bleak house(凄凉的房子)-第201节
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charged himself even with restraining Mr Skimpole from
improving his opportunity。 One person whom he need not name to
me； it was not now possible for him to advise or help。 He wished it
were； but no such thing could be。 If her mistrust of the lawyer
whom she had mentioned were well…founded； which he scarcely
doubted； he dreaded discovery。 He knew something of him； both
by sight and by reputation； and it was certain that he was a
dangerous man。 Whatever happened； he repeatedly impressed
upon me with anxious affection and kindness； I was as innocent of
as himself； and as unable to influence。
“Nor do I understand；” said he； “that any doubts tend towards
you； my dear。 Much suspicion may exist without that connection。”
“With the lawyer；” I returned。 “But two other persons have
come into my mind since I have been anxious。” Then I told him all
about Mr Guppy； who I feared might have had his vague surmises
when I little understood his meaning； but in whose silence after
our last interview I expressed perfect confidence。
“Well；” said my Guardian。 “Then we may dismiss him for the
present。 Who is the other？”
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I called to his recollection the French maid and the eager offer
of herself she had made to me。
“Ha！” he returned thoughtfully； “that is a more alarming
person than the clerk。 But after all； my dear； it was but seeking for
a new service。 She had seen you and Ada a little while before； and
it was natural that you should come into her head。 She merely
proposed herself for your maid； you know。 She did nothing more。”
“Her manner was strange；” said I。
“Yes； and her manner was strange when she took her shoes off；
and showed that cool relish for a walk that might have ended in
her death…bed；” said my Guardian。 “It would be useless self…
distress and torment to reckon up such chances and possibilities。
There are very few harmless circumstances that would not seem
full of perilous meaning； so considered。 Be hopeful； little woman。
You can be nothing better than yourself； be that； through this
knowledge； as you were before you had it。 It is the best you can do；
for everybody’s sake。 I sharing the secret with you—”
“And lightening it； Guardian； so much；” said I。
“—Will be attentive to what passes in that family； so far as I can
observe it from my distance。 And if the time should come when I
can stretch out a hand to render the least service to one whom it is
better not to name even here； I will not fail to do it for her dear
daughter’s sake。”
I thanked him with my whole heart。 What could I ever do but
thank him！ I was going out at the door； when he asked me to stay a
moment。 Quickly turning round； I saw that same expression on his
face again； and all at once； I don’t know how； it flashed upon me as
a new and far off possibility that I understood it。
“My dear Esther；” said my Guardian； “I have long had
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Bleak House 836
something in my thoughts that I have wished to say to you。”
“Indeed？”
“I have had some difficulty in approaching it； and I still have。 I
should wish it to be so deliberately said； and so deliberately
considered。 Would you object to my writing it？”
“Dear Guardian； how could I object to your writing anything for
me to read？”
“Then see； my love；” said he； with his cheery smile； “am I at
this moment quite as plain and easy—do I seem as open； as honest
and old…fashioned； as I am at any time？”
I answered； in all earnestness； “Quite。” With the strictest truth；
for his momentary hesitation was gone （it had not lasted a
minute）； and his fine； sensible； cordial； sterling manner was
restored。
“Do I look as if I suppressed anything； meant anything but what
I said； had any reservation at all； no matter what？” said he； with
his bright clear eyes on mine。
I answered； most assuredly he did not。
“Can you fully trust me； and thoroughly rely on what I profess；
Esther？”
“Most thoroughly；” said I； with my whole heart。
“My dear girl；” returned my Guardian； “give me your hand。”
He took it in his； holding me lightly with his arm； and； looking
down into my face with the same genuine freshness and
faithfulness of manner—the old protecting manner which had
made that house my home in a moment—said； “You have wrought
changes in me； little woman； since the winter day in the stage
coach。 First and last you have done me a world of good； since that
time。”
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“Ah； Guardian； what have you done for me since that time？”
“But；” said he； “that is not to be remembered now。”
“It never can be forgotten。”
“Yes； Esther；” said he； with a gentle seriousness； “it is to be
forgotten now； to be forgotten for a while。 You are only to
remember now； that nothing can change me as you know me。 Can
you feel quite assured of that； my dear？”
“I can； and I do；” I said。
“That’s much；” he answered。 “That’s everything。 But I must not
take that； at a word。 I will not write this something in my thoughts；
until you have quite resolved within yourself that nothing can
change me as you know me。 If you doubt that in the least degree I
will never write it。 If you are sure of that； on good consideration；
send Charley to me this night week—‘for the letter。’ But if you are
not quite certain； never send。 Mind； I trust to your truth； in this
thing as in everything。 If you are not quite certain on that one
point； never send！”
“Guardian；” said I； “I am already certain。 I can no more be
changed in that conviction； that you can be changed towards me。 I
shall send Charley for the letter。”
He shook my hand and said no more。 Nor was any more said in
reference to this conversation； either by him or me； through the
whole week。 When the appointed night came； I said to Charley as
soon as I was alone； “Go and knock at Mr Jarndyce’s door；
Charley； and say you have come from me—‘for the letter。’”
Charley went up the stairs； and down the stairs； and along the
passages—the zig…zag way about the old…fashioned house seemed
very long in my listening ears that night—and so came back； along
the passages； and down the stairs； and up the stairs； and brought
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Bleak House 838
the letter。 “Lay it on the table； Charley；” said I。 So Charley laid it
on the table and went to bed； and I sat looking at it without taking
it up； thinking of many things。
I began with my overshadowed childhood； and passed through
those timid days to the heavy time when my aunt lay dead； with
her resolute face so cold and set； and when I was more solitary
with Mrs Rachael； than if I had had no one in the world to speak to
or to look at。 I passed to the altered days when I was so blest as to
find friends in all around me； and to be beloved。 I came to the time
when I first saw my dear girl； and was received into that sisterly
affection which was the grace and beauty of my life。 I recalled the
first bright gleam of welcome which had shone out of those very
windows upon our expectant faces on that cold bright night； and
which had never paled。 I lived my happy life there over again； I
went through my illness and recovery； I thought of myself so
altered and of those around me so unchanged； and all this
