the patrician-第37节

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flowers　down　in　the　court　below；　she　had　a　longing　to　get　out　to
them。　　Then　behind　her　she　heard　the　sound　of　someone　talking。　　But
there　was　no　one　in　the　room；　and　the　effect　of　this　disrupted
soliloquy；　which　came　from　nowhere；　was　so　uncanny；　that　she
retreated　to　the　door。　　The　sound；　as　of　two　spirits　speaking　in　one
voice；　grew　louder；　and　involuntarily　she　glanced　at　the　busts。　　They
seemed　quite　blameless。　　Though　the　sound　had　been　behind　her　when
she　was　at　the　window；　it　was　again　behind　her　now　that　she　was　at
the　door；　and　she　suddenly　realized　that　it　was　issuing　from　a
bookcase　in　the　centre　of　the　wall。　　Barbara　had　her　father's　nerve；
and　walking　up　to　the　bookcase　she　perceived　that　it　had　been　affixed
to；　and　covered；　a　door　that　was　not　quite　closed。　　She　pulled　it
towards　her；　and　passed　through。　　Across　the　centre　of　an　unkempt
bedroom　Miltoun　was　striding；　dressed　only　in　his　shirt　and　trousers。
His　feet　were　bare；　and　his　head　and　hair　dripping　wet；　the　look　on
his　thin　dark　face　went　to　Barbara's　heart。　　She　ran　forward；　and
took　his　hand。　　This　was　burning　hot；　but　the　sight　of　her　seemed　to
have　frozen　his　tongue　and　eyes。　　And　the　contrast　of　his　burning
hand　with　this　frozen　silence；　frightened　Barbara　horribly。　　She
could　think　of　nothing　but　to　put　her　other　hand　to　his　forehead。
That　too　was　burning　hot！

〃What　brought　you　here？〃　he　said。

She　could　only　murmur：

〃Oh！　Eusty！　　Are　you　ill？〃

Miltoun　took　hold　of　her　wrists。

〃It's　all　right；　I've　been　working　too　hard；　got　a　touch　of　fever。〃

〃So　I　can　feel；〃　murmured　Barbara。　　〃You　ought　to　be　in　bed。　　Come
home　with　me。〃

Miltoun　smiled。　　〃It's　not　a　case　for　leeches。〃

The　look　of　his　smile；　the　sound　of　his　voice；　sent　a　shudder　through
her。

〃I'm　not　going　to　leave　you　here　alone。

But　Miltoun's　grasp　tightened　on　her　wrists。

〃My　dear　Babs；　you　will　do　what　I　tell　you。　　Go　home；　hold　your
tongue；　and　leave　me　to　burn　out　in　peace。〃

Barbara　sustained　that　painful　grip　without　wincing；　she　had　regained
her　calmness。

〃You　must　come！　　You　haven't　anything　here；　not　even　a　cool　drink。〃

〃My　God！　　Barley　water！〃

The　scorn　he　put　into　those　two　words　was　more　withering　than　a　whole
philippic　against　redemption　by　creature　comforts。　　And　feeling　it
dart　into　her；　Barbara　closed　her　lips　tight。　　He　had　dropped　her
wrists；　and　again；　begun　pacing　up　and　down；　suddenly　he　stopped：

　　　　　　　　〃'The　stars；　sun；　moon　all　shrink　away；
　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　A　desert　vast；　without　a　bound；
　　　　　　　　　　And　nothing　left　to　eat　or　drink；

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　And　a　dark　desert　all　around。'

You　should　read　your　Blake；　Audrey。〃

Barbara　turned　quickly；　and　went　out　frightened。　　She　passed　through
the　sitting…room　and　corridor　on　to　the　staircase。　　He　was　ill…
raving！　　The　fever　in　Miltoun's　veins　seemed　to　have　stolen　through
the　clutch　of　his　hands　into　her　own　veins。　　Her　face　was　burning；
she　thought　confusedly；　breathed　unevenly。　　She　felt　sore；　and　at　the
same　time　terribly　sorry；　and　withal　there　kept　rising　in　her　the
gusty　memory　of　Harbingers　kiss。

