the legacy of cain-第33节

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the　light　rose　higher；　and；　leaving　me　in　darkness　where　I　stood；
showed　a　collection　of　swords；　daggers；　and　knives　arranged　on
the　wall　in　imitation　of　the　form　of　a　star。

The　whisper　sounded　again；　close　at　my　ear。　It　echoed　my　own
thought；　when　I　called　to　mind　the　ways　of　killing　which　history
had　taught　me。　It　said：　〃Kill　her　with　the　knife。〃

No。　My　heart　failed　me　when　I　thought　of　the　blood。　I　hid　the
dreadful　weapons　from　my　view。　I　cried　out：　〃Let　me　go！　let　me
go！〃

Again；　I　was　lost　in　darkness。　Again；　I　had　no　knowledge　in　me　of
where　I　was。　Again；　after　an　interval；　the　light　showed　me　the
new　place　in　which　I　stood。

I　was　alone　in　the　burial…ground　of　our　parish　church。　The　light
led　me　on；　among　the　graves；　to　the　lonely　corner　in　which　the
great　yew　tree　stands；　and；　rising　higher；　revealed　the　solemn
foliage；　brightened　by　the　fatal　red　fruit　which　hides　in　itself
the　seeds　of　death。

The　whisper　tempted　me　again。　It　followed　again　the　train　of　my
own　thought。　It　said：　〃Kill　her　by　poison。〃

No。　Revenge　by　poison　steals　its　way　to　its　end。　The　base
deceitfulness　of　Helena's　crime　against　me　seemed　to　call　for　a
day　of　reckoning　that　hid　itself　under　no　disguise。　I　raised　my
cry　to　be　delivered　from　the　sight　of　the　deadly　tree；　The
changes　which　I　have　tried　to　describe　followed　once　more　the
confession　of　what　I　felt；　the　darkness　was　dispelled　for　the
third　time。

I　was　standing　in　Helena's　room；　looking　at　her　as　she　lay　asleep
in　her　bed。

She　was　quite　still　now；　but　she　must　have　been　restless　at　some
earlier　time。　The　bedclothes　were　disordered；　her　head　had　sunk
so　low　that　the　pillow　rose　high　and　vacant　above　her。　There；
colored　by　a　tender　flush　of　sleep；　was　the　face　whose　beauty　put
my　poor　face　to　shame。　There；　was　the　sister　who　had　committed
the　worst　of　murdersthe　wretch　who　had　killed　in　me　all　that
made　life　worth　having。　While　that　thought　was　in　my　mind；　I
heard　the　whisper　again。　〃Kill　her　openly；〃　the　tempter　mother
said。　〃Kill　her　daringly。　Faint　heart；　do　you　still　want　courage？
Rouse　your　spirit；　look！　see　yourself　in　the　act！〃

The　temptation　took　a　form　which　now　tried　me　for　the　first　time。

As　if　a　mirror　had　reflected　the　scene；　I　saw　myself　standing　by
the　bedside；　with　the　pillow　that　was　to　smother　the　sleeper　in
my　hands。　I　heard　the　whispering　voice　telling　me　how　to　speak
the　words　that　warned　and　condemned　her：　〃Wake！　you　who　have
taken　him　from　me！　Wake！　and　meet　your　doom。〃

I　saw　her　start　up　in　bed。　The　sudden　movement　disordered　the
nightdress　over　her　bosom　and　showed　the　miniature　portrait　of　a
man；　hung　round　her　neck。

The　man　was　Philip。　The　likeness　was　looking　at　me。

So　dear；　so　lovelythose　eyes　that　had　once　been　the　light　of　my
heart；　mourned　for　me　and　judged　me　now。　They　saw　the　guilty
thought　that　polluted　me；　they　brought　me　to　my　knees；　imploring
him　to　help　me　back　to　my　better　self：　〃One　last　mercy；　dear；　to
comfort　me　under　the　loss　of　you。　Let　the　love　that　was　once　my
life；　be　my　good　angel　still。　Save　me；　Philip；　even　though　you
forsake　mesave　me　from　myself！〃

