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!!!!隆堋響頼��紗秘慕禰厮宴和肝写偬堋響��
what had happened。 To my mind�察�Mrs。 Tenbruggen's bosom´friend is
a creature not fit to be seen or heard when she loses her temper。
I only told her to leave the room。 To my great amusement�察�she
shook her bony fist at me�察�and expressed a frantic wish�此 �Oh�察�if
I was rich enough to leave this wicked house� ─�I wonder whether
there is insanity ��as well as poverty�� in Miss Jillgall's family��
Last night my mind was in a harassed state。 Philip was�察�as usual��
the cause of it。
Perhaps I acted indiscreetly when I insisted on his leaving
London�察�and returning to this place。 But what else could I have
done�拭�It was not merely my interest�察�it was an act of downright
necessity�察�to withdraw him from the influence of his hateful
fatherwhom I now regard as
the one serious obstacle to my marriage。 There is no prospect of
being rid of Mr。 Dunboyne the elder by his returning to Ireland。
He is trying a new remedy for his crippled handelectricity。 I
wish it was lightning�察�to kill him� �If I had given that wicked
old man the chance�察�I am firmly convinced he would not have let a
day pass without doing his best to depreciate me in his son's
estimation。 Besides�察�there was the risk�察�if I had allowed Philip
to remain long away from me�察�of losingno�察�while I keep my
beauty I cannot be in such danger as thatlet me say�察�of
permitting time and absence to weaken my hold on him。 However
sullen and silent he may be�察�when we meetand I find him in that
condition far too oftenI can�察�sooner or later�察�recall him to
his brighter self。 My eyes preserve their charm�察�my talk can
still amuse him�察�and�察�better even than that�察�I feel the answering
thrill in him�察�which tells me how precious my kisses arenot too
lavishly bestowed� �But the time when I am obliged to leave him to
himself is the time that I dread。 How do I know that his thoughts
are not wandering away to Eunice�拭�He denies it�察�he declares that
he only went to the farmhouse to express his regret for his own
thoughtless conduct�察�and to offer her the brotherly regard due to
the sister of his promised wife。 Can I believe it�拭�Oh�察�what would
I not give to be able to believe it� �How can I feel sure that her
refusal to see him was not a cunning device to make him long for
another interview�察�and plan perhaps in private to go back and try
again。 Marriage� �Nothing will quiet these frightful doubts of
mine�察�nothing will reward me for all that I have suffered��
nothing will warm my heart with the delightful sense of triumph
over Eunice�察�but my marriage to Philip。 And what does he say��
when I urge it on him��yes�察�I have fallen as low as that�察�in the
despair which sometimes possesses me。 He has his answer�察�always
the same�察�and always ready�此 �How are we to live�拭�where is the
money�拭─�The maddening part of it is that I cannot accuse him of
raising objections that don't exist。 We are poorer than ever
here�察�since my father's illnessand Philip's allowance is barely
enough to suffice him as a single man。 Oh�察�how I hate the rich��
It was useless to think of going to bed。 How could I hope to
sleep�察�with my head throbbing�察�and my thoughts in this disturbed
state�拭�I put on my comfortable dressing´gown�察�and sat down to try
what reading would do to quiet my mind。
I had borrowed the book from the Library�察�to which I have been a
subscriber in secret for some time past。 It was an old volume��
full of what we should now call Gossip�察�relating strange
adventures�察�and scandalous incidents in family history which had
been concealed from public notice。
One of these last romances in real life caught a strong hold on
my interest。
It was a strange case of intended poisoning�察�which had never been
carried out。 A young married lady of rank�察�whose name was
concealed under an initial letter�察�had suffered some unendurable
wrong ��which was not mentioned�� at the hands of her husband's
mother。 The wife was described as a woman of strong passions�察�who
had determined on a terrible revenge by taking the life of her
mother´in´law。 There were difficulties in the way of her
committing the crime without an accomplice to help her�察�and she
decided on taking her maid�察�an elderly woman�察�into her
confidence。 The poison was secretly obtained by this person�察�and
the safest manner of administering it was under discussion
between the mistress and the maid�察�when the door of the room was
suddenly opened。 The husband�察�accompanied by his brother�察�rushed
in�察�and charged his wife with plotting the murder of his mother。
The young lady ��she was only twenty´three�� must have been a
