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第146节

david copperfield(大卫.科波维尔)-第146节

小说: david copperfield(大卫.科波维尔) 字数: 每页4000字

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room; take it up and read it。 

He said nothing about it all the morning; but before he went 
away in the afternoon he called me in; and told me that I need not 
make myself at all uneasy about his daughter’s happiness。 He had 
assured her; he said; that it was all nonsense; and he had nothing 
more to say to her。 He believed he was an indulgent father (as 
indeed he was); and I might spare myself any solicitude on her 
account。 

‘You may make it necessary; if you are foolish or obstinate; Mr。 
Copperfield;’ he observed; ‘for me to send my daughter abroad 

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again; for a term; but I have a better opinion of you。 I hope you will 
be wiser than that; in a few days。 As to Miss Murdstone;’ for I had 
alluded to her in the letter; ‘I respect that lady’s vigilance; and feel 
obliged to her; but she has strict charge to avoid the subject。 All I 
desire; Mr。 Copperfield; is; that it should be forgotten。 All you have 
got to do; Mr。 Copperfield; is to forget it。’ 

All! In the note I wrote to Miss Mills; I bitterly quoted this 
sentiment。 All I had to do; I said; with gloomy sarcasm; was to 
forget Dora。 That was all; and what was that! I entreated Miss 
Mills to see me; that evening。 If it could not be done with Mr。 
Mills’s sanction and concurrence; I besought a clandestine 
interview in the back kitchen where the Mangle was。 I informed 
her that my reason was tottering on its throne; and only she; Miss 
Mills; could prevent its being deposed。 I signed myself; hers 
distractedly; and I couldn’t help feeling; while I read this 
composition over; before sending it by a porter; that it was 
something in the style of Mr。 Micawber。 

However; I sent it。 At night I repaired to Miss Mills’s street; and 
walked up and down; until I was stealthily fetched in by Miss 
Mills’s maid; and taken the area way to the back kitchen。 I have 
since seen reason to believe that there was nothing on earth to 
prevent my going in at the front door; and being shown up into the 
drawing…room; except Miss Mills’s love of the romantic and 
mysterious。 

In the back kitchen; I raved as became me。 I went there; I 
suppose; to make a fool of myself; and I am quite sure I did it。 Miss 
Mills had received a hasty note from Dora; telling her that all was 
discovered; and saying。 ‘Oh pray come to me; Julia; do; do!’ But 
Miss Mills; mistrusting the acceptability of her presence to the 

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higher powers; had not yet gone; and we were all benighted in the 
Desert of Sahara。 

Miss Mills had a wonderful flow of words; and liked to pour 
them out。 I could not help feeling; though she mingled her tears 
with mine; that she had a dreadful luxury in our afflictions。 She 
petted them; as I may say; and made the most of them。 A deep 
gulf; she observed; had opened between Dora and me; and Love 
could only span it with its rainbow。 Love must suffer in this stern 
world; it ever had been so; it ever would be so。 No matter; Miss 
Mills remarked。 Hearts confined by cobwebs would burst at last; 
and then Love was avenged。 

This was small consolation; but Miss Mills wouldn’t encourage 
fallacious hopes。 She made me much more wretched than I was 
before; and I felt (and told her with the deepest gratitude) that she 
was indeed a friend。 We resolved that she should go to Dora the 
first thing in the morning; and find some means of assuring her; 
either by looks or words; of my devotion and misery。 We parted; 
overwhelmed with grief; and I think Miss Mills enjoyed herself 
completely。 

I confided all to my aunt when I got home; and in spite of all she 
could say to me; went to bed despairing。 I got up despairing; and 
went out despairing。 It was Saturday morning; and I went straight 
to the Commons。 

I was surprised; when I came within sight of our office…door; to 
see the ticket…porters standing outside talking together; and some 
half…dozen stragglers gazing at the windows which were shut up。 I 
quickened my pace; and; passing among them; wondering at their 
looks; went hurriedly in。 

The clerks were there; but nobody was doing anything。 Old 

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Tiffey; for the first time in his life I should think; was sitting on 
somebody else’s stool; and had not hung up his hat。 

‘This is a dreadful calamity; Mr。 Copperfield;’ said he; as I 
entered。 

‘What is?’ I exclaimed。 ‘What’s the matter?’ 

