5 midnigh+sun-第27节
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That was honest enough。 Let her see my selfishness。 Let that warn her； too。
〃You lost me again。〃
I was selfish enough to be glad that this was the case。 〃I always say too much
when I'm talking to you—that's one of the problems。〃
A rather insignificant problem； compared to the rest。
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120
〃Don't worry；〃 she reassured me。 〃I don't understand any of it。〃
Good。 Then she'd stay。 〃I'm counting on that。〃
〃So； in plain English； are we friends now？〃
I pondered that for a second。 〃Friends？〃 I repeated。 I didn't like the sound of
that。 It wasn't enough。
〃Or not；〃 she mumbled； looking embarrassed。
Did she think I didn't like her that much？
I smiled。 〃Well； we can try； I suppose。 But I'm warning you now that I'm not a
good friend for you。〃
I waited for her response； torn in two—wishing she would finally hear and
understand； thinking I might die if she did。 How melodramatic。 I was turning into such a
human。
Her heart beat faster。 〃You say that a lot。〃
〃Yes； because you're not listening to me；〃 I said； too intense again。 〃I'm still
waiting for you to believe it。 If you're smart； you'll avoid me。〃
Ah； but would I allow her to do that； if she tried？
Her eyes tightened。 〃I think you've made your opinion on the subject of my
intellect clear； too。〃
I wasn't exactly sure what she meant； but I smiled in apology； guessing that I
must have offended her accidentally。
〃So；〃 she said slowly。 〃As long as I'm being？not smart； we'll try to be friends？〃
〃That sounds about right。〃
She looked down； staring intently at the lemonade bottle in her hands。
The old curiosity tormented me。
〃What are you thinking？〃 I asked—it was a relief to say the words out loud at
last。
She met my gaze； and her breathing sped while her cheeks flushed faint pink。 I
inhaled； tasting that in the air。
〃I'm trying to figure out what you are。〃
I held the smile on my face； locking my features that way； while panic twisted
through my body。
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Of course she was wondering that。 She wasn't stupid。 I couldn't hope for her to
be oblivious to something so obvious。
〃Are you having any luck with that？〃 I asked as lightly as I could manage。
〃Not too much；〃 she admitted。
I chuckled in sudden relief。 〃What are your theories？〃
They couldn't be worse than the truth； no matter what she'd come up with。
Her cheeks turned brighter red； and she said nothing。 I could feel the warmth of
her blush in the air。
I tried using my persuasive tone on her。 It worked well on normal humans。
〃Won't you tell me？〃 I smiled encouragingly。
She shook her head。 〃Too embarrassing。〃
Ugh。 Not knowing was worse than anything else。 Why would her speculations
embarrass her？ I couldn't stand not knowing。
〃That's really frustrating； you know。〃
My complaint sparked something in her。 Her eyes flashed and her words flowed
more swiftly than usual。
〃No； I can't imagine why that would be frustrating at all—just because someone
refuses to tell you what they're thinking； even if all the while they're making cryptic little
remarks specifically designed to keep you up at night wondering what they could
possibly mean？now； why would that be frustrating？〃
I frowned at her； upset to realize that she was right。 I wasn't being fair。
She went on。 〃Or better； say that person also did a wide range of bizarre things—
from saving your life under impossible circumstances one day to treating you like a
pariah the next； and he never explained any of that either； even after he promised。 That；
also； would be very non…frustrating。〃
It was the longest speech I'd ever heard her make； and it gave me a new quality
for my list。
〃You've got a bit of a temper； don't you？〃
〃I don't like double standards。〃
She was completely justified in her irritation； of course。
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I stared at Bella； wondering how I could possibly do anything right by her； until
the silent shouting in Mike Newton's head distracted me。
He was so irate that it made me chuckle。
〃What？〃 she demanded。
〃Your boyfriend seems to think I'm being unpleasant to you—he's debating
whether or not to come break up our fight。〃 I would love to see him try。 I laughed again。
〃I don't know who you're talking about；〃 she said in an icy voice。 〃But I'm sure
you're wrong anyway。〃
I very much enjoyed the way she disowned him with her dismissive sentence。
〃I'm not。 I told you； most people are easy to read。〃
〃Except me； of course。〃
