the pit-第74节

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wn　upon　the　couch；　her　chin　supported　on　her　palm。

As　she　crossed　the　room；　however；　her　eye　had　been　caught　by　an　opened　note　from　Mrs。　Cressler；　received　the　day　before；　and　apprising　her　of　the　date　of　the　funeral。　　At　the　sight；　all　the　tragedy　leaped　up　again　in　her　mind　and　recollection；　and　in　fancy　she　stood　again　in　the　back　parlour　of　the　Cressler　home；　her　fingers　pressed　over　her　mouth　to　shut　back　the　cries；　horror　and　the　terror　of　sudden　death　rending　her　heart；　shaking　the　brain　itself。　　Again　and　again　since　that　dreadful　moment　had　the　fear　come　back；　mingled　with　grief；　with　compassion；　and　the　bitter　sorrow　of　a　kind　friend　gone　forever　from　her　side。　　And　then；　her　resolution　girding　itself；　her　will　power　at　fullest　stretch；　she　had　put　the　tragedy　from　her。　　Other　and　for　hermore　momentous　events　impended。　　Everything　in　life；　even　death　itself；　must　stand　aside　while　her　love　was　put　to　the　test。　　Life　and　death　were　little　things。　　Love　only　existed；　let　her　husband's　career　fail；　what　did　it　import　so　only　love　stood　the　strain　and　issued　from　the　struggle　triumphant？　　And　now；　as　she　lay　upon　her　couch；　she　crushed　down　all　compunction　for　the　pitiful　calamity　whose　last　scene　she　had　discovered；　her　thoughts　once　more　upon　her　husband　and　herself。　　Had　the　shock　of　that　spectacle　in　the　Cresslers'　house；　and　the　wearing　suspense　in　which　she　had　lived　of　late；　so　torn　and　disordered　the　delicate　feminine　nerves　that　a　kind　of　hysteria　animated　and　directed　her　impulses；　her　words；　and　actions？　　Laura　did　not　know。　　She　only　knew　that　the　day　was　going　and　that　her　husband　neither　came　near　her　nor　sent　her　word。

Even　if　he　had　been　very　busy；　this　was　her　birthday；　though　he　had　lost　millions！　Could　he　not　have　sent　even　the　foolishest　little　present　to　her；　even　a　line　three　words　on　a　scrap　of　paper？　　But　she　checked　herself。　　The　day　was　not　over　yet；　perhaps；　perhaps　he　would　remember　her；　after　all；　before　the　afternoon　was　over。　　He　was　managing　a　little　surprise　for　her；　no　doubt。　　He　knew　what　day　this　was。　　After　their　talk　that　Sunday　in　his　smoking…room　he　would　not　forget。　And；　besides；　it　was　the　evening　that　he　had　promised　should　be　hers。　　〃If　he　loved　her；〃　she　had　said；　he　would　give　that　evening　to　her。　　Never；　never　would　Curtis　fail　her　when　conjured　by　that　spell。

Laura　had　planned　a　little　dinner　for　that　night。　　It　was　to　be　served　at　eight。　　Page　would　have　dined　earlier；　only　herself　and　her　husband　were　to　be　present。　　It　was　to　be　her　birthday　dinner。　　All　the　noisy；　clamourous　world　should　be　excluded；　no　faintest　rumble　of　the　Pit　would　intrude。　　She　would　have　him　all　to　herself。　　He　would；　so　she　determined；　forget　everything　else　in　his　love　for　her。　　She　would　be　beautiful　as　never　beforebrilliant；　resistless；　and　dazzling。　　She　would　have　him　at　her　feet；　her　own；　her　own　again；　as　much　her　own　as　her　very　hands。　　And　before　she　would　let　him　go　he　would　forever　and　forever　have　abjured　the　Battle　of　the　Street　that　had　so　often　caught　him　from　her。　　The　Pit　should　not　have　him；　the　sweep　of　that　great　whirlpool　should　never　again　prevail　against　the　power　of　love。