‘Don’t you know?’ cried Tiffey; and all the rest of them; coming 
round me。 

‘No!’ said I; looking from face to face。 

‘Mr。 Spenlow;’ said Tiffey。 

‘What about him!’ 

‘Dead!’ I thought it was the office reeling; and not I; as one of 
the clerks caught hold of me。 They sat me down in a chair; untied 
my neck…cloth; and brought me some water。 I have no idea 
whether this took any time。 

‘Dead?’ said I。 

‘He dined in town yesterday; and drove down in the phaeton by 
himself;’ said Tiffey; ‘having sent his own groom home by the 
coach; as he sometimes did; you know—’ 

‘Well?’ 

‘The phaeton went home without him。 The horses stopped at 
the stable…gate。 The man went out with a lantern。 Nobody in the 
carriage。’ 

‘Had they run away?’ 

‘They were not hot;’ said Tiffey; putting on his glasses; ‘no 
hotter; I understand; than they would have been; going down at 
the usual pace。 The reins were broken; but they had been 
dragging on the ground。 The house was roused up directly; and 
three of them went out along the road。 They found him a mile off。’ 

‘More than a mile off; Mr。 Tiffey;’ interposed a junior。 

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David Copperfield 

‘Was it? I believe you are right;’ said Tiffey;—‘more than a mile 
off—not far from the church—lying partly on the roadside; and 
partly on the path; upon his face。 Whether he fell out in a fit; or got 
out; feeling ill before the fit came on—or even whether he was 
quite dead then; though there is no doubt he was quite 
insensible—no one appears to know。 If he breathed; certainly he 
never spoke。 Medical assistance was got as soon as possible; but it 
was quite useless。’ 

I cannot describe the state of mind into which I was thrown by 
this intelligence。 The shock of such an event happening so 
suddenly; and happening to one with whom I had been in any 
respect at variance—the appalling vacancy in the room he had 
occupied so lately; where his chair and table seemed to wait for 
him; and his handwriting of yesterday was like a ghost—the indefinable impossibility of separating him from the place; and 
feeling; when the door opened; as if he might come in—the lazy 
hush and rest there was in the office; and the insatiable relish with 
which our people talked about it; and other people came in and 
out all day; and gorged themselves with the subject—this is easily 
intelligible to anyone。 What I cannot describe is; how; in the 
innermost recesses of my own heart; I had a lurking jealousy even 
of Death。 How I felt as if its might would push me from my ground 
in Dora’s thoughts。 How I was; in a grudging way I have no words 
for; envious of her grief。 How it made me restless to think of her 
weeping to others; or being consoled by others。 How I had a 
grasping; avaricious wish to shut out everybody from her but 
myself; and to be all in all to her; at that unseasonable time of all 
times。 

In the trouble of this state of mind—not exclusively my own; I 

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hope; but known to others—I went down to Norwood that night; 
and finding from one of the servants; when I made my inquiries at 
the door; that Miss Mills was there; got my aunt to direct a letter to 
her; which I wrote。 I deplored the untimely death of Mr。 Spenlow; 
most sincerely; and shed tears in doing so。 I entreated her to tell 
Dora; if Dora were in a state to hear it; that he had spoken to me 
with the utmost kindness and consideration; and had coupled 
nothing but tenderness; not a single or reproachful word; with her 
name。 I know I did this selfishly; to have my name brought before 
her; but I tried to believe it was an act of justice to his memory。 
Perhaps I did believe it。 

My aunt received a few lines next day in reply; addressed; 
outside; to her; within; to me。 Dora was overcome by grief; and 
when her friend had asked her should she send her love to me; 
had only cried; as she was always crying; ‘Oh; dear papa! oh; poor 
papa!’ But she had not said No; and that I made the most of。 

Mr。 Jorkins; who had been at Norwood since the occurrence; 
came to the office a few days afterwards。 He and Tiffey were 
closeted together for some few moments; and then Tiffey looked 
out at the door and beckoned me in。 

‘Oh!’ said Mr。 Jorkins。 ‘Mr。 Tiffey and myself; Mr。 Copperfield; 
are about to examine the desks; the drawers; and other such 
repositories of the deceased; with the view of sealing up his private 
papers; and searching for a Will。 There is no trace of any; 
elsewhere。 It may be as

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