david copperfield(大卫.科波维尔)-第149节
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intercourse—which I trust will never be disturbed！—we draw a
line。 On one side of this line；’ said Mr。 Micawber； representing it
on the desk with the office ruler； ‘is the whole range of the human
intellect； with a trifling exception； on the other； is that exception；
that is to say； the affairs of Messrs Wickfield and Heep； with all
belonging and appertaining thereunto。 I trust I give no offence to
the companion of my youth； in submitting this proposition to his
cooler judgement？’
Though I saw an uneasy change in Mr。 Micawber； which sat
tightly on him； as if his new duties were a misfit； I felt I had no
right to be offended。 My telling him so； appeared to relieve him；
and he shook hands with me。
‘I am charmed； Copperfield；’ said Mr。 Micawber； ‘let me assure
you； with Miss Wickfield。 She is a very superior young lady； of very
remarkable attractions； graces； and virtues。 Upon my honour；’
said Mr。 Micawber； indefinitely kissing his hand and bowing with
his genteelest air； ‘I do Homage to Miss Wickfield！ Hem！’
‘I am glad of that； at least；’ said I。
‘If you had not assured us； my dear Copperfield； on the occasion
Charles Dickens ElecBook Classics
David Copperfield
of that agreeable afternoon we had the happiness of passing with
you； that D。 was your favourite letter；’ said Mr。 Micawber； ‘I
should unquestionably have supposed that A。 had been so。’
We have all some experience of a feeling； that comes over us
occasionally； of what we are saying and doing having been said
and done before； in a remote time—of our having been
surrounded； dim ages ago； by the same faces； objects； and
circumstances—of our knowing perfectly what will be said next； as
if we suddenly remembered it！ I never had this mysterious
impression more strongly in my life； than before he uttered those
words。
I took my leave of Mr。 Micawber； for the time； charging him
with my best remembrances to all at home。 As I left him； resuming
his stool and his pen； and rolling his head in his stock； to get it into
easier writing order； I clearly perceived that there was something
interposed between him and me； since he had come into his new
functions； which prevented our getting at each other as we used to
do； and quite altered the character of our intercourse。
There was no one in the quaint old drawing…room； though it
presented tokens of Mrs。 Heep’s whereabouts。 I looked into the
room still belonging to Agnes； and saw her sitting by the fire； at a
pretty old…fashioned desk she had； writing。
My darkening the light made her look up。 What a pleasure to be
the cause of that bright change in her attentive face； and the object
of that sweet regard and welcome！
‘Ah； Agnes！’ said I； when we were sitting together； side by side；
‘I have missed you so much； lately！’
‘Indeed？’ she replied。 ‘Again！ And so soon？’
I shook my head。
Charles Dickens ElecBook Classics
David Copperfield
‘I don’t know how it is； Agnes； I seem to want some faculty of
mind that I ought to have。 You were so much in the habit of
thinking for me； in the happy old days here； and I came so
naturally to you for counsel and support； that I really think I have
missed acquiring it。’
‘And what is it？’ said Agnes； cheerfully。
‘I don’t know what to call it；’ I replied。 ‘I think I am earnest and
persevering？’
‘I am sure of it；’ said Agnes。
‘And patient； Agnes？’ I inquired； with a little hesitation。
‘Yes；’ returned Agnes； laughing。 ‘Pretty well。’
‘And yet；’ said I； ‘I get so miserable and worried； and am so
unsteady and irresolute in my power of assuring myself； that I
know I must want—shall I call it—reliance； of some kind？’
‘Call it so； if you will；’ said Agnes。
‘Well！’ I returned。 ‘See here！ You come to London； I rely on you；
and I have an object and a course at once。 I am driven out of it； I
come here； and in a moment I feel an altered person。 The
circumstances that distressed me are not changed； since I came
into this room； but an influence comes over me in that short
interval that alters me； oh； how much for the better！ What is it？
What is your secret； Agnes？’
Her head was bent down； looking at the fire。
‘It’s the old story；’ said I。 ‘Don’t laugh； when I say it was always
the same in little things as it is in greater ones。 My old troubles
were nonsense； and now they are serious； but whenever I have
gone away from my adopted sister—’