She　hurried　down　the　stairs；　turned　by　instinct　down…hill　and　found
herself　on　the　Embankment。　　And　suddenly；　with　her　inherent　power　of
swift　decision；　she　hailed　a　cab；　and　drove　to　the　nearest　telephone
office。




CHAPTER　VIII

To　a　woman　like　Audrey　Noel；　born　to　be　the　counterpart　and
complement　of　another；whose　occupations　and　effort　were　inherently
divorced　from　the　continuity　of　any　stiff　and　strenuous　purpose　of
her　own；　the　uprooting　she　had　voluntarily　undergone　was　a　serious
matter。

Bereaved　of　the　faces　of　her　flowers；　the　friendly　sighing　of　her
lime…tree；　the　wants　of　her　cottagers；　bereaved　of　that　busy　monotony
of　little　home　things　which　is　the　stay　and　solace　of　lonely　women；
she　was　extraordinarily　lost。　　Even　music　for　review　seemed　to　have
failed　her。　　She　had　never　lived　in　London；　so　that　she　had　not　the
refuge　of　old　haunts　and　habits；　but　had　to　make　her　ownand　to　make
habits　and　haunts　required　a　heart　that　could　at　least　stretch　out
feelers　and　lay　hold　of　things；　and　her　heart　was　not　now　able。　　When
she　had　struggled　with　her　Edwardian　flat；　and　laid　down　her　simple
routine　of　meals；　she　was　as　stranded　as　ever　was；　convict　let　out　of
prison。　　She　had　not　even　that　great　support；　the　necessity　of　hiding
her　feelings　for　fear　of　disturbing　others。　　She　was　planted　there；
with　her　longing　and　grief；　and　nothing；　nobody；　to　take　her　out　of
herself。　　Having　wilfully　embraced　this　position；　she　tried　to　make
the　best　of　it；　feeling　it　less　intolerable；　at　all　events；　than
staying　on　at　Monkland；　where　she　had　made　that　grievous；　and
unpardonable　errorfalling　in　love。

This　offence；　on　the　part　of　one　who　felt　within　herself　a　great
capacity　to　enjoy　and　to　confer　happiness；　had　arisenlike　the　other
grievous　and　unpardonable　offence；　her　marriagefrom　too　much
disposition　to　yield　herself　to　the　personality　of　another。　　But　it
was　cold　comfort　to　know　that　the　desire　to　give　and　to　receive　love
had　twice　over　left　hera　dead　woman。　　Whatever　the　nature　of　those
immature　sensations　with　which；　as　a　girl　of　twenty；　she　had　accepted
her　husband；　in　her　feeling　towards　Miltoun　there　was　not　only
abandonment；　but　the　higher　flame　of　self…renunciation。　　She　wanted
to　do　the　best　for　him；　and　had　not　even　the　consolation　of　the
knowledge　that　she　had　sacrificed　herself　for　his　advantage。　　All　had
been　taken　out　of　her　hands！　　Yet　with　characteristic　fatalism　she
did　not　feel　rebellious。　　If　it　were　ordained　that　she　should；　for
fifty；　perhaps　sixty　years；　repent　in　sterility　and　ashes　that　first
error　of　her　girlhood；　rebellion　was；　none　the　less；　too　far…fetched。
If　she　rebelled；　it　would　not　be　in　spirit；　but　in　action。　　General
principles　were　nothing　to　her；　she　lost　no　force　brooding　over　the
justice　or　injustice　of　her　situation；　but　merely　tried　to　digest　its
facts。

