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and taking up his pen again。
Yes�察 �seven had gone�察 �and while the six were still small her husband
was taken ill with consumption。 It was flour on the lungs�察�the doctor told
her at the time。。。Her husband sat up in bed with his shirt pulled over his
head�察�and the doctor's finger drew a circle on his back。
;Now�察�if we were to cut him open here�察�Mrs。 Parker�察─�said the doctor�察�
;you'd find his lungs chock´a´block with white powder。 Breathe�察 �my
good fellow� ─ �And Mrs。 Parker never knew for certain whether she saw
or whether she fancied she saw a great fan of white dust come out of her
poor dead husband's lips。。。
But the struggle she'd had to bring up those six little children and keep
herself to herself。 Terrible it had been� �Then�察�just when they were old
enough to go to school her husband's sister came to stop with them to help
things along�察�and she hadn't been there more than two months when she
fell down a flight of steps and hurt her spine。 And for five years Ma
Parker had another babyand such a one for crying��to look after。 Then
young Maudie went wrong and took her sister Alice with her�察�the two boys
emigrimated�察�and young Jim went to India with the army�察�and Ethel�察�the
youngest�察�married a good´for´nothing little waiter who died of ulcers the
year little Lennie was born。 And now little Lenniemy grandson。。。
The piles of dirty cups�察�dirty dishes�察�were washed and dried。 The ink´
black knives were cleaned with a piece of potato and finished off with a
piece of cork。 The table was scrubbed�察�and the dresser and the sink that
had sardine tails swimming in it。。。
He'd never been a strong childnever from the first。 He'd been one
of those fair babies that everybody took for a girl。 Silvery fair curls he
had�察�blue eyes�察�and a little freckle like a diamond on one side of his nose。
The trouble she and Ethel had had to rear that child� �The things out of
the newspapers they tried him with� �Every Sunday morning Ethel would
read aloud while Ma Parker did her washing。
;Dear Sir��Just a line to let you know my little Myrtil was laid out for
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dead。。。After four bottils。。。gained 8 lbs。 in 9 weeks�察 �and is still putting it
on。;
And then the egg´cup of ink would come off the dresser and the letter
would be written�察�and Ma would buy a postal order on her way to work
next morning。 But it was no use。 Nothing made little Lennie put it on。
Taking him to the cemetery�察�even�察�never gave him a colour�察�a nice shake´
up in the bus never improved his appetite。
But he was gran's boy from the first。。。
;Whose boy are you�拭─�said old Ma Parker�察�straightening up from the
stove and going over to the smudgy window。 And a little voice�察�so warm�察�
so close�察�it half stifled herit seemed to be in her breast under her heart
laughed out�察�and said�察 �I'm gran's boy� ─�
At that moment there was a sound of steps�察�and the literary gentleman
appeared�察�dressed for walking。
;Oh�察�Mrs。 Parker�察�I'm going out。;
;Very good�察�sir。;
;And you'll find your half´crown in the tray of the inkstand。;
;Thank you�察�sir。;
;Oh�察 �by the way�察 �Mrs。 Parker�察─ �said the literary gentleman quickly�察�
;you didn't throw away any cocoa last time you were heredid you�拭─�
;No�察�sir。; ;Very strange。 I could have sworn I left a teaspoonful of
cocoa in the tin。; He broke off。 He said softly and firmly�察 �You'll
always tell me when you throw things awaywon't you�察 �Mrs。 Parker�拭─�
And he walked off very well pleased with himself�察�convinced�察�in fact�察�he'd
shown Mrs。 Parker that under his apparent carelessness he was as vigilant
as a woman。
The door banged。 She took her brushes and cloths into the bedroom。
But when she began to make the bed�察 �smoothing�察 �tucking�察 �patting�察 �the
thought of little Lennie was unbearable。 Why did he have to suffer so�拭�
That's what she couldn't understand。 Why should a little angel child have
to arsk for his breath and fight for it�拭 �There was no sense in making a
child suffer like that。
。。。From Lennie's little box of a chest there came a sound as though
something was boiling。 There was a great lump of something bubbling
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in his chest that he couldn't get rid of。 When he coughed the sweat
sprang out on his head�察�his eyes bulged�察�his hands waved�察�and the great
lump bubbled as a potato knocks in a saucepan。 But what was more
awful than all was when he didn't cough he sat against the pillow and
never spoke or answered�察�or even made as if he heard。 Only he looked
offended。
;It's not your poor old gran's doing it�察�my lovey�察─�said old Ma Parker�察�
patting back the damp hair from his little scarlet ears。 But Lennie moved
his head and edged away。 Dreadfully offended with her he lookedand
solemn。 He bent his head and looked at her sideways as though he
couldn't have believed it of his gran。
But at the last。。。Ma Parker threw the counterpane over the bed。 No�察�
she simply couldn't think about it。 It was too muchshe'd had too much
in her life to bear。 She'd borne it up till now�察�she'd kept herself to herself�察�
and never once had she been seen to cry。 Never by a living soul。 Not
even her own children had seen Ma break down。 She'd kept a proud face
always。 But now� �Lennie gonewhat had she�拭 �She had nothing。 He
was all she'd got from life�察�and now he was took too。 Why must it all
have happened to me�拭�she wondered。 ;What have I done�拭─�said old Ma
Parker。 ;What have I done�拭─�
As she said those words she suddenly let fall her brush。 She found
herself in the kitchen。 Her misery was so terrible that she pinned on her
hat�察�put on her jacket and walked out of the flat like a person in a dream。
She did not know what she was doing。 She was like a person so dazed
by the horror of what has happened that he walks awayanywhere�察 �as
though by walking away he could escape。。。
It was cold in the street。 There was a wind like ice。 People went
flitting by�察 �very fast�察�the men walked like scissors�察 �the women trod like
cats。 And nobody knewnobody cared。 Even if she broke down�察�if at
last�察�after all these years�察�she were to cry�察�she'd find herself in the lock´up
as like as not。
But at the thought of crying it was as though little Lennie leapt in his
gran's arms。 Ah�察�that's what she wants to do�察�my dove。 Gran wants to
cry。 If she could only cry now�察 �cry for a long time�察 �over everything�察�
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beginning with her first place and the cruel cook�察�going on to the doctor's�察�
and then the seven little ones�察�death of her husband�察�the children's leaving
her�察 �and all the years of misery that led up to Lennie。 But to have a
proper cry over all these things would take a long time。 All the same�察�the
time for it had come。 She must do it。 She couldn't put it off any longer�察�
she couldn't wait any more。。。Where could she go�拭�
;She's had a hard life�察�has Ma Parker。; Yes�察�a hard life�察�indeed� �Her
chin began to tremble�察�there was no time to lose。 But where�拭 �Where�拭�
She couldn't go home�察�Ethel was there。 It would frighten Ethel out of
her life。 She couldn't sit on a bench anywhere�察 �people would come
arsking her questions。 She couldn't possibly go back to the gentleman's
flat�察�she had no right to cry in strangers' houses。 If she sat on some steps
a policeman would speak to her。
Oh�察�wasn't there anywhere where she could hide and keep herself to
herself and stay as long as she liked�察�not disturbing anybody�察�and nobody
worrying her�拭 �Wasn't there anywhere in the world where she could have
her cry out at last�拭�
Ma Parker stood�察�looking u