。　。　。　。　。　。　。

There　was　a　sudden　cry。

The　agony　of　it　pierced　my　braindrove　away　the　ghastly
lightsilenced　the　tempting　whispers。　I　came　to　myself。　I
sawand　not　in　a　dream。

Helena　_had_　started　up　in　her　bed。　That　cry　of　terror；　at　the
sight　of　me　in　her　room　at　night；　_had_　burst　from　her　lips。　The
miniature　of　Philip　hung　round　her　neck；　a　visible　reality。
Though　my　head　was　dizzy；　though　my　heart　was　sinking；　I　had　not
lost　my　senses　yet。　All　that　the　night　lamp　could　show　me；　I
still　saw；　and　I　heard　the　sound；　faintly；　when　the　door　of　the
bed…chamber　was　opened。　Alarmed　by　that　piercing　cry；　my　father
came　hurrying　into　the　room。

Not　a　word　passed　between　us　three。　The　whispers　that　I　had　heard
were　wicked；　the　thoughts　that　had　been　in　my　mind　were　vile。　Had
they　left　some　poison　in　the　air　of　the　room；　which　killed　the
words　on　our　lips？

My　father　looked　at　Helena。　With　a　trembling　hand　she　pointed　to
me。　He　put　his　arm　round　me　and　held　me　up。　I　remember　his
leading　me　awayand　I　remember　nothing　more。

My　last　words　are　written。　I　lock　up　this　journal　of
miserynever；　I　hope　and　pray；　to　open　it　again。

…

Second　Period　（continued）。

EVENTS　IN　THE　FAMILY；　RELATED　BY　THE　GOVERNOR。

…

CHAPTER　XXXII。

THE　MIDDLE…AGED　LADY。


IN　the　year　1870　I　found　myself　compelled　to　submit　to　the
demands　of　two　hard　task…masters。

Advancing　age　and　failing　health　reminded　the　Governor　of　the
Prison　of　his　duty　to　his　successor；　in　one　unanswerable
wordResign。

When　they　have　employed　us　and　interested　us；　for　the　greater
part　of　our　lives；　we　bid　farewell　to　our　dutieseven　to　the
gloomy　duties　of　a　prisonwith　a　sense　of　regret。　My　view　of　the
future　presented　a　vacant　prospect　indeed；　when　I　looked　at　my
idle　life　to　come；　and　wondered　what　I　should　do　with　it。　Loose
on　the　worldat　my　age！I　drifted　into　domestic　refuge；　under
the　care　of　my　two　dear　and　good　sons。　After　a　while　（never　mind
how　long　a　while）　I　began　to　grow　restless　under　the　heavy　burden
of　idleness。　Having　nothing　else　to　complain　of；　I　complained　of
my　health；　and　consulted　a　doctor。　That　sagacious　man　hit　on　the
right　way　of　getting　rid　of　mehe　recommended　traveling。

This　was　unexpected　advice。　After　some　hesitation；　I　accepted　it
reluctantly。

The　instincts　of　age　recoil　from　making　new　acquaintances；
contemplating　new　places；　and　adopting　new　habits。　Besides；　I
hate　railway　traveling。　However；　I　contrived　to　get　as　far　as
Italy；　and　stopped　to　rest　at　Florence。　Here；　I　found　pictures　by
the　old　masters　that　I　could　really
　enjoy；　a　public　park　that　I　could　honestly　admire；　and　an
excellent　friend　and　colleague　of　former　days；　once　chaplain　to
the　prison；　now　clergyman　in　charge　of　the　English　Church。　We　met
in　the　gallery　of　the　Pitti　Palace；　and　he　recognized　me
immediately。　I　was　pleased　to　find　that　the　lapse　of　years　had
made　so　little　difference　in　my　personal　appearance。

