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Charles Dickens                                                     ElecBook Classics 


´ Page 661´

                                   Bleak House                                     661 



    These     encomiums        bring    them     to  Mount      Pleasant�察   �and    to 

Grandfather        Smallweed¨s       house。    The    door    is  opened      by   the 

perennial Judy�察  �who�察  �having  surveyed   them   from   top   to  toe   with 

no   particular   favour�察  �but   indeed   with   a   malignant   sneer�察  �leaves 

them     standing     there�察  �while   she   consults    the   oracle   as   to  their 

admission。   The   oracle may   be   inferred   to   give   consent�察  �from   the 

circumstance   of   her   returning   with   the   words   on   her   honey   lips 

^that   they   can   come   in   if   they   want   to   it。 ̄   Thus   privileged   they 

come in�察�and find Mr Smallweed with his feet in the drawer of his 

chair as if it were a paper footbath�察�and Mrs Smallweed obscured 

with the cushion like a bird that is not to sing。 

    ^My dear friend�察院�says Grandfather Smallweed�察�with those two 

lean affectionate arms of his stretched forth。 ^How de do�拭�How de 

do�拭�Who is our friend�察�my dear friend�拭院�

    ^Why this�察院�returns George�察�not able to be very conciliatory at 

first�察   �is   Matthew   Bagnet�察  �who   has   obliged   me   in   that   matter   of 

ours�察�you know。 ̄ 

    ^Oh� �Mr Bagnet�拭�Surely� 院�the old man looks at him under his 

hand。     ^Hope     you¨re    well�察 �Mr    Bagnet�拭    �Fine    man�察   �Mr    George� �

Military air�察�sir� 院�

    No    chairs   being    offered�察  �Mr    George    brings    one   forward     for 

Bagnet�察  �and   one   for   himself。   They   sit   down�察  �Mr   Bagnet   as   if   he 

had     no  power     of  bending     himself�察   �except    at  the  hips   for   that 

purpose。 

    ^Judy�察院�says Mr Smallweed�察 �bring the pipe。 ̄ 

    ^Why�察  �I   don¨t   know�察院  �Mr   George   interposes�察   �that   the   young 

woman need give herself that trouble�察�for to tell you the truth�察�I am 

not inclined to smoke it today。 ̄ 

    ^Ain¨t you�拭院�returns the old man。 ^Judy�察�bring the pipe。 ̄ 



Charles Dickens                                                      ElecBook Classics 


´ Page 662´

                                  Bleak House                                  662 



    ^The    fact  is�察 �Mr  Smallweed�察院     �proceeds     George�察    �that  I  find 

myself in rather an unpleasant state of mind。 It appears to me�察�sir�察�

that your friend in the city has been playing tricks。 ̄ 

    ^O   dear   no� 院  �says   Grandfather      Smallweed。     ^He    never   does 

that� 院�

    ^Don¨t he�拭�Well�察�I am glad to hear it�察�because I thought it might 

be his doing。 This�察�you know�察�I am speaking of。 This letter。 ̄ 

   Grandfather        Smallweed       smiles    in   a   very    ugly   way�察   �in 

recognition of the letter。 

    ^What does it mean�拭院�asks Mr George。 

    ^Judy�察院�says the old man�察 �have you got the pipe�拭�Give it to me。 

Did you say what does it mean�察�my good friend�拭院�

    ^Aye� �Now�察�come�察�come�察�you know�察�Mr Smallweed�察院  �urges   the 

trooper�察     �constraining      himself     to   speak     as   smoothly      and 

confidentially as he can�察�holding the open letter in one hand�察�and 

resting the broad knuckles of the other on his thigh�察 �a good lot of 

money   has   passed   between        us�察 �and   we   are  face   to   face   at   the 

present   moment�察  �and   are   both   well   aware   of   the   understanding 

there has always been。 I am prepared to do the usual thing which I 

have done regularly�察�and to keep this matter going。 I never got a 

letter like this from you before�察�and I have been a little put about 

by   it   this  morning�察  �because    here¨s   my   friend   Matthew   Bagnet�察�

who�察�you know�察�had none of the money! ̄ 

    ^I don¨t know it�察�you know�察院�says the old man�察�quietly。 

    ^Why�察�confound you!it�察�I mean!I tell you so�察�don¨t I�拭院�

    ^Oh�察�yes�察�you tell me so�察院�returns Grandfather Smallweed。 ^But 

I don¨t know it。 ̄ 

    ^Well� 院�says the trooper�察�swallowing his fire。 ^I know it。 ̄ 

   Mr Smallweed replies with  excellent  temper�察   �Ah�  �that¨s   quite 



Charles Dickens                                                   ElecBook Classics 


