the autobiography of a quack-第2节

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t　were　safe；　to　let　people　see　how　great　ability　may　be　defeated　by　the　crankiness　of　fortune。

I　may　add　here　that　a　stone　inside　of　a　snowball　discourages　the　fellow　it　hits。　But　neither　our　fellows　nor　the　grammar…school　used　stones　in　snowballs。　I　rather　liked　it。　If　we　had　a　row　in　the　springtime　we　all　threw　stones；　and　here　was　one　of　those　bits　of　stupid　custom　no　man　can　understand；　because　really　a　stone　outside　of　a　snowball　is　much　more　serious　than　if　it　is　mercifully　padded　with　snow。　I　felt　it　to　be　a　rise　in　life　when　I　got　out　of　the　society　of　the　common　boys　who　attended　the　high　school。

When　I　was　there　a　man　by　the　name　of　Dallas　Bache　was　the　head　master。　He　had　a　way　of　letting　the　boys　attend　to　what　he　called　the　character　of　the　school。　Once　I　had　to　lie　to　him　about　taking　another　boy's　ball。　He　told　my　class　that　I　had　denied　the　charge；　and　that　he　always　took　it　for　granted　that　a　boy　spoke　the　truth。　He　knew　well　enough　what　would　happen。　It　did。　After　that　I　was　careful。

Princeton　was　then　a　little　college；　not　　expensive；　which　was　very　well；　as　my　father　had　some　difficulty　to　provide　even　the　moderate　amount　needed。

I　soon　found　that　if　I　was　to　associate　with　the　upper　set　of　young　men　I　needed　money。　For　some　time　I　waited　in　vain。　But　in　my　second　year　I　discovered　a　small　gold…mine；　on　which　I　drew　with　a　moderation　which　shows　even　thus　early　the　strength　of　my　character。

I　used　to　go　home　once　a　month　for　a　Sunday　visit；　and　on　these　occasions　I　was　often　able　to　remove　from　my　aunt's　big　Bible　a　five…　or　ten…dollar　note；　which　otherwise　would　have　been　long　useless。

Now　and　then　I　utilized　my　opportunities　at　Princeton。　I　very　much　desired　certain　things　like　well…made　clothes；　and　for　these　I　had　to　run　in　debt　to　a　tailor。　When　he　wanted　pay；　and　threatened　to　send　the　bill　to　my　father；　I　borrowed　from　two　or　three　young　Southerners；　but　at　last；　when　they　became　hard　up；　my　aunt's　uncounted　hoard　proved　a　last　resource；　or　some　rare　chance　in　a　neighboring　room　helped　me　out。　I　never　did　look　on　this　method　as　of　permanent　usefulness；　and　it　was　only　the　temporary　folly　of　youth。

Whatever　else　the　pirate　necessity　appropriated；　　I　took　no　large　amount　of　education；　although　I　was　fond　of　reading；　and　especially　of　novels；　which　are；　I　think；　very　instructive　to　the　young；　especially　the　novels　of　Smollett　and　Fielding。

There　is；　however；　little　need　to　dwell　on　this　part　of　my　life。　College　students　in　those　days　were　only　boys；　and　boys　are　very　strange　animals。　They　have　instincts。　They　somehow　get　to　know　if　a　fellow　does　not　relate　facts　as　they　took　place。　I　like　to　put　it　that　way；　because；　after　all；　the　mode　of　putting　things　is　only　one　of　the　forms　of　self…defense；　and　is　less　silly　than　the　ordinary　wriggling　methods　which　boys　employ；　and　which　are　generally　useless。　I　was　rather　given　to　telling　large　stories　just　for　the　fun　of　it　and；　I　think；　told　them　well。　But　somehow　I　got　the　reputation　of　not　being　strictly　definite；　and　when　it　was　meant　to　indicate　this　belief　they　had　an　ill…mannered　way　of　informing　you。　This　consisted　in　two　or　three　fellows　standing　up　and　shuffling　noisily　with　their　feet　on　the　floor。　When　first　I　heard　this　I　asked　innocently　what　it　meant；　and　was　told　it　was　the　noise　of　the　bearers'　feet　coming　to　take　away　Ananias。　This　was　considered　a　fine　joke。

During　my　junior　year　I　became　unpopular；

and　as　I　was　very　cautious；　I　cannot　see　why。　At　last；　being　hard　up；　I　got　to　be　foolishly　reckless。　But　why　dwell　on　the　failures　of　immaturity？

The　causes　which　led　to　my　leaving　Nassau　Hall　were　not；　after　all；　the　mischievous　outbreaks　in　which　college　lads　indulge。　Indeed；　I　have　never　been　guilty　of　any　of　those　pieces　of　wanton　wickedness　which　injure　the　feelings　of　others　while　they　lead　to　no　useful　result。　When　I　left　to　return　home；　I　set　myself　seriously　to　reflect　upon　the　necessity　of　greater　care　in　following　out　my　inclinations；　and　from　that　time　forward　I　have　steadily　avoided；　whenever　it　was　possible；　the　vulgar　vice　of　directly　possessing　myself　of　objects　to　which　I　could　show　no　legal　title。　My　father　was　indignant　at　the　results　of　my　college　career；　and；　according　to　my　aunt；　his　shame　and　sorrow　had　some　effect　in　shortening　his　life。　My　sister　believed　my　account　of　the　matter。　It　ended　in　my　being　used　for　a　year　as　an　assistant　in　the　shop；　and　in　being　taught　to　ring　bells　a　fine　exercise；　but　not　proper　work　for　a　man　of　refinement。　My　father　died　while　training　his　bell…ringers　in　the　Oxford　triple　　bobbroke　a　blood…vessel　somewhere。　How　I　could　have　caused　that　I　do　not　see。