The　traveler　who　advances　as　far　as　Florence；　and　does　not　go　on
to　Rome；　must　be　regardless　indeed　of　the　opinions　of　his
friends。　Let　me　not　attempt　to　conceal　itI　am　that　insensible
traveler。　Over　and　over　again；　I　said　to　myself：　〃Rome　must　be
done〃；　and　over　and　over　again　I　put　off　doing　it。　To　own　the
truth；　the　fascinations　of　Florence；　aided　by　the　society　of　my
friend；　laid　so　strong　a　hold　on　me　that　I　believe　I　should　have
ended　my　days　in　the　delightful　Italian　city；　but　for　the
dangerous　illness　of　one　of　my　sons。　This　misfortune　hurried　me
back　to　England；　in　dread；　every　step　of　the　way；　of　finding　that
I　had　arrived　too　late。　The　journey　（thank　God！）　proved　to　have
been　taken　without　need。　My　son　was　no　longer　in　danger；　when　I
reached　London　in　the　year　1875。

At　that　date　I　was　near　enough　to　the　customary　limit　of　human
life　to　feel　the　necessity　of　rest　and　quiet。　In　other　words；　my
days　of　travel　had　come　to　their　end。

Having　established　myself　in　my　own　country；　I　did　not　forget　to
let　old　friends　know　where　they　might　find　me。　Among　those　to
whom　I　wrote　was　another　colleague　of　past　years；　who　still　held
his　medical　appointment　in　the　prison。　When　I　received　the
doctor's　reply；　it　inclosed　a　letter　directed　to　me　at　my　old
quarters　in　the　Governor's　rooms。　Who　could　possibly　have　sent　a
letter　to　an　address　which　I　had　left　five　years　since？　My
correspondent　proved　to　be　no　less　a　person　than　the
Congregational　Ministerthe　friend　whom　I　had　estranged　from　me
by　the　tone　in　which　I　had　written　to　him；　on　the　long…past
occasion　of　his　wife's　death。

It　was　a　distressing　letter　to　read。　I　beg　permission　to　give
only　the　substance　of　it　in　this　place。

Entreating　me；　with　touching　expressions　of　humility　and　sorrow；
to　forgive　his　long　silence；　the　writer　appealed　to　my　friendly
remembrance　of　him。　He　was　in　sore　need　of　counsel；　under　serious
difficulties；　and　I　was　the　only　person　to　whom　he　could　apply
for　help。　In　the　disordered　state　of　his　health　at　that　time；　he
ventured　to　hope　that　I　would　visit　him　at　his　present　place　of
abode；　and　would　let　him　have　the　happiness　of　seeing　me　as
speedily　as　possible。　He　concluded　with　this　extraordinary
postscript：

〃When　you　see　my　daughters；　say　nothing　to　either　of　them　which
relates；　in　any　way；　to　the　subject　of　their　ages。　You　shall　hear
why　when　we　meet。〃

The　reading　of　this　letter　naturally　reminded　me　of　the　claims
which　my　friend's　noble　conduct　had　established　on　my　admiration
and　respect；　at　the　past　time　when　we　met　in　the　prison。　I　could
not　hesitate　to　grant　his　requeststrangely　as　it　was　expressed；
and　doubtful　as　the　prospect　appeared　to　be　of　my　answering　the
expectations　which　he　had　founded　on　the　renewal　of　our
intercourse。　Answering　his　letter　by　telegraph；　I　promised　to　be
with　him　on　the　next　day。

On　arriving　at　the　station；　I　found　that　I　was　the　only　traveler；
by　a　first…class　carriage；　who　left　the　train。　A　young　lady；
remarkable　by　her　good　looks　and　good　dressing；　seemed　to　have
noticed　this　trifling　circumstance。　She　approached　me　with　a
ready　smile。　〃I　be