crime and punishment(罪与罚)-第90节
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When he had bitterly reminded Dounia that he had decided to take her
in spite of evil report； Pyotr Petrovitch had spoken with perfect
sincerity and had； indeed； felt genuinely indignant at such 〃black
ingratitude。〃 And yet； when he made Dounia his offer； he was fully
aware of the groundlessness of all the gossip。 The story had been
everywhere contradicted by Marfa Petrovna； and was by then disbelieved
by all the townspeople； who were warm in Dounia'a defence。 And he
would not have denied that he knew all that at the time。 Yet he
still thought highly of his own resolution in lifting Dounia to his
level and regarded it as something heroic。 In speaking of it to
Dounia； he had let out the secret feeling he cherished and admired；
and he could not understand that others should fail to admire it
too。 He had called on Raskolnikov with the feelings of a benefactor
who is about to reap the fruits of his good deeds and to hear
agreeable flattery。 And as he went downstairs now； he considered
himself most undeservedly injured and unrecognised。
Dounia was simply essential to him； to do without her was
unthinkable。 For many years he had voluptuous dreams of marriage；
but he had gone on waiting and amassing money。 He brooded with relish；
in profound secret； over the image of a girl… virtuous； poor （she must
be poor）； very young； very pretty； of good birth and education； very
timid； one who had suffered much； and was completely humbled before
him； one who would all her life look on him as her saviour； worship
him； admire him and only him。 How many scenes； how many amorous
episodes he had imagined on this seductive and playful theme； when his
work was over！ And； behold； the dream of so many years was all but
realised； the beauty and education of Avdotya Romanovna had
impressed him； her helpless position had been a great allurement； in
her he had found even more than he dreamed of。 Here was a girl of
pride； character； virtue； of education and breeding superior to his
own （he felt that）； and this creature would be slavishly grateful
all her life for his heroic condescension； and would humble herself in
the dust before him； and he would have absolute； unbounded power
over her！。。。 Not long before； he had； too； after long reflection and
hesitation； made an important change in his career and was now
entering on a wider circle of business。 With this change his cherished
dreams of rising into a higher class of society seemed likely to be
realised。。。。 He was； in fact； determined to try his fortune in
Petersburg。 He knew that women could do a very great deal。 The
fascination of a charming； virtuous； highly educated woman might
make his way easier； might do wonders in attracting people to him；
throwing an aureole round him； and now everything was in ruins！ This
sudden horrible rupture affected him like a clap of thunder； it was
like a hideous joke； an absurdity。 He had only been a tiny bit
masterful； had not even time to speak out； had simply made a joke；
been carried away… and it had ended so seriously。 And； of course； too；
he did love Dounia in his own way； he already possessed her in his
dreams… and all at once！ No！ The next day； the very next day； it
must all be set right； smoothed over； settled。 Above all he must crush
that conceited milksop who was the cause of it all。 With a sick
feeling he could not help recalling Razumihin too； but； he soon
reassured himself on that score； as though a fellow like that could be
put on a level with him！ The man he really dreaded in earnest was
Svidrigailov。。。。 He had； in short； a great deal to attend to。。。。
…
〃No； I； I am more to blame than any one！〃 said Dounia； kissing and
embracing her mother。 〃I was tempted by his money； but on my honour；
brother； I had no idea he was such a base man。 If I had seen through
him before； nothing would have tempted me！ Don't blame me； brother！〃
〃God has delivered us！ God has delivered us！〃 Pulcheria Alexandrovna
muttered； but half consciously； as though scarcely able to realise
what had happened。
They were all relieved； and in five minutes they were laughing。 Only
now and then Dounia turned white and frowned； remembering what had
passed。 Pulcheria Alexandrovna was surprised to find that she； too；
was glad： she had only that morning thought rupture with Luzhin a
terrible misfortune。 Razumihin was delighted。 He did not yet dare to
express his joy fully； but he was in a fever of excitement as though a
ton…weight had fallen off his heart。 Now he had the right to devote
his life to them； to serve them。。。。 Anything might happen now！ But
he felt afraid to think of further possibilities and dared not let his
imagination range。 But Raskolnikov sat still in the same place； almost
sullen and indifferent。 Though he had been the most insistent on
getting rid of Luzhin； he seemed now the least concerned at what had
happened。 Dounia could not help thinking that he was still angry
with her； and Pulcheria Alexandrovna watched him timidly。
〃What did Svidrigailov say to you？〃 said Dounia； approaching him。
〃Yes； yes！〃 cried Pulcheria Alexandrovna。
Raskolnikov raised his head。
〃He wants to make you a present of ten thousand roubles and he
desires to see you once in my presence。〃
〃See her！ On no account！〃 cried Pulcheria Alexandrovna。 〃And how
dare he offer her money！〃
Then Raskolnikov repeated （rather drily） his conversation with
Svidrigailov； omitting his account of the ghostly visitations of Marfa
Petrovna； wishing to avoid all unnecessary talk。
〃What answer did you give him？〃 asked Dounia。
〃At first I said I would not take any message to you。 Then he said
that he would do his utmost to obtain an interview with you without my
help。 He assured me that his passion for you was a passing
infatuation； now he has no feeling for you。 He doesn't want you to
marry Luzhin。。。。 His talk was altogether rather muddled。〃
〃How do you explain him to yourself； Rodya？ How did he strike you？〃
〃I must confess I don't quite understand him。 He offers you ten
thousand； and yet says he is not well off。 He says he is going away；
and in ten minutes he forgets he has said it。 Then he says is he going
to be married and has already fixed on the girl。。。。 No doubt he has
a motive； and probably a bad one。 But it's odd that he should be so
clumsy about it if he had any designs against you。。。。 Of course； I
refused this money on your account； once for all。 Altogether； I
thought him very strange。。。。 One might almost think he was mad。 But
I may be mistaken； that may only be the part he assumes。 The death
of Marfa Petrovna seems to have made a great impression on him。〃
〃God rest her soul；〃 exclaimed Pulcheria Alexandrovna。 〃I shall
always； always pray for her！ Where should we be now； Dounia； without
this three thousand！ It's as though it had fallen from heaven！ Why；
Rodya； this morning we had only three roubles in our pocket and Dounia
and I were just planning to pawn her watch； so as to avoid borrowing
from that man until he offered help。〃
Dounia seemed strangely impressed by Svidrigailov's offer。 She still
stood meditating。
〃He has got some terrible plan；〃 she said in a half whisper to
herself； almost shuddering。
Raskolnikov noticed this disproportionate terror。
〃I fancy I shall have to see him more than once again；〃 he said to
Dounia。
〃We will watch him！ I will track him out！〃 cried Razumihin；
vigorously。 〃I won't lose sight of him。 Rodya has given me leave。 He
said to me himself just now。 'Take care of my sister。' Will you give
me leave； too； Avdotya Romanovna？〃
