cranford(克兰弗德)-第15节
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〃But she wears widows' caps； ma'am？〃
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〃Oh！ I only meant something in that style； not widows'； of course；
but rather like Mrs Jamieson's。〃
This effort at concealment was the beginning of the tremulous
motion of head and hands which I have seen ever since in Miss Matty。
The evening of the day on which we heard of Mr Holbrook's death；
Miss Matilda was very silent and thoughtful； after prayers she called
Martha back and then she stood uncertain what to say。
〃Martha！〃 she said； at last； 〃you are young〃 … and then she made so
long a pause that Martha； to remind her of her half…finished sentence；
dropped a curtsey； and said …
〃Yes； please； ma'am； two…and…twenty last third of October； please；
ma'am。〃
〃And； perhaps； Martha； you may some time meet with a young man
you like； and who likes you。 I did say you were not to have followers；
but if you meet with such a young man； and tell me； and I find he is
respectable； I have no objection to his coming to see you once a week。
God forbid！〃 said she in a low voice； 〃that I should grieve any young
hearts。〃 She spoke as if she were providing for some distant
contingency； and was rather startled when Martha made her ready eager
answer …
〃Please； ma'am； there's Jem Hearn； and he's a joiner making three…
and…sixpence a…day； and six foot one in his stocking…feet； please； ma'am；
and if you'll ask about him to…morrow morning； every one will give him
a character for steadiness； and he'll be glad enough to come to…morrow
night； I'll be bound。〃
Though Miss Matty was startled； she submitted to Fate and Love。
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CHAPTER V … OLD LETTERS
I HAVE often noticed that almost every one has his own individual
small economies … careful habits of saving fractions of pennies in some
one peculiar direction … any disturbance of which annoys him more than
spending shillings or pounds on some real extravagance。 An old
gentleman of my acquaintance； who took the intelligence of the failure
of a Joint…Stock Bank； in which some of his money was invested； with
stoical mildness； worried his family all through a long summer's day
because one of them had torn （instead of cutting） out the written leaves
of his now useless bank…book； of course； the corresponding pages at the
other end came out as well； and this little unnecessary waste of paper
（his private economy） chafed him more than all the loss of his money。
Envelopes fretted his soul terribly when they first came in； the only way
in which he could reconcile himself to such waste of his cherished
article was by patiently turning inside out all that were sent to him； and
so making them serve again。 Even now； though tamed by age； I see
him casting wistful glances at his daughters when they send a whole
inside of a half…sheet of note paper； with the three lines of acceptance to
an invitation； written on only one of the sides。 I am not above owning
that I have this human weakness myself。 String is my foible。 My
pockets get full of little hanks of it； picked up and twisted together；
ready for uses that never come。 I am seriously annoyed if any one cuts
the string of a parcel instead of patiently and faithfully undoing it fold by
fold。 How people can bring themselves to use india…rubber rings；
which are a sort of deification of string； as lightly as they do； I cannot
imagine。 To me an india…rubber ring is a precious treasure。 I have
one which is not new … one that I picked up off the floor nearly six years
ago。 I have really tried to use it； but my heart failed me； and I could
not commit the extravagance。
Small pieces of butter grieve others。 They cannot attend to
conversation because of the annoyance occasioned by the habit which
some people have of invariably taking more butter than they want。
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Have you not seen the anxious look （almost mesmeric） which such
persons fix on the article？ They would feel it a relief if they might bury
it out of their sight by popping it into their own mouths and swallowing
it down； and they are really made happy if the person on whose plate it
lies unused suddenly breaks off a piece of toast （which he does not want
at all） and eats up his butter。 They think that this is not waste。
Now Miss Matty Jenkyns was chary of candles。 We had many
devices to use as few as possible。 In the winter afternoons she would
sit knitting for two or three hours … she could do this in the dark； or by
firelight … and when I asked if I might not ring for candles to finish
stitching my wristbands； she told me to 〃keep blind man's holiday。〃
They were usually brought in with tea； but we only burnt one at a time。
As we lived in constant preparation for a friend who might come in any
evening （but who never did）； it required some contrivance to keep our
two candles of the same length； ready to be lighted； and to look as if we
burnt two always。 The candles took it in turns； and； whatever we might
be talking about or doing； Miss Matty's eyes were habitually fixed upon
the candle； ready to jump up and extinguish it and to light the other
before they had become too uneven in length to be restored to equality in
the course of the evening。
One night； I remember this candle economy particularly annoyed me。
I had been very much tired of my compulsory 〃blind man's holiday；〃
especially as Miss Matty had fallen asleep； and I did not like to stir the
fire and run the risk of awakening her； so I could not even sit on the rug；
and scorch myself with sewing by firelight； according to my usual
custom。 I fancied Miss Matty must be dreaming of her early life； for
she spoke one or two words in her uneasy sleep bearing reference to
persons who were dead long before。 When Martha brought in the
lighted candle and tea； Miss Matty started into wakefulness； with a
strange； bewildered look around； as if we were not the people she
expected to see about her。 There was a little sad expression that
shadowed her face as she recognised me； but immediately afterwards
she tried to give me her usual smile。 All through tea…time her talk ran
upon the days of her childhood and youth。 Perhaps this reminded her
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of the desirableness of looking over all the old family letters； and
destroying such as ought not to be allowed to fall into the hands of
strangers； for she had often spoken of the necessity of this task； but had
always shrunk from it； with a timid dread of something painful。 To…
night； however； she rose up after tea and went for them … in the dark； for
she piqued herself on the precise neatness of all her chamber
arrangements； and used to look uneasily at me when I lighted a