person of extraordinary courage and resolution。 She saw at once
that her maid had betrayed her�察�and�察�with astonishing presence of
mind�察�she turned on the traitress�察�and said to her husband��
;There is the wretch who has been trying to persuade me to poison
your mother� ─�As it happened�察�the old lady's temper was violent
and overbearing�察�and the maid had complained of being ill´treated
by her�察�in the hearing of the other servants。 The circumstances
made it impossible to decide which of the two was really the
guilty woman。 The servant was sent away�察�and the husband and wife
separated soon afterward�察�under the excuse of incompatibility of
temper。 Years passed�察�and the truth was only discovered by the
death´bed confession of the wife。 A remarkable story�察�which has
made such an impression on me that I have written it in my
Journal。 I am not rich enough to buy the book。
For the last two days�察�I have been confined to my room with a bad
feverish coldcaught�察�as I suppose�察�by sitting at an open window
reading my book till nearly three o'clock in the morning。 I sent
a note to Philip�察�telling him of my illness。 On the first day�察�he
called to inquire after me。 On the second day�察�no visit�察�and no
letter。 Here is the third dayand no news of him as yet。 I am
better�察�but not fit to go out。 Let me wait another hour�察�and�察�if
that exertion of patience meets with no reward�察�I shall send a
note to the hotel。
No news of Philip。 I have sent to the hotel。 The servant has just
returned�察�bringing me back my note。 The waiter informed her that
Mr。 Dunboyne had gone away to London by the morning train。 No
apology or explanation left for me。
_Can_ he have deserted me�拭�I am in such a frenzy of doubt and
rage that I can hardly write that horrible question。 Is it
possibleoh�察�I feel it _is_ possible that he has gone away with
Eunice。 Do I know where to find them�拭�if I did know�察�what could I
do�拭�I feel as if I could kill them both��
CHAPTER LIII。
HELENA'S DIARY RESUMED。
AFTER the heat of my anger had cooled�察�I made two discoveries。
One cost me a fee to a messenger�察�and the other exposed me to the
insolence of a servant。 I pay willingly in my purse and my pride��
when the gain is peace of mind。 Through my messenger I
ascertained that Eunice had never left the farm。 Through my own
inquiries�察�answered by the waiter with an impudent grin�察�I heard
that Philip had left orders to have his room kept for him。 What
misery our stupid housemaid might have spared me�察�if she had
thought of putting that question when I sent her to the hotel��
The rest of the day passed in vain speculations on Philip's
motive for this sudden departure。 What poor weak creatures we
are� �I persuaded myself to hope that anxiety for our marriage had
urged him to make an effort to touch the heart of his mean
father。 Shall I see him to´morrow�拭�And shall I have reason to be
fonder of him than ever��
We met again to´day as usual。 He has behaved infamously。
When I asked what had been his object in going to London�察�I was
told that it was ;a matter of business。; He made that idiotic
excuse as coolly as if he really thought I should believe it。 I
submitted in silence�察�rather than mar his return to me by the
disaster of a quarrel。 But this was an unlucky day。 A harder
trial of my self´control was still to come。 Without the slightest
appearance of shame�察�Philip informed me that he was charged with
a message from Mrs。 Tenbruggen� �She wanted some Irish lace�察�and
would I be so good as to tell her which was the best shop at
which she could buy it��
Was he really in earnest�拭 �You�察─�I said�察 �who distrusted and
detested heryou are on friendly terms with that woman�拭�
He remonstrated with me。 ;My dear Helena�察�don't speak in that way
of Mrs。 Tenbruggen。 We have both been mistaken about her。 That
good creature has forgiven the brutal manner in which I spoke to
her�察�when she was in attendance on my father。 She was the first
to propose that we should shake hands and forget it。 My darling��
don't let all the good feeling be on one side。 You have no idea
how kindly she speaks of you�察�and how anxious she is to help us
to be married。 Come� �come� �meet her half´way。 Write down the name
of the shop on my card�察�and I will take it back to her。;
Sheer amazement kept me silent�此�I let him go on。 He was a mere
child in the hands of Mrs。 Tenbruggen�此�she had only to determine
to make a fool of him�察�and she could do it。
But why did she
do it�拭�What advantage had she to gain by insinuating herself in
this way into his good opinion�察�evidently with the intention of
urging him to reconcile us to each other�拭�How could we two poor
young people be of the smalle