还乡The Return Of The Native-第81节

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y　sign　upon　him　of　his　recent　struggle　for　life　was　in　his　fingertips；　which　were　worn　and　sacrificed　in　his　dying　endeavours　to　obtain　a　hold　on　the　face　of　the　weir…wall。
Yeobright’s　manner　had　been　so　quiet；　he　had　uttered　so　few　syllables　since　his　reappearance；　that　Venn　imagined　him　resigned。　　It　was　only　when　they　had　left　the　room　and　stood　upon　the　landing　that　the　true　state　of　his　mind　was　apparent。　　Here　he　said；　with　a　wild　smile；　inclining　his　head　towards　the　chamber　in　which　Eustacia　lay；　“She　is　the　second　woman　I　have　killed　this　year。　　I　was　a　great　cause　of　my　mother’s　death；　and　I　am　the　chief　cause　of　hers。”
“How？”　said　Venn。　
“I　spoke　cruel　words　to　her；　and　she　left　my　house。　　I　did　not　invite　her　back　till　it　was　too　late。　　It　is　I　who　ought　to　have　drowned　myself。　　It　would　have　been　a　charity　to　the　living　had　the　river　overwhelmed　me　and　borne　her　up。　　But　I　cannot　die。　　Those　who　ought　to　have　lived　lie　dead；　and　here　am　I　alive！”
“But　you　can’t　charge　yourself　with　crimes　in　that　way；”　said　Venn。　　“You　may　as　well　say　that　the　parents　be　the　cause　of　a　murder　by　the　child；　for　without　the　parents　the　child　would　never　have　been　begot。”
“Yes；　Venn；　that　is　very　true；　but　you　don’t　know　all　the　circumstances。　　If　it　had　pleased　God　to　put　an　end　to　me　it　would　have　been　a　good　thing　for　all。　　But　I　am　getting　used　to　the　horror　of　my　existence。　　They　say　that　a　time　es　when　men　laugh　at　misery　through　long　acquaintance　with　it。　　Surely　that　time　will　soon　e　to　me！”
“Your　aim　has　always　been　good；”　said　Venn。　　“Why　should　you　say　such　desperate　things？”
“No；　they　are　not　desperate。　　They　are　only　hopeless；　and　my　great　regret　is　that　for　what　I　have　done　no　man　or　law　can　punish　me！”


book　six
AFTERCOURSES


1　… The　Inevitable　Movement　Onward


The　story　of　the　deaths　of　Eustacia　and　Wildeve　was　told　throughout　Egdon；　and　far　beyond；　for　many　weeks　and　months。　　All　the　known　incidents　of　their　love　were　enlarged；　distorted；　touched　up；　and　modified；　till　the　original　reality　bore　but　a　slight　resemblance　to　the　counterfeit　presentation　by　surrounding　tongues。　　Yet；　upon　the　whole；　neither　the　man　nor　the　woman　lost　dignity　by　sudden　death。　　Misfortune　had　struck　them　gracefully；　cutting　off　their　erratic　histories　with　a　catastrophic　dash；　instead　of；　as　with　many；　attenuating　each　life　to　an　uninteresting　meagreness；　through　long　years　of　wrinkles；　neglect；　and　decay。　
On　those　most　nearly　concerned　the　effect　was　somewhat　different。　　Strangers　who　had　heard　of　many　such　cases　now　merely　heard　of　one　more；　but　immediately　where　a　blow　falls　no　previous　imaginings　amount　to　appreciable　preparation　for　it。　　The　very　suddenness　of　her　bereavement　dulled；　to　some　extent；　Thomasin’s　feelings；　yet　irrationally　enough；　a　consciousness　that　the　husband　she　had　lost　ought　to　have　been　a　better　man　did　not　lessen　her　mourning　at　all。　　On　the　contrary；　this　fact　seemed　at　first　to　set　off　the　dead　husband　in　his　young　wife’s　eyes；　and　to　be　the　necessary　cloud　to　the　rainbow。
