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第35节

a room with a view-第35节

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give Mr。 Emerson all he wants。 Where's mother?〃



〃She's started on her Sunday writing。 She's in the drawing…room。〃



〃That's all right。 You go away。〃



He went off singing。



Lucy sat down at the table。 Miss Bartlett; who was thoroughly

frightened; took up a book and pretended to read。



She would not be drawn into an elaborate speech。 She just said:

〃I can't have it; Mr。 Emerson。 I cannot even talk to you。 Go out

of this house; and never come into it again as long as I live

here〃 flushing as she spoke and pointing to the door。 〃I hate a

row。 Go please。〃



〃What〃



〃No discussion。〃



〃But I can't〃



She shook her head。 〃Go; please。 I do not want to call in Mr。

Vyse。〃



〃You don't mean;〃 he said; absolutely ignoring Miss Bartlett

〃you don't mean that you are going to marry that man?〃



The line was unexpected。



She shrugged her shoulders; as if his vulgarity wearied her。 〃You

are merely ridiculous;〃 she said quietly。



Then his words rose gravely over hers: 〃You cannot live with

Vyse。 He's only for an acquaintance。 He is for society and

cultivated talk。 He should know no one intimately; least of all a

woman。〃



It was a new light on Cecil's character。



〃Have you ever talked to Vyse without feeling tired?〃



〃I can scarcely discuss〃



〃No; but have you ever? He is the sort who are all right so long

as they keep to thingsbooks; picturesbut kill when they come

to people。 That's why I'll speak out through all this muddle even

now。 It's shocking enough to lose you in any case; but generally

a man must deny himself joy; and I would have held back if your

Cecil had been a different person。 I would never have let myself

go。 But I saw him first in the National Gallery; when he winced

because my father mispronounced the names of great painters。 Then

he brings us here; and we find it is to play some silly trick on

a kind neighbour。 That is the man all overplaying tricks on

people; on the most sacred form of life that he can find。 Next; I

meet you together; and find him protecting and teaching you and

your mother to be shocked; when it was for YOU to settle whether

you were shocked or no。 Cecil all over again。 He daren't let a

woman decide。 He's the type who's kept Europe back for a thousand

years。 Every moment of his life he's forming you; telling you

what's charming or amusing or ladylike; telling you what a man

thinks womanly; and you; you of all women; listen to his voice

instead of to your own。 So it was at the Rectory; when I met you

both again; so it has been the whole of this afternoon。 Therefore

not 'therefore I kissed you;' because the book made me do that;

and I wish to goodness I had more self…control。 I'm not ashamed。

I don't apologize。 But it has frightened you; and you may not

have noticed that I love you。 Or would you have told me to go;

and dealt with a tremendous thing so lightly? But therefore

therefore I settled to fight him。〃



Lucy thought of a very good remark。



〃You say Mr。 Vyse wants me to listen to him; Mr。 Emerson。 Pardon

me for suggesting that you have caught the habit。〃



And he took the shoddy reproof and touched it into immortality。

He said:



〃Yes; I have;〃 and sank down as if suddenly weary。 〃I'm the same

kind of brute at bottom。 This desire to govern a womanit lies

very deep; and men and women must fight it together before they

shall enter the garden。 But I do love you surely in a better way

than he does。〃 He thought。 〃Yesreally in a better way。 I want

you to have your own thoughts even when I hold you in my arms;〃

He stretched them towards her。 〃Lucy; be quickthere's no time

for us to talk nowcome to me as you came in the spring; and

afterwards I will be gentle and explain。 I have cared for you

since that man died。 I cannot live without you; 'No good;' I

thought; 'she is marrying some one else'; but I meet you again

when all the world is glorious water and sun。 As you came through

the wood I saw that nothing else mattered。 I called。 I wanted to

live and have my chance of joy。〃



〃And Mr。 Vyse?〃 said Lucy; who kept commendably calm。 〃Does he

not matter? That I love Cecil and shall be his wife shortly? A

detail of no importance; I suppose?〃



But he stretched his arms over the table towards her。



〃May I ask what you intend to gain by this exhibition?〃



He said: 〃It is our last chance。 I shall do all that I can。〃 And

as if he had done all else; he turned to Miss Bartlett; who sat

like some portent against the skies of the evening。 〃You wouldn't

stop us this second time if you understood;〃 he said。 〃I have

been into the dark; and I am going back into it; unless you will

try to understand。〃



Her long; narrow head drove backwards and forwards; as though

demolishing some invisible obstacle。 She did not answer。



〃It is being young;〃 he said quietly; picking up his racquet from

the floor and preparing to go。 〃It is being certain that Lucy

cares for me really。 It is that love and youth matter

intellectually。〃



In silence the two women watched him。 His last remark; they knew;

