donal grant-第39节

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misery。　What　had　befallen　him？　Was　the　thing　a　fact　or　a　fancy？　If　a
fancy；　how　was　he　so　weary？　If　a　fact；　how　could　it　have　been？　Had
he　in　any　way　been　the　earl's　companion　through　such　a　long　night　as
it　seemed？　Could　they　have　visited　all　the　places　whose　remembrance
lingered　in　his　brain？　He　was　so　confused；　so　bewildered；　so　haunted
with　a　shadowy　uneasiness　almost　like　remorse；　that　he　even　dreaded
the　discovery　of　the　cause　of　it　all。　Might　a　man　so　lose　hold　of
himself　as　to　be　no　more　certain　he　had　ever　possessed　or　could　ever
possess　himself　again？

He　bethought　himself　at　last　that　he　might　perhaps　have　taken　more
wine　than　his　head　could　stand。　Yet　he　remembered　leaving　his　glass
unemptied　to　follow　the　earl；　and　it　was　some　time　after　that　before
the　change　came！　Could　it　have　been　drunkenness？　Had　it　been　slowly
coming　without　his　knowing　it？　He　could　hardly　believe　it？　But
whatever　it　was；　it　had　left　him　unhappy；　almost　ashamed。　What　would
the　earl　think　of　him？　He　must　have　concluded　him　unfit　any　longer
to　keep　charge　of　his　son！　For　his　own　part　he　did　not　feel　he　was
to　blame；　but　rather　that　an　accident　had　befallen　him。　Whence　then
this　sense　of　something　akin　to　shame？　Why　should　he　be　ashamed　of
anything　coming　upon　him　from　without？　Of　that　shame　he　had　to　be
ashamed；　as　of　a　lack　of　faith　in　God！　Would　God　leave　his　creature
who　trusted　in　him　at　the　mercy　of　a　chanceof　a　glass　of　wine
taken　in　ignorance？　There　was　a　thing　to　be　ashamed　of；　and　with
good　cause！

He　got　up；　found　to　his　dismay　that　it　was　almost　ten　o'clockhis
hour　for　rising　in　winter　being　sixdressed　in　haste；　and　went
down；　wondering　that　Davie　had　not　come　to　see　after　him。

In　the　schoolroom　he　found　him　waiting　for　him。　The　boy　sprang　up；
and　darted　to　meet　him。

〃I　hope　you　are　better；　Mr。　Grant！〃　he　said。　〃I　am　so　glad　you　are
able　to　be　down！〃

〃I　am　quite　well；〃　answered　Donal。　〃I　can't　think　what　made　me　sleep
so　long？　Why　didn't　you　come　and　wake　me；　Davie；　my　boy？〃

〃Because　Simmons　told　me　you　were　ill；　and　I　must　not　disturb　you　if
you　were　ever　so　late　in　coming　down。〃

〃I　hardly　deserve　any　breakfast！〃　said　Donal；　turning　to　the　table；
〃but　if　you　will　stand　by　me；　and　read　while　I　take　my　coffee；　we
shall　save　a　little　time　so。〃

〃Yes；　sir。But　your　coffee　must　be　quite　cold！　I　will　ring。〃

〃No；　no；　I　must　not　waste　any　more　time。　A　man　who　cannot　drink　cold
coffee　ought　to　come　down　while　it　is　hot。〃

〃Forgue　won't　drink　cold　coffee！〃　said　Davie：　〃I　don't　see　why　you
should！〃

〃Because　I　prefer　to　do　with　my　coffee　as　I　please；　I　will　not　have
hot　coffee　for　my　master。　I　won't　have　it　anything　to　me　what　humour
the　coffee　may　be　in。　I　will　be　Donal　Grant；　whether　the　coffee　be
cold　or　hot。　A　bit　of　practical　philosophy　for　you；　Davie！〃

〃I　think　I　understand　you；　sir：　you　would　not　have　a　man　make　a　fuss
about　a　trifle。〃

