a mountain woman(山妇)-第18节
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David looked up at the judge and smiled。 Men have been known to
smile that way when the car…wheel crashes over their legs； or a bullet lets
the air through their lungs。
All that followed would have seemed more terrible if it had not
appeared to be so remote。 David had to assure himself over and over that it
was really he who was put in that disgraceful dress； and locked in that
shameful walk from corridor to work… room； from work…room to chapel。
The work was not much more monotonous than that to which he had been
accustomed in the office。 Here； as there； one was reproved for not doing
the required amount； but never praised for extraordinary efforts。 Here； as
there； the workers regarded each other with dislike and suspicion。 Here； as
there； work was a penalty and not a pleasure。
It is the nights that are to be dreaded in a penitentiary。 Speech eases the
brain of free men； but the man condemned to eter… nal silence is bound to
endure torments。 Thought； which might be a diversion； be… comes a curse；
it is a painful disease which becomes chronic。 It does not take long to
forget the days of the week and the months of the year when time brings
no variance。 David drugged himself on dreams。 He knew it was weakness；
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but it was the wine of forgetfulness； and he indulged in it。 He went over
and over； in endless repetition； every scene in which Zoe Le Baron had
figured。
He learned by a paper that she had gone to Europe。 He was glad of that。
For there were hours in which he imagined that his fate might have caused
her distress not much； of course； but perhaps an occasional hour of
sympathetic regret。 But it was pleasanter not to think of that。 He pre…
ferred to remember the hours they had spent together while she was
teaching him the joy of life。
How lovely her gray eyes were！ Deep； yet bright； and full of silent
little speeches。 The rooms in which he imagined her as moving were
always splendid； the gowns she wore were of rustling silk。 He never in any
dream； waking or sleeping； associated her with poverty or sorrow or pain。
Gay and beautiful； she moved from city to city； in these visions of David's；
looking always at wonderful things； and finding laughter in every
happening。
It was six months after his entrance into his silent abode that a letter
came for him。
〃By rights； Culross；〃 said the warden； 〃I should not give this letter to
you。 It isn't the sort we approve of。 But you're in for a good spell； and if
there is anything that can make life seem more tolerable； I don't know but
you're entitled to it。 At least； I'm not the man to deny it to you。〃
This was the letter：
〃MY DEAR FRIEND； I hope you do not think that all these months；
when you have been suffering so terribly； I have been think… ing of other
things！ But I am sure you know the truth。 You know that I could not send
you word or come to see you； or I would have done it。 When I first heard
of what you had done； I saw it all as it hap… pened； that dreadful scene； I
mean； in the saloon。 I am sure I have imagined every… thing just as it was。
I begged papa to help you； but he was very angry。 You see； papa was so
peculiar。 He thought more of the appearances of things； perhaps； than of
facts。 It infuriated him to think of me as being concerned about you or
with you。 I did not know he could be so angry； and his anger did not die；
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but for days it cast such a shadow over me that I used to wish I was dead。
Only I would not disobey him； and now I am glad of that。 We were in
France three months； and then； coming home； papa died。 It was on the
voyage。 I wish he had asked me to forgive him； for then I think I could
have remembered him with more tenderness。 But he did nothing of the
kind。 He did not seem to think he had done wrong in any way； though I
feel that some way we might have saved you。 I am back here in Chicago in
the old home。 But I shall not stay in this house。 It is so large and lonesome；
and I always see you and father facing each other angrily there in the
parlor when I enter it。 So I am going to get me some cosey rooms in
another part of the city； and take my aunt； who is a sweet old lady； to live
with me； and I am going to devote my time all of it and all of my
brains to getting you out of that terrible place。 What is the use of telling
me that you are a murderer？ Do I not know you could not be brought to
hurt anything？ I suppose you must have killed that poor man； but then it
was not you； it was that dreadful drink it was Me！ That is what
continually haunts me。 If I had been a braver girl； and spoken the words
that were in my heart； you would not have gone into that place。 You would
be innocent to…day。 It was I who was responsible for it all。 I let father kill
your heart right there before me； and never said a word。 Yet I knew how it
was with you； and this is what I ought to have said then； and what I
must say now and all the time I felt just as you did。 I thought I should
die when I saw you go away； and knew you would never come back again。
Only I was so selfish； I was so wicked； I would say nothing。
〃I have no right to be comfortable and hopeful； and to have friends；
with you shut up from liberty and happiness。 I will not have those
comfortable rooms； after all。 I will live as you do。 I will live alone in a
bare room。 For it is I who am guilty！ And then I will feel that I also am
being punished。
〃Do you hate me？ Perhaps my telling you now all these things； and
that I felt toward you just as you did toward me； will not make you happy。
For it may be that you despise me。
〃Anyway； I have told you the truth now。 I will go as soon as I hear
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from you to a lawyer； and try to find out how you may be liberated。 I am
sure it can be done when the facts are known。
〃Poor boy！ How I do hope you have known in your heart that I was
not for… getting you。 Indeed； day or night； I have thought of nothing else。
Now I am free to help you。 And be sure； whatever happens； that I am
working for you。
〃ZOE LE BARON。〃
That was all。 Just a girlish； constrained letter； hardly hinting at the hot
tears that had been shed for many weary nights； coyly telling of the
impatient young love and all the maidenly shame。
David permitted himself to read it only once。 Then a sudden resolution
was born a heroic one。 Before he got the letter he was a crushed and
unsophisticated boy； when he had read it； and absorbed its full
significance； he became suddenly a man； capable of a great sacrifice。
〃I return your letter；〃 he wrote； without superscription； 〃and thank you
for your anxiety about me。 But the truth is； I had forgotten all about you in
my trouble。 You were not in the least to blame for what hap… pened。 I
might have known I would come to such an end。 You thought I was good；
of course； but it is not easy to find out the life of a young man。 It is rather
mortifying to have a private letter sent here； because the warden reads
them all。 I hope you will enjoy yourself this winter； and hasten to forget
one who had certainly forgotten you till reminded by your letter； which I
return。
〃Respectfully；
〃DAVID CULROSS。〃
That night some deep lines came into his face which never left it； and
which made him look like a man of middle age。
He never doubted that his plan would succeed； that； piqued and
indignant at his ingratitude； she would hate him； and in a little time forget
he ever lived； or remember him only to blush with shame at her past
association with him。 He saw her happy； loved； living the usual life of
women； with all those things that make life rich。
For there in the solitude a