Yes；　she　had　suffered；　she　had　known　the　humiliation　of　a　woman　neglected。　　But　it　was　to　end　now；　her　pride　would　never　again　be　lowered；　her　love　never　again　be　ignored。

But　the　afternoon　passed　and　evening　drew　on　without　any　word　from　him。　　In　spite　of　her　anxiety；　she　yet　murmured　over　and　over　again　as　she　paced　the　floor　of　her　room；　listening　for　the　ringing　of　the　door　bell：

〃He　will　send　word；　he　will　send　word。　　I　know　he　will。〃

By　four　o'clock　she　had　begun　to　dress。　　Never　had　she　made　a　toilet　more　superb；　more　careful。　　She　disdained　a　〃costume　　on　this　great　evening。　　It　was　not　to　be　〃Theodora〃　now；　nor　〃Juliet；〃　nor　〃Carmen。〃　　It　was　to　be　only　Laura　Jadwinjust　herself；　unaided　by　theatricals；　unadorned　by　tinsel。　　But　it　seemed　consistent　none　the　less　to　choose　her　most　beautiful　gown　for　the　occasion；　to　panoply　herself　in　every　charm　that　was　her　own。　　Her　dress；　that　closely　sheathed　the　low；　flat　curves　of　her　body　and　that　left　her　slender　arms　and　neck　bare；　was　one　shimmer　of　black　scales；　iridescent；　undulating　with　light　to　her　every　movement。　　In　the　coils　and　masses　of　her　black　hair　she　fixed　her　two　great　_cabochons_　of　pearls；　and　clasped　about　her　neck　her　palm…broad　collaret　of　pearls　and　diamonds。　　Against　one　shoulder　nodded　a　bunch　of　Jacqueminots；　royal　red；　imperial。

It　was　hard　upon　six　o'clock　when　at　last　she　dismissed　her　maid。　　Left　alone；　she　stood　for　a　moment　in　front　of　her　long　mirror　that　reflected　her　image　from　head　to　foot；　and　at　the　sight　she　could　not　forbear　a　smile　and　a　sudden　proud　lifting　of　her　head。　　All　the　woman　in　her　preened　and　plumed　herself　in　the　consciousness　of　the　power　of　her　beauty。　　Let　the　Battle　of　the　Street　clamour　never　so　loudly　now；　let　the　suction　of　the　Pit　be　never　so　strong；　Eve　triumphed。　　_Venus　toute　entiere　s'attachait　a　sa　proie。_

These　women　of　America；　these　others　who　allowed　business　to　draw　their　husbands　from　them　more　and　more；　who　submitted　to　those　cruel　conditions　that　forced　them　to　be　content　with　the　wreckage　left　after　the　storm　and　stress　of　the　day's　workthe　jaded　mind；　the　exhausted　body；　the　faculties　dulled　by　overwork　she　was　sorry　for　them。　　They；　less　radiant　than　herself；　less　potent　to　charm；　could　not　call　their　husbands　back。　　But　she；　Laura；　was　beautiful；　she　knew　it；　she　gloried　in　her　beauty。　　It　was　her　strength。　She　felt　the　same　pride　in　it　as　the　warrior　in　a　finely　tempered　weapon。

And　to…night　her　beauty　was　brighter　than　ever。　　It　was　a　veritable　aureole　that　crowned　her。　　She　knew　herself　to　be　invincible。　　So　only　that　he　saw　her　thus；　she　knew　that　she　would　conquer。　　And　he　would　come。　　〃If　he　loved　her；〃　she　had　said。　　By　his　love　for　her　he　had　promised；　by　his　love　she　knew　she　would　prevail。