´ Page 663´

                                   Bleak House                                     663 



another      thing� 院   �And    adds�察    �but   it  don¨t   matter。    Mr    Bagnet¨s 

situation is all one�察�whether or no。 ̄ 

    The   unfortunate   George   makes   a   great   effort   to   arrange   the 

affair comfortably�察�and to propitiate Mr Smallweed by taking him 

upon his own terms。 

    ^That¨s   just   what   I   mean。   As   you   say�察  �Mr   Smallweed�察  �here¨s 

Matthew  Bagnet  liable   to   be   fixed   whether   or   no。   Now�察  �you   see�察�

that makes his good lady very uneasy in her mind�察�and me too�察�for�察�

whereas I¨m a harum´scarum sort of a good´for´nought�察�that more 

kicks   than   halfpence   come   natural   to�察  �why   he¨s   a   steady   family 

man�察    �don¨t    you   see�拭   �Now�察   �Mr   Smallweed�察院      �says    the   trooper�察�

gaining confidence as he proceeds in this soldierly mode of doing 

business�察 �although you and I are good friends enough in a certain 

sort of a way�察�I am well aware that I can¨t ask you to let my friend 

Bagnet off entirely。 ̄ 

    ^O   dear�察  �you   are   too   modest。   You   can  ask   me   anything�察  �Mr 

George。 ̄   ��There   is   an   Ogreish   kind   of   jocularity   in   Grandfather 

Smallweed today。�� ^And you can refuse�察�you mean�察�eh�拭�Or not you 

so much�察�perhaps�察�as your friend in the city�拭�Ha ha ha� 院�

    ^Ha   ha   ha� 院  �echoes   Grandfather   Smallweed。   In           such   a  very 

hard     manner�察     �and    with    eyes   so   particularly     green�察   �that   Mr 

Bagnet¨s natural gravity is much deepened by  the   contemplation 

of that venerable man。 

    ^Come� 院�says the sanguine George�察 �I am glad to find we can be 

pleasant�察  �because   I   want   to   arrange       this   pleasantly。   Here¨s   my 

friend Bagnet�察�and here am I。 We¨ll settle the matter on the spot�察�if 

you  please�察  �Mr Smallweed�察  �in   the   usual   way。 And  you¨ll  ease   my 

friend Bagnet¨s mind�察�and his family¨s mind�察�a good deal�察�if you¨ll 

just mention to him what our understanding is。 ̄ 



Charles Dickens                                                      ElecBook Classics 


´ Page 664´

                                   Bleak House                                    664 



    Here   some   shrill   spectre   cries   out   in   a   mocking   manner�察   �O 

good gracious� �O� 院�unless�察�indeed�察�it be the sportive Judy�察�who is 

found to be silent when the startled visitors look round�察�but whose 

chin     has   received     a  recent    toss�察  �expressive     of   derision    and 

contempt。 Mr Bagnet¨s gravity becomes yet more profound。 

    ^But I think you asked me�察�Mr George�察院�old Smallweed�察�who all 

this time had the pipe in his hand�察�is the speaker now�察 �I think you 

asked me�察�what did the letter mean�拭院�

    ^Why�察�yes�察�I did�察院�returns the trooper�察�in his offhand way�此 �but I 

don¨t care to know particularly�察�if it¨s all correct and pleasant。 ̄ 

    Mr    Smallweed�察     �purposely     balking     himself   in   an  aim    at  the 

trooper¨s   head�察  �throws   the   pipe   on   the   ground   and   breaks   it   to 

pieces。 

    ^That¨s     what    it  means�察   �my   dear    friend。   I¨ll  smash    you。   I¨ll 

crumble you。 I¨ll powder you。 Go to the devil� 院�

    The    two   friends    rise  and   look   at  one   another。    Mr    Bagnet¨s 

gravity has now attained its profoundest point。 

    ^Go   to   the   devil� 院  �repeats   the   old   man。   ^I¨ll   have   no   more   of 

your      pipe´smoking         and     swaggerings。        What�拭      �You¨re      an 

independent dragoon�察�too� �Go to my lawyer ��you remember where�察�

you   have   been   there   before���察  �and   show   your   independence   now�察�

will you�拭�Come�察�my dear friend�察�there¨s a chance for you。 Open the 

street   door�察  �Judy�察  �put   these   blusterers   out�   �Call   in   help   if   they 

don¨t go。 Put ¨em out� 院�

    He vociferates this so loudly�察�that Mr Bagnet�察�laying his hands 

on the shoulders of his comrade�察�before the latter can recover from 

his amazement�察�gets him on the outside of the street´door�察�which is 

instantly   slammed   by   the   triumphant   Judy。   Utterly   confounded�察�

Mr George awhile stands looking at the knocker。 Mr Bagnet�察�in a 



Charles Dickens                                                     ElecBook Classics 


´ Page 665´

                                   Bleak House                                    665 



perfect     abyss   of  gravity�察  �walks    up   and

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