I　was　now　about　nineteen　years　old；　and；　as　I　remember；　a　middle…sized；　well…built　young　fellow；　with　large　eyes；　a　slight　mustache；　and；　I　have　been　told；　with　very　good　manners　and　a　somewhat　humorous　turn。　Besides　these　advantages；　my　guardian　held　in　trust　for　me　about　two　thousand　dollars。　After　some　consultation　between　us；　it　was　resolved　that　I　should　study　medicine。　This　conclusion　was　reached　nine　years　before　the　Rebellion　broke　out；　and　after　we　had　settled；　for　the　sake　of　economy；　in　Woodbury；　New　Jersey。　From　this　time　I　saw　very　little　of　my　deaf　aunt　or　of　Peninnah。　I　was　resolute　to　rise　in　the　world；　and　not　to　be　weighted　by　relatives　who　were　without　my　tastes　and　my　manners。

I　set　out　for　Philadelphia；　with　many　good　counsels　from　my　aunt　and　guardian。　I　look　back　upon　this　period　as　a　turning…point　of　my　life。　I　had　seen　enough　of　the　world　already　to　know　that　if　you　can　succeed　without　exciting　suspicion；　it　is　by　far　the　pleasantest　way；　and　I　really　believe　that　if　I　had　not　been　endowed　with　so　fatal　a　liking　for　all　the　good　things　of　life　I　might　　have　lived　along　as　reputably　as　most　men。　This；　however；　is；　and　always　has　been；　my　difficulty；　and　I　suppose　that　I　am　not　responsible　for　the　incidents　to　which　it　gave　rise。　Most　men　have　some　ties　in　life；　but　I　have　said　I　had　none　which　held　me。　Peninnah　cried　a　good　deal　when　we　parted；　and　this；　I　think；　as　I　was　still　young；　had　a　very　good　effect　in　strengthening　my　resolution　to　do　nothing　which　could　get　me　into　trouble。　The　janitor　of　the　college　to　which　I　went　directed　me　to　a　boarding…house；　where　I　engaged　a　small　third…story　room；　which　I　afterwards　shared　with　Mr。　Chaucer　of　Georgia。　He　pronounced　it；　as　I　remember；　‘‘Jawjah。''

In　this　very　remarkable　abode　I　spent　the　next　two　winters；　and　finally　graduated；　along　with　two　hundred　more；　at　the　close　of　my　two　years　of　study。　I　should　previously　have　been　one　year　in　a　physician's　office　as　a　student；　but　this　regulation　was　very　easily　evaded。　As　to　my　studies；　the　less　said　the　better。　I　attended　the　quizzes；　as　they　call　them；　pretty　closely；　and；　being　of　a　quick　and　retentive　memory；　was　thus　enabled　to　dispense　with　some　of　the　six　or　seven　lectures　a　day　which　duller　men　found　it　necessary　to　follow。

Dissecting　struck　me　as　a　rather　nasty　business　for　a　gentleman；　and　on　this　account　I　did　just　as　little　as　was　absolutely　essential。　In　fact；　if　a　man　took　his　tickets　and　paid　the　dissection　fees；　nobody　troubled　himself　as　to　whether　or　not　he　did　any　more　than　this。　A　like　evil　existed　at　the　graduation：　whether　you　squeezed　through　or　passed　with　credit　was　a　thing　which　was　not　made　public；　so　that　I　had　absolutely　nothing　to　stimulate　my　ambition。　I　am　told　that　it　is　all　very　different　to…day。

The　astonishment　with　which　I　learned　of　my　success　was　shared　by　the　numerous　Southern　gentlemen　who　darkened　the　floors　and　perfumed　with　tobacco　the　rooms　of　our　boarding…house。　In　my　companions；　during　the　time　of　my　studies　so　called；　as　in　other　matters　of　life；　I　was　somewhat　unfortunate。　All　of　them　were　Southern　gentlemen；　with　more　money　than　I　had。　Many　of　them　carried　great　sticks；　usually　sword…canes；　and　some　bowie…knives　or　pistols；　also；　they　delighted　in　swallow…tailed　coats；　long　hair；　broad…brimmed　felt　hats；　and　very　tight　boots。　I　often　think　of　these　gentlemen　with　affectionate　interest；　and　wonder　how　many　are　lying　under　the　wheat…fields　of　　Virginia。　One　could　see　them　any　day　sauntering　along　with　their　arms　over　their　companions'　shoulders；　splendidly　indifferent　to　the　ways　of　the　people　about　them。　They　hated　the　‘‘Nawth''　and　cursed　the　Yankees；　and　honestly　believed　that　the　leanest　of　them　was　a　match　for　any　half　a　dozen　of　the　bulkiest　of　Northerners。　I　must　also　do　them　the　justice　to　say　that　they　were　quite　as　ready　to　fight　as　to　brag；　which；　by　the　way；　is　no　meager　statement。　With　these　gentryfor　whom　I　retain　a　respect　which　filled　me　with　regret　at　the　recent　course　of　eventsI　spent　a　good　deal　of　my　large　leisure。　The　more　studious　of　both　sections　called　us　a　hard　crowd。　What　we　did；　or　how　we　did　it；　little　concerns　me　here；　except　that；　owing　to　my　esteem　for　chivalric　blood　and　breeding；　I　was　led　into　many　practices　and　excesses　which　cost　my　guardian　and　myself　a　good　deal　of　money。　At　the　close　of　my　career　as　a　student　I　found　myself　aged　twenty…one　years；　and　the　owner　of　some　seven　hundred　dollarsthe　rest　of　my　small　estate　having　disappeared　variously　within　the　last　two　years。　After　my　friends　had　gone　to　thei