〃Yes。 Except for you。〃 Did she have to be the exception to everything？
Wouldn't it have been more fair—considering everything else I had to deal with now—if
I could have at least heard something from her head？ Was that so much to ask？ 〃I
wonder why that is？〃
I stared into her eyes； trying again？
She looked away。 She opened her lemonade and took a quick drink； her eyes on
the table。
〃Aren't you hungry？〃 I asked。
〃No。〃 She eyed the empty table between us。 〃You？〃
〃No； I'm not hungry；〃 I said。 I was definitely not that。
She stared at the table her lips pursed。 I waited。
〃Could you do me a favor？〃 she asked； suddenly meeting my gaze again。
What would she want from me？ Would she ask for the truth that I wasn't allowed
to tell her—the truth I didn't want her to ever； ever know？
〃That depends on what you want。〃
〃It's not much；〃 she promised。
I waited； curious again。
〃I just wondered？〃 she said slowly； staring at the lemonade bottle； tracing its lip
with her littlest finger。 〃If you could warn me beforehand the next time you decide to
ignore me for my own good？ Just so I'm prepared。〃
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She wanted a warning？ Then being ignored by me must be a bad thing？ I
smiled。
〃That sounds fair；〃 I agreed。
〃Thanks；〃 she said； looking up。 Her face was so relieved that I wanted to laugh
with my own relief。
〃Then can I have one in return？〃 I asked hopefully。
〃One；〃 she allowed。
〃Tell me one theory。〃
She flushed。 〃Not that one。〃
〃You didn't qualify； you just promised one answer；〃 I argued。
〃And you've broken promises yourself；〃 she argued back。
She had me there。
〃Just one theory—I won't laugh。〃
〃Yes； you will。〃 She seemed very sure of that； though I couldn't imagine
anything that would be funny about it。
I gave persuasion another try。 I stared deep into her eyes—an easy thing to do；
with eyes so deep—and whispered； 〃Please？〃
She blinked； and her face went blank。
Well； that wasn't exactly the reaction I'd been going for。
〃Er； what？〃 she asked。 She looked dizzy。 What was wrong with her？
But I wasn't giving up yet。
〃Please tell me just one little theory；〃 I pleaded in my soft； non…scary voice；
holding her eyes in mine。
To my surprise and satisfaction； it finally worked。
〃Um； well； bitten by a radioactive spider？〃
Comic books？ No wonder she thought I would laugh。
〃That's not very creative；〃 I chided her； trying to hide my fresh relief。
〃I'm sorry； that's all I've got；〃 she said； offended。
This relieved me even more。 I was able to tease her again。
〃You're not even close。〃
〃No spiders？〃
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〃Nope。〃
〃And no radioactivity？〃
〃None。〃
〃Dang；〃 she sighed。
〃Kryptonite doesn't bother me either；〃 I said quickly—before she could ask about
bites—and then I had to laugh； because she thought I was a superhero。
〃You're not supposed to laugh； remember？〃
I pressed my lips together。
〃I'll figure it out eventually；〃 she promised。
And when she did； she would run。
〃I wish you wouldn't try；〃 I said； all teasing gone。
〃Because？？〃
I owed her honesty。 Still； I tried to smile； to make my words sound less
threatening。 〃What if I'm not a superhero？ What if I'm the bad guy？〃
Her eyes widened by a fraction and her lips fell slightly apart。 〃Oh；〃 she said。
And then； after another second； 〃I see。〃
She'd finally heard me。
〃Do you？〃 I asked； working to conceal my agony。
〃You're dangerous？〃 she guessed。 Her breathing hiked； and her heart raced。
I couldn't answer her。 Was this my last moment with her？ Would she run now？
Could I be allowed to tell her that I loved her before she left？ Or would that frighten her
more？
〃But not bad；〃 she whispered； shaking her head； no fear in her clear eyes。 〃No； I
don't believe that you're bad。〃
〃You're wrong；〃 I breathed。
Of course I was bad。 Wasn't I rejoicing now； that she thought better of me than I
deserved？ If I were a good person； I would have stayed away from her。
I stretched my hand across the table； reaching for the lid to her lemonade bottle as
an excuse。 She did not flinch away from my suddenly closer hand。 She really was not
afraid of me。 Not yet。
I spun the lid like a top； watching it instead of her。 My thoughts were in a snarl。
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Run； Bella； run。 I couldn't make myself say the words out loud。
She jumped to her feet。 〃We're going to be late；〃 she said； just as I'd started to
worry that she'd somehow heard my silent warning。
〃I'm not going to class。〃
〃Why not？〃
Because I don't want to kill you。 〃It's healthy to ditch class now and
