5 midnigh+sun-第34节

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myself　get　that　close　to　her；　I　would　want　to　be　closer　still？　
？　2008　Stephenie　Meyer　
　
154　

Her　lips　looked　very　soft　and　warm。　　I　could　imagine　touching　them　with　the　tip　
of　my　finger。　　Just　lightly？　
That　was　exactly　the　kind　of　mistake　that　I　had　to　avoid。　
My　eyes　ran　over　her　face　again　and　again；　examining　it　for　changes。　　Mortals　
changed　all　the　time—I　was　sad　at　the　thought　of　missing　anything？　
I　thought　she　looked？tired。　　Like　she　hadn't　gotten　enough　sleep　this　weekend。　
Had　she　gone　out？　
I　laughed　silently　and　wryly　at　how　much　that　upset　me。　　So　what　if　she　had？　　I　
didn't　own　her。　　She　wasn't　mine。　
No；　she　wasn't　mine—and　I　was　sad　again。　
One　of　her　hands　twitched；　and　I　noticed　that　there　were　shallow；　barely　healed　
scrapes　across　the　heel　of　her　palm。　　She'd　been　hurt？　　Even　though　it　was　obviously　not　
a　serious　injury；　it　still　disturbed　me。　　I　considered　the　location；　and　decided　she　must　
have　tripped。　　That　seemed　a　reasonable　explanation；　all　things　considered。　
It　was　comforting　to　think　that　I　wouldn't　have　to　puzzle　over　either　of　these　
small　mysteries　forever。　　We　were　friends　now—or；　at　least；　trying　to　be　friends。　　I　could　
ask　her　about　her　weekend—about　the　beach；　and　whatever　late　night　activity　had　made　
her　look　so　weary。　　I　could　ask　what　had　happened　to　her　hands。　　And　I　could　laugh　a　
little　when　she　confirmed　my　theory　about　them。　
I　smiled　gently　as　I　wondered　whether　or　not　she　had　fallen　in　the　ocean。　　I　
wondered　if　she'd　had　a　pleasant　time　on　the　outing。　　I　wondered　if　she'd　thought　about　
me　at　all。　　If　she'd　missed　me　even　the　tiniest　portion　of　the　amount　that　I'd　missed　her。　
I　tried　to　picture　her　in　the　sun　on　the　beach。　　The　picture　was　incomplete；　though；　
because　I'd　never　been　to　First　Beach　myself。　　I　only　knew　how　it　looked　in　pictures？　
I　felt　a　tiny　qualm　of　unease　as　I　thought　about　the　reason　why　I'd　never　once　
been　to　the　pretty　beach　located　just　a　few　minutes　run　from　my　home。　　Bella　had　spent　
the　day　at　La　Push—a　place　where　I　was　forbidden；　by　treaty；　to　go。　　A　place　where　a　few　
old　men　still　remembered　the　stories　about　the　Cullens；　remembered　and　believed　them。　
A　place　where　our　secret　was　known？　
I　shook　my　head。　　I　had　nothing　to　worry　about　there。　　The　Quileutes　were　bound　
by　treaty；　too。　　Even　had　Bella　run　into　one　of　those　aging　sages；　they　could　reveal　
？　2008　Stephenie　Meyer　
　
155　

