cliges-第18节

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would　fain　commend　her　to　God。　He　comes　before　her　and　kneels
down；　weeping；　so　that　he　moistens　with　his　tears　all　his　tunic
and　his　ermine；　and　he　bends　his　eyes　to　the　ground；　for　he　dares
not　look　straight　in　front　of　him；　just　as　if　he　has　committed
some　wrong　and　crime　towards　her；　and　now　shows　by　his　mien　that
he　has　shame　for　it。　And　Fenice；　who　beholds　him　timidly　and
shyly；　knows　not　what　matter　brings　him；　and　she　has　said　to　him
in　some　distress：　〃Friend；　fair　sir；　rise；　sit　by　my　side；　weep
no　more　and　tell　me　your　pleasure。〃　〃Lady！　What　shall　I　say？　What
conceal？　I　seek　your　permission　to　depart。〃　〃Depart？　Why？〃

〃Lady！　I　must　go　away　to　Britain。〃　〃Tell　me；　then；　on　what　quest；
before　I　give　you　permission。〃　〃Lady；　my　father；　when　he　died　and
departed　this　life；　prayed　me　on　no　account　to　fail　to　go　to
Britain　as　soon　as　I　should　be　a　knight。　For　nothing　in　the　world
would　I　neglect　his　command。　It　will　behove　me　not　to　play　the
laggard　as　I　go　thither。　It　is　a　very　long　journey　from　here　to
Greece；　and　if　I　were　to　go　thither　the　journey　from
Constantinople　to　Britain　would　be　very　long　for　me。　But　it　is
meet　that　I　take　leave　of　you　as　being　the　lady　whose　I　am
wholly。〃　Many　hidden　and　secret　sighs　and　sobs　had　he　made　on
setting　out；　but　no　one　had　eyes　so　wide　open　or　such　good
hearing　as　to　be　able　to　perceive　for　a　certainty　from　hearing　or
sight；　that　there　was　love　between　the　twain。　Cliges；　grievous
though　it　be　to　him；　departs　as　soon　as　it　is　allowed　him。　He
goes　away　lost　in　thought；　lost　in　thought　remains　the　emperor
and　many　another；　but　Fenice　is　the　most　pensive　of　all：　she
discovers　neither　bottom　nor　bound　to　the　thought　with　which　she
is　filled；　so　greatly　does　it　overflow　and　multiply　in　her。　Full
of　thought　she　has　come　to　Greece：　there　was　she　held　in　great
honour　as　lady　and　empress；　but　her　heart　and　spirit　are　with
Cliges　wherever　he　turns；　nor　ever　seeks　she　that　her　heart　may
return　to　her　unless　he　bring　it　back　to　her；　he　who　is　dying　of
the　malady　with　which　he　has　slain　her。　And　if　he　recovers；　she
will　recover；　never　will　he　pay　dear　for　it　unless　she　too　pay
dear。　Her　malady　appears　in　her　complexion；　for　much　has　she
changed　and　pale　has　she　grown。　The　fresh；　clear；　pure　hue　that
Nature　had　bestowed　has　wholly　deserted　her　face。　Often　she
weeps；　often　sighs：　little　recks　she　of　her　empire　and　of　the
wealth　she　has。　She　has　always　in　her　memory　the　hour　that　Cliges
departed；　the　farewell　that　he　took　of　her；　how　he　changed
countenance；　how　he　blanched；　his　tears　and　his　mien；　for　he　came
to　weep　before　her；　humble；　lowly；　and　on　his　knees；　as　if　he
must　needs　worship　her。　All　this　is　pleasant　and　sweet　for　her　to
recall　and　to　retrace。　Then　to　provide　herself　with　a　luscious
morsel；　she　takes　on　her　tongue　in　lieu　of　spice　a　sweet　word；
and　for　all　Greece　she　would　not　wish　that　he　who　said　that　word
should；　in　the　sense　in　which　she　took　it；　have　intended　deceit；
for　she　lives　on　no　other　dainty　nor　does　aught　else　please　her。