〃Not　about　a　real　trifle。　The　co…relative　of　a　trifle；　Davie；　is　a
smile。　But　I　would　take　heed　whether　the　thing　that　is　called　a
trifle　be　really　a　trifle。　Besides；　there　may　be　a　point　in　a　trifle
that　is　the　egg　of　an　ought。　It　is　a　trifle　whether　this　or　that　is
nice；　it　is　a　point　that　I　should　not　care。　With　us　highlanders　it
is　a　point　of　breeding　not　to　mind　what　sort　of　dinner　we　have；　but
to　eat　as　heartily　of　bread　and　cheese　as　of　roast　beef。　At　least　so
my　father　and　mother　used　to　teach　me；　though　I　fear　that　refinement
of　good　manners　is　going　out　of　fashion　even　with　highlanders。〃

〃It　is　good　manners！〃　rejoined　Davie　with　decision；　〃and　more　than
good　manners！　I　should　count　it　grand　not　to　care　what　kind　of
dinner　I　had。　But　I　am　afraid　it　is　more　than　I　shall　ever　come　to！〃

〃You　will　never　come　to　it　by　trying　because　you　think　it　grand。
Only　mind；　I　did　not　say　we　were　not　to　enjoy　our　roast　beef　more
than　our　bread　and　cheese；　that　would　be　not　to　discriminate；　where
there　is　a　difference。　If　bread　and　cheese　were　just　as　good　to　us
as　roast　beef；　there　would　be　no　victory　in　our　contentment。〃

〃I　see！〃　said　Davie。〃Wouldn't　it　be　well；〃　he　asked；　after　a
moment's　pause；　〃to　put　one's　self　in　training；　Mr。　Grant；　to　do
without　thingsor　at　least　to　be　able　to　do　without　them？〃

〃It　is　much　better　to　do　the　lessons　set　you　by　one　who　knows　how　to
teach；　than　to　pick　lessons　for　yourself　out　of　your　books。　Davie；　I
have　not　that　confidence　in　myself　to　think　I　should　be　a　good
teacher　of　myself。〃

〃But　you　are　a　good　teacher　of　me；　sir！〃

〃I　trybut　then　I'm　set　to　teach　you；　and　I　am　not　set　to　teach
myself：　I　am　only　set　to　make　myself　do　what　I　am　taught。　When　you
are　my　teacher；　Davie；　I　trydon't　Ito　do　everything　you　tell
me？〃

〃Yes；　indeed；　sir！〃

〃But　I　am　not　set　to　obey　myself！〃

〃No；　nor　anyone　else；　sir！　You　do　not　need　to　obey　anyone；　or　have
anyone　teach　you；　sir！〃

〃Oh；　don't　I；　Davie！　On　the　contrary；　I　could　not　get　on　for　one
solitary　moment　without　somebody　to　teach　me。　Look　you　here；　Davie：
I　have　so　many　lessons　given　me；　that　I　have　no　time　or　need　to　add
to　them　any　of　my　own。　If　you　were　to　ask　the　cook　to　let　you　have　a
cold　dinner；　you　would　perhaps　eat　it　with　pride；　and　take　credit
for　what　your　hunger　yet　made　quite　agreeable　to　you。　But　the　boy
who　does　not　grumble　when　he　is　told　not　to　go　out　because　it　is
raining　and　he　has　a　cold；　will　not　perhaps　grumble　either　should　he
happen　to　find　his　dinner　not　at　all　nice。〃

Davie　hung　his　head。　It　had　been　a　very　small　grumble；　but　there　are
no　sins　for　which　there　is　less　reason　or　less　excuse　than　small
ones：　in　no　sense　are　they　worth　committing。　And　we　grown　people
commit　many　more　such　than　little　children；　and　have　our　reward　in
childishness　instead　of　childlikeness。

〃It　is　so　easy；〃　continued　Donal；　〃to　do　the　thing　we　ordain
ourselves；　for　in　holding　to　it　we　make　ourselves　out　fine
fellows！and　that　is　such　a　mean　kind　of　thing！　Then　when　another
who　has　the　right；　lays　a　thing　upon　us；　we　grumblethough　it　be
the　truest　and　kindest　thing；　and　the　most　reasonable　and　needful
for　useven　for　our　dignityfor　our　being　worth　anything！　Depend
upon　it；　Davie；　to　do　what　we　are　told　is　a　far　grander　thing　than
to　lay　the　severest　rules　upon　ourselvesay；　and　to　stick　to　them；
too！〃

