crime and punishment(罪与罚)-第34节
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help。。。 to begin。。。 because you are kinder than any one… clever； I
mean； and can judge。。。 and now I see that I want nothing。 Do you hear？
Nothing at all。。。 no one's services。。。 no one's sympathy。 I am by
myself。。。 alone。 Come； that's enough。 Leave me alone。〃
〃Stay a minute； you sweep！ You are a perfect madman。 As you like for
all I care。 I have no lessons； do you see； and I don't care about
that； but there's a bookseller； Heruvimov… and he takes the place of a
lesson。 I would not exchange him for five lessons。 He's doing
publishing of a kind； and issuing natural science manuals and what a
circulation they have！ The very titles are worth the money！ You always
maintained that I was a fool； but by Jove； my boy； there are greater
fools than I am！ Now he is setting up for being advanced； not that
he has an inkling of anything； but； of course； I encourage him。 Here
are two signatures of the German text… in my opinion； the crudest
charlatanism； it discusses the question； 'Is woman a human being？'
And； of course； triumphantly proves that she is。 Heruvimov is going to
bring out this work as a contribution to the woman question； I am
translating it； he will expand these two and a half signatures into
six； we shall make up a gorgeous title half a page long and bring it
out at half a rouble。 It will do！ He pays me six roubles the
signature； it works out to fifteen roubles for the job； and I've had
six already in advance。 When we have finished this； we are going to
begin a translation about whales； and then some of the dullest
scandals out of the second part of Les Confessions we have marked
for translation； somebody has told Heruvimov； that Rousseau was a kind
of Radishchev。 You may be sure I don't contradict him； hang him！ Well；
would you like to do the second signature of 'Is woman a human being？'
If you would； take the German and pens and paper… all those are
provided； and take three roubles； for as I have had six roubles in
advance on the whole thing； three roubles come to you for your
share。 And when you have finished the signature there will be
another three roubles for you。 And please don't think I am doing you a
service； quite the contrary； as soon as you came in； I saw how you
could help me； to begin with； I am weak in spelling； and secondly； I
am sometimes utterly adrift in German； so that I make it up as I go
along for the most part。 The only comfort is； that it's bound to be
a change for the better。 Though who can tell； maybe it's sometimes for
the worse。 Will you take it？〃
Raskolnikov took the German sheets in silence； took the three
roubles and without a word went out。 Razumihin gazed after him in
astonishment。 But when Raskolnikov was in the next street； he turned
back； mounted the stairs to Razumihin's again and laying on the
table the German article and the three roubles； went out again；
still without uttering a word。
〃Are you raving； or what？〃 Razumihin shouted； roused to fury at
last。 〃What farce is this？ You'll drive me crazy too。。。 what did you
come to see me for； damn you？〃
〃I don't want。。。 translation；〃 muttered Raskolnikov from the stairs。
〃Then what the devil do you want？〃 shouted Razumihin from above。
Raskolnikov continued descending the staircase in silence。
〃Hey； there！ Where are you living？〃
No answer。
〃Well； confound you then！〃
But Raskolnikov was already stepping into the street。 On the
Nikolaevsky Bridge he was roused to full consciousness again by an
unpleasant incident。 A coachman； after shouting at him two or three
times； gave him a violent lash on the back with his whip； for having
almost fallen under his horses' hoofs。 The lash so infuriated him that
he dashed away to the railing （for some unknown reason he had been
walking in the very middle of the bridge in the traffic）。 He angrily
clenched and ground his teeth。 He heard laughter； of course。
〃Serves him right！〃
〃A pickpocket I dare say。〃
〃Pretending to be drunk； for sure； and getting under the wheels on
purpose； and you have to answer for him。〃
〃It's a regular profession； that's what it is。〃
But while he stood at the railing； still looking angry and
bewildered after the retreating carriage； and rubbing his back； he
suddenly felt some one thrust money into his hand。 He looked。 It was
an elderly woman in a kerchief and goatskin shoes； with a girl；
probably her daughter； wearing a hat； and carrying a green parasol。
〃Take it； my good man； in Christ's name。〃
He took it and they passed on。 It was a piece of twenty copecks。
From his dress and appearance they might well have taken him for a
beggar asking alms in the streets； and the gift of the twenty
copecks he doubtless owed to the blow； which made them feel sorry
for him。
He closed his hand on the twenty copecks； walked on for ten paces；
and turned facing the Neva； looking towards the palace。 The sky was
without a cloud and the water was almost bright blue； which is so rare
in the Neva。 The cupola of the cathedral； which is seen at its best
from the bridge about twenty paces from the chapel； glittered in the
sunlight； and in the pure air every ornament on it could be clearly
distinguished。 The pain from the lash went off； and Raskolnikov forgot
about it； one uneasy and not quite definite idea occupied him now
completely。 He stood still； and gazed long and intently into the
distance； this spot was especially familiar to him。 When he was
attending the university； he had hundreds of times… generally on his
way home… stood still on this spot； gazed at this truly magnificent
spectacle and almost always marvelled at a vague and mysterious
emotion it roused in him。 It left him strangely cold； this gorgeous
picture was for him blank and lifeless。 He wondered every time at
his sombre and enigmatic impression and； mistrusting himself； put
off finding the explanation of it。 He vividly recalled those old
doubts and perplexities； and it seemed to him that it was no mere
chance that he recalled them now。 It struck him as strange and
grotesque； that he should have stopped at the same spot as before；
as though he actually imagined he could think the same thoughts； be
interested in the same theories and pictures that had interested
him。。。 so short a time ago。 He felt it almost amusing； and yet it
wrung his heart。 Deep down； hidden far away out of sight all that
seemed to him now… all his old past； his old thoughts； his old
problems and theories； his old impressions and that picture and
himself and all； all。。。。 He felt as though he were flying upwards； and
everything were vanishing from his sight。 Making an unconscious
movement with his hand； he suddenly became aware of the piece of money
in his fist。 He opened his hand； stared at the coin； and with a
sweep his arm flung it into the water； then he turned and went home。
It seemed to him； he had cut himself off from every one and from
everything that moment。
Evening was coming on when he reached home； so that he must have
been walking about six hours。 How and where he came back he did not
remember。 Undressing； and quivering like an overdriven horse； he lay
down on the sofa； drew his greatcoat over him； and at once sank into
oblivion。。。。
It was dusk when he was waked up by a fearful scream。 Good God； what
a scream！ Such unnatural sounds； such howling； wailing； grinding；
tears； blows and curses he had never heard。
He could never have imagined such brutality； such frenzy。 In
terror he sat up in bed； almost sw
