a mountain woman(山妇)-第16节
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shielded once more in that safe and shameful retreat from which he had
just been released。 A horrible perception of the largeness of the world
swept over him。 Space and eternity could seem no larger to the usual man
than earth that snug and insignificant planet looked to David Culross。
〃If I go back；〃 he cried； despairingly； looking up to the great building
that arose above the stony hills； 〃they will not take me in。〃 He was
absolutely without a refuge； utterly without a destination； he did not have
a hope。 There was nothing he desired except the surrounding of those four
narrow walls between which he had lain at night and dreamed those ever…
recurring dreams； dreams which were never prophecies or promises； but
always the hackneyed history of what he had sacrificed by his crime； and
relinquished by his pride。
The men who passed him looked at him with mingled amusement and
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pity。 They knew the 〃prison look；〃 and they knew the prison clothes。 For
though the State gives to its discharged convicts clothes which are like
those of other men； it makes a hundred suits from the same sort of cloth。
The police know the fabric； and even the citizens recognize it。 But； then；
were each man dressed in different garb he could not be disguised。 Every
one knows in what dull school that sidelong glance is learned； that aimless
drooping of the shoulders； that rhythmic lifting of the heavy foot。
David Culross wondered if his will were dead。 He put it to the test。 He
lifted up his head to a position which it had not held for many miserable
years。 He put his hands in his pockets in a pitiful attempt at non… chalance；
and walked down the street with a step which was meant to be brisk； but
which was in fact only uncertain。 In his pocket were ten dollars。 This
much the State equips a man with when it sends him out of its penal halls。
It gives him also transportation to any point within reasonable distance
that he may desire to reach。 Cul… ross had requested a ticket to Chicago。
He naturally said Chicago。 In the long color… less days it had been in
Chicago that all those endlessly repeated scenes had been laid。 Walking up
the street now with that wavering ineffectual gait； these scenes came back
to surge in his brain like waters cease… lessly tossed in a wind…swept basin。
There was the office； bare and clean； where the young stoop…
shouldered clerks sat writ… ing。 In their faces was a strange resem… blance；
just as there was in the backs of the ledgers； and in the endless bills on the
spindles。 If one of them laughed； it was not with gayety； but with
gratification at the discomfiture of another。 None of them ate well。 None
of them were rested after sleep。 All of them rode on the stuffy one… horse
cars to and from their work。 Sun… days they lay in bed very late； and ate
more dinner than they could digest。 There was a certain fellowship among
them； such fel… lowship as a band of captives among canni… bals might
feel； each of them waiting with vital curiosity to see who was the next to
be eaten。 But of that fellowship that plans in unison； suffers in sympathy；
enjoys vicari… ously； strengthens into friendship and com… munion of soul
they knew nothing。 Indeed； such camaraderie would have been disap…
proved of by the Head Clerk。 He would have looked on an emotion with
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exactly the same displeasure that he would on an error in the footing of the
year's accounts。 It was tacitly understood that one reached the proud
position of Head Clerk by having no emotions whatever。
Culross did not remember having been born with a pen in his hand； or
even with one behind his ear； but certainly from the day he had been let
out of knickerbockers his con… stant companion had been that greatly over…
estimated article。 His father dying at a time that cut short David's school…
days； he went out armed with his new knowledge of double… entry；
determined to make a fortune and a commercial name。 Meantime； he lived
in a suite of three rooms on West Madison Street with his mother； who was
a good woman； and lived where she did that she might be near her favorite
meeting…house。 She prayed； and cooked bad dinners； principally
composed of dispiriting pastry。 Her idea of house…keeping was to keep the
shades down； whatever happened； and when David left home in the
evening for any purpose of pleasure； she wept。 David persuaded him… self
that he despised amusement； and went to bed each night at half…past nine
in a folding bedstead in the front room； and； by becoming absolutely stolid
from mere vege… tation； imagined that he was almost fit to be a Head
Clerk。
Walking down the street now after the twenty years； thinking of these
dead but inno… cent days； this was the picture he saw； and as he reflected
upon it； even the despoiled and desolate years just passed seemed richer
by contrast。
He reached the station thus dreaming； and found； as he had been told
when the warden bade him good…by； that a train was to be at hand directly
bound to the city。 A few moments later he was on that train。 Well back in
the shadow； and out of sight of the other passengers； he gave himself up to
the enjoyment of the comfortable cushion。 He would willingly have
looked from the win… dow； green fields were new and wonderful；
drifting clouds a marvel； men； houses； horses； farms； all a revelation；
but those haunting visions were at him again； and would not leave brain or
eye free for other things。
But the next scene had warmer tints。 It was the interior of a rich room；
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crimson and amber fabrics； flowers； the gleam of a statue beyond the
drapings； the sound of a tender piano unflinging a familiar melody； and a
woman。 She was just a part of all the luxury。
He himself； very timid and conscious of his awkwardness； sat near；
trying barrenly to get some of his thoughts out of his brain on to his
tongue。
〃Strange； isn't it；〃 the woman broke in on her own music； 〃that we
have seen each other so very often and never spoken？ I've often thought
introductions were ridiculous。 Fancy seeing a person year in and year out；
and really knowing all about him； and being perfectly acquainted with his
name at least his or her name； you know and then never speaking！
Some one comes along； and says； 'Miss Le Baron； this is Mr。 Culross；' just
as if one didn't know that all the time！ And there you are！ You cease to be
dumb folks； and fall to talking； and say a lot of things neither of you care
about； and after five or six weeks of time and sun… dry meetings； get down
to honestly saying what you mean。 I'm so glad we've got through with
that first stage； and can say what we think and tell what we really like。〃
Then the playing began again； a harp… like intermingling of soft
sounds。 Zoe Le Baron's hands were very girlish。 Every… thing about her
was unformed。 Even her mind was so。 But all promised a full com… pletion。
The voice； the shoulders； the smile； the words； the lips； the arms； the
whole mind and body； were rounding to maturity。
〃Why do you never come to church in the morning？〃 asks Miss Le
Baron； wheel… ing around on her piano…stool suddenly。 〃You are only there
at night； with your mother。〃
〃I go only on her account；〃 replies David； truthfully。 〃In the morning I
am so tired with the week's work that I rest at home。 I ought to go； I
know。〃
〃Yes； you ought；〃 returns the young woman； gravely。 〃It doesn't really
rest one to lie in bed like that。 I've tried it at boarding…school。 It was no
good whatever。〃
〃Should you advise me；〃 asks David； in a confiding tone； 〃to arise
early on Sunday？〃
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The girl blushes a little。 〃By all means！〃 she cries； her eyes tw
