crime and punishment(罪与罚)-第16节
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rest may remain chaste； and not be interfered with。 A percentage！ What
splendid words they have； they are so scientific； so consolatory。。。。
Once you've said 'percentage；' there's nothing more to worry about。 If
we had any other word。。。 maybe we might feel more uneasy。。。。 But
what if Dounia were one of the percentage！ Of another one if not
that one？
〃But where am I going？〃 he thought suddenly。 〃Strange； I came out
for something。 As soon as I had read the letter I came out。。。。 I was
going to Vassilyevsky Ostrov； to Razumihin。 That's what it was。。。
now I remember。 What for； though？ And what put the idea of going to
Razumihin into my head just now？ That's curious。〃
He wondered at himself。 Razumihin was one of his old comrades at the
university。 It was remarkable that Raskolnikov had hardly any
friends at the university； he kept aloof from every one； went to see
no one； and did not welcome any one who came to see him； and indeed
every one soon gave him up。 He took no part in the students'
gatherings； amusements or conversations。 He worked with great
intensity without sparing himself； and he was respected for this；
but no one liked him。 He was very poor； and there was a sort of
haughty pride and reserve about him； as though he were keeping
something to himself。 He seemed to some of his comrades to look down
upon them all as children； as though he were superior in
development； knowledge and convictions； as though their beliefs and
interests were beneath him。
With Razumihin he had got on； or； at least； he was more unreserved
and communicative with him。 Indeed it was impossible to be on any
other terms with Razumihin。 He was an exceptionally good…humoured
and candid youth； good…natured to the point of simplicity； though both
depth and dignity lay concealed under that simplicity。 The better of
his comrades understood this； and all were fond of him。 He was
extremely intelligent； though he was certainly rather a simpleton at
times。 He was of striking appearance… tall； thin； blackhaired and
always badly shaved。 He was sometimes uproarious and was reputed to be
of great physical strength。 One night； when out in a festive
company； he had with one blow laid a gigantic policeman on his back。
There was no limit to his drinking powers； but he could abstain from
drink altogether； he sometimes went too far in his pranks； but he
could do without pranks altogether。 Another thing striking about
Razumihin； no failure distressed him； and it seemed as though no
unfavourable circumstances could crush him。 He could lodge anywhere；
and bear the extremes of cold and hunger。 He was very poor； and kept
himself entirely on what he could earn by work of one sort or another。
He knew of no end of resources by which to earn money。 He spent one
whole winter without lighting his stove； and used to declare that he
liked it better； because one slept more soundly in the cold。 For the
present he； too； had been obliged to give up the university； but it
was only for a time； and he was working with all his might to save
enough to return to his studies again。 Raskolnikov had not been to see
him for the last four months； and Razumihin did not even know his
address。 About two months before； they had met in the street； but
Raskolnikov had turned away and even crossed to the other side that he
might not be observed。 And though Razumihin noticed him； he passed him
by； as he did not want to annoy him。
Chapter Five
〃OF COURSE； I've been meaning lately to go to Razumihin's to ask for
work； to ask him to get me lessons or something。。。〃 Raskolnikov
thought； 〃but what help can he be to me now？ Suppose he gets me
lessons； suppose he shares his last farthing with me； if he has any
farthings； so that I could get some boots and make myself tidy
enough to give lessons。。。 hm。。。 Well and what then？ What shall I do
with the few coppers I earn？ That's not what I want now。 It's really
absurd for me to go to Razumihin。。。。〃
The question why he was now going to Razumihin agitated him even
more than he was himself aware； he kept uneasily seeking for some
sinister significance in this apparently ordinary action。
〃Could I have expected to set it all straight and to find a way
out by means of Razumihin alone？〃 he asked himself in perplexity。
He pondered and rubbed his forehead； and； strange to say； after long
musing； suddenly； as if it were spontaneously and by chance； a
fantastic thought came into his head。
〃Hm。。。 to Razumihin's；〃 he said all at once； calmly； as though he
had reached a final determination。 〃I shall go to Razumihin's of
course； but。。。 not now。 I shall go to him。。。 on the next day after It；
when It will be over and everything will begin afresh。。。。〃
And suddenly he realised what he was thinking。
〃After It；〃 he shouted； jumping up from the seat； 〃but is It
really going to happen？ Is it possible it really will happen？〃 He left
the seat； and went off almost at a run； he meant to turn back；
homewards； but the thought of going home suddenly filled him with
intense loathing； in that hole； in that awful little cupboard of
his； all this had for a month past been growing up in him； and he
walked on at random。
His nervous shudder had passed into a fever that made him feel
shivering； in spite of the heat he felt cold。 With a kind of effort he
began almost unconsciously； from some inner craving； to stare at all
the objects before him； as though looking for something to distract
his attention； but he did not succeed； and kept dropping every
moment into brooding。 When with a start he lifted his head again and
looked around； he forgot at once what he had just been thinking
about and even where he was going。 In this way he walked right
across Vassilyevsky Ostrov； came out on to the Lesser Neva； crossed
the bridge and turned towards the islands。 The greenness and freshness
were at first restful to his weary eyes after the dust of the town and
the huge houses that hemmed him in and weighed upon him。 Here there
were no taverns； no stifling closeness； no stench。 But soon these
new pleasant sensations passed into morbid irritability。 Sometimes
he stood still before a brightly painted summer villa standing among
green foliage； he gazed through the fence； he saw in the distance
smartly dressed women on the verandahs and balconies； and children
running in the gardens。 The flowers especially caught his attention；
he gazed at them longer than at anything。 He was met； too； by
luxurious carriages and by men and women on horseback； he watched them
with curious eyes and forgot about them before they had vanished
from his sight。 Once he stood still and counted his money； he found he
had thirty copecks。 〃Twenty to the policeman； three to Nastasya for
the letter； so I must have given forty…seven or fifty to the
Marmeladovs yesterday；〃 he thought； reckoning it up for some unknown
reason； but he soon forgot with what object he had taken the money out
of his pocket。 He recalled it on passing an eating…house or tavern；
and felt that he was hungry。。。。 Going into the tavern he drank a glass
of vodka and ate a pie of some sort。 He finished eating it as he
walked away。 It was a long while since he had taken vodka and it had
an effect upon him at once； though he only drank a wine…glassful。
His legs felt suddenly heavy and a great drowsiness came upon him。
He turned homewards； but reaching Petrovsky Ostrov he stopped
completely exhausted； turned off the road into the bushes； sank down
upon the grass and instantly fell asleep。
In a morbid condition of the b
