　had　been　

accumulating。　　My　words　have　long　since　passed　out　of　my　memory；　the　

phrases　of　familiar　expression　have　altered　for　me；　but　the　

substance　remains　as　clear　as　ever。　　I　said　how　we　were　in　our　

measure　emperors　and　kings；　men　undriven；　free　to　do　as　we　pleased　

with　life；　we　classed　among　the　happy　ones；　our　bread　and　common　

necessities　were　given　us　for　nothing；　we　had　abilities；it　wasn't　

modesty　but　cowardice　to　behave　as　if　we　hadn'tand　Fortune　watched　

us　to　see　what　we　might　do　with　opportunity　and　the　world。



〃There　are　so　many　things　to　do；　you　see；〃　began　Willersley；　in　his　

judicial　lecturer's　voice。



〃So　many　things　we　may　do；〃　I　interrupted；　〃with　all　these　years　

before　us。　。　。　。　　We're　exceptional　men。　　It's　our　place；　our　duty；　

to　do　things。〃



〃Here　anyhow；〃　I　said；　answering　the　faint　amusement　of　his　face；　

〃I've　got　no　modesty。　　Everything　conspires　to　set　me　up。　　Why　

should　I　run　about　like　all　those　grubby　little　beasts　down　there；　

seeking　nothing　but　mean　little　vanities　and　indulgenciesand　then　

take　credit　for　modesty？　　I　KNOW　I　am　capable。　　I　KNOW　I　have　

imagination。　　Modesty！　　I　know　if　I　don't　attempt　the　very　biggest　

things　in　life　I　am　a　damned　shirk。　　The　very　biggest！　　Somebody　has　

to　attempt　them。　　I　feel　like　a　loaded　gun　that　is　only　a　little　

perplexed　because　it　has　to　find　out　just　where　to　aim　itself。　。　。　。〃



The　lake　and　the　frontier　villages；　a　white　puff　of　steam　on　the　

distant　railway　to　Luino；　the　busy　boats　and　steamers　trailing　

triangular　wakes　of　foam；　the　long　vista　eastward　towards　

battlemented　Bellinzona；　the　vast　mountain　distances；　now　tinged　

with　sunset　light；　behind　this　nearer　landscape；　and　the　southward　

waters　with　remote　coast　towns　shining　dimly；　waters　that　merged　at　

last　in　a　luminous　golden　haze；　made　a　broad　panoramic　spectacle。　　

It　was　as　if　one　surveyed　the　world；and　it　was　like　the　games　I　

used　to　set　out　upon　my　nursery　floor。　　I　was　exalted　by　it；　I　felt　

larger　than　men。　　So　kings　should　feel。



That　sense　of　largness　came　to　me　then；　and　it　has　come　to　me　since；　

again　and　again；　a　splendid　intimation　or　a　splendid　vanity。　　Once；　

I　remember；　when　I　looked　at　Genoa　from　the　mountain　crest　behind　

the　town　and　saw　that　multitudinous　place　in　all　its　beauty　of　width　

and　abundance　and　clustering　human　effort；　and　once　as　I　was　

steaming　past　the　brown　low　hills　of　Staten　Island　towards　the　

towering　vigour　and　clamorous　vitality　of　New　York　City；　that　mood　

rose　to　its　quintessence。　　And　once　it　came　to　me；　as　I　shall　tell；　

on　Dover　cliffs。　　And　a　hundred　times　when　I　have　thought　of　England　

as　our　country　might　be；　with　no　wretched　poor；　no　wretched　rich；　a　

nation　armed　and　ordered；　trained　and　purposeful　amidst　its　vales　

and　rivers；　that　emotion　of　collective　ends　and　collective　purposes　

has　returned　to　me。　　I　felt　as　great　as　humanity。　　For　a　brief　

moment　I　was　humanity；　looking　at　the　world　I　had　made　and　had　still　

to　make。　。　。　。







12





And　mingled　with　these　dreams　of　power　and　patriotic　service　there　

was　another　series　of　a　different　quality　and　a　different　colour；　

like　the　antagonistic　colour　of　a　shot　silk。　　The　white　life　and　the　

red　life；　contrasted　and　interchanged；　passing　swiftly　at　a　turn　

from　one　to　another；　and　refusing　ever　to　mingle　peacefully　one　with　

the　other。　　I　was　asking　myself　openly　and　distinctly：　what　are　you　

going　to　do　for　the　world？　　What　are　you　going　to　do　with　yourself？　

and　with　an　increasing　strength　and　persistence　Nature　in　spite　of　

my　averted　attention　was　asking　me　in　penetrating　undertones：　what　

are　you　going　to　do　about　this　other　fundamental　matter；　the　beauty　

of　girls　and　women　and　your　desire　for　them？



I　have　told　of　my　sisterless　youth　and　the　narrow　circumstances　of　

my　upbringing。　　It　made　all　women…kind　mysterious　to　me。　　If　it　had　

not　been　for　my　Staffordshire　cousins　I　do　not　think　I　should　have　

known　any　girls　at　all　until　I　was　twenty。　　Of　Staffordshire　I　will　

tell　a　little　later。　　But　I　can　remember　still　how　through　all　those　

ripening　years；　the　thought　of　women's　beauty；　their　magic　presence　

in　the　world　beside　me　and　the　unknown；　untried　reactions　of　their　

intercourse；　grew　upon　me　and　grew；　as　a　strange　presence　grows　in　a　

room　when　one　is　occupied　by　other　things。　　I　busied　myself　and　

pretended　to　be　wholly　occupied；　and　there　the　woman　stood；　full　

half　of　life　neglected；　and　it　seemed　to　my　averted　mind　sometimes　

that　she　was　there　clad　and　dignified　and　divine；　and　sometimes　

Aphrodite　shining　and　commanding；　and　sometimes　that　Venus　who　

stoops　and　allures。



This　travel　abroad　seemed　to　have　released　a　multitude　of　things　in　

my　mind；　the　clear　air；　the　beauty　of　the　sunshine；　the　very　blue　of　

the　glaciers　made　me　feel　my　body　and　quickened　all　those　

disregarded　dreams。　　I　saw　the　sheathed　beauty　of　women's　forms　all　

about　me；　in　the　cheerful　waitresses　at　the　inns；　in　the　pedestrians　

one　encountered　in　the　tracks；　in　the　chance　fellow　travellers　at　

the　hotel　tables。　　〃Confound　it！〃　said　I；　and　talked　all　the　more　

zealously　of　that　greater　England　that　was　calling　us。



I　remember　that　we　passed　two　Germans；　an　old　man　and　a　tall　fair　

girl；　father　and　daughter；　who　were　walking　down　from　Saas。　　　She　

came　swinging　and　shining　towards　us；　easy　and　strong。　　I　worshipped　

her　as　she　approached。



〃Gut　Tag！〃　said　Willersley；　removing　his　hat。



〃Morgen！〃　said　the