crime and punishment(罪与罚)-第67节
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Raskolnikov sat seeming not to pay attention； plunged in thought
with a strange smile on his pale lips。 He was still meditating on
something。
〃Well； what about the man who was run over？ I interrupted you！〃
Razumihin cried hastily。
〃What？〃 Raskolnikov seemed to wake up。 〃Oh。。。 I got spattered with
blood helping to carry him to his lodging。 By the way； mamma； I did an
unpardonable thing yesterday。 I was literally out of my mind。 I gave
away all the money you sent me。。。 to his wife for the funeral。 She's a
widow now； in consumption； a poor creature。。。 three little children；
starving。。。 nothing in the house。。。 there's a daughter； too。。。 perhaps
you'd have given it yourself if you'd seen them。 But I had no right to
do it I admit； especially as I knew how you needed the money yourself。
To help others one must have the right to do it； or else Crevez；
chiens； si vous n'etes pas contents。〃 He laughed； 〃That's right； isn't
it； Dounia？〃
〃No； it's not；〃 answered Dounia firmly。
〃Bah！ you； too； have ideals；〃 he muttered； looking at her almost
with hatred； and smiling sarcastically。 〃I ought to have considered
that。。。。 Well； that's praiseworthy； and it's better for you。。。 and
if you reach a line you won't overstep； you will be unhappy。。。 and
if you overstep it； maybe you will be still unhappier。。。。 But all
that's nonsense；〃 he added irritably； vexed at being carried away。
〃I only meant to say that I beg your forgiveness； mother；〃 he
concluded； shortly and abruptly。
〃That's enough； Rodya； I am sure that everything you do is very
good；〃 said his mother； delighted。
〃Don't be too sure；〃 he answered； twisting his mouth into a smile。
A silence followed。 There was a certain constraint in all this
conversation； and in the silence； and in the reconciliation； and in
the forgiveness； and all were feeling it。
〃It is as though they were afraid of me；〃 Raskolnikov was thinking
to himself； looking askance at his mother and sister。 Pulcheria
Alexandrovna was indeed growing more timid the longer she kept silent。
〃Yet in their absence I seemed to love them so much；〃 flashed
through his mind。
〃Do you know； Rodya； Marfa Petrovna is dead；〃 Pulcheria Alexandrovna
suddenly blurted out。
〃What Marfa Petrovna？〃
〃Oh； mercy on us… Marfa Petrovna Svidrigailov。 I wrote you so much
about her。〃
〃A…a…h！ Yes； I remember。。。。 So she's dead！ Oh； really？〃 he roused
himself suddenly； as if waking up。 〃What did she die of？〃
〃Only imagine； quite suddenly；〃 Pulcheria Alexandrovna answered
hurriedly； encouraged by his curiosity。 〃On the very day I was sending
you that letter！ Would you believe it； that awful man seems to have
been the cause of her death。 They say he beat her dreadfully。〃
〃Why； were they on such bad terms？〃 he asked； addressing his sister。
〃Not at all。 Quite the contrary indeed。 With her； he was always very
patient； considerate even。 In fact； all those seven years of their
married life he gave way to her； too much so indeed； in many cases。
All of a sudden he seems to have lost patience。〃
〃Then he could not have been so awful if he controlled himself for
seven years？ You seem to be defending him； Dounia？〃
〃No； no； he's an awful man！ I can imagine nothing more awful！〃
Dounia answered； almost with a shudder； knitting her brows； and
sinking into thought。
〃That had happened in the morning；〃 Pulcheria Alexandrovna went on
hurriedly。 〃And directly afterwards she ordered the horses to be
harnessed to drive to the town immediately after dinner。 She always
used to drive to the town in such cases。 She ate a very good dinner； I
am told。。。。〃
〃After the beating？〃
〃That was always her。。。 habit； and immediately after dinner； so as
not to be late in starting； she went to the bathhouse。。。。 You see； she
was undergoing some treatment with baths。 They have a cold spring
there； and she used to bathe in it regularly every day； and no
sooner had she got into the water when she suddenly had a stroke！〃
〃I should think so；〃 said Zossimov。
〃And did he beat her badly？〃
〃What does that matter！〃 put in Dounia。
〃H'm！ But I don't know why you want to tell us such gossip； mother；〃
said Raskolnikov irritably； as it were in spite of himself。
〃Ah； my dear； I don't know what to talk about；〃 broke from Pulcheria
Alexandrovna。
〃Why； are you all afraid of me？〃 he asked； with a constrained smile。
〃That's certainly true；〃 said Dounia； looking directly and sternly
at her brother。 〃Mother was crossing herself with terror as she came
up the stairs。〃
His face worked； as though in convulsion。
〃Ach； what are you saying； Dounia！ Don't be angry； please； Rodya。。。。
Why did you say that； Dounia？〃 Pulcheria Alexandrovna began；
overwhelmed… 〃You see； coming here； I was dreaming all the way； in the
train； how we should meet； how we should talk over everything
together。。。。 And I was so happy； I did not notice the journey！ But
what am I saying？ I am happy now。。。。 You should not； Dounia。。。。 I am
happy now… simply in seeing you； Rodya。。。。〃
〃Hush； mother；〃 he muttered in confusion； not looking at her； but
pressing her hand。 〃We shall have time to speak freely of everything！〃
As he said this； he was suddenly overwhelmed with confusion and
turned pale。 Again that awful sensation he had known of late passed
with deadly chill over his soul。 Again it became suddenly plain and
perceptible to him that he had just told a fearful lie… that he
would never now be able to speak freely of everything… that he would
never again be able to speak of anything to any one。 The anguish of
this thought was such that for a moment he almost forgot himself。 He
got up from his seat； and not looking at any one walked towards the
door。
〃What are you about？〃 cried Razumihin； clutching him by the arm。
He sat down again； and began looking about him； in silence。 They
were all looking at him in perplexity。
〃But what are you all so dull for？〃 he shouted； suddenly and quite
unexpectedly。 〃Do say something！ What's the use of sitting like
this？ Come； do speak。 Let us talk。。。。 We meet together and sit in
silence。。。。 Come； anything！〃
〃Thank God； I was afraid the same thing as yesterday was beginning
again；〃 said Pulcheria Alexandrovna； crossing herself。
〃What is the matter； Rodya？〃 asked Avdotya Romanovna； distrustfully。
〃Oh； nothing！ I remembered something；〃 he answered； and suddenly
laughed。
〃Well； if you remembered something； that's all right！。。。 I was
beginning to think。。。〃 muttered Zossimov； getting up from the sofa。
〃It is time for me to be off。 I will look in again perhaps。。。 if I
can。。。〃 He made his bows； and went out。
〃What an excellent man！〃 observed Pulcheria Alexandrovna。
〃Yes； excellent； splendid； well…educated； intelligent；〃
Raskolnikov began； suddenly speaking with surprising rapidity； and a
liveliness he had not shown till then。 〃I can't remember where I met
him before my illness。。。。 I believe I have met him somewhere…。。。 And
this is a good man； too；〃 he nodde