And　then　at　last；　somewhere　out　of　the　twilight；　somewhere　out　of　those　lowest；　unplumbed　depths　of　her　own　heart；　came　the　first　tremor　of　doubt；　come　the　tardy　vibration　of　the　silver　cord　which　Page　had　struck　so　sharply。　　Was　itafter　allLove；　that　she　cherished　and　strove　forlove；　or　self…love？　　Ever　since　Page　had　spoken　she　seemed　to　have　fought　against　the　intrusion　of　this　idea。　　But；　little　by　little；　it　rose　to　the　surface。　　At　last；　for　an　instant；　it　seemed　to　confront　her。

Was　this；　after　all；　the　right　way　to　win　her　husband　back　to　herthis　display　of　her　beauty；　this　parade　of　dress；　this　exploitation　of　self？

Self；　self。　　Had　she　been　selfish　from　the　very　first？　What　real　interest　had　she　taken　in　her　husband's　work？〃　Right　or　wrong；　good　or　bad；　I　would　put　my　two　hands　into　the　fire　to　help　him。〃　　Was　this　the　way？　　Was　not　this　the　only　way？　　Win　him　back　to　her？　　What　if　there　were　more　need　for　her　to　win　back　to　him？　　Oh；　once　she　had　been　able　to　say　that　love；　the　supreme　triumph　of　a　woman's　life；　was　less　a　victory　than　a　capitulation。　　Had　she　ordered　her　life　upon　that　ideal？　　Did　she　even　believe　in　the　ideal　at　this　day？　Whither　had　this　cruel　cult　of　self　led　her？

Dimly　Laura　Jadwin　began　to　see　and　to　understand　a　whole　new　conception　of　her　little　world。　　The　birth　of　a　new　being　within　her　was　not　for　that　night。　　It　was　conception　onlythe　sensation　of　a　new　element；　a　new　force　that　was　not　herself；　somewhere　in　the　inner　chambers　of　her　being。

The　woman　in　her　was　too　complex；　the　fibres　of　character　too　intricate　and　mature　to　be　wrenched　into　new　shapes　by　any　sudden　revolution。　　But　just　so　surely　as　the　day　was　going；　just　so　surely　as　the　New　Day　would　follow　upon　the　night；　conception　had　taken　place　within　her。　　Whatever　she　did　that　evening；　whatever　came　to　her；　through　whatever　crises　she　should　hurry；　she　would　not　now　be　quite　the　same。　　She　had　been　accustomed　to　tell　herself　that　there　were　two　Lauras。　　Now　suddenly；　behold；　she　seemed　to　recognise　a　thirda　third　that　rose　above　and　forgot　the　other　two；　that　in　some　beautiful；　mysterious　way　was　identity　ignoring　self。

But　the　change　was　not　to　be　abrupt。　　Very；　very　vaguely　the　thoughts　came　to　her。　　The　change　would　be　slow；　slowwould　be　evolution；　not　revolution。　　The　consummation　was　to　be　achieved　in　the　coming　years。　For　to…night　she　waswhat　was　she？　　Only　a　woman；　weak；　torn　by　emotion；　driven　by　impulse；　and　entering　upon　what　she　imagined　was　a　great　crisis　in　her　life。

But　meanwhile　the　time　was　passing。　　Laura　descended　to　the　library　and；　picking　up　a　book；　composed　herself　to　read。　　When　six　o'clock　struck；　she　made　haste　to　assure　herself　that　of　course　she　could　not　expect　him　exactly　on　the　hour。　　No；　she　must　make　allowances；　the　dayas　Page　had　suspectedhad　probably　been　an　important　one。　　He　would　be　a　little　late；　but　he　would　come　soon。　　〃If　you　love　me；　you　will　come；〃　she　had　said。

But　an　hour　later　Laura　paced　the　room　with　tight…shut　lips　and　burning　cheeks。　　She　was　still　alone；　her　day；　her　hour；　was　passing；　and　he　had　not　so　much　as　sent　word。　　For　a　moment　the　thought　occurred　to　her　that　he　might　perhaps　be　in　great　trouble；　in　great　straits；　that　there　was　an　excuse。　　But　instantly　she　repudiated　the　notion。