But　the　horrors　of　the　unknown　had　passed。　　Vague　misgivings　about　her　future　as　a　deserted　wife　were　at　an　end。　　The　worst　had　once　been　matter　of　trembling　conjecture；　it　was　now　matter　of　reason　only；　a　limited　badness。　　Her　chief　interest；　the　little　Eustacia；　still　remained。　　There　was　humility　in　her　grief；　no　defiance　in　her　attitude；　and　when　this　is　the　case　a　shaken　spirit　is　apt　to　be　stilled。　
Could　Thomasin’s　mournfulness　now　and　Eustacia’s　serenity　during　life　have　been　reduced　to　mon　measure；　they　would　have　touched　the　same　mark　nearly。　　But　Thomasin’s　former　brightness　made　shadow　of　that　which　in　a　sombre　atmosphere　was　light　itself。　
The　spring　came　and　calmed　her；　the　summer　came　and　soothed　her；　the　autumn　arrived；　and　she　began　to　be　forted；　for　her　little　girl　was　strong　and　happy；　growing　in　size　and　knowledge　every　day。　　Outward　events　flattered　Thomasin　not　a　little。　　Wildeve　had　died　intestate；　and　she　and　the　child　were　his　only　relatives。　　When　administration　had　been　granted；　all　the　debts　paid；　and　the　residue　of　her　husband’s　uncle’s　property　had　e　into　her　hands；　it　was　found　that　the　sum　waiting　to　be　invested　for　her　own　and　the　child’s　benefit　was　little　less　than　ten　thousand　pounds。　
Where　should　she　live？　　The　obvious　place　was　Blooms…End。　　The　old　rooms；　it　is　true；　were　not　much　higher　than　the　between…decks　of　a　frigate；　necessitating　a　sinking　in　the　floor　under　the　new　clock…case　she　brought　from　the　inn；　and　the　removal　of　the　handsome　brass　knobs　on　its　head；　before　there　was　height　for　it　to　stand；　but；　such　as　the　rooms　were；　there　were　plenty　of　them；　and　the　place　was　endeared　to　her　by　every　early　recollection。　　Clym　very　gladly　admitted　her　as　a　tenant；　confining　his　own　existence　to　two　rooms　at　the　top　of　the　back　staircase；　where　he　lived　on　quietly；　shut　off　from　Thomasin　and　the　three　servants　she　had　thought　fit　to　indulge　in　now　that　she　was　a　mistress　of　money；　going　his　own　ways；　and　thinking　his　own　thoughts。　
His　sorrows　had　made　some　change　in　his　outward　appearance；　and　yet　the　alteration　was　chiefly　within。　　It　might　have　been　said　that　he　had　a　wrinkled　mind。　　He　had　no　enemies；　and　he　could　get　nobody　to　reproach　him；　which　was　why　he　so　bitterly　reproached　himself。　
He　did　sometimes　think　he　had　been　ill…used　by　fortune；　so　far　as　to　say　that　to　be　born　is　a　palpable　dilemma；　and　that　instead　of　men　aiming　to　advance　in　life　with　glory　they　should　calculate　how　to　retreat　out　of　it　without　shame。　　But　that　he　and　his　had　been　sarcastically　and　pitilessly　handled　in　having　such　irons　thrust　into　their　souls　he　did　not　maintain　long。　　It　is　usually　so；　except　with　the　sternest　of　men。　　Human　beings；　in　their　generous　endeavour　to　construct　a　hypothesis　that　shall　not　degrade　a　First　Cause；　have　always　hesitated　to　conceive　a　dominant　power　of　lower　moral　quality　than　their　own；　and；　even　while　they　sit　down　and　weep　by　the　waters　of　Babylon；　invent　excuses　for　the　oppression　which　prompts　their　tears。　