Agnes looked up—with such a Heavenly face！—and gave me
her hand； which I kissed。
Charles Dickens ElecBook Classics
David Copperfield
‘Whenever I have not had you； Agnes； to advise and approve in
the beginning； I have seemed to go wild； and to get into all sorts of
difficulty。 When I have come to you； at last （as I have always done）；
I have come to peace and happiness。 I come home； now； like a
tired traveller； and find such a blessed sense of rest！’
I felt so deeply what I said； it affected me so sincerely； that my
voice failed； and I covered my face with my hand； and broke into
tears。 I write the truth。 Whatever contradictions and
inconsistencies there were within me； as there are within so many
of us； whatever might have been so different； and so much better；
whatever I had done； in which I had perversely wandered away
from the voice of my own heart； I knew nothing of。 I only knew
that I was fervently in earnest； when I felt the rest and peace of
having Agnes near me。
In her placid sisterly manner； with her beaming eyes； with her
tender voice； and with that sweet composure； which had long ago
made the house that held her quite a sacred place to me； she soon
won me from this weakness； and led me on to tell all that had
happened since our last meeting。
‘And there is not another word to tell； Agnes；’ said I； when I had
made an end of my confidence。 ‘Now； my reliance is on you。’
‘But it must not be on me； Trotwood；’ returned Agnes； with a
pleasant smile。 ‘It must be on someone else。’
‘On Dora？’ said I。
‘Assuredly。’
‘Why； I have not mentioned； Agnes；’ said I； a little embarrassed；
‘that Dora is rather difficult to—I would not； for the world； say； to
rely upon； because she is the soul of purity and truth—but rather
difficult to—I hardly know how to express it； really； Agnes。 She is
Charles Dickens ElecBook Classics
David Copperfield
a timid little thing； and easily disturbed and frightened。 Some time
ago； before her father’s death； when I thought it right to mention
to her—but I’ll tell you； if you will bear with me； how it was。’
Accordingly； I told Agnes about my declaration of poverty；
about the cookery…book； the housekeeping accounts； and all the
rest of it。 ‘Oh； Trotwood！’ she remonstrated； with a smile。 ‘Just
your old headlong way！ You might have been in earnest in striving
to get on in the world； without being so very sudden with a timid；
loving； inexperienced girl。 Poor Dora！’
I never heard such sweet forbearing kindness expressed in a
voice； as she expressed in making this reply。 It was as if I had seen
her admiringly and tenderly embracing Dora； and tacitly
reproving me； by her considerate protection； for my hot haste in
fluttering that little heart。 It was as if I had seen Dora； in all her
fascinating artlessness； caressing Agnes； and thanking her； and
coaxingly appealing against me； and loving me with all her
childish innocence。
I felt so grateful to Agnes； and admired her so！ I saw those two
together； in a bright perspective； such well…associated friends；
each adorning the other so much！
‘What ought I to do then； Agnes？’ I inquired； after looking at the
fire a little while。 ‘What would it be right to do？’
‘I think；’ said Agnes； ‘that the honourable course to take； would
be to write to those two ladies。 Don’t you think that any secret
course is an unworthy one？’
‘Yes。 If you think so；’ said I。
‘I am poorly qualified to judge of such matters；’ replied Agnes；
with a modest hesitation； ‘but I certainly feel—in short； I feel that
your being secret and clandestine； is not being like yourself。’
Charles Dickens ElecBook Classics
David Copperfield
‘Like myself； in the too high opinion you have of me； Agnes； I
am afraid；’ said I。
‘Like yourself； in the candour of your nature；’ she returned；
‘and therefore I would write to those two ladies。 I would relate； as
plainly and as openly as possible； all that has taken place； and I
would ask their permission to visit sometimes； at their house。
Considering that you are young； and striving for a place in life； I
think it would be well to say that you would readily abide by any
conditions they might impose upon you。 I would entreat them not
to dismiss your request； without a reference to Dora； and to
discuss it with her when they should think the time suitable。 I
would not be too vehement；’ said Agnes； gently； ‘or propose too
much。 I would trust to my fidelity and perseverance—and to Dora。’
‘But if they were to frighten Dora a