nothing。　　And　why　would　the　subject　ever　be　broached？　　Why　would　Bella　think　to　voice　
her　curiosity　there？　　No—the　Quileutes　were　perhaps　the　one　thing　I　did　not　have　to　
worry　about。　
I　was　angry　with　the　sun　when　it　began　to　rise。　　It　reminded　me　that　I　could　not　
satisfy　my　curiosity　for　days　to　come。　　Why　did　it　choose　to　shine　now？　
With　a　sigh；　I　ducked　out　her　window　before　it　was　light　enough　for　anyone　to　see　
me　here。　　I　meant　to　stay　in　the　thick　forest　by　her　house　and　see　her　off　to　school；　but　
when　I　got　into　the　trees；　I　was　surprised　to　find　the　trace　of　her　scent　lingering　on　the　
trail　there。　
I　followed　it　quickly；　curiously；　becoming　more　and　more　worried　as　it　led　deeper　
into　the　darkness。　　What　had　Bella　been　doing　out　here？　
The　trail　stopped　abruptly；　in　the　middle　of　nowhere　in　particular。　　She'd　gone　just　
a　few　steps　off　the　trail；　into　the　ferns；　where　she'd　touched　the　trunk　of　a　fallen　tree。　
Perhaps　sat　there？　
I　sat　where　she　had；　and　looked　around。　　All　she　would　have　been　able　to　see　was　
ferns　and　forest。　　It　had　probably　been　raining—the　scent　was　washed　out；　having　never　
set　deeply　into　the　tree。　
Why　would　Bella　have　come　to　sit　here　alone—and　she　had　been　alone；　no　doubt　
about　that—in　the　middle　of　the　wet；　murky　forest？　
It　made　no　sense；　and；　unlike　those　other　points　of　curiosity；　I　could　hardly　bring　
this　up　in　casual　conversation。　
So；　Bella；　I　was　following　your　scent　through　the　woods　after　I　left　your　room　
where　I'd　been　watching　you　sleep？　Yes；　that　would　be　quite　the　ice　breaker。　
I　would　never　know　what　she'd　been　thinking　and　doing　here；　and　that　had　my　
teeth　grinding　together　in　frustration。　　Worse；　this　was　far　too　much　like　the　scenario　I'd　
imagined　for　Emmett—Bella　wandering　alone　in　the　woods；　where　her　scent　would　call　
to　anyone　who　had　the　senses　to　track　it？　
I　groaned。　　Not　only　did　she　have　bad　luck；　but　she　courted　it。　
Well；　for　this　moment　she　had　a　protector。　　I　would　watch　over　her；　keep　her　from　
harm；　for　as　long　as　I　could　justify　it。　
？　2008　Stephenie　Meyer　
　
156　