This　word　alone　sustains　and　feeds　her　and　soothes　for　her　all
her　suffering。　She　seeks　not　to　feed　herself　or　quench　her　thirst
with　any　other　meat　or　drink；　for　when　it　came　to　the　parting；
Cliges　said　that　he　was　〃wholly　hers〃。　This　word　is　so　sweet　and
good　to　her；　that　from　the　tongue　it　goes　to　her　heart；　and　she
stores　it　in　her　heart　as　well　as　in　her　mouth；　that　she　may　be
the　surer　of　it。　She　dares　not　hide　this　treasure　behind　any
other　lock；　and　she　would　never　be　able　to　store　it　elsewhere　so
well　as　in　her　heart。　In　no　wise　will　she　ever　take　it　thence　so
much　she　fears　thieves　and　robbers；　but　it　is　without　reason　that
this　fear　comes　to　her；　and　without　reason　that　she　fears　birds
of　prey；　for　this　possession　is　immovable；　rather　is　it　like　a
building　which　cannot　be　destroyed　by　flood　or　by　fire；　and　which
will　never　move　from　its　place。　But　this　she　knows　not；　and　hence
she　gives　herself　agony　and　pain　to　seek　out　and　learn　something
on　which　she　can　lay　hold；　for　in　divers　fashions　does　she
explain　it。　She　holds　debate　within　herself；　and　makes　such
replies　as　these：　〃With　what　intention　did　Cliges　say　to　me　'I　am　
wholly　yours'　if　love　did　not　cause　him　to　say　it？　With　what
power　of　mine　can　I　sway　him；　that　he　should　esteem　me　so　highly
as　to　make　me　his　lady？　Is　he　not　fairer　than　I；　of　much　nobler
birth　than　I？　I　see　nought　but　his　love　that　can　bestow　on　me
this　gift。　From　my　own　case；　for　I　cannot　evade　the　scrutiny；　I
will　prove；　that　if　he　had　not　loved　me　he　would　never　have
called　himself　wholly　mine；　for　just　as　I　could　not　be　wholly
his；　nor　could　in　honour　say　so　if　love　had　not　drawn　me　to　him；
so　Cliges；　on　his　side；　could　not　in　any　wise　have　said　that　he
was　wholly　mine　if　love　has　him　not　in　his　bonds。　For　if　he　loves
me　not；　he　fears　me　not。　Love；　which　gives　me　wholly　to　him；
perhaps　；　gives　him　wholly　to　me；　but　this　thought　quite　dismays
me；　that　the　phrase　is　one　in　common　use　and　I　may　easily　be
deceived；　for　many　a　man　there　is　who　in　flattery　says；　even　to
strangers：　'I　am　quite　at　your　service；　I；　and　whatsoever　I
have。'　And　such　men　are　more　mocking　than　jays。　So　I　know　not
what　to　think；　for　it　might　well　be　that　thus　he　spake　to　flatter
me。　But　I　saw　him　change　colour　and　weep　right　piteously。　To　my
mind　his　tears；　his　shamefaced　and　cast…down　countenance；　did　not
come　from　deceit；　no　deceit　or　trickery　was　there。　The　eyes　from
which　I　saw　the　tears　fall　did　not　lie　to　me。　Signs　enow　could　I
see　there　of　love　if　I　know　aught　of　the　matter。　Yea！　I　grant
that　evil　was　the　hour　in　which　I　thought　it。　Evil　was　the　hour
that　I　learnt　it；　and　stored　it　in　my　heart；　for　a　very　great
misfortune　has　happed　to　me　from　it。　A　misfortune？　Truly；　by　my
faith！　I　am　dead；　since　I　see　not　him　who　has　flattered　and
cajoled　me　so　much　that　he　has　robbed　me　of　my　heart。　Through　his
deceit　and　smooth　words；　my　heart　is　quitting　its　lodging　and
will　not　stay　with　me；　so　much　it　hates　my　dwelling　and　my　manor。
Faith！　then；　he　who　has　my　heart　in　his　keeping　has　dealt　ill