Thus；　though　words　of　solace　were　vainly　uttered　in　his　presence；　he　found　relief　in　a　direction　of　his　own　choosing　when　left　to　himself。　　For　a　man　of　his　habits　the　house　and　the　hundred　and　twenty　pounds　a　year　which　he　had　inherited　from　his　mother　were　enough　to　supply　all　worldly　needs。　　Resources　do　not　depend　upon　gross　amounts；　but　upon　the　proportion　of　spendings　to　takings。　
He　frequently　walked　the　heath　alone；　when　the　past　seized　upon　him　with　its　shadowy　hand；　and　held　him　there　to　listen　to　its　tale。　　His　imagination　would　then　people　the　spot　with　its　ancient　inhabitants—forgotten　Celtic　tribes　trod　their　tracks　about　him；　and　he　could　almost　live　among　them；　look　in　their　faces；　and　see　them　standing　beside　the　barrows　which　swelled　around；　untouched　and　perfect　as　at　the　time　of　their　erection。　　Those　of　the　dyed　barbarians　who　had　chosen　the　cultivable　tracts　were；　in　parison　with　those　who　had　left　their　marks　here；　as　writers　on　paper　beside　writers　on　parchment。　　Their　records　had　perished　long　ago　by　the　plough；　while　the　works　of　these　remained。　　Yet　they　all　had　lived　and　died　unconscious　of　the　different　fates　awaiting　their　relics。　　It　reminded　him　that　unforeseen　factors　operate　in　the　evolution　of　immortality。　
Winter　again　came　round；　with　its　winds；　frosts；　tame　robins；　and　sparkling　starlight。　　The　year　previous　Thomasin　had　hardly　been　conscious　of　the　season’s　advance；　this　year　she　laid　her　heart　open　to　external　influences　of　every　kind。　　The　life　of　this　sweet　cousin；　her　baby；　and　her　servants；　came　to　Clym’s　senses　only　in　the　form　of　sounds　through　a　wood　partition　as　he　sat　over　books　of　exceptionally　large　type；　but　his　ear　became　at　last　so　accustomed　to　these　slight　noises　from　the　other　part　of　the　house　that　he　almost　could　witness　the　scenes　they　signified。　　A　faint　beat　of　half…seconds　conjured　up　Thomasin　rocking　the　cradle；　a　wavering　hum　meant　that　she　was　singing　the　baby　to　sleep；　a　crunching　of　sand　as　between　millstones　raised　the　picture　of　Humphrey’s；　Fairway’s；　or　Sam’s　heavy　feet　crossing　the　stone　floor　of　the　kitchen；　a　light　boyish　step；　and　a　gay　tune　in　a　high　key；　betokened　a　visit　from　Grandfer　Cantle；　a　sudden　break…off　in　the　Grandfer’s　utterances　implied　the　application　to　his　lips　of　a　mug　of　small　beer；　a　bustling　and　slamming　of　doors　meant　starting　to　go　to　market；　for　Thomasin；　in　spite　of　her　added　scope　of　gentility；　led　a　ludicrously　narrow　life；　to　the　end　that　she　might　save　every　possible　pound　for　her　little　daughter。　
One　summer　day　Clym　was　in　the　garden；　immediately　outside　the　parlour　window；　which　was　as　usual　open。　　He　was　looking　at　the　pot…flowers　on　the　sill；　they　had　been　revived　and　restored　by　Thomasin　to　the　state　in　which　his　mother　had　left　them。　　He　heard　a　slight　scream　from　Thomasin；　who　was　sitting　inside　the　room。
“O；　how　you　frightened　me！”　she　said　to　someone　who　had　entered。　　“I　thought　you　were　the　ghost　of　yourself。”
Clym　was　curious　enough　to　advance　a　little　further　and　look　in　at　the　window。　　To　his　astonishment　there　stood　within　the　room　Diggory　Venn；　no　longer　a　reddleman；　but　exhibiting　the　strangely　al