bleak house(凄凉的房子)-第80节
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distinctly。 “My dear； I think so now。 If any real disadvantage can
attach to your position； in the mind of any man or woman worth a
thought； it is right that you； at least； of all the world； should not
magnify it to yourself； by having vague impressions of its nature。”
I sat down； and said； after a little effort to be as calm as I ought
to be； “One of my earliest remembrances； Guardian； is of these
words。 ‘Your mother； Esther； is your disgrace； and you were hers。
The time will come； and soon enough； when you will understand
this better； and will feel it too； as no one save a woman can。’“ I had
covered my face with my hands； in repeating the words； but I took
them away now with a better kind of shame； I hope； and told him；
that to him I owed the blessing that I had from my childhood to
that hour never； never never felt it。 He put up his hand as if to stop
me。 I well knew that he was never to be thanked； and said no
more。
“Nine years； my dear；” he said； after thinking for a little while；
“have passed since I received a letter from a lady living in
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seclusion； written with a stern passion and power that rendered it
unlike all other letters I have ever read。 It was written to me （as it
told me in so many words）； perhaps； because it was the writer’s
idiosyncrasy to put that trust in me： perhaps because it was mine
to justify it。 It told me of a child； an orphan girl then twelve years
old； in some such cruel words as those which live in your
remembrance。 It told me that the writer had bred her in secrecy
from her birth； had blotted out all trace of her existence； and that
if the writer were to die before the child became a woman； she
would be left entirely friendless； nameless； and unknown。 It asked
me to consider if I would； in that case； finish what the writer had
begun？”
I listened in silence； and looked attentively at him。
“Your early recollection； my dear； will supply the gloomy
medium through which all this was seen and expressed by the
writer； and the distorted religion which clouded her mind with
impressions of the need there was for the child to expiate an
offence of which she was quite innocent。 I felt concerned for the
little creature； in her darkened life； and replied to the letter。”
I took his hand and kissed it。
“It laid the injunction on me that I should never propose to see
the writer； who had long been estranged from all intercourse with
the world； but who would see a confidential agent if I would
appoint one。 I accredited Mr Kenge。 The lady said； of her own
accord； and not of his seeking； that her name was an assumed one。
That she was； if there were any ties of blood in such a case； the
child’s aunt。 That more than this she would never （and he was well
persuaded of the steadfastness of her resolution）； for any human
consideration； disclose。 My dear； I have told you all。”
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I held his hand for a little while in mine。
“I saw my ward oftener than she saw me；” he added； cheerily
making light of it； “and I always knew she was beloved； useful； and
happy。 She repays me twenty…thousand fold； and twenty more to
that； every hour in every day！”
“And oftener still；” said I； “she blesses the Guardian who is a
Father to her！”
At the word Father； I saw his former trouble come into his face。
He subdued it as before； and it was gone in an instant； but； it had
been there； and it had come so swiftly upon my words that I felt as
if they had given him a shock。 I again inwardly repeated；
wondering； “That I could readily understand。 None that I could
readily understand！” No； it was true。 I did not understand it。 Not
for many and many a day。
“Take a fatherly good…night； my dear；” said he； kissing me on
the forehead； “and so to rest。 These are late hours for working and
thinking。 You do that for all of us； all day long； little housekeeper！”
I neither worked nor thought any more that night。 I opened my
grateful heart to Heaven in thankfulness for its providence to me
and its care of me； and fell asleep。
We had a visitor next day。 Mr Allan Woodcourt came。 He came
to take leave of us； he had settled to do so beforehand。 He was
going to China； and to India； as a surgeon on board ship。 He was to
be away a long； long time。
I believe—at least I know—that he was not rich。 All his
widowed mother could spare had been spent in qualifying him for
his profession。 It was not lucrative to a young practitioner； with
very little influence in London； and although he was； night and
day； at the service of numbers of poor people； and did wonders of
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gentleness and skill for them； he gained very little by it in money。
He was seven years older than I。 Not that I need mention it； for it
hardly seems to belong to anything。
I think—I mean； he told us—that he had been in practice three
or four years； and that if he could have hoped to contend through
three or four more he would not have made the voyage on which
he was bound。 But he had no fortune or private means； and so he
was going away。 He had been to see us several times altogether。
We thought it a pity he should go away。 Because he was
distinguished in his art among those who knew it best； and some
of the greatest men belonging to it had a high opinion of him。
When he came to bid us good…bye； he brought his mother with
him for the first time。 She was a pretty old lady； with bright black
eyes； but she seemed proud。 She came from Wales； and had had； a
long time ago； an eminent person for an ancestor； of the name of
Morgan ap…Kerrig—of some place that sounded like Gimlet—who
was the most illustrious person that ever was known； and all of
whose relations were a sort of Royal Family。 He appeared to have
passed his life in always getting up into mountains； and fighting
somebody； and a Bard whose name sounded like
Crumlinwallinwer had sung his praises； in a piece which was
called； as nearly as I could catch it； Mewlinnwillinwodd。
Mrs Woodcourt； after expatiating to us on the fame of her great
kinsman； said that； no doubt； wherever her son Allan went； he
would remember his pedigree； and would on no account from an
alliance below it。 She told him that there were many handsome
English ladies in India who went out on speculation； and that
there were some to be picked up with property； but； that neither
charms nor wealth would suffice for the descendant from such a
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line； without birth： which must ever be the first consideration。 She
talked so much about birth that； for a moment； I half fancied； and
with pain—but； what an idle fancy to suppose that she could think
or care what mine was！
Mr Woodcourt seemed a little distressed by her prolixity； but he
was too considerate to let her see it； and contrived delicately to
bring the conversation round to making his acknowledgments to
my Guardian for his hospitality； and for the very happy hours—he
called them the very happy hours—he had passed with us。 The
recollection of them； he said； would go with him wherever he
went； and would be always treasured。 And so we gave him our
hands； one after another—at least； they did—and I did； and so he
put his lips to Ada