with　me。　He　who　robs　me　and　takes　away　what　is　mine；　loves　me
not；　I　know　it　well。　I　know　it？　Why　then　did　he　weep？　Why？　It　was
not　for　nothing；　for　he　had　reason　enow。　I　ought　to　apply　nought
of　it　to　myself　because　a　man's　sorrow　is　very　great　at　parting
from　those　whom　he　loves　and　knows。　I　marvel　not　that　he　had
grief　and　sorrow；　and　that　he　wept　when　he　left　his
acquaintances。　But　he　who　gave　him　this　counsel　to　go　and　stay　in
Britain　could　have　found　no　better　means　of　wounding　me　to　the
heart。　One　who　loses　his　heart　is　wounded　to　the　heart。　He　who
deserves　sorrow　ought　to　have　it；　but　I　never　deserved　it。　Alas！
Unhappy　that　I　am！　Why；　then；　has　Cliges　slain　me　without　any
fault　of　mine？　But　in　vain　do　I　reproach　him；　for　I　have　no
grounds　for　this　reproach。　Cliges　would　never；　never；　have
forsaken　meI　know　this　wellif　his　heart　had　been　in　like　case
with　mine。　In　like　case　I　think　it　is　not。　And　if　my　heart　has
joined　itself　to　his　heart；　never　will　it　leave　it；　never　will
his　go　whither　without　mine；　for　mine　follows　him　in　secret　so
close　is　the　comradeship　that　they　have　formed。　But　to　tell　the
truth　the　two　hearts　are　very　different　and　contrary。　How　are
they　different　and　contrary？　His　is　lord；　and　mine　is　slave；　and
the　slave；　even　against　his　own　will；　must　do　what　is　for　his
lord's　good　and　leave　out　of　sight　all　else。　But　what　matters　it
to　me？　He　cares　nought　for　my　heart　or　for　my　service。　This
division　grieves　me　much；　for　thus　the　one　heart　is　lord　of　the
two。　Why　cannot　mine；　all　alone；　avail　as　much　as　his　with　him？
Thus　the　two　would　have　been　of　equal　strength。　My　heart　is　a
prisoner；　for　it　cannot　move　unless　his　moves。　And　if　his　wanders
or　tarries；　mine　ever　prepares　to　follow　and　go　after　him。　God！
Why　are　not　our　bodies　so　near　that　I　could　in　some　way　have
fetched　my　heart　back？　Have　fetched　it　back？　Poor　fool！　If　I　were
to　take　it　from　where　it　is　lodged　so　comfortably；　I　might　kill
it　by　so　doing。　Let　it　stay　there。　Never　do　I　seek　to　remove　it；
rather　do　I　will　that　it　stay　with　its　lord　until　pity　for　it
come　to　him；　for　rather　there　than　here　will　he　be　bound　to　have
mercy　on　his　servant　because　the　two　hearts　are　in　a　strange
land。　If　my　heart　knows　how　to　serve　up　flattery　as　one　is　bound
to　serve　it　up　at　court；　it　will　be　rich　before　it　returns。　He
who　wishes　to　be　on　good　terms　with　his　lord　and　to　sit　beside
him　on　his　right；　as　is　now　the　use　and　custom；　must　feign　to
pluck　the　feather　from　his　lord's　head；　even　when　there　is　no
feather　there。　But　here　we　see　an　evil　trait：　when　he　flatters
him　to　his　face；　and　yet　his　lord　has　in　his　heart　either
baseness　or　villainy；　never　will　he　be　so　courteous　as　to　tell
him　the　truth；　rather　he　makes　him　think　and　believe　that　no　one
could　be　a　match　for　him　in　prowess　or　in　knowledge；　and　the　lord
thinks　that　the　courtier　is　telling　the　truth。　He　who　believes
another　anent　some　quality　which　he　does　not　possess　knows
himself　ill；　for　even　if　he　is　faithless　and　stubborn；　base　and
as　cowardly　as　a　hare；　niggardly　and　foolish　and　malformed；
worthless