was nonsense; but was he going after it or not? Would not he; the

cad; the charlatan; attempt a more dramatic finish? No。 He was

apparently content。 He left them; carefully closing the front

door; and when they looked through the hall window; they saw him

go up the drive and begin to climb the slopes of withered fern

behind the house。 Their tongues were loosed; and they burst into

stealthy rejoicings。



〃Oh; Luciacome back hereoh; what an awful man!〃



Lucy had no reactionat least; not yet。 〃Well; he amuses me;〃

she said。 〃Either I'm mad; or else he is; and I'm inclined to

think it's the latter。 One more fuss through with you; Charlotte。

Many thanks。 I think; though; that this is the last。 My admirer

will hardly trouble me again。〃



And Miss Bartlett; too; essayed the roguish:



〃Well; it isn't every one who could boast such a conquest;

dearest; is it? Oh; one oughtn't to laugh; really。 It might have

been very serious。 But you were so sensible and braveso unlike

the girls of my day。〃



〃Let's go down to them。〃



But; once in the open air; she paused。 Some emotionpity;

terror; love; but the emotion was strongseized her; and she was

aware of autumn。 Summer was ending; and the evening brought her

odours of decay; the more pathetic because they were reminiscent

of spring。 That something or other mattered intellectually? A

leaf; violently agitated; danced past her; while other leaves lay

motionless。 That the earth was hastening to re…enter darkness;

and the shadows of those trees over Windy Corner?



〃Hullo; Lucy! There's still light enough for another set; if you

two'll hurry。〃



〃Mr。 Emerson has had to go。〃



〃What a nuisance! That spoils the four。 I say; Cecil; do play;

do; there's a good chap。 It's Floyd's last day。 Do play tennis

with us; just this once。〃



Cecil's voice came: 〃My dear Freddy; I am no athlete。 As you well

remarked this very morning; 'There are some chaps who are no good

for anything but books'; I plead guilty to being such a chap; and

will not inflict myself on you。〃



The scales fell from Lucy's eyes。 How had she stood Cecil for a

moment? He was absolutely intolerable; and the same evening she

broke off her engagement。







Chapter XVII:  Lying to Cecil



He was bewildered。 He had nothing to say。 He was not even angry;

but stood; with a glass of whiskey between his hands; trying to

think what had led her to such a conclusion。



She had chosen the moment before bed; when; in accordance with

their bourgeois habit; she always dispensed drinks to the men。

Freddy and Mr。 Floyd were sure to retire with their glasses;

while Cecil invariably lingered; sipping at his while she locked

up the sideboard。



〃I am very sorry about it;〃 she said; 〃I have carefully thought

things over。 We are too different。 I must ask you to release me;

and try to forget that there ever was such a foolish girl。〃



It was a suitable speech; but she was more angry than sorry; and

her voice showed it。



〃Differenthowhow〃



〃I haven't had a really good education; for one thing;〃 she

continued; still on her knees by the sideboard。 〃My Italian trip

came too late; and I am forgetting all that I learnt there。 I

shall never be able to talk to your friends; or behave as a wife

of yours should。〃



〃I don't understand you。 You aren't like yourself。 You're tired;

Lucy。〃



〃Tired!〃 she retorted; kindling at once。 〃That is exactly like

you。 You always think women don't mean what they say。〃



〃Well; you sound tired; as if something has worried you。〃



〃What if I do? It doesn't prevent me from realizing the truth。 I

can't marry you; and you will thank me for saying so some day。〃



〃You had that bad headache yesterdayAll right〃for she had

exclaimed indignantly: 〃I see it's much more than headaches。 But


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