The　whole　day；　succeeding　Courtier's　visit；　was　spent　by　her　in　the
National　Gallery；　whose　roof；　alone　of　all　in　London；　seemed　to　offer
her　protection。　　She　had　found　one　painting；　by　an　Italian　master；
the　subject　of　which　reminded　her　of　Miltoun；　and　before　this　she　sat
for　a　very　long　time；　attracting　at　last　the　gouty　stare　of　an
official。　　The　still　figure　of　this　lady；　with　the　oval　face　and
grave　beauty；　both　piqued　his　curiosity；　and　stimulated　certain　moral
qualms。　　She；　was　undoubtedly　waiting　for　her　lover。　　No　woman；　in
his　experience；　had　ever　sat　so　long　before　a　picture　without
ulterior　motive；　and　he　kept　his　eyes　well　opened　to　see　what　this
motive　would　be　like。　　It　gave　him；　therefore；　a　sensation　almost
amounting　to　chagrin　when　coming　round　once　more；　he　found　they　had
eluded　him　and　gone　off　together　without　coming　under　his　inspection。
Feeling　his　feet　a　good　deal；　for　he　had　been　on　them　all　day；　he　sat
down　in　the　hollow　which　she　had　left　behind　her；　and　against　his
will　found　himself　also　looking　at　the　picture。　　It　was　painted　in　a
style　he　did　not　care　for；　the　face　of　the　subject；　too；　gave　him　the
queer　feeling　that　the　gentleman　was　being　roasted　inside。　　He　had
not　been　sitting　there　long；　however；　before　he　perceived　the　lady
standing　by　the　picture；　and　the　lips　of　the　gentleman　in　the　picture
moving。　　It　seemed　to　him　against　the　rules；　and　he　got　up　at　once；
and　went　towards　it；　but　as　he　did　so；　he　found　that　his　eyes　were
shut；　and　opened　them　hastily。　　There　was　no　one　there。

》From　the　National　Gallery；　Audrey　had　gone　into　an　A。B。C。　for　tea；
and　then　home。　　Before　the　Mansions　was　a　taxi…cab；　and　the　maid　met
her　with　the　news　that　'Lady　Caradoc'　was　in　the　sitting…room。

Barbara　was　indeed　standing　in　the　middle　of　the　room　with　a　look　on
her　face　such　as　her　father　wore　sometimes　on　the　racecourse；　in　the
hunting　field；　or　at　stormy　Cabinet　Meetings；　a　look　both　resolute
and　sharp。　　She　spoke　at　once：

〃I　got　your　address　from　Mr。　Courtier。　　My　brother　is　ill。　　I'm
afraid　it'll　be　brain　fever；　I　think　you　had　better　go　and　see　him　at
his　rooms　in　the　Temple；　there's　no　time　to　be　lost。〃

To　Audrey　everything　in　the　room　seemed　to　go　round；　yet　all　her
senses　were　preternaturally　acute；　so　that　she　could　distinctly　smell
the　mud　of　the　river　at　low　tide。　　She　said；　with　a　shudder：

〃Oh！　I　will　go；　yes；　I　will　go　at　once。〃

〃He's　quite　alone。　　He　hasn't　asked　for　you；　but　I　think　your　going
is　the　only　chance。　　He　took　me　for　you。　　You　told　me　once　you　were　a
good　nurse。〃

〃Yes。〃

The　room　was　steady　enough　now；　but　she　had　lost　the　preternatural
acuteness　of　her　senses；　and　felt　confused。　　She　heard　Barbara　say：
〃I　can　take　you　to　the　door　in　my　cab；〃　and　murmuring：　〃I　will　get
ready；〃　went　into　her　bedroom。　　For　a　moment　she　was　so　utterly
bewildered　that　she　did　nothing。　　Then　every　other　thought　was　lost
in　a　strange；　soft；　almost　painful　delight；　as　if　some　new　instinct
were　being　born　in　her；　and　quickly；　but　without　confusion　or　hurry；
she　began　packing。　　She　put　into　a　valise　her　own　toilet　things；　then
flannel；　cotton…wool；　eau　de　Cologne；　hot…water　bottle；　Etna；　shawls；
thermometer；　everything　she　had　which