〃But　might　there　not　be　something　good　for　us　to　do　that　we　were　not
told　of？〃

〃Whoever　does　the　thing　he　is　told　to　dothe　thing；　that　is；　that
has　a　plain　ought　in　it；　will　become　satisfied　that　there　is　one　who
will　not　forget　to　tell　him　what　must　be　done　as　soon　as　he　is　fit
to　do　it。〃

The　conversation　lasted　only　while　Donal　ate　his　breakfast；　with　the
little　fellow　standing　beside　him；　it　was　soon　over；　but　not　soon　to
be　forgotten。　For　the　readiness　of　the　boy　to　do　what　his　master
told　him；　was　beautifuland　a　great　help　and　comfort；　sometimes　a
rousing　rebuke　to　his　master；　whose　thoughts　would　yet　occasionally
tumble　into　one　of　the　pitfalls　of　sorrow。

〃What！〃　he　would　say　to　himself；　〃am　I　so　believed　in　by　this　child；
that　he　goes　at　once　to　do　my　words；　and　shall　I　for　a　moment　doubt
the　heart　of　the　Father；　or　his　power　or　will　to　set　right　whatever
may　have　seemed　to　go　wrong　with　his　child！Go　on；　Davie！　You　are　a
good　boy；　I　will　be　a　better　man！〃

But　naturally；　as　soon　as　lessons　were　over；　he　fell　again　to
thinking　what　could　have　befallen　him　the　night　before。　At　what
point　did　the　aberration　begin？　The　earl　must　have　taken　notice　of
it；　for　surely　Simmons　had　not　given　Davie　those　injunctions　of
himselfexcept　indeed　he　had　exposed　his　condition　even　to　him！　If
the　earl　had　spoken　to　Simmons；　kindness　seemed　intended　him；　but　it
might　have　been　merely　care　over　the　boy！　Anyhow；　what　was　to　be
done？

He　did　not　ponder　the　matter　long。　With　that　directness　which　was
one　of　the　most　marked　features　of　his　nature；　he　resolved　at　once
to　request　an　interview　with　the　earl；　and　make　his　apologies。　He
sought　Simmons；　therefore；　and　found　him　in　the　pantry　rubbing　up
the　forks　and　spoons。

〃Ah；　Mr。　Grant；〃　he　said；　before　Donal　could　speak；　〃I　was　just
coming　to　you　with　a　message　from　his　lordship！　He　wants　to　see
you。〃

〃And　I　came　to　you；〃　replied　Donal；　〃to　say　I　wanted　to　see　his
lordship！〃

〃That's　well　fitted；　then；　sir！〃　returned　Simmons。　〃I　will　go　and
see　when。　His　lordship　is　not　up；　nor　likely　to　be　for　some　hours
yet；　he　is　in　one　of　his　low　fits　this　morning。　He　told　me　you　were
not　quite　yourself　last　night。〃

As　he　spoke　his　red　nose　seemed　to　examine　Donal's　face　with　a
kindly；　but　not　altogether　sympathetic　scrutiny。

〃The　fact　is；　Simmons；〃　answered　Donal；　〃not　being　used　to　wine；　I
fear　I　drank　more　of　his　lordship's　than　was　good　for　me。〃

〃His　lordship's　wine；〃　murmured　Simmons；　and　there　checked　himself。
〃How　much　did　you　drink；　sirif　I　may　make　so　bold？〃

〃I　had　one　glass　during　dinner；　and　more　than　one；　but　not　nearly
two；　after。〃

〃Pooh！　pooh；　sir！　That　could　never　hurt　a　strong　man　like　you！　You
ought　to　know　better　than　that！　Look　at　me！〃

But　he　did　not　go　on　with　his　illustration。

〃Tut！〃　he　resumed；　〃that　make　you　sleep　till　ten　o'clock！If　you
will　kindly　wait　in　the　hall；　or　in　the　schoolroom；　I　will