speaking of operations(说起手术)-第8节
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drinking cup on the railroad train。 The appendix lurked in its snug retreat；
undisturbed by the prying fingers of curiosity。 The fever…bearing skeeter
buzzed and flitted； stinging where he pleased。 The germ theory was
unfathomed。 Suitable food for an invalid was anything the invalid could
afford to buy。 Fresh air； and more especially fresh night air； was regarded
as dangerous； and people hermetically sealed themselves in before retiring。
Not daily as at present was the world gladdened by the tidings that science
had unearthed some new and particularly unpleasant disease。 It never
occurred to a mother that she should sterilize the slipper before spanking
her offspring。 Babies were not reared antiseptically； but just so。
Nobody was aware of microbes。
In short； our sires and our grandsires abode in the midst of perils。 They
were surrounded on all sides by things that are immediately fatal to the
human system。 Not a single one of them had a right to pass his second
birthday。 In the light of what we know； we realize that by now this world
should be but a barren waste dotted at frequent intervals with large
graveyards and populated only by a few dispossessed and hungry bacteria；
hanging over the cemetery fence singing： Driven From Home！
In the conditions generally prevalent up to twenty…five years ago； most
of us never had any license； really； to be born at all。 Yet look how many
of us are now here。 In this age of research I hesitate to attempt to
account for it； except on the entirely unscientific theory that what you
don't know doesn't hurt you。 Doubtless a physician could give you a better
explanation； but his would cost you more than mine has。
But we digress。 Let us get back to our main subject； which is myself。
I shall never forget my first real meal in that hospital。 There was quite a
good deal of talk about it beforehand。 My nurse kept telling me that on
the next day the doctor had promised I might have something to eat。 I
could hardly wait。 I had visions of a tenderloin steak smothered in fried
onions； and some French…fried potatoes； and a tall table…limit stack of
wheat cakes； and a few other incidental comfits and kickshaws。 I could
hardly wait for that meal。
The next day came and she brought it to me； and I partook thereof。 It
was the white of an egg。 For dessert I licked a stamp； but this I did
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clandestinely and by stealth； without saying anything about it to her。 I
was not supposed to have any sweets。
On the occasion of the next feast the diet was varied。 I had a sip of
one of those fermented milk products。 You probably know the sort of
thing I mean。 Even before you've swallowed it； it tastes as though it had
already disagreed with you。 The nurse said this food was predigested but
did not tell me by whom。 Nor did I ask her。 I started to； but thought
better of it。 Sometimes one is all the happier for not knowing too much。
A little later on； seeing that I had not suffered an attack of indigestion
from this debauch； they gave me junket。 In the dictionary I have looked
up the definitions of junket。 I quote：
JUNKET； v。 I。 t。 To entertain by feasting； regale。 II。 i。 To
give or take part in an entertainment or excursion； feast in company；
picnic； revel。
JUNKET； n。 A merry feast or excursion； picnic。
When the author of a dictionary tries to be frivolous he only succeeds
in making himself appear foolish。
I know not how it may be in the world at large； but in a hospital； junket
is a custard that by some subtle process has been denuded of those
ingredients which make a custard fascinating and exciting。 It tastes as
though the eggs； which form its underlying basis； had been laid in a fit of
pique by a hen that was severely upset at the time。
Hereafter when the junket is passed round somebody else may have
my share。 I'll stick to the mince pie a la mode。 And the first cigar of
my convalescenceah； that； too； abides as a vivid memory！ Dropping in
one morning to replace the wrappings Doctor Z said I might smoke in
moderation。 So the nurse brought me a cigar； and I lit it and took one
deep puff； but only one。 I laid it aside。 I said to the nurse：
〃A mistake has been made here。 I do not want a cooking cigar； you
understand。 I desire a cigar for personal use。 This one is full of herbs
and simples； I think。 It suggests a New England boiled dinner； and not a
very good New England boiled dinner at that。 Let us try again。〃
She brought another cigar。 It was not satisfactory either。 Then she
showed me the boxan orthodox box containing cigars of a recognized
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and previously dependable brand。 I could only conclude that a root…and…
herb doctor had bought an interest in the business and was introducing his
own pet notions into the formula。
But came a dayas the fancy writers say when they wish to convey the
impression that a day has come； but hate to do it in a commonplace
mannercame a day when my cigar tasted as a cigar should taste and food
had the proper relish to it； and my appetite came back again and found the
old home place not so greatly changed after all。
And then shortly thereafter came another day； when I； all replete with
expensive stitches； might drape the customary habiliments of civilization
about my attenuated frame and go forth to mingle with my fellow beings。
I have been mingling pretty steadily ever since； for now I have something
to talk abouta topic good for any company； congenial； an absorbing
topic。
I can spot a brother member a block away。 I hasten up to him and
give him the grand hailing sign of the order。 He opens his mouth to
speak； but I beat him to it。
〃Speaking of operations 〃 I say。 And then I'm off。 Believe me； it's
the life！
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