I　suddenly　found　myself　wishing　that　Peter　and　Charlotte　would　make　an　
extended　stay。　
？　2008　Stephenie　Meyer　
　
157　
8。　Ghost　
I　did　not　see　much　of　Jasper's　guests　for　the　two　sunny　days　that　they　were　in　Forks。　　I　
only　went　home　at　all　so　that　Esme　wouldn't　worry。　　Otherwise；　my　existence　seemed　
more　like　that　of　a　specter　than　a　vampire。　　I　hovered；　invisible　in　the　shadows；　where　I　
could　follow　the　object　of　my　love　and　obsession—where　I　could　see　her　and　hear　her　in　
the　minds　of　the　lucky　humans　who　could　walk　through　the　sunlight　beside　her；　
sometimes　accidentally　brushing　the　back　of　her　hand　with　their　own。　　She　never　reacted　
to　such　contact；　their　hands　were　just　as　warm　as　hers。　
The　enforced　absence　from　school　had　never　been　a　trial　like　this　before。　　But　the　
sun　seemed　to　make　her　happy；　so　I　could　not　resent　it　too　much。　　Anything　that　pleased　
her　was　in　my　good　graces。　
Monday　morning；　I　eavesdropped　on　a　conversation　that　had　the　potential　to　
destroy　my　confidence　and　make　the　time　spent　away　from　her　a　torture。　　As　it　ended　up；　
though；　it　rather　made　my　day。　
I　had　to　feel　some　little　respect　for　Mike　Newton；　he　had　not　simply　given　up　and　
slunk　away　to　nurse　his　wounds。　　He　had　more　bravery　than　I'd　given　him　credit　for。　　He　
was　going　to　try　again。　
Bella　got　to　school　quite　early　and；　seeming　intent　on　enjoying　the　sun　while　it　
lasted；　sat　at　one　of　the　seldom　used　picnic　benches　while　she　waited　for　the　first　bell　to　
ring。　　Her　hair　caught　the　sun　in　unexpected　ways；　giving　off　a　reddish　shine　that　I　had　
not　anticipated。　
Mike　found　her　there；　doodling　again；　and　was　thrilled　at　his　good　luck。　
It　was　agonizing　to　only　be　able　to　watch；　powerless；　bound　to　the　forest's　
shadows　by　the　bright　sunlight。　
She　greeted　him　with　enough　enthusiasm　to　make　him　ecstatic；　and　me　the　
opposite。　
See；　she　likes　me。　　She　wouldn't　smile　like　that　if　she　didn't。　　I　bet　she　wanted　to　
go　to　the　dance　with　me。　　Wonder　what's　so　important　in　Seattle？　
？　2008　Stephenie　Meyer　
　
158　
He　perceived　the　change　in　her　hair。　　〃I　never　noticed　before—your　hair　has　red　in　
it。〃　
I　accidentally　uprooted　the　young　spruce　tree　my　hand　was　resting　on　when　he　
pinched　a　strand　of　her　hair　between　his　fingers。　
〃Only　in　the　sun；〃　she　said。　　To　my　deep　satisfaction；　she　cringed　away　from　him　
slightly　when　he　tucked　the　strand　behind　her　ear。　
It　took　Mike　a　minute　to　build　up　his　courage；　wasting　some　time　on　small　talk。　
She　reminded　him　of　the　essay　we　all　had　due　on　Wednesday。　　From　the　faintly　
smug　expression　on　her　face；　hers　was　already　done。　　He'd　forgotten　altogether；　and　that　
severely　diminished　his　free　time。　
Dang—stupid　essay。　
Finally　he　got　to　the　point—my　teeth　were　clenched　so　hard　they　could　have　
pulverized　granite—and　even　then；　he　couldn't　make　himself　ask　the　question　outright。　
〃I　was　going　to　ask　if　you　wanted　to　go　out。〃　
〃Oh；〃　she　said。　
There　was　a　brief　silence。　
Oh？　　What　does　that　mean？　　Is　she　going　to　yes？　　Wait—I　guess　I　didn't　really　
ask。　
He　swallowed　hard。　
〃Well；　we　could　go　to　dinner　or　something？and　I　could　work　on　it　later。〃　
Stupid—that　wasn't　a　question　either。　
〃Mike？〃　
The　agony　and　fury　of　my　jealousy　was　every　whit　as　powerful　as　it　had　been　last　
week。　　I　broke　another　tree　trying　to　hold　myself　here。　　I　wanted　so　badly　to　race　across　
the　campus；　too　fast　for　human　eyes；　and　snatch　her　up—to　steal　her　away　from　the　boy　
that　I　hated　so　much　in　this　moment　I　could　have　kill　him　and　enjoyed　it。　
Would　she　say　yes　to　him？　
〃I　don't　think　that　would　be　the　best　idea。〃　
I　breathed　again。　　My　rigid　body　relaxed。　
Seattle　was　just　an　excuse；　after　all。　　Shouldn't　have　asked。　　What　was　I　thinking？　
Bet　it's　that　freak；　Cullen？　
？　2008　Stephenie　Meyer　
　
159　

〃Why？〃　he　asked　sullenly。　
〃I　think？〃　she　hesitated。　　〃And　if　you　ever　repeat　what　I'm　saying　right　now　I　
will　cheerfully　beat　you　to　death—〃　
I　laughed　out　loud　at　the　sound　of　a　death　threat　coming　through　her　lips。　　A　jay　
shrieked；　startled；　and　launched　itself　away　from　me。　
〃But　I　think　that　would　hurt　Jessica's　feelings。〃　
〃Jessica？〃　　What？　　But？　　Oh。　　Okay。　　I　guess？　So？　　Huh。　
His　thoughts　were　no　longer　coherent。　
〃Really；　Mike；　are　you　blind？〃　
I　echoed　her　sentiment。　　She　shouldn't　expect　everyone　to　be　as　perceptive　as　she　
was；　but　really　this　instance　was　beyond　obvious。　　With　as　much　trouble　as　Mike　had　had　
working　himself　up　to　ask　Bella　out；　did　he　imagine　it　wasn't　just　as　difficult　for　Jessica？　
It　must　be　selfishness　that　made　him　blind　to　others。　　And　Bella　was　so　unselfish；　she　saw　
everything。　
Jessica。　　Huh。　　Wow。　　Huh。　　〃Oh；〃　he